The blast of heat from the blow dryer takes me by surprise, even though I’m the one who aimed it at my own hair.

Everything seems like a horrible surprise lately.

I get myself back together—at least enough to do my hair—and aim the dryer back at my roots. Ten minutes later, I’m staring at it again like it’s some kind of foreign object. What was I even doing? 

Right. My hair. My hair is dry.

It’s a small miracle that I make it to the office fully dressed and presentable enough that nobody in the lobby gives me a second look. On the elevator on the way up, I close my eyes, steeling myself for another day without him.

What happened? It must be the thousandth time I’ve had the thought since Tuesday, and probably more. Three days and all I can do is dissect that conversation, which went wildly off the rails almost from the moment it started. 

Should I have stayed?

Did I do the right thing by leaving?

My mind swings between the two options on a moment-by-moment basis. It’s a torturous circle. When I’ve decided that leaving was the right thing to do, I’m knocked back into indecision by the fact that my entire body aches for Jasper. My entire soul aches for him, and that’s something I never thought would enter my mind. 

I sure as hell didn’t expect for everything to come crashing down when I got on that elevator.

Even now, getting on any elevator sends my stomach plummeting to the floor, which makes no sense.

I brace myself when it glides to a stop at Gabriel Luxe’s floor.

“What are you so scared of?” I whisper it in the empty space. It doesn’t help.

The doors open.

Bernadette is standing by the main reception desk, beaming.

I can’t wrap my mind around it. What is she smiling about? What on earth is she happy about? What could anyone have to be happy about, now that I’m so shattered?

A wild laugh bubbles up in my chest. Self-centered much, Isa? The rest of the world is moving on. I’m stuck in this rut, and I’m going to get out of it, starting right now.

“Do you—” The words stick in my throat, and I force a smile onto my face. “Do you have something to celebrate this morning, Bernadette?”

“We both do.” She gives me a meaningful look. “You’re going to want to make a couple of calls once I tell you the news.”

Her words filter in like they’re coming from the surface and I’m underwater. “Calls?”

“To your mom, for one thing.”

Am I pregnant? It’s an absurd thought, that Bernadette might know before I do, but I have no earthly idea what she’s talking about. None whatsoever. I blink at Bernadette, doing my best impression of a woman who knows what the hell is going on.

Bernadette can’t keep it in anymore. “It’s a go on the Hamilton Heights building, Isa. I got the news a few minutes ago. The purchase is going forward. I need to send over a few pieces from the inventory for his wife.” She winks at me, then lets out a laugh that I try unsuccessfully to echo. “I know it’s early, but I’ve got mimosas in my office. Let’s celebrate!”

I knock three times at my mom’s door, trying to figure out what the sound coming from inside is. It’s loud and a little on the raucous side, and I can’t identify it until the door cracks open and my mom peers out. “Isa! What are you doing here?”

She pulls the door open, and the sound spills out into the hallway. It’s some kind of high-powered salsa music. “Mom! You’re sweating.”

“I’m working out!” 

“Working out?” This does not compute. My mother has never had time in her life to work out. 

“Evie suggested it to me. Come in, come in.” She ushers me into the living room, where the workout is still in progress on the television. “She brought me a DVD player and three of these videos. To keep me thinking positive.”

Evie would suggest exercise, because that’s what she does for herself when she’s stressed out. The pair of small pink weights on the sofa look hastily abandoned, and my mom’s cheeks are glowing. She reaches for the remote and clicks off the TV without pausing the DVD.

“That’s good.” Too long has passed since she stopped speaking, but I barrel forward, pretending there was no awkward silence. “It looks good on you.”

Mom pushes her hair out of her face and puts her hands on her hips. “Are you only stopping by? I can make you something to eat, if you’re hungry.”

The thought of food turns my stomach, and I give a little laugh. “Don’t drop everything. I’m sorry to interrupt.”

She eyes me suspiciously. “What’s going on, then? You’re usually too busy to show up like this in the middle of the afternoon.”

“Oh, I’m busy. I’m really busy.” I’m about to be busier, after today. Bernadette’s sheer joy at working this deal for me made me realize the best thing I can do is throw myself into Gabriel Luxe instead of wallowing in despair about Jasper. “I wanted to give you some good news.”

Mom narrows her eyes. “What good news? Is this about that young man Evie’s been telling me about?”

“Young man? No.” She purses her lips. This is coming out all wrong. It’s nothing like the big reveal I’d tried to plan on the way here. “I wanted to let you know that I bought this building. You’re not going to move out. Now, or ever, really, unless you want to.”

Her eyes go wide. “You’re making some kind of joke.”

“I’m not—I got word today that the financing is going through. It’ll take another month to close, but—”

My mom jumps into the air, her shriek so shrill I’m surprised the neighbors don’t come running. “Isa! Are you serious? Are you serious?” She leaps forward, grabbing me by the arms, still hopping. “You did that? You were able to do that?”

“Yes!”

She bursts into tears.

“Mom…” I pat her back as she doubles over.

When she looks back up at me she’s beaming. “I’m so proud of you, Isa. You didn’t—” She sobs again, but it’s almost a laugh. “You didn’t need to do this for me. I’m so amazed—I’m so amazed that you could. I remember all those nights you spent at that sewing machine…” She reaches out and gives me a tight hug, laughing and crying all at the same time.

I laugh, too, but the sound only creates a flicker of warmth in my chest.

It feels hollow.

I won, and it’s still hollow.

Still.