Chapter Six
His pride was hurt more than anything, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. And, obviously something had made her freak out in the private room. He knew nothing about her past, so now was his chance to learn.
“Okay,” he said as she settled herself cross-legged on the bed. Mastema tried not to stare at her upper thighs, exposed all the way to the rosebud tattoos. “I’m listening.”
“This is hard. No one knows this.”
He should be thrilled she was telling him, but his ego was still wounded.
“I don’t know my father. My mom refused to talk about him. I don’t even know his name. She used drugs and drank a lot. Not so much when I was little, but it got worse as I grew. By the time I was in third grade, I missed a lot of school to stay home and take care of her.”
“That sucks. Do you have any other family that could have helped?”
“Some cousins I barely saw, and a couple of aunts and uncles. But they didn’t come around much, hardly ever called, and we never went to visit them. I got the impression my mom was that one family member everyone wished they didn’t have.”
“I’m sorry. That’s tough.” It explained her habit of keeping people at a distance. That was what she’d learned from a young age. Take care of things at home because there’s no one to rely on for help.
“So when I came here, it’s not like I never washed clothes or did dishes before.”
“But you didn’t expect that would be part of the job.” He’d heard this before.
“It’s not that, really. Dancing is the first thing I’ve done that I’m good at. I was trying to concentrate on it and do really well. That honestly is the only reason I blew off the laundry at first.”
“Okay. I can understand that, but I wish you’d handled it differently.”
“You’re right. I fucked up.”
“You’re better now. I’ve heard that from everyone.”
She sighed, but still didn’t smile. “Thank you. That means a lot coming from you.”
Mastema’s heart gave a strange lurch at those words. Seeing her, sitting there, pulling on her fingers while she talked, so sad and hopeless, he had a strong urge to hold her and tell her everything would be okay. Her comment about dancing being the first thing she was good at also got to him. She was twenty-five years old. Had she gone through every school year never doing well in any class?
“Did you graduate?” It was a legit question, and one Rahab would never give a shit about to hire a dancer.
“Yes. Barely. I sucked at everything.”
“Do you think that’s because you were never there?”
“Probably. I don’t know. School was really tough for me because I had no friends. I didn’t play sports, I couldn’t join any clubs, and anything that required staying after hours was out. I had to get home. She never cooked anything, so I did the best I could to keep us fed.”
He couldn’t help smiling. “But you never really learned to do it well, did you?”
The corners of her mouth definitely turned up. Mastema’s cock was hard now. How was he supposed to resist her like this? “No, I did not.”
“Is your mother still alive?” God, he hated asking anyone a question like that. The pain of losing someone you loved never left you, and each time another person brought it up, the knife stabbed you in the chest all over again.
“Yes. She’s in jail. She’ll be there a long time because the last time she got popped for possession and a DUI, she carried a loaded pistol to the drug deal and shot someone. She claimed it was accidental, but one of her drug buddies told a different story. He got out on a plea and my mom went to jail for manslaughter.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not. She should have put me in foster care.”
“That’s not a solution that always turns out well.”
“True.”
“Why didn’t that happen? I mean, why weren’t you taken from her?”
“Because the first time she was arrested I was sixteen, and she didn’t tell anyone I was on my own. She got out in less than a week, and I’d taken care of myself for longer than that before. Not because she was in jail, but all the times she was incapacitated.”
“Kayla, I’m really sorry. That’s a horrible way to grow up.”
All she did was shrug.
“After you graduated, is that when you went to work at clubs?”
She swallowed hard and closed her eyes for a few seconds. So that was it. Something happened at one of the clubs. Fuck it all. Why the fuck hadn’t he manned up earlier and dug around into her background better? He’d fucked her several times now, but he didn’t know shit about her. All this time, she’d been carrying it around, and none of them knew.
“Yes,” she whispered. “I had no clue what I was doing. I only knew that I could dance. Or at least, they told me I could dance. We lost our apartment when my mom went to jail for manslaughter. I was done with school by then, so I slept wherever anyone would let me. Friends of friends, coworkers, whoever.”
“Jesus, Kayla. That’s fucking dangerous.”
“No shit. But what was I supposed to do? I didn’t make enough money to get a place of my own. Not right away, at least. The first club I worked at was nothing more than a dive bar. The floor was dirty and had dried beer and cigarette butts all over it.”
She hugged herself, and Mastema had another overwhelming urge to hold her until he made the pain in her eyes go away.
“I wasn’t a virgin that first time, which was good for me. They told me to fuck the so-called officers of the club, right there on the floor, with everyone else watching. Said it was an initiation for all new dancers. And it was, because they did the same thing to other girls. It was terrifying, and painful, and humiliating.”
Jesus Christ. Mastema pulled her close and held her on his lap. Her body trembled, and tears ran down her face again. “I am so sorry. I don’t even know what to say right now. I shouldn’t have made you relive this.”
“You didn’t. I chose to tell you because it’s time someone here understood.”
“Do you want to stop?”
“No. I want to get it all out. I left the club that night. There was a room in the back where I slept sometimes, but I was afraid to stay there one more night. I found a shelter and stayed there for a while, but I couldn’t leave my things and go out to work because people stole shit when you were gone that long. So I ended up with another friend of a friend who sent me to a different club to work.”
“Was it more of the same?”
“No. That never happened again, but no place I danced was like this. This is heaven, compared to the shit out there.”
He knew that all too well. When they’d built this club, each of them had been determined to make it something special. Something different than just another biker bar or sleazy strip joint.
“For seven years I’ve gone from place to place, eventually saving enough money to get a cheap apartment they let me rent by the month. And it’s not like I never fucked anyone else, but only one man at a time, and never in front of people again. If things looked like they were headed in that direction, I’d bolt and find another place to work.”
Mastema wasn’t sure what else to say, other than he wished he’d known all this from day one. But to tell her that again was pointless. “Kayla, I am so sorry I egged you on like that downstairs. I didn’t know.”
“How could you? I never told you. But I’m the one who should be apologizing to you for insulting you. I feel terrible that I did that, but I was hurt because you stopped talking to me.”
He might as well say it. She’d shared a horrible, dark secret with him. It was only right to tell her. “I was jealous when I saw you with Mark.”
“Nothing happened. I even told you what he said to me.”
“I know.”
They stared into each other’s eyes for long moments before she spoke again. “And I was jealous when I saw you with Meghan.”
“We were just talking. She only has eyes for Phenex. She has ever since she came here, though she’d rather eat one of those glasses she pours drinks into than admit it.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, well, I watch people, you know?”
“But she has sex with all of you.”
“So did Chloe when she first came here.”
She bit her lip. “Do you think the others think it’s odd that I don’t?”
“I wouldn’t say odd. I’d say they wish you did. The guys, anyway.”
“What do you wish I’d do?”
Holy fuck. Was she toying with him right now, or did she feel the same way? He’d never know unless he took a chance, but was he ready to? Yes. It was now or never. “I want you to fuck only me.”
The relief that filled her beautiful face sent his heart soaring. “I want that, too.”
The emotion coursing through him was overwhelming. “Then let’s not be jealous when one of us talks to someone else. Agreed?”
She finally smiled. “Agreed.”