I heard from her when she got home. She emailed me since my cell doesn't work for shit out here. She sent me some pictures too. Took forever for the dial up to download them, but it was worth it. It's been a long time since I saw the Sierra Nevada in person.

I started to suggest we could go camping up there sometime, maybe down where the giant Sequoias are or something, then I thought about how stupid that sounded and I ended up just replying with a simple "thanks."

We talked about doing a lot of stuff together when she was here. You know, like she was going to be here long enough to do it all.

I was going to show her how to deep pit a tri tip. Thought it'd make for a romantic night, sitting around the fire pit out in back. I imagined her curled up with her back to my chest while we shared a blanket, drank some good beer, looked up at the stars.

Maybe she'd tell me more about herself. Maybe I'd get to hear more about what she wants to do. I know she likes to go camping and I know she enjoyed her road trip on the bike. I love that she's so independent. Not many chicks would take off on their own like that, even fewer who would want to do it again.

Hopefully, she'll stay in touch, maybe send me more pictures of where ever she ends up next. That'd be cool, living vicariously through Jordan while I'm anchored here at the store.

Maybe she could even come back to visit sometime.

"What?" Ninja's soft whine brings my attention back to the present.

"You miss her, don't ya, girl?" I lean down and scratch her ears but she doesn't move. Ninj hasn't been the same since Jordan left. I don't get attacked by a flying fur ball when I get back upstairs, instead I'm met with a listless lump of coal-black fur that seems to have to talk itself into getting up for anything.

Ninja's eyes roll back up to look at me and I get another pitiful whimper and then she throws herself on the floor side ways with a dramatic thud.

The first couple of days she was acting like this I laughed my ass off at her. Such a fucking drama queen, this dog. It's been just over a week now and not only am I starting to worry that the crazy mutt is genuinely depressed-- I'm starting to worry I might be too.

I can't get Jordan out of my brain.

I wake up at night when my arms wrap around the emptiness that used to be her soft curves. The first few days after she left, I kept cooking meals. Like I was waiting for her to come home to eat or some shit. Then I realized she wasn't going to show up and neither Ninja nor me ended up eating any of it.

These last few days I haven't even nuked a burrito down at the store.

"I miss her too, pup," I get off the sofa and crawl down on the floor till I'm lying beside the moping mop.

Ninja stretches out till her head knocks against my chest and I absently pet her.

Thing is, I never wanted a woman in my house-- or in my life. Not permanently anyway. I've had a handful of girlfriends over the years, but no one that was hard to say goodbye to when it was time to move on.

I saw what losing Mom did to Dad. I never wanted that to happen to me. The way I figured it, loving someone that much meant being vulnerable. I never wanted to love something so much that it'd break me if I lost it.

Ninja rolls over, stretching her neck so she can lick my face.

This damn dog, I think as I giggle like a kid at her antics despite my melancholy. She showed up a few years ago, making herself right at home out on my balcony looking like some sort of creature from a kid's nightmare.

Her hair was matted and she was nothing but skin and bones curled up on the doormat-- the only thing on the patio that she could sleep on to keep the cold air from sapping any more strength out of her little body.

Hell, I thought she might be dead. I didn't make a habit out of using the outside stairs, I had no idea how long she'd been there.

I remember how surprised I was when she weakly nuzzled her nose into my palm when I reached down to her.

It took some doing, I had to shave her to get the mattes off her-- man! Was I surprised at what a fluff ball she turned out to be when her hair grew back. She damn near ate me out of house and home too, scarfing down anything I gave her for several weeks till she got back to a healthy weight and probably figured out I wasn't going to let her go hungry again.

No one ever came looking for her. I figured some asshole must have dropped her off out on the highway or up in the hills and left her on her own. It's a damn miracle coyotes didn't get her before she ended up on my doorstep.

"It's just you and me again, ain't it, girl?" I ask as she wiggles closer to me and rolls over so I can scratch her tummy.

She's like having a damn kid.

Something else I never thought I wanted. Till lately.

Who the hell am I kidding? Till Jordan. Jordan brought new life to this place. Made it feel less like the run-down bachelor pad of a man living without any hope for a future.

"Shit," I say out loud to the dog, "why didn't you ever tell me that before?" Like Ninja's the one who just pointed it out to me.

That's just it. All this time I've been thinking of myself as a man without a plan for the future, when it turns out-- I haven't had any hope for the future.

When Jo was here I felt different. Everything felt different. We were talking about all the stuff we wanted to do...someday...together. I looked forward to starting every new day with her, and I looked forward to crawling into bed with her every night.

Jordan made me feel like there was something to look forward to. She made this place feel like home, not just some temporary situation I'm living in for lack of anything better to do.

Ninja licks my face again.

"Yeah, I know, girl," I tell her, "we were a family for a minute there, weren't we?"

A family I never thought I wanted and one that's gone now.

It takes me 20 minutes to throw my shit in a bag, put a sign on the store, and load Ninja into the truck.

These last few days, I haven't been doing any better living my life than my dad has for the last 10 years. At least Dad knew what he had while he still had time to appreciate it.

Dammit, I'm a fool.

"Buckle up, Ninj," I tell her as the truck fishtails on its way out of the parking lot as I pull onto the highway, "we got a long drive ahead of us."