When Logan turned from looking out at the Pennsylvania landscape out the hotel window, Beth was asleep on her bed. Her face had softened, her mouth open and slack. Her red hair was spread out on the pillow beneath her and one of her arms was flopped above her head.

He stared at her, a sense of longing somewhere deep inside himself flaring to life. How could someone so small, take up such a big part of his heart?

He’d asked himself the same question, every time she’d broken him down.

After she’d left him the first time, he’d chalked it up to nerves and shock. After all, most people don’t have any idea how to react when they get struck with Cupid’s arrow, like he and Beth had. He’d taken it in stride, almost reveling in the feelings that had overtaken him that weekend. Beth, had not.

The second time she’d ripped his heart out, when she’d tearfully called him after sleeping with a stranger, he’d been hurt. Hell, he’d been practically gut-shot when she told him, bleeding out onto the floor. But he’d known from the start she wasn’t ready to settle down. He’d be damned if he didn’t love her anyway.

He’d had to take a break after that though and had kept his distance for a while.

The third time, they’d been like magnets at Andy and Owen’s wedding, and he’d almost given up. He’d known she’d be there and had vowed to stay away from her. Given her avoidance of him, it was obviously what she wanted, but they’d been thrown together when Owen had gone missing on his wedding day. After he and Beth had found Owen locked in the basement of the family bar, staying away from each other hadn’t been an option. They’d found their way together again, and even knowing she was going to walk away, he jumped in head first anyway.

There was a piece of her that lived inside of him. On his worst days, he likened her to a cancer that ate away at him until she was all that was there. It wasn’t very romantic, the notion that she was some kind of parasite, but their relationship hadn’t been one of romance.

It had been sudden and life-changing. It had caused them both immeasurable upheaval in the long run.

On his best days, he remembered the sound of her laugh when he’d stuck his cold hands on her back. He could feel her warmth under his hands and see the light in her eyes as she looked down at him, passionate and magnificent. He could remember the look on her face when she talked about her mother, and it still made his chest ache for all that she’d lost. How much pain she still carried haunted him.

He’d talked himself in circles, convincing himself that it hadn’t truly been love at first sight, just a strong case of lust and desire. Months later, he still didn’t think he’d done the job because looking at her sleeping softened him in a way he hadn’t thought possible anymore. Even just having her with him, made him feel better than he had in months.

Since the last time they’d been together, probably.

Logan’s phone buzzed in his back pocket and with a quick look, he answered quietly.

“Hey.”

He hurried to the bathroom and quietly closed the door behind him, hoping to let Beth get some more sleep.

“How’s the trip?” Owen asked, his voice chipper in Logan’s ear.

He and Owen had been friends since the first week of naval training. They’d both had their ups and downs, but they’d always done it together.

Now, Owen was happily married to Andy, his high-school sweetheart and Beth’s sister, and Logan couldn’t have been any happier for him. Both Owen and Andy deserved a lifetime of happiness together.

“We’re in Pennsylvania,” Logan told him. “We stopped at a casino where Beth knows someone who got us a room for the night.”

“Better than camping or a cheap motel,” Owen offered.

“Camping?” Logan chuckled, leaning against the sink. “It’s March. If I thought we’d be camping, I wouldn’t have come.”

“What’s the matter? Afraid of a little cold?” Owen laughed. It was an old subject they liked to bicker about. Logan, being from the south, had no tolerance for the cold, while Owen, being from the north, enjoyed it.

“I don’t think afraid is the right word, O, but I’m sure as hell not about to camp in the snow. And there’s snow,” he assured him. “Ground’s still white out there.”

“Not sure you’d be able to get Beth to camp in the snow, either.” They were both quiet for a moment before Owen spoke again. “And how is she?”

Logan turned and looked at himself in the mirror as he considered the question, finger combing his hair to the side and inspecting his overgrown facial hair. He hadn’t shaved in three days and he considered letting it grow for a while.

“Doc?”

“She’s alright,” he answered noncommittally. “Sleeping off the drive.”

“And how are things with you two?”

“Is this gossip hour?” Logan complained.

“You do remember when you showed up on my doorstep last year and forced me to get off my ass and confront Andy, don’t you? That was you, right?”

No, he thought. That had been someone else a lifetime ago.

“It’s not the same and you know it,” he said instead. “We’ve got some weird stuff between us and I don’t think we’ll ever get to the heart of it. But she was right. I need to get the hell out of the house and start living again, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

“And I think that’s great,” Owen added. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through, mostly because you won’t let me in, but I think getting out into the world is great. I just want to make sure you’re not jumping into something with Beth that you can’t get yourself out of.”

“I can’t jump into anything at all anymore, remember,” Logan murmured, staring into his eyes in the mirror and seeing a stranger looking back at him. The man before him was gaunt, with hollow cheeks and pale skin. He looked haggard, sad, and tired.

“Doc.” Owen sighed. “It’s going to take time. How many times did you see guys in the field out of country and say the same damn thing? Why do you think it’s going to be any different for you?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “It just feels too far away. I’m just tired.”

It sounded pathetic when he said it out loud. He’d been doing nothing but recover for months, alternating between sitting on the couch and rehabbing his body. How could he possibly be tired?

It was something he might not admit to anyone else. Even his cousins might not understand or look at him differently if he were to tell them something so nonsensical. But not Owen. Logan always knew Owen would have his back. He’d never lie to him or tell him something just to placate him, but he’d always be there to listen just like Logan had always been there for him.

“Tired is normal, Doc. Whether you want to admit it or not, you’ve been through a trauma. Not just your body, but your entire life. It’s been tough for you. Give yourself permission to enjoy this trip and see if you can’t recharge. When you’re done, come here for a while. You know we’ve always got room for you and we’re always happy to have you.”

“I appreciate that,” Logan told him, thinking about what it would be like to head to Freehope when all was said and done and his trip with Beth was over.

How long were they really going to be gone for? Would she head back that way when they were done?

He imagined awkward run-ins at Andy and Owen’s or the grocery store and cringed at the thought.

“Yeah, probably not, but I’m always up for a visit. Jenna promised to take me blueberry picking so I’ll have to come for that anyway.”

“She’s changed, too, you know,” Owen said quietly.

“Jenna?”

“Beth,” Owen corrected. “She’s not the same these last few months. She’s been…off. I wanted to tell her about you and what happened, but Andy insisted we wait. When she got off the boat a couple days ago and called, it wasn’t pretty. She was furious with Andy for not saying something.”

“She didn’t need to know,” Logan said. “Nothing she could do anyway.”

“Yeah, but she wanted to,” Owen pointed out. “She wanted to be there for you, Doc. She wanted to be that for you and Andy took that away from her. I’m just saying, she’s different. I’m not sure what happened, but the last few months have been hard for her, too.”

“My sympathy level is just off the charts,” he deadpanned.

“You remember that time you told me it was time to get my ass off the couch and go get what I want?”

“Not the same thing,” Logan pointed out.

“At the time, I didn’t know what I wanted. I knew I wanted Jenna but I could only hope it came with Andy. There were no guarantees. Hell, you know that better than anyone. Sometimes, you just have to go for what you need and hope like hell the things you want come with it.”

“And you think I want or need Beth?” Logan laughed, the sound brittle and dry as it came out of his mouth. “She did more damage than that damn roadside bomb. Hell, I was just as broken on the flight over there as I was coming home and she’s no better off than I am. She doesn’t know what she wants, but is willing to sleep with every guy she walks by, hoping to find it. I’m over her, Owen. I told you that and I’ll tell her too. This isn’t our get back together trip. It’s not a reunion. She thinks she can help me by taking me on some trip and showing me what I’m missing in life? Maybe what I’m missing is out there and I’ll find it, but it sure as hell isn’t her. That’s the only thing I’m sure of. That whatever I find out there that’s going to make me happy, isn’t going to be Beth Walker.”

* * *

Hours later, Beth stepped out of the bathroom dressed in her best jeans and a cute top. Her friend had scored them a dinner reservation at the casino’s top restaurant. It helped that it was a Sunday night. Probably not their busiest time and they were happy to have paying customers.

Logan was dressed in a nice pair of khakis with a dress shirt.

“Please don’t tell me you have a sport coat,” she said, slipping on some dangly earrings. “Then I’ll be way underdressed.”

“No sport coat,” he confirmed. “Didn’t even bring one. This is about as formal as I’m going to get.”

She smiled and hoped he didn’t notice how forced it was. “Good. I think this will be as fancy as we’re going to be this trip, don’t you?”

He nodded his agreement.

She slipped on a pair of heels, one of two pairs she had in her bag from cruising, and shoved a few things in her purse.

“Are we ever going to see this friend of yours that hooked you up with the room?” Logan asked.

“Tonight,” she answered. Her friend Suzie had promised to meet up with them. Beth knew it was mostly to lay eyes on Logan and not much else, but she appreciated the hospitality. Besides, she and Suzie had been working together for a few years and had gotten close. Hell, when you share a room on a ship with someone, you’d better be close.

She knew all about Logan and what had transpired between them. She’d been there before Beth met Logan and after. She knew everything in between, too.

There wasn’t a chance on God’s green earth Suzie was missing out on meeting him.

Beth looked in the dresser mirror to see Logan absently rubbing his thigh. She wondered if it was sore or bothering him. Maybe he needed some rest and she shouldn’t be making him run all over the hotel.

She thought about the conversation she’d overheard when he was in the bathroom.

She’d been dozing off on the bed, enjoying the comfort and quiet. A soft click of the door had pulled her out of her slumber and she’d heard the deep bass of his voice through the wooden bathroom door.

He’d been talking to Owen, and though she shouldn’t have listened, there was no way to not hear. He was practically in the same room, the bathroom door thin enough to hear every word.

Ouch.

To say the very least.

She’d laid there for long minutes, pondering the things she’d heard Logan say about her. It wasn’t shocking to hear that he wasn’t interested in a future with her. She’d put him through hell in the last year, and that was saying nothing of the things he’d gone through on his own.

It didn’t make it sting any less. And to hear him say it out loud made it so much more real.

So, she’d thought about it and sat there, hurting for a little while. She’d had a little pity party and buried her dream that Logan would look up and finally see that they were on the same page and could be together.

Problem was, now that she was on the right page, he was on the wrong one.

It seemed to be that was how they were. Always one step away from each other when it counted.

She’d sat up, her back to the bathroom as he finished his call, and shook off the hurt. So, her plan of getting together and riding off into the sunset with Logan wasn’t going to work out. She’d have to adjust.

It was time to put her money where her mouth was. If she really loved Logan and wanted what was best for him, she needed to put her needs aside. She had to refocus on getting him better and still, if that didn’t include her in the end, so be it.

She got the feeling she’d have to remind herself that every moment of every day that she spent with him, but that was okay.

All that mattered was that Logan could see his future in the world, even if she wasn’t in it.

“You okay?” Logan asked, breaking her spell.

She’d been staring at the top of the dresser for who knows how long.

“Yeah, just spaced out, I guess.” Her eyes flipped up to meet his in the mirror. “You look nice.”

He didn’t smile but returned the compliment. “You too.”

“How’s Owen?” she asked, grabbing her purse and a sweater.

He eyed her for a minute; she imagined wondering how much of his conversation she’d heard.

“He’s fine. I guess Andy and Alex are having some kind of thing with their phones?”

Beth chuckled as they headed out the door and into the hallway. “If you asked them, they’d tell you it’s a twin thing. Not only did they both get the same phone without knowing what the other one got, they also got the same case. Now they keep accidentally picking up the other one’s phone. I called Andy the other night and got Alex instead.”

“I’m sure that went over well.”

Beth and Alex had a notoriously rocky past. Where Andy was more the type of sister to talk things out and help you find your own answers, Alex was more the type to whack you upside the head and yell at you.

They’d gotten closer in the last year. With Andy so caught up in Owen, Beth and Alex had no choice but to turn to each other.

Most days it went okay. Some, not so much.

“To her credit, she did try to talk me out of the stripping thing. Not that I listened, but there it is, for whatever it’s worth.”

He stood opposite her on the empty elevator, leaned back against the wall, arms across his chest. There was a small smile playing around his mouth, his green eyes lit with humor.

“Should I bother asking why you didn’t listen?”

“Probably not,” she admitted. “But, she tried. She also conceded about five seconds later and tried to work out my stripper name.”

Logan scoffed. “Everyone knows it’s your middle name and the street you grew up on.”

Beth’s eyebrows shot up and she laughed. “Seriously? What’s yours?”

His smile widened and he shook his head. “I can’t tell you.”

“What?” She laughed and pointed at him. “You brought it up. Now you have to tell me!”

“I can’t. It’s too embarrassing.”

Beth closed in on him, close enough that she could put her hands on his forearms that were crossed over his chest.

She sent him a serious look. “I promise, I won’t tell.”

The ping of the elevator interrupted their quick moment, and Beth scowled at the numbers above the door, as if it might take the hint that it had terrible timing.

Logan put a hand on her lower back and ushered her out into the hallway. They followed the signs to the restaurant and were seated quickly.

It was a nice place, upscale, but mostly empty. Their server took their drink orders, right after they were seated, and disappeared.

Beth watched Logan from behind her menu as he seemingly read his. He’d combed his blond hair off to the side and it looked neat and tidy. Most days he left it off to the side where he pushed it off when it got in his way. He wasn’t clean-shaven, which was new, but not unattractive. She had no problems conjuring up what he might look like with a beard, and the result looked good on him.

“Why aren’t you looking at the menu?” he asked, his eyes not looking up at her once.

Because I’m looking at you, she wanted to say.

“Sorry,” she said instead. “I was still on your stripper name.”

One side of his lips quirked up and caught her eye. “Read the menu, Beth.”

“Fine,” she grumbled, easily picking out a fish entree that sounded delicious. Her menu was closed and on the table in front of her within seconds. She grabbed a piece of bread out of the basket the server had left and slathered it with butter.

“Have enough?” he asked, eyeing it.

She shrugged. “I think so.” Her eyes lit up as she saw Suzie hurrying over to their table, her sights locked on Logan. “Suz!”

They hugged and it felt so good to have someone to connect with. Being with Logan had been hard and not at all what she’d expected. He’d always been there to comfort her and without that, she felt like something was missing. Suzi’s arms, though just a friendly gesture, were better than nothing.

“So good to see you,” Suzi murmured, her wild, shoulder-length black hair tickling Beth’s nose as they embraced. “You must be Logan.”

Beth let her friend go and introduced them. Logan, ever the gentleman, stood and shook her hand, smiling politely. This was really the first time Logan had met one of her friends, someone outside of Freehope that knew her for who she was, not the family she came from.

“If Beth would have given me more notice, I would have gotten the night off and shown you around some,” she said. “This place is huge. There’s a museum on the other side and another hotel. Plus there’s five different casinos.” She sent a look to Beth. “Best tables are in here if you’re planning to play. I’m on poker tonight for a tournament but there’s some good blackjack tables.”

“I considered it,” Beth hedged. “If Logan was up to it.”

Suzi eyed Logan up and down, having no idea what had transpired since they’d spoken last. She had no idea that Logan’s leg was no longer there and he was hiding a prosthetic under his long pants.

“Logan looks up to just about anything, don’t you?” Suzi said to him as she pulled up a chair and they all sat.

“I can be,” Logan answered playfully, the fun side of him, that Beth remembered, coming to the surface. “Though Beth here is the one that gets to have all the fun. Why, just yesterday she was talking with one of her sisters about trying to figure out what her stripper name was.”

“Tell me more about the stripper name,” Suzie’s eyebrows bobbed up and down. “You mean your middle name and the street you grew up on?”

“You’ve heard that?” Beth asked surprised. “That’s a thing?”

Suzi sat back and crossed her arms, taking them both in. She was a nice-looking woman. Not model beautiful, but pretty enough that she was never lonely for long. Her hair was wild, much like the woman herself. Her dark eyes were complimented by her cocoa-colored skin, and she looked perpetually twenty. Beth had known her for five years and she hadn’t aged a day.

“Of course, I’ve heard that.” Suzi laughed. “Mine’s Pearl Hobart.” She scrunched up her face. “Maybe that’s my porn name.”

Beth nearly choked on her bread. “That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard.”

“I know. It’s like the least sexy thing ever. What’s yours?” she asked Beth.

Her eyes cut to Logan and back to Suzi. “Hollis Devine.”

They both burst out laughing at her answer.

“That actually sounds real,” Suzi wheezed.

Even Logan, so serious lately, covered his mouth with his hand to hide his mirth.

“I don’t feel so bad about mine now,” he coughed out between laughs. “Holly Divine.” He winked at her, but it was playful, not sexy.

“It’s Hollis,” she corrected. “And you’re the only one that hasn’t shared yet. Let’s hear it.”

He shook his head, the smile still on his face, but played along.

“Beau Hancock.”

Their laughter filled the restaurant and in that moment, Beth was even more thankful that the place was empty. She didn’t care what made Logan laugh like that, so open and free. As long as he felt like doing it, she’d take it.

* * *

Two hours later, Beth sat at a blackjack table, a stack of chips in front of her and a sharp shot of adrenaline running through her veins. Winning was the ultimate high and she’d had a streak of luck at the table she was sitting at.

Logan stood behind her like a sentinel, though she’d told him a couple times he could sit next to her. There was an empty chair and with the way she was winning, the dealer would have let him sit.

He’d refused, standing guard over her and glaring at anyone and everyone that made a comment about her winnings.

At first, he’d been almost surprised at her good fortune, smiling and nodding his head in appreciation. The more notice she gained, and the more people standing at attention and watching the hands that were dealt, the more serious he became.

He’d gone from being her companion to being her bodyguard. Lord help her, but she loved it. The strong set of his shoulders as he stood, arms crossed over his chest. His gaze touched on everyone within range, assessing their threat level. She could feel his presence, as he watched their surroundings, and she felt safe.

Just like she always had when she was with him.

He hadn’t spent a penny in the casino. He seemed unfazed by the bright lights of the slot machines or the seriousness of the card tables. He’d told her he was content to watch, and if she wanted to play, he’d stay with her. Neither of them had ordered drinks, both of them stone-cold sober.

She hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol in months, but that was another story for another time.

The table she was at consisted of three men and another woman. The men ranged in age from retiree to frat boy, though she didn’t pay two of them much attention. The oldest was too drunk to get a handle on the cards being dealt, not just his own but the rest of the table’s. The kid was too young, playing fast and loose with the odds, and he’d be out in another hand, from the looks of things. The middle-aged man, however, was experienced. She could tell by the way he watched the cards that he knew what he was doing. He paid a lot attention to the cards around him and the way everyone else played. He had a significant amount of chips in front of him.

The woman however, was nothing more than a thorn in her side.

Gina, the front desk clerk, sat across from Beth, batting her eyelashes in Logan’s direction, trying to get his attention, barely looking at the cards on the table.

To his credit, Logan had paid her no mind whatsoever. When she’d sat down, leaning over slowly as she did it, showing off her ample cleavage, he’d glanced at her and not an ounce of recognition passed over his face. It was as if he didn’t even remember her.

Beth knew better. He knew exactly who she was, but he refused to play into her hands.

As much fun as she’d had on the casino floor, Beth was ready to call it a night. The highlight of the night had been having dinner with Logan. Since she’d been playing, he’d been silent and while she appreciated the role he was playing, it wasn’t the kind of connection she wanted with him.

She wanted him to be participating and having fun.

“This is my last hand,” she said to the rest of the players and the dealer.

“That’s too bad.” Gina pouted and winked in Logan’s direction. “I like the view from where I’m sitting.”

“Mine will be better when I get him up to our room,” Beth snapped, tired of the woman’s not-so-subtle hints. “And you’re not invited, so if I see you take a step near him when we leave here tonight, I’ll file a formal complaint with the hotel.”

The dealer chuckled under his breath and slid the cards across the green felt. He had a seven showing.

Beth had always been lucky with cards, so when she got dealt nines, she wasn’t overly surprised. Gina, not a complete dolt, stayed at eighteen, took her payout and walked away, throwing a sultry glance at Logan.

The kid hit on a fourteen and busted.

The drunken retiree, did the same but on a seventeen.

Moron.

The middle-aged man in the suit took a hit on a king-three combo and got a seven, for twenty. He sent a nod in Beth’s direction, waiting to see her play.

She split and raised her bets, hoping for good turns from the deck.

The first hand was easy, the dealer flipping a another nine, and she split again.

Liking her odds, she hoped she got a decent card or three. Hands like the ones she had could tank in a second. She consoled herself with the fact that even if she lost the hand, she was still walking out the door with more money than she went in with. It didn’t always work out that way.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” Logan whispered in her ear. They were the first words he’d spoken in more than an hour.

She turned her head and found his face right in front of her, her lips mere inches away from his.

“Think I’m being too careless?” she asked, her voice low, keeping their conversation private.

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” he said.

At his words, her eyes flipped down to look at his mouth, so close to hers, and then back to his eyes.

“What’s your suggestion then, Doc?” she asked.

He shook his head. “No suggestions from me. You do your thing, Sugar.”

She turned back to the table and tapped, waiting for her card.

When the cards turned, she let out a breath as the middle-aged man next to her just shook his head, and the dealer laughed as he counted out her chips.

The jack of spades and ace of diamonds stared up at her from the table.

“Never seen someone so damn lucky,” the man in the suit said as he looked at her. He looked at Logan. “She always like this?”

“No,” Logan told him honestly, his answer short and sweet.

She went to take her chips but Logan beat her to it, taking them and then holding out an elbow for her. It was a gentlemanly gesture, one that surprised her, yet didn’t at the same time.

Of course, Logan would take her elbow and lead her to the cashiers. It was the right thing to do.

But he’d been so hot and cold with her, she wasn’t sure from one moment to the next if he even liked her, let alone wanted to touch her, even so innocently.

When the man behind the glass partition counted out her money and handed it to her in cash, she smiled and thanked him, shoving it in her wallet.

“Gas for the rest of the trip is on me,” she said, bumping him with her shoulder as they walked away.

He didn’t look at her; he was far too busy scanning the people around them as they made their way back to their room. Down every hallway and past every door, he shielded her from some invisible threat.

Beth said nothing, though she found his behavior a bit over the top. It wasn’t like rural Pennsylvania was a hotbed of criminal activity. Mostly, the casino was filled with people looking to cut loose from their regular lives for a day or two.

She was relieved to see Logan visibly relax the second their hotel-room door closed.

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know this would stress you out so much.”

“I’m not stressed out,” he argued. “But walking around with a couple thousand bucks that a lot of people saw you put in your purse is dangerous. I just wanted to make sure you got up here without anyone bothering you.”

“Well, good thing I had you with me,” she said as she sat on her bed and slipped her shoes off. They hit the floor with a soft thud and she flopped back on the bed. “I can’t believe the nerve of that woman to show up there.”

Logan sat on his own bed. “She’s persistent,” he agreed quietly.

“And I told her you were my husband. Really, does she have no morals?”

“She slipped me her number,” Logan told her, a smile stretching across his face when Beth looked like she was ready to explode.

“She what?”

“Actually, she had the waitress do it when everyone was ordering drinks.”

Beth sat up, anger flaring inside her and making her face hot. “What a home-wrecker,” she fumed, prepared to get her shoes and hunt the skank down.

Logan laughed, the sound rich and warm in her ears. “We aren’t really married, so no home to wreck, but yeah, kind of shady.”

“Kind of?” Beth scoffed. “She’s the epitome of shady.” Her eyes cut to him sharply. “If we were married and she did that, I’d kill her.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Yikes.”

“Okay, I wouldn’t kill her,” she conceded, facing reality. “But I’d…I’d…” She threw her hands up in the air in frustration. “I don’t know what the hell I’d do.”

Logan was watching her, still with his eyebrows raised.

Embarrassed, she grabbed her pajamas and her toiletries, and fled to the bathroom. Once inside, she leaned her hands on the counter and stared at herself in the mirror.

“Get it together, Beth. He needs a friend, not a psycho, jealous, ex-nobody banging around his life.”

Unfortunately, the jealous ex-nobody stared back at her, the friend-zone message not received in the slightest bit.

She thought about Logan standing protectively behind her in the casino and his deep laughter during dinner.

This was going to be harder than she’d thought.