Chapter 4.
It was dawn when Lena opened her eyes. Sunlight reached her bed through the open balcony door. She felt strangely sore but in a good way. When she stretched and realized she was naked under wrinkled sheets, the memories came in. She slept with Gabriel Seaborne.
Leaning to her elbow, she looked around the room. Yes, she slept with him. But he wasn’t there.
“We’ll deal with the aftermath.” Remembering what he said, she suddenly felt cold. This was the aftermath- a mixture of shame, pain and humiliation that consumed her. If that wasn’t enough, there was another feeling that crawled into her- loneliness. He left her and somehow, her body still ached for him.
Knowing she needs to get up, she wrapped the sheet around herself not being able to look at her own body, the body that let her down, and went to the bathroom. Cold water would make it all better, she thought. But it didn’t. When she got out of the shower, the sound of her phone broke the silence that suffocated her. She wasn’t that naïve to think it could be Gabriel. But it was Charlotte.
“Hey kiddo? What happened?” Charlotte asked with a genuine concern in her voice.
“Oh hey.” Lena managed to whisper.
“What’s going on?” A concerned voice turned to alarmed.
“Nothing, nothing. I had a few drinks that didn’t sit well with me so I spend the night in my room.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t even notice you left. It was around midnight when I realized I hadn’t seen you in a while. But hey, those drinks really were strong.” Charlotte giggled and Lena realized her boss was unaware of the moment she left. There was at least one silver lining in all this mess.
“Don’t worry. I’m glad you had fun. After all, it was your party. I am the one responsible for my actions.” That last sentence was agonizingly true and Lena’s face twitched in discomfort.
“Well, thank God I have everything covered. You have half an hour to get dressed and show up at the lobby because you have a masseuse waiting for you.”
“Oh God, no!” Lena literally screamed in her mind. The idea of a massage actually sounded good because every muscle in her body felt tense. However, she’d had Gabriel’s hands on her body just hours ago and couldn’t handle somebody else’s.
“You know, the thought of laying on my stomach right now doesn’t seem appealing. Especially since I’ve spent the night emptying it.” Lena felt forced to lie to Charlotte and it was harder than she thought.
“You’re right about that. Then come down here and we’ll just have coffee in the garden. How does that sound?” Charlotte was ready to compromise.
“Give me 20 minutes, okay?”
Lena remembered that Gabriel said he planned to skip the whole wellness/spa/recovery morning and wondered if she would run into him. What would she say? What would he say? Panic took over and all she wanted was to go home, to her little shoebox, away from this place where she didn’t belong.
Forgetting about time, Lena came down to the lobby ten minutes late.
Charlotte looked worried.
“Lena, you’re late. I was seconds away from alarming the hotel staff.” With half-serious expression on her face, she approached her.
“You came on time? Now, I am alarmed.” Lena put all her effort in a smile.
“Very funny. By the way, there’s no mirror in your room?”
“Huh?”
Charlotte gently grabbed Lena’s shoulder and turned her to the lobby mirror. For a second, Lena tried to grasp the identity of the woman with messy hair and smeared mascara she was looking at. When she recognized herself, she came closer to the mirror.
“Mess. Inside and outside.” A voice in her head was brutally honest; her face reflected exactly how she felt. Knowing Charlotte would notice if something was wrong, she carefully picked long, beige flowy dress with dandelion print on it and flat sandals. However, she couldn’t force herself to look at the mirror and it turned out to be a fatal mistake.
“Shit. See? Don’t ever let me drink again.” Lena rubbed her temples.
“Duly noted.” Charlotte reached in her purse and pulled out some wipes and a small brush. Pointing at the bathroom, she said to Lena,
“I’ll order you some coffee and wait for you at the terrace.”
“Make it a whole pot, please.” Lena mumbled and obediently went to the bathroom.
A few minutes later, two women stretched at the deck chair and watched waves crashing on the beach.
“You can go to your massage. I’ll be fine here.” Lena tried to assure Charlotte.
“I’ll go later. The gang occupied the whole wellness center anyway. Samuel said he won’t move until it’s time to go on a plane.” Charlotte knew something else was troubling Lena and she wanted to be there for her. Even if it meant sitting next to her in silence.
“The whole gang?” Lena slowly asked.
“Well, minus Gabriel. But I expected that. He’s probably in his room attached to his cellphone and laptop.”
“He is still here?” Lena stiffened and instinctively looked at her chest because she had a feeling her heart would jump out.
“Probably.” Charlotte shrugged her shoulders.
“Although, he also bailed on me yesterday. I hadn’t seen him for most of the night and he promised me he won’t work from here. I should have known better. It’s against his nature. I suppose he wrapped himself in something,” she added.
“You have no idea.” If a person could die of shame, that would be Lena at that very moment.
*
Half an hour later, Charlotte went to join her husband and Lena decided to go for walk. Going back to her room would just remind her of last night. This way she finally had the time to contemplate past events and let her mind process it all. She and Gabriel slept together and it was consensual. They also agreed they would deal with the consequences. Yes, she interpreted it as “together” but hell, she was obviously wrong. Of course she didn’t expect a happily ever after but the way he took off left her humiliated.
Engaged in her own thoughts, she startled when someone’s hand grabbed her shoulder.
“Lena.”
It was Gabriel.
“I called your name but you didn’t hear me.” He noticed her frightened reaction and tried to explain.
She stood there in front of him, unable to say anything. He looked even more handsome than ever, even with a few wrinkles around his eyes that she noticed for the first time.
“You left,” was all she managed to whisper.
“I did. I’m sorry Lena.” Gabriel ran his fingers through his hair.
Lena looked at him as he was nervously shifting his weight.
“Oh… It’s what you do.” She sighed as her mind suddenly cleared and his disappearance made sense.
Gabriel was baffled. Yelling and reproaching… that he could handle. But she saw right through him. And there was no hidden anger or accusation in her words. It was a simple statement, a realization.
He wanted to deny it, to tell some shameless lie and take her back to his room, make love to her over and over, prolong dealing with everything.
When he woke up in the middle of the night with Lena in his arms, his heart was telling him to stay but his mind warned him to leave. Sleeping with a woman, actual sleeping, was something he never practiced. It never turned out to be a problem because he would pick women who were used to it. Deep down, he knew Lena was different, but he couldn’t help himself. So he sneaked out like a criminal, making a silent promise he will explain everything in the morning.
And he tried. He knocked at her door but she didn’t answer. When he reached for his phone, he remembered he didn’t have her phone number. Charlotte did, but she wouldn’t give it to him just like that, after a night they both went missing. So he assumed she was still asleep and went to his room, occupying his mind with work. It didn’t turn out to be very effective so he decided to go for a drink at a bar. He’d just left the elevator when he saw Charlotte and Lena in the distance. Lena was heading outside and Charlotte turned in the opposite direction, to him.
“Hey.” He raised a hand in greeting.
“Hello mister. You have some explaining to do.” Charlotte smirked at him.
His heart sank. Lena must have told her everything.
“I can explain,” he muttered.
“You don’t have to. I figured you out.” She pointed a finger to his chest.
“You did?”
“You promised me you won’t work here, remember? You stayed only half through the party and now you’ve spend the morning in your room. And I have a good feeling you weren’t watching TV. I should have search your luggage for laptop and files when you arrived.” Charlotte accused him.
“Oh thank God” was all that went through his mind.
“But I am here, no? I’ll make it up to you. But I have to do something first, okay?” He nervously looked towards the beach.
Not waiting for an answer, he tapped her shoulder for goodbye and rushed in the same direction as Lena. Charlotte looked at him running outside and thought he looked like a mess.
“Just like Lena,” it hit her.
“Oh God. No, no.” Shocked, she stood there staring at the balcony door. Knowing there’s nothing she can do right now, she went to find her husband. Her good old, drama-deprived husband.
At the beach outside, Gabriel forced himself to look at Lena’s eyes. Those beautiful green eyes.
“Yes, this is what I do.” He admitted but continued, “But you deserve more than that. And I was trying to find you all morning to tell you that.”
“You could have spared yourself the wait. You could have stayed. I didn’t expect you to take me to your castle and marry me, for God’s sake.” Lena’s calmness slowly dispersed.
“I know,” he scratched his beard.
“Was it so hard to wait for me to wake up and say a simple ‘Lena, it was great but you know very well it can’t happen again so let’s leave it at that.’ and then leave?” The humiliation in her eyes was more than visible.
“And would you accept it? Just like that?”
“I’m not naïve, Gabriel; let’s make that clear. I may not live in your world and I’m certainly not a part of it. But I work in it. I know how everything works. Money, pleasure, no emotions.” She crossed her arms over her chest trying to sound convincing.
Gabriel knew she was right. For a moment, he forgot she was familiar with it all. It sounded cruel but it was the truth. This is how the world worked.
“You are right. I won’t lie to you. Yesterday was amazing, one of the best nights of my life. And as you say, I have no intention to express my undying love to you, but it doesn’t mean I am insensitive bastard, Lena. I care about your feelings. And I would hate myself if I hurt you.”
Althouh furious at him, honesty in his words deeply touched Lena. He could have say anything but opted for sincerity. She had already brushed off the idea of a more romantic development and didn’t expect anything from him.
“Well, I am hurt. I’m hurt by the way you pulled this off. But I will survive. I had no expectations from you whatsoever, I promise.”
Gabriel felt relieved. But only partially. One part of him awaited to hear she wanted something more, which was hypocritical at the same time because he wasn’t able to give it to her.
“So what now? What happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii?” The silly phrase was all he could think.
A tiny smile escaped Lena’s mouth. He was worried he hurt her. Perhaps it was all he was capable when it comes to emotions. It saddened her and flattered her at the same time.
“That’s all you could come up with?” She managed to stay cool.
“I know, it’s lame. But that’s all I got.”
“I’ll take it. I would offer you a handshake but we both know where that led us. So let’s just leave it at ‘see you later’.” Lena blushed and grinned to cover it up.
Gabriel smiled but then grew serious. Yes, he remembered where it led them. He didn’t dare to come any closer to her because he didn’t trust himself. Her scent was still all over him despite taking a long shower after he came back to his room. He thought his desire would wear off once he had her but it only grew stronger.
“Good point.” He jammed his hands in his front pockets and continued, “Anyway, I’m leaving back home now and I needed to set things straight.”
“We’re leaving in a few hours as well.”
“I’ll see you?” he asked knowing that won’t happen so soon.
“I’ll see you,” Lena said softly reading his mind.
Gabriel forced himself to turn away and went to his room to pack. He had his share of goodbyes with women and would forget about them instantly. Yet, this goodbye didn’t bring liberation like in the past.
“What did you expect?” Lena exhaled and asked herself when he was out of range.
She woke up feeling humiliated and Gabriel fixed that. Now she just felt empty. Not knowing what was worse; she sat on the sand and let herself get lost in the sounds of waves.