CHAPTER
and that is unacceptable. That kind of behavior is how it started before it gets worst. My father didn’t just start hitting my mom. First there was the verbal abuse followed by a little push here or there, then slaps followed by full blown beatings.
I’m wired throughout the day as I take Axel’s advice and delegate responsibilities to Suzanne about what I want her to do over the course of the next days I won’t be in office. I’ve already walked through all the houses and have photographs and should be able to work on them from Alabama. I don’t plan to stay there for long but I need a few days to lick my wound. No place better than home to do this.
I’ve not even called my grandmother to alert her that I am heading home. At midday, I leave office and go back home to pack a bag. I don’t pack much. In fact, I just throw random things into the bag, wanting to leave as quickly as possible. The pictures in the bedroom of us on our wedding day jeers me from the dresser. We were so happy then.
Damn Jake Petersen. But could I blame Jake? This has always been Axel’s attitude, being the top dog. He rarely listens to anything I say which only makes for a very one-sided relationship.
Packed, I grab my handbag and ask Vinnie to drop me to the airport. He refuses. I had a feeling he would but I had to ask because I didn’t want to leave the car parked at the airport when I’m not sure how long I will be gone.
I’m surprised although I should have expected it when all the car keys have been confiscated along with their copies. I improvise and call Jess, telling her I want her to drop me somewhere without disclosing the full information. I remain secretive when she picks me up and I direct her at every turn without letting on where I’m headed.
When she sees the airport, she starts glancing at me nervously.
“Are you and Axel going on a trip?” she asks, driving to the departure lane.
“No, we’re not.”
“But you’ve got a bag packed. Where are you going? Now that I think about it, why did you have to call me to drop you at the airport anyway?”
“I’m going home,” I answer.
“Home?”
“To Birmingham.”
“Are you crazy? Home is where Axel is.”
“Dammit, Joyce. Why’d you have to drag me into this mess? I like Axel. And we’ve always been friendly. Now he’s going to think I planned this whole thing with you.”
“Relax. He already knew from before that I’m leaving him.”
Her gasp is loud in the car. “You’re doing what? Why would you do such a foolish thing?”
“I don’t want to talk about it Jess. This way he can’t say you influenced me to do anything.”
“Joyce, please you’re carrying his baby!” she reminds me. “Remember what happened the first time you ran back home? He came or you. What makes you think he won’t do the same this time?”
I shrug. “Let him come. I don’t care. Nothing will change. I’m not going back to him.”
She cajoles and begs me to reconsider but I leave her standing there and head to the ticket counter to pick up my boarding pass. Because of the delay in having to get Jess to pick me up, I’m almost late and gets there just in time when they were making final boarding call announcements. I quickly stow my bag in the overhead bin and take a seat in the middle between a burly man and an elderly lady who is already sleeping.
The ride to Birmingham seems long and is uncomfortable given the two passengers I’m sitting beside but I remain stubborn that I’m doing the right thing. I fall asleep halfway on the flight and is jerked awake by the plane landing.
It’s a lengthy wait for the passengers at the back of the plane to disembark and I’m glad I don’t have any bags to claim. I call a cab service and is picked up within fifteen minutes. By the time I get home, it’s going on to six.
My grandmother is not home but I always keep my spare key, so I unlock the door and let myself in. I find the kitchen, the place where I found most comfort growing up and make myself tea. There’s lemon cake in the refrigerator and I cut a slice as I’m starving. The bigger this kid gets, the hungrier I am.
I finish the lemon cake and gram still hasn’t returned. I think about calling her to let her know I’m here but decide not to at the last minute. I’m lying on the sofa in the living room, flipping through the channels of the TV and feeling sad that Axel hasn’t even called when gram gets home.
And she’s not alone. A man who seems the same age as her, with shocking white hair is with her. I’ve never seen her before but I stare at the two in surprise while my grandma’s face goes red. Oh no. My grandma is seeing someone? Could they even at that age?
“Joyce!” she utters my name in embarrassment. “I never expected you to be here.”
“Hi gram. Not going to introduce your friend?” I tease.
“Umm, this is Norman,” she says after some hesitation. “Norman, this is my granddaughter I always talk about. Joyce. Norman was just- we were about to enjoy coffee.”
“Nice to meet you Mr. Norman,” I greet him from the couch, too comfortable to move.
“Please, just call me Norman,” he returns. “It’s nice to meet you too. I should go though. It is getting late.”
Very late. It’s almost nine. I raise my eyebrow at Gram as she goes to walk out Norman.
“Child, what are you doing here?” she asks when she returns to the living room. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?”
“So you could hide Norman from me?” I retort.
“Don’t try to change the subject on me,” she scolds me with a frown. “What are you doing here and where is your husband?”
“That stubborn man isn’t my husband,” I reply.
“I sat there and watched you take your vows and I know you meant them,” she says and sit across from me in the sofa.
“Things have changed.”
“I don’t believe that for one minute. The love I witnessed between you two isn’t so easily broken. So what sill reason do you have for running away this time?”
“He pushed me,” I said softly. “Axel pushed me.”
“I don’t believe that for a second!” Gram cries in disbelief. “You must be mistaken, Joyce. He would never lay a hand on you. He’s a good man.”
“I fell,” I add. “I don’t know. At first it was him then there was my dad standing there and him again. We had a very heated argument and I hit him.”
I start to cry because I’m really confused trying to sort through the past and the present. Both had merged and I wasn’t sure how to pick apart one scenario from the other.
“I don’t know Gram,” I say honestly. “I thought he did but I may be wrong.”
“Joyce.” Gram moves to sit beside me on the couch, rubbing my foot comfortingly. “You’ve got so much hang ups about what your father did and you’re still carrying it around in your marriage. Your husband is nothing like your father.”
“I- I know.” I am crying harder now. “But he’s- he’s so forceful at times and it scares me.”
“And that’s because you don’t trust your husband. Joyce let me ask you. Has Axel ever attempted to hit you before?”
I shake my head.
“Does he strike you as the kind of man who would ever hit a woman?”
Again I shake my head, realizing it is true. Axel would never hit a woman. That’s the image I have of him. Why then am I blaming him for something that’s an accident. I hadn’t fallen because he pushed me. I’d stumbled.
The answer is clearer now but there’s still so much to sort through. I’ve become such a brat, walking out on him when he is having the hard task of having to deal with Jack.
“He’s so stubborn,” I whine, not liking the sound of it even to myself but trying to justify why I am here. “He wouldn’t listen to-”
“Joyce, no,” Gram interrupts me. “I don’t want to hear what went on between you and Axel. You’re a married woman now and you can’t expect me to solve your problems. If you have a problem, you turn to your partner. That’s why you took vows to become as one. Now you need to go back to your husband and fix whatever is that happened between you two. And quickly too. The longer we put off doing these things, the harder it is to make it right.”
All that she is saying sounds good except for one thing. “If all you say is true, why hasn’t he called me. Not even once. Why didn’t he try to stop me from leaving and why hasn’t he come for me? Gram, if Axel really wanted me home, he would be on his jet, flying here. And that bothers me. Maybe he is sick of our marriage.”
Gram’s hands tightened on my foot. “I don’t believe that for a second. I see the way Axel looks at you, his heart on his sleeve, Joyce. That boy would do anything for you. But a man also has his pride and you might have pricked his by deciding to walk out on him. Again, the longer you wait to do this, the harder it becomes.”