CHAPTER THREE
**
My phone vibrating against my cheek woke me in the early hours of the morning, only two or three hours after I’d fallen asleep. It was my mother, wondering where I was. I sent a quick response that I was on my way, and eased out of bed. Quiet as a mouse, I dressed and found my purse and shoes. Reluctant to disturb him so soon after we’d passed out, I wrote a note explaining that I had to get home and hadn’t wanted to wake him, and tucked it just inside the toiletry bag on the tank of the toilet, so he’d find it later. I included my number, letting him know he could call me anytime. Taking one last look at his sweet sleeping face, I let myself out, dodging the food cart we’d forgotten, and hurrying down the street to retrieve my car.
When twelve hours passed without a phone call, it stung, but I still hoped he’d call. After twenty-four hours, I shed a few tears, and told myself he was a busy guy, but he’d call when he could. After a week, I admitted it looked like it had just been a one night stand. I tried to put it behind me—until I missed one period, and then two. Uncertain of how she’d react, I told Mom of my suspicions and she brought home a pregnancy test, her eyes heavy with worry. Her concern was well placed. The test came up positive—as did the second one, and the one at the health department a few days later.
“What are you going to do?” she asked me, after the third test confirmed what we already knew.
I met her eyes, my head high and shoulders back. “You’re going to be a grandma.”
“Are you sure that’s wise? What about college? What about your plans? It’s going to be so hard to chase your dreams as a single mom.”
I stood strong, determined to do it my way. “I won’t abort this baby, Mom. Maybe Jessie doesn’t feel for me what I feel for him, but this child is part of both of us—and I’ll shower it with so much love, it’ll almost be like it has both of us. Plus, it’ll have you—the bestest grandma in the entire universe.” I cradled her hand in both of mine. “And I can still go to school—without putting everything on your shoulders, so don’t worry. I’ll attend the community college in Natchitoches and get my ADN. They have a daycare there. And after he or she is a little older, I’ll get my BSN at the university, and then maybe, eventually, my CNP, too.”
“I didn’t think you’d put everything on me. You aren’t like that. It’s like you think I don’t know you at all.” She scowled, nothing if not persistent. “You can still pursue your medical degree, and I’ll help with the baby when your schedule is full. I love kids. I don’t mind.”
“I’m going to become a nurse.”
“But you had your heart set on being a pediatrician.”
“And now I have my heart set on being a mother. The study requirements to get a nursing degree aren’t as tedious as the ones on the path to become a doctor. I can make good money, and I can find work around my child’s schedule a lot sooner—and easier.”
“Aren’t you going to tell him? It’s his child—and partly his responsibility, too.”
“I don’t know how to reach him. He never called me.” I explained how I’d left him sleeping and wrote a note with my number on it.
“Maybe he didn’t find it. Murphy’s Law plainly states—“
“Mom, chances are slim he didn’t find it, and you know it. Besides, if Murphy’s Law threw us off track, maybe it just means we weren’t meant to be.”
“Your logic is faulty.”
“Then it’s faulty. I’m going to Lucy’s.”
“Drive safe.”
“Always.”
Talking to Lucy, I let myself shed the tears I refused to release in front of my mother, consumed a couple of organic chocolate lattes, and felt a bit better until—
“Your mom could have a point about the Murphy’s Law thing—and don’t try to give me that bullshit about it being meant to be. It isn’t meant to be until you hear it from the horse’s—or jackass’s—mouth. What the hell were you thinking, leaving it in his toiletry bag, anyway? Those fuckers stay wet inside. I replace the one I take to the gym every three months when I replace my shower scrubby. If that piece of paper got buried under his body wash, shampoo, shaving cream—razor—it probably became at least partially unreadable. What if your signature and phone number got drenched and became impossible to decipher? How the hell is he supposed to reach you, then? Hmm?”
“I don’t know. You could have a point…”
“Could have a—bitch, I will slap you into the next century…just as soon as you pop out that baby. You know good and damn well I have a point. I can’t believe I shared my organic lattes with you and you gonna go disrespecting me like that. You have any idea how much organic chocolate costs? We won’t even talk about organic coffee beans—“
“I’m sorry.” I hugged her, fighting a losing battle to hold back my laughter. “I’m sorry. Don’t kill me. I won’t do it again.”
“I forgive you…this time. Don’t think that lets you off the hook, though.” She held up her perfectly manicured fingers and started counting off my sins before I could ask what they were. “You went to what sounds like an amazing concert without me, you went back to his motel and cashed in your v-card after meeting him two, three hours earlier, tops, and didn’t dish after—and you suffered in silence waiting for him to call, when you know I’m always here for you. Hell, the only reason you came here today, far as I can tell, is cuz your momma pissed you off and you wanted to rant.”
The hurt in her eyes killed me, and I rushed to explain, “It wasn’t like that, Lucy. I didn’t say anything to anyone—not even my mom. I was afraid I’d jinx it, that the universe would realize it screwed up by pairing us together, and would take him away—which, apparently, happened anyway, without me saying a word.”
“Aww, baby,” she murmured, hugging me close, “No, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong. You totally deserve a great guy, and there has to be a reasonable explanation for why he hasn’t called. Maybe the universe has someone even better in mind for you.”
My mouth drooped at the corners, “I don’t want anyone else, Lucy.”
“Then you have to have faith that everything will work out.”
The pregnancy seemed to pass by in a flash, but both Lucy and my mom were by my side every step of the way. Lucy set up my reveal party after the sonogram appointment. I was thrilled to discover it was a boy, and hoped he’d have his daddy’s eyes. Mom, with Lucy’s help, threw me a baby shower, ensuring I’d have everything I’d need for my son’s first several months—and both of them were with me at the hospital, even after my doctor decided to give me an emergency cesarean surgery when the baby, who I decided to name James, seemed determined to come into the world bottom first.
As the months, and then years, passed, with James learning to crawl and then walk and nursing school and, later on, my job, to keep me busy, I stayed distracted enough that I rarely paused to wonder how Jessie was. But, there were moments when a certain expression would flit across my child’s face, and the feelings and memories would flood my mind, dragging me back to that October night when he was conceived, and sadness would weigh me down all over again.
Then, one day, it happened. My phone vibrated. It was Lucy.
Come over when you get off work.
Mom expects me to pick up James as soon as I’m off on Wednesdays. You know she has her church group.
Fine, pick him up, and then come over.
Okay. Are you alright?
Yes, but I found an article you need to see. It’s about Jessie.
Jessie…my heart clenched. I pictured his face in my mind. My head told me I should tell her to forget it, but my heart…my heart wouldn’t let me. Pulse racing, I texted back: I’ll be over as soon as I can.