Monday, July 11

BARCELONA

You have to bring your camera,” Clara said.

They’d arrived at their hostel in Barcelona just after nine PM, and Gabe’s sister had already invited them to hang out at her apartment near the university. Rae and Clara were getting ready to go. Clara stood by the full-length mirror, winging her eyeliner, as Rae put on ChapStick and slung her camera bag across her neck. She glanced across the room to where Aubrey sat on her bed, reading The Waves. Behind her, the door to the balcony was open, framing Aubrey with a backdrop of buildings—all their red façades and long windows. She hadn’t said much since they’d met up again at the Barcelona Sants train station over an hour ago, but she hadn’t tried to run home to London, either.

Rae decided to take that as a win.

“See you later,” she said to Aubrey from the door.

“Yeah.” Aubrey didn’t look up from her book. “Later.”

Rae and Clara headed out into the warm Barcelona night. The city was a burst of colors—reds, greens, and yellows. Everything shaded in rich, blazing hues—the gurgling fountains and the cafés advertising tapas and the palm trees planted along the roads. The air felt heavy and tropical, like it does before a thunderstorm. Rae could smell the sea nearby.

As they neared the university, Clara said, “I have this really great idea,” and she tugged Rae through a set of heavy oak doors. Rae found herself in an entranceway with a shiny floor and bulletin boards covered in rumpled flyers. The ceiling arched above her, and to her side a boy sat on a bench looking over notes and bobbing his head to the music in his headphones.

“Is this a cultural landmark or something?” Rae asked. “Or—oh! Is it Hogwarts?”

“Could be,” Clara said. “But it’s also a college. I wanted to see what it’s like to be in one of these.”

“It reminds me of high school. But, like, bigger.”

Clara knotted their hands together. “Just act like you belong.”

They started exploring the hallways. Most of the lights had been turned off, and most of the students must have gone home by now, because there weren’t many other people around. When a janitor pushed a cart of cleaning supplies past them, Rae half expected him to say something—to ask who they were or demand to see their student IDs. But he barely even glanced their way. Maybe they really did look like students. Maybe they looked like they actually belonged.

At the end of one hall, they stumbled into an empty courtyard. Covered passageways lined its peripheries, and a few chairs with desks attached to them—the same kind Rae had sat in for years at LAS—were stacked in the corners. But in the lawn at the center was a tree, its branches fanned out and filled with bright-orange fruit. Even covered in shadows, Rae could see how vividly green the leaves were. How the orange fruit glowed.

Clara put her purse next to a desk and went to stand by the tree. She had on the same silver dress she’d worn their first night in Paris, but her hair was styled differently now, tied into a low, loose knot. Her shoes were the purple sequined ballet flats she’d had on the day they traveled to Prague. “Do you think this is what it will feel like to be in Melbourne?” she asked.

“Not exactly.” Rae took the lens cap off her camera and took a picture of the arches in the passageways. “Considering it’s a different city.”

“Yeah. You’re probably right.”

Rae walked across the courtyard while Clara fidgeted with the sides of her dress. “But maybe it could be like this,” she said. “If—I were with you.”

Rae stopped. “If you were with me?”

“As long as you want that? As long as you don’t mind if I come visit?”

“Yes!” Rae’s heart swelled. “Wait—I mean, no, I don’t mind. And yes, I really want that.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do! But you remember it’s Australia, right? It’s about a million miles from California.”

Clara’s face filled with affection. “I think I could probably get a flight there. Also, I have long summer breaks.”

“Which are winters in Australia.”

“I like winter.” Clara kicked some grass at Rae’s feet. “I like hot chocolate and radiators. I’ll even bring gloves.”

Rae plucked at one of her curls. “Seriously, though. You don’t have to. If you meet someone else. If you realize you’ve made a rash decision, I’ll totally get it.”

“Rae.” Clara circled her fingers lightly around Rae’s wrist. Here, in this abandoned place, the only sounds she could hear were cicadas and the swish of leaves. But also, she could see so many moments coming to life: Clara waiting to meet her at an airport in Australia and then coming to campus with her. The two of them sharing Rae’s tiny dorm bed. And Rae would fly to see her in California, too. They’d lie on the beach together until late at night. They’d wander boardwalks and eat dinner outside. These weren’t concrete plans or anything, but they still felt possible. They felt true.

Rae pushed her camera to one side, and she and Clara slipped together. They kissed beneath an orange-green tree in the middle of a magical city, and everything seemed so right. It seemed like there were so many options now. So many minutes and days spread out in front of her. So many opportunities to find her way back to the people she cared about.

She pulled away from the kiss. “Oh no!” she said.

“Oh no?” Clara scrunched up her nose. “What exactly is oh no right now?”

“Not you.” Rae shook her head. “I just thought about Aubrey.”

Clara moved farther back.

“Not like that!” Rae said. “And this is seriously the worst timing ever, but—I remembered her sitting in that sad room all by herself.”

“Yeah,” Clara said.

Rae’s thoughts were going a million miles a minute. She felt weightless, a little bit with hope and a little bit with fear. But mostly she felt stupid over how she’d been treating Aubrey—she couldn’t believe she’d thought that they had to fall apart. “You were so right, Clara,” she said. “You were so right when you said I needed to talk to her. And when you said I might regret leaving things like this. I thought I was cool with it, but I guess I’m really not.”

Clara grinned. “I love being right.”

And when they kissed again, Clara pulled her back against the tree. Rae’s pulse raced. She thought about all the kisses just like this one, about how this one wouldn’t be the last. She tasted Clara’s lip gloss; she felt the night and her whole world expand; she heard—something scritch behind her. A door being thrown open, voices giggling, feet stamping.

A class had just gotten out.

“Maybe we should go.” Clara rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand. Together, she and Rae ran through the hallways, their laughter echoing as they fell out the door and back into the night.

Clara kissed her again and Rae felt like they were spinning. Or maybe Barcelona was spinning around them. A reverse merry-go-round. The kiss ended, but Rae felt lit up. Tonight was electric, and she was alive.

“Go back,” Clara said, her breath against Rae’s cheek. “Invite her out. And then come find me.”

As soon as she reached their hostel room door, though, Rae felt a lot less certain.

Aubrey wouldn’t want to talk to her. Rae was going to walk in there, and Aubrey was going to ignore her, and that was going to be really freaking uncomfortable. Maybe Rae should just leave, go find Clara instead.

She walked a few steps away from the door before she remembered how she’d felt when she’d talked to Clara. Like everything was beginning, not ending. Like her life was blooming, not shrinking. She didn’t have to give up on her friendship with Aubrey. She wasn’t going to let herself.

She came back, turned the handle, and walked in on Aubrey… putting on sandals.

“Oh.” Rae paused. “Are you going out?”

“We just got to Barcelona,” Aubrey said. “Did you think I was going to stay inside all night?”

Yes, Rae thought. “No,” she said. “But I guess I figured you wouldn’t want to go alone.”

“I can handle myself.” Aubrey was wearing her glasses instead of contacts, which she only did when she’d been reading for hours. And Rae recognized her super-short white shorts and V-neck blue shirt as an outfit they’d picked out together at H&M.

“Clara’s at Gabe’s sister’s apartment,” Rae said. “That’s why I’m here. You should come with.”

Aubrey hesitated. “No thanks. I can’t.”

“You can’t?”

“I guess I can, but I don’t want to. I’ve been dying to see what the city looks like at night.” She placed her wallet in her purse.

“In that case…” Rae paused, deliberating. “Is it all right if I come, too?”

A look flickered over Aubrey’s face—Rae couldn’t tell for sure, but she thought it might have been relief. “Yeah,” Aubrey said. “It’s all right with me.”

The city seemed awake now, even more so than it had when Rae had left with Clara. Every table at every restaurant was full. Every shop was open and all the streets flowed with traffic. It felt like everyone was out, like everyone had somewhere to be.

Aubrey took them in the opposite direction from the university, walking quickly. “You seem to know where you’re going,” Rae said.

“I look at a lot of maps. Have you really not figured that out about me yet?”

“And you’re a confident walker,” Rae said. “That’s an important skill to have in New York. Walk confidently, hold your purse by your side, carry your key in your hand when you go home alone at night.”

“Are these things Lucy told you?”

“Oh please. Lucy’s oblivious. I learned it from Forensic Files.”

“Helpful.” Aubrey smirked. They turned onto a long avenue with dozens of glitzy storefronts twinkling in the dark. It reminded Rae of the Champs-Élysées on their first night in Paris. And of the canals she, Aubrey, and Gabe had walked along in Amsterdam. And of the square she and Clara had stumbled onto in Prague. It had the same energy, the same liveliness. Rae felt the same way she had in each of those other places—like the night had barely begun.

A group of women wearing expensive-looking clothes came out of a bar, filling the night with the heady smell of perfume. Rae and Aubrey separated as they veered around them. When they came back together again, Aubrey said, “Jonah and I talked today.”

“When?” Rae said. “Just now?”

“A few hours ago. Somewhere in the South of France.”

“Damn.” Rae messed with the settings on her camera. “What did you say?”

“Not much. But we’re definitely broken up now. I mean, we were definitely broken up before, but—it feels more final now. If that’s even possible.”

“It is,” Rae said. “I think. So, you’re okay with it?”

They stopped at a red light. The boulevard reached ahead of them, seemingly for miles, before bumping into a series of hills at the horizon.

“I am,” Aubrey said. “I think.” Their conversation was less stilted than Rae had thought it would be. And the fact that they were talking at all had to be a positive thing. Plus, she couldn’t ignore this atmosphere, the way it crackled and hummed, the way it made her think of all the nights they’d spent hanging out in London, picking up smoothies in Covent Garden and crossing Waterloo Bridge just to gaze at the skyline, just to feel awestruck by the city they lived in.

They crossed the street, but Rae slowed down a little. “Aubs,” she said. “Smile.”

Rae captured her mid-turn and grinning. “Cute,” she said.

“Wait,” Aubrey said. She pointed to the background of the picture, right behind where she’d been standing. “What’s that?” They both looked up at the needle-thin spires rising between blocky buildings. Aubrey cast Rae a quick look, and they picked up their pace, diving around streetlights and trash cans, racing like kids through a playground obstacle course.

When they finally reached it, Rae’s first instinct was to take a picture. She had to take a picture of something like this. But she couldn’t make herself move. The church took over her entire field of vision. Its spires were illuminated, extending toward the sky like arms. Up close, it looked as if the whole thing were made of muscle and sinew. The carvings that covered its body seemed to ripple with motion. It wasn’t frozen. It wasn’t capturing some long-lost moment from the far-off past.

It was alive. It was breathing.

“It’s so…” Aubrey staggered.

“Tall,” Rae finished for her. And now she did take a picture. “What should we do? Can we go inside?”

“It has to be closed by now. But we can still stare at it, I guess.”

They wandered around it until they found a bench by a tourist stall, where they sat, still mesmerized. Rae thought again of everything she’d seen this week: the Louvre in Paris, the canals in Amsterdam, the Astronomical Clock in Prague, and the Botticelli paintings in Florence. Of all those things, she couldn’t believe Clara wasn’t here for this one.

“It’s the Sagrada Familia.” Aubrey pulled up the Wikipedia entry on her phone to show Rae. “This has to be the most famous church in Spain. Maybe even Europe.”

Rae lowered her camera. “Europe is really all about churches, isn’t it? That’s my main takeaway from this trip. Churches, old art, trains.”

Aubrey looped the strap of her purse around her index finger. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

“About Europe?”

“No.” Aubrey let go of the purse strap. “I guess I’m still thinking about Jonah. And how not-devastated I am that we broke up. Honestly, talking to him on the train today, I could tell we both felt lighter now that we’re over. Is that seriously messed up? I mean, is there something wrong with me?”

“Of course there isn’t,” Rae said gently. “There were signs that you and Jonah weren’t on the happily-ever-after path. You did kiss Gabe a few weeks ago. And also a few days ago. And yesterday—”

“Anyway.” Aubrey’s face went a dark shade of red. “That’s not going to happen with you and Clara, is it? You two aren’t breaking up anytime soon?”

“No,” Rae said, “we’re not.”

Aubrey dropped her gaze to her purse. “You could have told me, you know. That you liked her.”

“I know.” Rae placed her camera on the other side of her so she could move closer to Aubrey. “And a part of me really wanted to. If the idea of telling anyone hadn’t freaked me the fuck out, I would have totally told you.”

“So, tell me now. And start with the fact that I wasn’t wrong, was I? You are in love with her.”

Rae peeled a loose splinter of wood off the bench and flicked it at Aubrey’s leg. “Yes. Which is so weird, because my original plan was to stop thinking about her once I left. But that’s definitely not it anymore. It feels like there could be a future for us.”

“That’s seriously big,” Aubrey said.

Now Rae felt herself blush. “She’s already talking about visiting Melbourne, and I could go to California during one of my breaks. I have this very specific image of the two of us hanging out under some palm trees. Although, honestly, that’s probably because I don’t know anything about California.”

Aubrey laughed, but she still sounded shy.

“Are you sure you want to talk about this?” Rae tried to gauge her reaction. “Is it too weird for you?”

Aubrey flicked the splinter back at Rae. “You really think this is the weirdest thing that’s happened to me since we left London?”

Rae fell back against the bench, shoulders quaking with laughter. “Oh my God! Has anything about this trip been normal?”

“How about when I got drunk and tried to set up Clara and Gabe?”

“Oh, that was super normal.” Rae hiccuped. “But not as normal as Gabe coming with me to get a haircut.”

“Or when Jonah showed up in Florence.”

“And when Clara and I decorated the entire apartment! And Clara yelled, ‘Surprise!’”

They were both laughing now. Rae gasped for breath, leaning back against the bench to trace the tops of the spires with her eyes. “Just think,” she said. “We’ve got all of tonight and a whole other day of this trip left to go. Who knows what weird stuff will happen next?”

“Yeah.” Aubrey pushed her glasses up her nose. “I guess that depends on whether I can steer clear of certain people or not.”

“And by ‘certain people,’ you mean Gabe?”

“He didn’t—say anything about me today? On the train?”

Rae tilted her head one way and then the other. “Nah,” she said. “But he was pretty quiet. What’s going on with you guys?”

“Nothing,” Aubrey said. “Or—I don’t know. I just needed some space.”

“You could call him now, though. Tell him, Sorry, Rae and I took a detour to some enormous church, but we’re on our way over.”

Aubrey seemed to withdraw again. “I can’t do that.”

“It’s easy, I swear. I’ll even dial his number for you.”

The Sagrada Familia grew brighter and brighter, becoming a beacon as the city sank toward night. Even at this hour, the air was still humid; it smelled of hot sidewalks and the sea.

“There’s no point,” Aubrey said. “You said it yourself. We can’t be each other’s security blankets forever. When I was talking to Jonah earlier, I understood what you meant by that. I realized you were right.”

“I wasn’t right.” Rae thwacked Aubrey’s arm.

“Ouch,” Aubrey said. “Jesus, do you realize how strong you are?”

“I might be small, but I’m scrappy as hell,” Rae said. “And listen. Because this is important. Although I do love the idea of being right basically all the time, in this particular case, I was wrong. Incredibly wrong. You’re allowed to leave home and stay in touch with your friends at the same time. That’s the whole reason I’m here. Because I’ve been a dickhead to you recently.”

Aubrey was still rubbing her arm. “I get why you were mad at me, though. Everything felt like it was spinning out of control, and I handled it really badly.”

“But I made it worse because you could tell I was keeping shit from you. Which I was. You totally called it.”

Aubrey’s eyes were cautious. “Does this mean you want to keep in touch? Even after you go to Australia?”

“Of course I do.” This time, Rae took both of Aubrey’s hands. “I’m going to be traveling with my mother till January. I’ll need to talk to you frequently. Possibly every day.”

“Yeah, but then you’ll start school.”

“Exactly! And since you won’t be spending your entire New York life with Jonah, I expect you to get your ass up in the middle of the night and Skype me whenever I feel like it.”

“Tyrant.” Aubrey smiled a little. The sky was dark now, but lights around the church turned the stone yellow and orange. Like the leftover glow from a sunset.

Rae’s phone started to ring, and she let go of Aubrey’s hands to check it. It was Clara, but she didn’t answer right away.

“I guess she must be wondering where you are,” Aubrey said.

“Yeah,” Rae said.

Aubrey adjusted her purse in her lap. “Do you know how to get to Zaida’s apartment?”

“Nope. But I’ll figure it out.” The phone stopped ringing, and Rae typed Clara a text, letting her know she’d be there soon.

“I doubt it’s complicated,” Aubrey said. “Just look it up on Google Maps.”

Rae concentrated on the church for a moment, like she was trying to read something in its elaborate carvings. “You know what, though? I suck at directions. Remember that time we had to meet at the British Museum for a field trip and I got lost? I ended up at that random McDonald’s instead.”

“You didn’t ‘get lost.’ You pretended you did so you could go get a McFlurry.”

“Still.” Rae placed her phone on the bench between them. “I’m bad at maps. Absolute garbage.”

Aubrey sighed through her nose, but she took the phone anyway and opened up a map. “Lucky for you,” she said, “I’m really effing great at them.”