The Past

Blue hurried through his work as fast as he could manage in anticipation of Blake and Harper’s arrival back from college later that evening.  It had been two long, agonizing months since he’d seen Harper, and getting himself to the end of the day just wouldn’t get there soon enough. 

He had a surprise for her, and he couldn’t wait to see the look on her pretty face when he finally got the opportunity to give it to her.  He could already hear her bubbling up with laughter when she set eyes on it, and he got excited just thinking about it.

When he got in that late afternoon, he went inside where his mama was busy in the kitchen getting dinner started.  He could smell the chicken she had frying on the stove, hear it sizzling and the grease popping hot out of the pan.

“Hey, Mama,” he greeted, giving her a hug.  “Dinner smells great.”

His mother hugged him back and smiled.  “Thank you, son.  Honey, would you mind handing me the cornmeal from up there in the top cabinet?  Looks like I’m going to run out before I finish this last batch.”  She pointed up to the top shelf she couldn’t reach as she spoke.

Blue reached easily up to the top of the cabinet to retrieve the bag of cornmeal.  He handed it to her but pulled it back at the last second before she could take it from his hands.  “You just using me for my height, Mama?” he teased.

His mother got a playfully offended look on her face and swatted at his shoulder.  “Don’t be silly, Blue.  You know I also use you for setting the table and getting the bread out of the oven.”

Blue laughed, giving in and handing over the bag.  “I hear you loud and clear,” he said, heading to the sink to wash his hands before heading over to take the fresh-baked loaf out of the oven.

His mama always did make too much food, probably because she was so used to feeding a lot more people.  She hadn’t quite figured out how to cut back since Blue’s father had passed, or even since Blake had gone off to college, but Blue being the active, growing man that he was, tried to keep up and make up the difference.  What they didn’t eat that night, he’d make sure to carry with him for lunch the next day.

But tonight, he hoped there would be extra people here with his sister coming in to help them eat all this food.

“How many plates do I need to set tonight?” he asked as he walked over to the cabinet that held the dishes, wondering if Harper might be joining Blake for dinner if he was lucky.

“It’ll just be the two of us,” she said, still hovering over the frying pan without looking back.

His heart sank a little. 

“Oh?  I thought Blake was coming in from college today.  Wasn’t yesterday her last day of classes?”  He set the plates on the table and went to the drawer for the silverware.

His mother shook her head.  “No, Honey, she was going to stay in town a few more days because her friend Harper is getting married tomorrow.”

The words knocked Blue for a loop and he dropped the silverware he’d just taken out of the drawer, sending it clattering to the floor. 

He swallowed.

“H-Harper, did you say?”  Surely he’d heard wrong.  Getting married?

His mother started transferring the last pan of chicken from the plate into the grease, and the sound of its sizzling amplified with each added piece to the mix.

“Yes, Harper.  You know, her best friend.” 

He bent down to pick up the silverware and stood to take the dirtied utensils to place in the sink.  “Harper Haley?” he asked, praying she was wrong and that it was someone else.

“Yes, Harper Haley.”  She moved from where she stood at the stove over to a junk drawer that she pulled an envelope out of.  “Here.  Her mother gave me this invitation a few weeks ago when I ran into her at the grocery store.”  She handed him the piece of paper.

Blue looked at it with growing sadness.  He felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him.  This couldn’t be possible. 

He looked back up at his mom, who had already resumed her place in front of the stove. 

What was he to do?

How could this be happening?

He’d just gone from being ecstatic, planning a night of catching up with his girlfriend, the woman he loved, the woman he hadn’t seen or touched since two months ago, to his whole world dropping out from under him.  He felt like he couldn’t catch his balance, like the weight of the world had just fallen down on top of him.

He cleared his throat.  “Hey, Mama … um … you know what, I just remembered something I forgot to do out at the barn.  Do you mind if I run out and finish up some chores?”

She nodded and waved him along.  “Sure, Honey.  Go on ahead.  I’ll keep a plate out for you and leave the leftovers in the fridge.”

“Thanks,” he managed before he rushed out the kitchen to pull his boots and hat back on and get out the door.

He ran all the way out to the pond out past the barn where he and Harper had spent so much time together on Spring Break.  How could she do this to him?  How could she go off and marry some other man?  How could he not have known?

Blue was out of breath when he got to the edge of the pond and he felt like the wind couldn’t get to his lungs.  What had he done wrong?  How had he mattered so little to her that she couldn’t even tell him it was over?  Or why it was over. 

He loved that woman.  He loved her with everything he was, and he always had.  She was his whole world, the one thing in his life that made him long for the future, made him want to be everything to her, to be the best man he could be for her. 

He looked down at himself reflected in the surface of the water, thinking what a fool he was. 

They’d made love here, made plans here.  It couldn’t be over.

He doubled over, barely holding himself up, his hand reaching out for the nearby tree to balance him as he retched.

He never thought in a million years she could do something like this.  He knew they had an uphill battle ahead of them, and that it would take time for some people to come around, but she had been worth it to him.

Had he not been worth it to her? 

He sat there all alone on the edge of the pond until after the sun had set that night, and the fireflies circled and lit up around him.  He took the ring out of his pocket that he’d planned to give her tonight. 

It had been a promise ring.  He’d been saving up every penny he had for months to buy it for her.  He knew it would take time, but he wanted her to know that he promised her his heart.

He finally stood, looking out over the water, and with so much anguish pouring through him, threatening to take him under, he tossed the ring in and watched it sink, like his heart, to the bottom.

And disappear.