The next day Colt takes me in his office, up against the wall. It’s rough and frantic. The orgasm is explosive. I’m surprised he didn’t pound me right through the plaster. It sure as hell felt like he was trying to.

I know every day he’s losing more and more patience with me. Every day the sex is harder, and he feels a little meaner. I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t just abandon my brothers but now I’m starting to feel like I’m pushing Colt away because of them.

We clean up and get a little bit of work done before we meet with a real estate agent. The rest of the day is spent looking at condos and apartments, but I can’t find anything I like.

We return to my place for dinner, again. Pulling up to the curb outside my building, it’s obvious Colt is not happy with me.

“What was wrong with the one on Mockingbird?” he asks, shoving the gearshift of his little red coupe into park.

Letting go of the door handle, I bite my lip as I turn slightly to face him. “It was too expensive.”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “I can afford it.”

“I’m not comfortable spending that kind of money…”

Colt throws his hands up in the air. “I’m not comfortable sleeping next to you every night with blue balls.”

I clench my hands, nails digging into my palms as I try to keep myself from snapping back at him. “You don’t have to stay the night. You can always go home.” And jerk off…

“Is that what you want?”

No, not really. My heart squeezes just thinking about it. But my mouth seems to have a mind of its own now. “Maybe a little space would be good for the both of us…”

Colt just stares at me like he can’t believe I’m doing this. “You want space, Whitney?” he asks, and the emphasis he puts on space feels like a slap.

I wince and pull back. Why am I doing this? I don’t even know why but I tell him, “Yes.”

He slams his hands into the steering wheel and then his head falls forward. His blonde hair falls into his eyes and all I really want to do is reach out and brush it back.

I’m such a bitch. I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t take it back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he mumbles and I feel myself nodding my head.

Clutching my purse, I reach out for the door handle to make my escape. Colt suddenly straightens and reaches over, grabbing me before I can pull it.

His mouth falls upon mine and he grabs me by the hair, winding it around his fingers so I can’t escape his kiss. He kisses me hard, his mouth moving over mine like he’s trying to devour me. His chin bangs into my chin and his tongue feels like it’s trying to pummel mine into submission. He kisses me for so long and so hard, I’m quickly running out of oxygen.

Dots flash behind my eyes and I push at him to keep from suffocating.

“Mine,” he growls, capturing my bottom lip and sinking his teeth into it.

I yelp and pull back. Touching my lip, it aches but thankfully it’s not bleeding.

“What the hell?” I ask, panting as I catch my breath. “What was that for?”

Carefully he detangles his fingers from my hair. “That was a reminder, it seemed like you needed it.”

I stare at him hard, really wanting to be mad at him, but I just can’t… He’s the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I’m pretty sure I’m ruining it.

“You can push me, Whitney, all you want, but just remember I’m going to push you back.”

---

With Colt’s words ringing in my ears, I rush into my apartment and immediately head for my bedroom. I’m just not in the mood to cook, I’m too damn messed up. I don’t know what I want, and I don’t know what’s going on. Everything is going to shit and I feel like it’s all my fault.

I don’t know how long I’m curled up in bed before Luther comes knocking on the door.

“Whitney?” he asks softly, cracking the door open and letting a slice of the hallway light in.

The sun set two hours ago, and I’ve been sitting in the dark ever since.

“Yeah?” I mumble from beneath my ball of covers.

“You want something to eat? I made peanut butter sandwiches.”

“No, thanks. Do you need me to cook something?”

“Nah, it’s cool. We’re good.”

I sit up, pushing the covers down. “Are you sure? You should have a hot meal…”

“We got it,” he cuts me off. “We’re not babies. I sure as hell don’t need you here to take care of me.”

“You can take care of yourself when you go off to college,” I grump back.

“You should stop fucking things up with Colt.”

Fuck, so even my brothers know what is going on?

“You should mind your own business.”

“Get some rest.”

He’s closes the door, plunging me back into darkness.

---

I slept last night. I don’t know how but I did. Without Colt by my side it was too cold, too quiet. I think I ended up drifting off to sleep while fantasizing that I called him to come and pick me up…

But when I wake up, it’s six in the morning and I’m all alone.

I take a super-hot, super-steamy shower and try to figure all this crap out.

When did he become such a part of me that I feel incomplete when he’s not around? There’s this ache inside me, this sore emptiness that only he can fill. I’ve come to rely on him, and it goes beyond money.

I’m missing my other half… and this is the worse feeling in the world.

I hate this, I hate hurting because I need him. I almost hate needing him. I wish things were back to the way they were before when I only had to rely on myself. I could rely on myself, and it didn’t hurt that much if I let myself down.

You can only rely on others if you’re willing to get hurt, and the last thing I want is to get hurt. I’ve been hurt by my mother all my life. I’m so tired of it. So tired of love being used against me.

I thought perhaps I could enjoy Colt if I didn’t let myself get too attached to him. That I’d enjoy his attention as long as he is willing to give it. But I’m just not able to do that. He won’t let me just live in the moment. This isn’t just some fling to him, and I can’t keep minimalizing it. He wants so much from me, demands so much from me…

And I keep giving in.

We’ve been together for a few months now, what will it feel like a year from now? Two years from now?

Oh, god, the pain would be unbearable. It’s already almost unbearable.

Do I really want to find out the end of this fucked up fairytale?

I’m not sure. Fuck, I don’t know anything anymore.

I’m not even sure if he’s going to pick me up this morning. Still, I get dressed and ready, as if nothing is wrong. Luther and James wake up. They’re dressed, fed, and out the door before Colt shows.

We ride to the office in uncomfortable silence. There are so many words, where do I even start?

I half expect him to pounce on me as soon as he closes his office door.

But he doesn’t.

To say I’m disappointed would be an understatement. I need to touch him; I need to feel connected with him. It’s the only thing in the world right now that makes sense.

He unpacks his briefcase and gets to working. I sit down in front of my computer and just stare.

And stare.

Colt slaps a paper down on the desk in front of me, snapping me out of my reverie.

“Please have these flights booked by the end of the day.”

I blink up at him but he doesn’t stick around. I pick up the paper, my eyes scanning over a list of dates and locations.

“What is this?” I ask as he sits back down in his chair.

“Our itinerary for next week,” he answers before bending over his smart phone.

“Our itinerary?” What the hell? There are like fifteen different cities all across the country listed here.

“Yes, every few weeks I travel to visit my clients, and to prospect up-and-comers.”

“And you expect me to go with you?”

Finally, he looks up from his phone to scowl deeply at me. “You’re my assistant, and I will need you to assist me.”

Is he serious? He knows I don’t even want to spend the night at his place because I want to keep an eye on my brothers, and now he just expects me to jot across the country with him, leaving them unsupervised for an entire week?

I shake my head. “I’m sorry, Colt. I can’t do it. I can’t leave my brothers alone for that long.”

He nods his head as if he was expecting that answer and looks back down to his phone. “I’ve already taken care of it. Elizabeth will be keeping an eye on them for you.”

I must have heard him wrong. I replay his words in my head, slowly, letting them sink in, but still they don’t make any sense. I must have misheard. He wouldn’t be… couldn’t be so damn presumptuous.

“Did you just say you’re going to have Elizabeth supervising my brothers?”

“Yes? Why?” he responds, still not looking up at me. “Do you have a problem with her?”

“Problem with her?” I repeat, my voice hitting a particularly shrill note. “No.”

He smiles. “Good.”

“My problem is you. Where do you get off making decisions about my brothers?”

Colt sighs heavily and drops his phone to his lap. He leans back in his chair, giving me his full attention. “Are we really going to do this right now?”

The nerve, the freakin’ audacity. I have the strongest urge to scream but thankfully it passes.

“You knew travel was involved when you accepted this position,” he explains, lacing his fingers together as he regards me from under lowered lids.

“Yes,” I agree, not denying it. “But my situation has recently changed—”

He cuts me off, “What I need of you hasn’t.”

“Be that as it may—“

“Either you come with me or I have to take Elizabeth. This trip cannot be put off for another week.”

That just takes all the air right out of me.

I open and shut my mouth a few times. Part of me wants to tell him to just go, but my heart breaks just thinking of saying it. I want to go with him, I do, but an entire week away from my brothers? That’s more than enough time for them to get into some serious mischief.

But then I have to wonder, does he want to take Elizabeth? Is this all a ruse? Is he doing this intentionally because he knows I won’t agree to go and I’ll have to accept her substitution? I’ve been pushing him away and he’s made no bones about the fact that I’m leaving him sexually frustrated.

He interrupts my inner struggle by admitting softly, “I rather take you.”

Well, I guess that answers that.

“Colt, I want to go with you…”

“But?” he growls, unlacing his fingers and standing.

I just shake my head. Is this what he meant when he told me I can push him but he’ll just push me back? He’s putting me on the spot, forcing me to make a decision I’m not ready to make yet.

He stalks towards me, and I’m so intimate with his body, so familiar with it, I can just picture his muscles rippling beneath his suit. I feel myself rolling back, my heart racing, because the fierce way he’s looking at me I’m afraid of what he intends to do when he reaches me.

Bending over, he grabs the arms of my swivel chair and pulls me into him. His face gets all up in my face and his eyes grab my eyes, holding them.

“You worry too much,” are so not the words I expect to come out of his mouth.

“Excuse me?”

“You worry too damn much,” he growls now, his eyes flashing with frustration. “Just let me take care of you.”

“Why? Why do you want to take care of me?”

Why do you want me as a burden?

He let’s go of the arms on my chair, both hands grabbing me by the face. “Why is it so hard for you to understand that I want you?”

I lean back in my chair, trying to push away from him. This only seems to anger him because his grip tightens. “Why, Whitney? Why?”

“Because no one has ever wanted me before!” I snap, breaking beneath the question. “My father didn’t want me. My own mother sure as hell didn’t want me. I must not be worthy or something.”

“God dammit,” Colt curses and then he’s kissing me as if his life depends upon it. He kisses me as if he’s trying to push his love into me.

When he finally gives me moment to breathe, I realize I’ve been crying.

“You’re worth it,” he says, tenderly wiping my tears away. “You’re worth everything to me. I’d give it all up for you in a heartbeat.”

“You’re too good for me,” I sniffle and hope I don’t have snot running down my face.

“I disagree.”

“You’re handsome, and smart, and rich. We come from two different worlds.”

“We’re more alike than you think.”

“Saying it doesn’t make it true…”

Grabbing me by the hand, Colt straightens and pulls me to my feet. “Come with me. I have something I want to show you.”