Chapter Twenty
Ella scrolled through her contacts, debating who she should call. She felt the itchy, restless need to talk to someone. She just wasn’t sure who.
Genevieve’s over the top energy was a little too much right now. She wanted to hear a voice that would center her and make her feel calmer. Genevieve was absolutely perfect for some situations—like when she needed to laugh, or needed to feel more confident. When she needed to feel calmer? No.
She stared at name after name as they passed by, only to be swept aside by the momentum created by her ever-swiping thumb. None seemed exactly right for her mood.
Of course, the person that she really wanted to talk to about Donovan and what was going on between them was… Donovan.
He’d always been her go to sounding board. It’d taken her a long time to get used to the feeling of him not being there in her life, just a door knock or phone call away. And now that he was back, all of that hard work she’d put into excising his presence bit by painful bit was destroyed.
It had taken her five long years to remove him from her heart and her life, and it had only taken him five short minutes to move back in.
Finally, she made a choice and hit a button on her phone. It wasn’t Donovan, but it was someone else that she could always count on when the chips were down and she needed to talk to someone who loved her unconditionally.
“Hello, darling! How are you?”
Ella closed her eyes and exhaled. She had definitely made the right choice. Just the sound of her mother’s voice brought her anxiety level down ten notches.
“I’m good, Mom. How are you doing?”
“Oh, I can’t complain. The girls were over for poker earlier tonight. We had a great time.”
Ella smiled in spite of herself. Even though her mother’s social life was limited by her fear of leaving the house, she liked knowing that friends still came to visit, and that they had a lot of fun when they did.
“That’s good. Did you win?”
“You know it. Now, to what do I owe this pleasure?”
“Maybe I was just calling to find out if you’d cleaned out the rest of the over-40 set tonight. Those ladies form a big chunk of my customer base, by the way. Don’t go taking all of their disposable income.”
“I’m only doing it for you, dear. So you won’t have to support me in my old age. Now, why don’t you tell me why you really called? The truth this time, please.”
Ella grimaced. Her mother knew her too well. “Can’t fool you, huh?”
“I’m your mother, Ella Fletcher. There’s no getting around me. Now, tell me what’s bothering you.”
She took a deep breath before diving in. “Donovan’s back in town. For a few days, at least.”
“I know. He came to see me.”
Ella’s jaw dropped. Of all the ways that she’d imagined her mother might react to the news that Donovan Valentine was back home, that one was last on the list. Hell, it hadn’t even made the list.
“You knew that he was back? Since when?”
“He came over to the house yesterday afternoon.”
Ella was stunned. “Why?”
“Just to chat. We had tea. But in truth, I think he was checking up on me. Troy must’ve told him about my…struggles. I got the impression he simply wanted to make sure that I was getting by okay.”
Ella closed her eyes. Wow. She shouldn’t have been so surprised. After all, the Donovan she’d known was all about taking care of people, and especially of Ella. This was just one more example of that. By making sure that her mom was okay, by extension he was making sure that Ella was okay.
“Well, that was nice of him,” Ella said, in what she figured was pretty much the understatement of the year.
“Yes. It’s nice to have Donovan looking out for you again, isn’t it?” her mother said, her slightly-teasing tone letting Ella know that she recognized the multiple layers of truth in the astute comment.
Ella had never confided her feelings about Donovan to anyone, not even her mother. She wasn’t a pour your heart out kind of girl. She was more a mull it over and write poetry about it type. Not to mention, there was the whole “if you say it, it makes it real” aspect of the situation. But, much like Genevieve, apparently her mother hadn’t needed direct confirmation in order to draw the correct conclusion.
“I see where you’re going with this,” Ella replied wryly, “and don’t get ahead of yourself. He’s headed out of town in just a couple of days. This is a short trip. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Oh, well, if it doesn’t mean anything, then why did he invite you over to his Grandmother’s house for a formal dinner party? That means something.”
Ella opened her mouth to ask how the heck she knew about that, but then realized it was pointless. Abby’s mom was one of her mom’s poker buddies, maybe she’d mentioned it. Maybe Troy and Mila had been walking by while her mother made her torturous daily trek down to the mailbox at the curb each day and they’d told her. Or maybe one of a hundred other different scenarios. This was Valentine Bay, after all. The underground intelligence network rivaled those put into place by the government, and her invite would’ve been a hot ticket, info-wise.
She steeled herself before she spoke again. She didn’t want to let the worry and uncertainty she felt leak out around the edges of her voice. Then her mom would just be alone, unable to leave the house, and worried about her—which, in turn, would increase Ella’s usual level of worry about her mom—the whole thing was just a vicious cycle. So she made her tone as light and carefree as possible.
“I was just the buffer. Donovan was afraid that she was going to make a big deal about how long it’s been since he’s been back. But it didn’t even end up being like that, so it was no big deal. Anyway, I’m just trying to keep in mind that this is a short visit and not get too attached to having him around again.”
There was silence on the other end of the line, and Ella wondered if her connection had dropped off. She took the phone away from her ear and looked at the face, but the call was still going. The connection was fine. She returned the phone to her ear and said, “Mom? are you still there?”
“I’m still here,” her mother replied. “I was just thinking. I hate having to see you be so guarded. It’s so contrary to your nature. But at the same time, it would be awful to see you get hurt again.”
“Believe me. I’ve been thinking about almost nothing else except the fact that I’m probably going to end up getting hurt. I don’t know how to avoid it. No matter which way I look at it, I just can’t seem to figure a way out.”
Her mom sighed. “I know. I know exactly what you mean. I was the same way with your father, when he was around. He was a rolling stone, you know. Consumed by wanderlust. I was always keenly aware that he had one foot out the door at all times. So, even when he was there, I was distracted. Looking back, I wasted all the good years we had together because I was already looking ahead to the bad years, torturing myself with worry.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“Maybe you can learn a lesson from me, sweet girl. Learn from my mistakes.”
“How?”
“Well, my instinct is to protect you from pain, and to help you protect yourself, as well. But if that’s not going to be possible, if the pain is going to come either way…then maybe you shouldn’t waste this time. Maybe you should throw yourself in. Full heart, full soul. Then, when you look back on it later, sure, you’ll have the pain. But you’ll have the good times, too.”