I’m in hell. Pure hell.

The devil himself couldn’t have devised torture this effective.

From across the table, at the restaurant where my family is meeting Lukas for the first time, my dad frowns at him. “So you don’t have a backup plan?”

“Dad!” I shake my head, appalled and embarrassed. Why had I thought this was a good idea? Because it’s an utter disaster. My conservative father hasn’t stopped obsessing on Lukas’s career for the last twenty minutes and takes every lull in the conversation to bring it up.

Lukas smiles cordially. “Nope, I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it.”

The guy is a trooper; I’ll give him that. He’s taken all the questions with a good-natured affability.

At least my mom is charmed, albeit distracted. She’d normally be more help in keeping my dad in line; only she’s preoccupied with counting how many mimosas Eden has slugged back in the last hour.

“Personally,” Eden says, a dazzling smile highlighting her perfectly white teeth. “I love a man who’s spontaneous.”

My mother isn’t the only charmed one.

I dig my nails into my palms resting on my lap and pray for a quick death. My family is not normal. This is not normal. My dad’s obsessing. My mom is fretting over Eden. And my big sister, well, the drunker she gets, the more she flirts with Lukas.

It’s sickening.

I’m so tense you could probably snap me in half. I can feel Eden’s venom directed at me. The competitiveness that demands she obliterate me. That I have something she thinks should be hers.

In her eyes, I can see she believes she can take Lukas away from me. Her intention to steal him, it shines in her gaze and I feel powerless to stop any of it.

Lukas has politely ignored her fawning, but really, he’s got to be flattered. All men are smitten with Eden. I can’t believe Lukas will be the exception. It’s impossible not to fall deep in lust with her, I don’t even blame him, it’s biology.

It doesn’t matter that she has no depth to her personality, or that her choice in a career is her next sugar daddy, or even that she has a tiny drinking problem.

Nope, none of that matters when she looks like that.

“It’s a dangerous job, a backup plan would be prudent.” My dad continues, scratching his salt-and-pepper head, looking as though he’s calculating some complex mathematical equation. He is an actuary, assessing risk is in his blood, but still, this is beyond humiliating.

Lukas’s fingers slide under my hair and settle on the curve of my neck, rubbing a little but it does nothing to ease my tension. “I’m very careful, sir.”

My father opens his mouth, but I hold up a hand. “That’s enough, Dad. Not everyone has a five-year plan.”

“Besides, Daddy, a little danger never hurt anyone,” Eden purrs, fluttering thick, sooty lashes at Lukas. “You’re very brave.” She shifts her attention to me, a smirk on her full, pouty lips. “Really, Abby’s such a bookworm and so careful, how’d she ever manage to catch such a daredevil like you?”

It’s not a compliment, and despite my best efforts, I feel the sting.

I’m close to the breaking point. All I want to do is get out of this seat and run until nobody can find me.

Lukas’s thigh presses against mine. “Abby is the smartest, most interesting woman I know.”

I squirm in my chair. I’m trying, I swear I’m trying my very best, but this is triggering the worst of all my memories. I’m trying to be logical, telling myself that Eden will only push my buttons if I let her. But my heart isn’t buying any of it. No, it keeps reminding me that Eden is a carbon copy of the type of woman I’d seen traipsing down Lukas’s sidewalk a million times.

I’m miserable. All my hard work over the past six weeks evaporates like a mirage. The corners of my eyes sting and my throat burns. I won’t cry now. I’ll wait until later, when I’m alone.

Eden flashes another sly smile at Lukas, like they share some sort of secret. “Abby’s the brains in the family and always so proper.”

My mom pats my hand. “We’re very proud of all Abby has accomplished.”

I offer my mom a shaky tilt of my lips.

“All those numbers.” Eden laughs, waving her long fingers through the air before shrugging. “I mean, they are so boring, but at least you get paid decent.”

I shrug, unable to work up any pithy, sarcastic comebacks. I blow out a deep breath and accept my fate. It’s easiest that way. It’s not worth it. I can’t compete. All I want is to fade into the woodwork until this horrible brunch is over.

Which shouldn’t be difficult, I feel beyond invisible.

To think, this morning when I’d put on a new red-and-pink print sundress, and strappy sandals, I’d thought I looked nice, even pretty. But now, in the face of my sister, with all her glamour and oozing flirtation, all I can think about is how frumpy I must seem.

Since Eden always makes an entrance, she’d arrived twenty minutes late. Long waves of copper-gold hair set off her tanned skin and big green eyes as perfectly as her white halter dress set off her size-two figure.

There hadn’t been a man in the room who hadn’t stopped to gape.

Lukas tried to cover it, but I’d seen him look at her. Seen the way his eyes widened. The quick intake of breath. I don’t blame him. I get it. I’ve seen that look my entire life.

In that moment I realize I’m not realistic and pragmatic like I’ve been telling myself all these years, I’m insecure. My first thought is to wonder if Lukas regrets getting stuck with the ugly sister. That it had been silly of me even to try, because every time I tried, I got pushed back down to my proper station.

I hate myself for it.

No matter how much my brain tells me I’m being crazy, my heart doesn’t agree. Logically I know Lukas isn’t superficial, that he likes me for me. I believe it, really I do, he’s a good man with a strong sense of honor. But with every flirtatious glance and remark Eden tosses in his direction, I can’t help remembering the look on his face when she walked in. I clutch at my napkin.

As soon as she gets him alone, she’ll hit on him. There’s no question about that.

My one serious boyfriend I’d dared bring home hadn’t been able to resist her. Eden made sure I caught them kissing too. There’s no way she won’t move on Lukas the second she gets the chance.

Will he be able to resist?

I want to believe, but…

My mom smiles at Lukas. “So you and Abby are neighbors?”

“Yes.” Lukas clears his throat. “I moved in about a year ago.”

“If I’d known that, I would have visited my baby sister more often, but then Abby likes to keep things to herself.” Eden gives him a slow once-over then smirks at Abby. “I can’t blame you for wanting to play with the big boys.”

I cringe. Lukas’s fingers tighten on my neck as an uncomfortable silence descends.

“Eden,” my mom says. “That’s enough.”

“What?” Eden takes another sip of her cocktail. She’s already on her fourth drink. “I’m just making conversation with Abby’s neighbor, what’s the big deal?”

That she’d referred to Lukas as my neighbor instead of my boyfriend confirms my suspicions that she’s waiting to strike.

“You’ve had enough, young lady.” My dad scowls at his oldest daughter, and I can’t help feeling terrible at the deep sadness in his faded green eyes.

I brace myself. Because I know what comes next. This is when everything becomes about Eden.

Eden chuckles, low and throaty. “Daddy, it’s brunch, you’re supposed to drink mimosas.”

My parents have tried to get Eden into rehab a couple of times, but she insists she doesn’t have a problem. And until she wants help, there isn’t much we can do. My parents are good, kind-hearted people and they don’t have it in them to cut their oldest daughter off. So they enable her and the problem continues.

Eden glances at me, her expression cold. “You’re just used to Abby who’s so busy being perfect she doesn’t even know how to have a good time.”

My spine straightens.

Lukas leans over and I flinch as his breath falls across the shell of my ear. “I’m going to say something.”

God no, that will just make it worse. I understand his need to rescue, but it won’t help. I shake my head and whisper, “Please don’t.”

He cups my jaw and turns my chin to stare into my eyes. He assesses me for a long, silent moment before nodding. “One more word against you and nothing you say will stop me. Understood?”

And just like that, I snap out of it.

What am I thinking? This is Lukas. He’s not going to get swept away by a pretty face.

I nod. “Yes.”

“We’ll talk about this when we get home.” His words soothe me, calm me down.

Home. Lately, he’s taken to doing that. Treating our houses like a mutual dwelling. It makes me ache for a real future with him, one I’m scared to reach out for and grab. But I’ll think about that later.

For now, I need to get through this meal.

I take a deep breath.

I can do this. All I need is a moment to compose myself. Get back on my game.

I turn to the table. “Please excuse me.”

Minutes later, I stand over the restroom sink washing my hands under cold water, letting the icy liquid flow over my fingers and jolt me out of my pity party.

This stops now.

I will not allow the past and a strained relationship with my sister color my perception of reality. I’ve been doing that for too long and it needs to end. I know who Lukas is and he’s not going to abandon me because Eden is hot.

I know better than that.

I take a cleansing breath. When will I finally believe, in that deep-down soul level, that I’m not less of a person because I’m not as pretty as Eden? When would that magical day come when I recognize my value?

This…feeling, the dread in my stomach, it has nothing to do with Lukas and everything to do with me.

“You’re out of your league, you know.”

Lost in thought, I hadn’t heard the door open, but Eden stands in the threshold in all her glory.

She’s buzzed and mean. I can see it in her glazed eyes, the determination to cut me. I understand I have things to work on, but when she’s like this the best thing to do is get away from her as fast as possible. I meet her gaze in the mirror. “I’m not going to discuss Lukas with you.”

Eden lets the door swing closed behind her. She smirks. “Don’t fool yourself, girls like you don’t end up with guys like him.”

The statement is a direct hit. Eden always knows where to plunge the knife deepest for the most damage. My bravado is shaken but it’s still there. I don’t have to take this from her.

I can take another course of action than disappearing into the background.

I turn off the faucet, shaking my hands. “Maybe not, but don’t fool yourself, he won’t end up with a girl like you either.”

Eden runs a hand over her perfect hips, encased in skintight white. “Keep telling yourself that, little sister.”

This is about her, not me.

I dry my hands and turn around, looking my sister square in the eye. I don’t have complete control of my life yet, I might be uncertain about my future with Lukas and fighting a mess of insecurities—but I can stop taking crap from my sister right this second. I can use my strengths, my brain and sharp tongue to hit back.

I take a deep breath and raise my chin. “I won’t deny it. You are a beautiful woman and there are plenty of men in this world who will fall for you in a heartbeat. You are clearly perfect eye candy.” I take two steps forward and I’m pleased to see Eden’s vicious smile wavers. I tilt my head. “But the thing is, Eden that’s all you are. Which is a shame because you could be so much more.”

With the strength of my words, my spine straightens a little more and the weight I’ve been carrying around for too many years to count, eases a little.

Eden tosses her hair over her shoulder and looks down her nose like the cliché of an evil queen in a Disney movie. “I’m doing just fine. And what would you know? Unlike you, I understand men, and they don’t like prissy, perfect girls.”

I smile. “Yeah, well, the good ones—the guys like Lukas who will really love you—don’t like vapid, washed-up alcoholics either. You’re thirty-two, don’t you think it’s time you did more with your life than spread your legs for the next guy to offer you a Grey Goose martini?”

Eden gasps, her model-high cheekbones splashing with pink.

I can’t deny I experience a certain sense of satisfaction. It’s a small step, but it’s something. And maybe Eden will think twice before her next attack.

Probably not, but I can hope.

Before Eden can say anything else, I step around her and walk out, head held high.

I run right into Lukas.

He grins at me. That wicked grin that makes my heart beat double time. “I was coming to rescue you, but I see you’re doing just fine on your own.”

I look at him, this man I’d lost my heart to and know it’s time make some decisions. I can’t keep asking for nothing because that’s all I think I deserve. If I don’t stand up for what I want, nobody else will.

It’s time to stop expecting less.

I raise my chin. “I’d like to go home.”

* * *

I glance at Abby, who sits practically motionless in the passenger seat. She’s been silent for the fifteen minutes we’ve been driving, staring out the window. Her stillness worries me. The way she doesn’t look at me worries me. I’d wanted to give her space to shake off the ugly scene in the restaurant, but now she’s just making me nervous.

And I have no idea what to do about it.

God, her sister is a piece of work. I’ve known women like her and have always stayed far away. Sure, I dated party girls, but I’m smart enough to avoid the mean ones.

And Eden Simmons is a mean one.

I can’t believe Abby grew up with that. She’d told me, but until I saw it for myself, I didn’t understand how bad it was.

And her parents, they just let the viper control everything and beat up on Abby. I kept waiting for them to put Eden in her place, but the time never came. Since they’d refused to stick up for Abby, I’d been prepared to step in, but she’d managed all on her own.

I’m proud of her, except, something has changed.

Since she stepped out of that bathroom she’s been remote, and I don’t know how to reach her or what to do about it. I grab her hand. Her fingers are icy despite the warm weather, and she doesn’t squeeze back the way she normally does.

The urge to talk and break through this distance is too overwhelming and I say, “You know, your sister is jealous of you.”

“I doubt that.” Her voice is soft, too soft.

“That’s because you can’t see it as an outsider would.” I’m desperate to make her see, for her to understand how special she is. Like if I can just fix it and make her believe, everything will be fine.

“I know what outsiders see,” she says, still not looking away from the window. Still answering in that flat tone.

“You don’t though,” I insist as the first threads of true panic weave a tight knot in my gut.

She turns away from the window and narrows her gaze, shaking her head. “Don’t try and tell me she’s not beautiful.”

My heart bangs against my ribs and I pull into my driveway, turn off the ignition, and shift in the bucket seat to face her. I want to lie. Every male instinct I possess tells me to deny her beauty, but I can’t. Abby’s too logical for that, too pragmatic. Her and her damned realism.

I nod. “Yes, she is. But inside she’s ugly and broken.”

It’s the god’s honest truth, I only hope she sees it in my expression.

“I know.”

The words bring me no sense of relief. I pick up Abby’s cool hand and press my lips to her fingertips. “You, however, are the whole package. Smart. Beautiful. And totally irresistible.”

Those brown eyes of hers don’t thaw even the tiniest bit. Instead her jaw hardens. “I don’t want to be compared to her anymore.”

How can I make her believe? There’s got to be some way to crack myself open so she understands what she means to me. I keep trying with words that seem to be failing. “Abby, that’s what you don’t understand. There is no comparison.”

She pulls out of my grasp and turns back toward the window. “It’s you who doesn’t understand.”

Real fear, the kind I’ve only known a few times in my life when I’d been in particularly gruesome fires, rises, beating in my veins. I take a deep breath and blow it out, wanting to stay calm. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

She’s silent for a good minute before she runs her hands through her hair. “My whole life—my parents, friends, teachers, anyone who’s ever met Eden—has offered me the same encouraging little speech you just did.” She gestures in the air. “Eden’s jealous of you. You have all these things she doesn’t have, you’re so bright and smart, you have such a bright future. On and on and on…” She meets my gaze, and there’s something there that hadn’t been there before. “Don’t you understand? All that poor Abby, hand-patting and bright-eyed reassurance, all they do is reinforce the message that I’m somehow lacking.”

Mother fucker.

Dread crawls up my spine as I grasp the full impact of my mistake. I’d never thought of it like that. How the message would be perceived, even though that’s not remotely how I want Abby to feel.

“You don’t think I saw how you looked at her? How everyone looks at her?” She smiles at me, all understanding.

And there it is. Of course Abby hadn’t missed it. She’s too observant for it.

I’d fallen victim to it. Of everything Abby is saying.

The truth is, Abby told me Eden was beautiful, but I’d thought she’d been exaggerating. She hadn’t. I’d been thrown off balance when Eden walked into the restaurant looking like she stepped out of the pages of a magazine. I hadn’t wanted her, or wanted Abby less, I’d just been…surprised.

If that wasn’t bad enough, what I really hate myself for, is that my first impulse was to turn to Abby and reassure her. Since I’m not a total idiot, I’d ignored the instinct, but it had been there.

I’m guilty of every single thing she’s accusing me of, but she doesn’t understand how I feel about her. “Abby—“

She holds up a hand. “Stop. I’m going to go into my house now.”

“Wait—”

“No.” She looks longingly at her front porch, like she can’t wait to get away from me. “I need to be alone and think.”

The last words I want to hear. As much as I hate it, I have to respect her wishes. I have one more hope left. I nod. “Do you still want to go to the club tonight?”

She tilts her head, assessing me. “I don’t know. Why don’t you pick me up at eight and we’ll decide then.”

I’m defeated. Out of moves. And I have no one to blame but myself. I have no choice but to give her the time and space she needs, but then I will fight for her. “All right, but, Abby, we will talk about this.”

She opens the car door, moving to get out before glancing back at me over her shoulder. “Yes, we will.”

Somehow I don’t think that’s a good sign, but it’s the only thing I’ve got.