I spent all of Saturday staring at my front door, at the couple of holes I’d created. There was nothing but guilt that consumed me as I waited, expectant of some type of retribution. All week I’d waited, and I was somehow convinced the weekend would hold my punishment.

The sun rose on one side of my condo and set on the other, and nothing happened. There was no banging on the door, no phone calls. Nothing.

Silence.

It did nothing to assuage my feelings. Even the beast was silent. Being the unpredictable, emotional, violent side of me, he had begun to feel remorse, too.

Though even with the remorse was the itch. Soft at first, but as the day faded, it became almost unbearable. The notion that one time with her would be enough was obliterated the second I was inside her.

I didn’t sleep that night. I’d barely slept all week. By nine in the morning I was showered, dressed for some ungodly known reason in my slacks, shirt, and tie, pacing my condo, probably driving my neighbors on the floor below crazy.

Minutes before the time the clock turned to ten, I nearly had a burn on my neck from rubbing it and was agitated beyond belief. I couldn’t take any more.

I flew out the door to the elevator, my thumb pressing the button until the ding signaling its arrival sounded. It was one of the times I wished the stairs weren’t emergency only. All of my pent-up energy had no outlet, forced to wait impatiently as the elevator seemed to crawl down the few flights.

As soon as the doors opened I was out in the hall, forced to choose between right or left. Drawing up the memory, she’d headed to the right.

There were only two condos on her floor, creating little room for error that I had the wrong place. I slammed my fist on her door, knocking so loud, in time with the pounding of my chest. Through the thick wood I heard the click of the deadbolt and then the door swung open.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked as soon as I saw the smallest piece of her, my hands braced on the door frame for support as well as to keep me in place.

There was no anger, only confusion as she looked up at me. “Nathan?”

“Why?” I asked again.

Why didn’t she report me to someone, anyone? I needed to pay for my transgression.

There was a ping somewhere in the background, then her fingers wrapped around my tie, pulling me inside. “Idiot! Do you want the whole building to know?”

I didn’t fucking care about that. It was trivial. My pacing began again. “I don’t get you. All week long I’ve been waiting for Jack to pull me into his office and fire me, or the police to come, knocking down my door to take me away, and…nothing.”

Her brow scrunched. “Why the police?”

I pulled at my hair as I stared at her in disbelief. Was she that used to abuse? “I practically fucking raped you, Delilah.”

Her eyes popped wide. “Is that what you think happened?”

“Yes!” I yelled. She needed to see, to understand, because it was obvious it was lost on her. “I took you against your will against a wall. Fuck!” I glanced at her, my eyes stopping at her exposed neck and shoulder.

I was right that the one mark I’d seen wasn’t the only one. Faded patches of discolored skin were like leopard spots across her chest and neck.

Fuck!

Yeesssssss! We did that.

I swallowed hard and tried to ignore the beast who was now at the bars of his cage salivating at the sight of her marked skin.

“Listen, Nathan, I think we need to get some things straightened out because I thought you understood. First off, I asked for everything you gave me.”

She couldn’t be serious.

“Fuck. You sound like a battered housewife.”

Her lip curled up. “Will you shut the fuck up? I’m trying to talk!”

I stopped pacing, stunned by her outburst.

“I’m pretty sure I recall begging you more than once, and I never asked you to stop or said no, did I?”

Begged?

Images of that night flooded to mind. “Harder,” she had requested. The way her body moved with mine. Her nails scratching my scalp as she pulled my lips to hers.

“Please, take out that big hard cock that I can feel you hiding, and fuck my pussy with it.”

Begged. She begged us to take her, fuck her, mark her.

“No,” I said in agreement. I began pacing yet again, despite the guilt that dissipated with each word.

“Second,” she continued on, ignoring me and my breakdown, “that was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.”

Best sex ever?

My lip curled up. “Really?” A guy could get an ego with words like that.

Ours. Marked her with our come.

The blood fell from my face at the reminder. “Fuck, I came inside you.”

The idea of my own lack of self-control resulting in a child, someone they could take from me, made my hands begin to shake as panic set in.

She tilted her head. “Are you clean?”

I nodded. “Yes.” With all the shit out there, I hadn’t fucked a woman without a condom since Grace and was tested just in case. I was a mess as I was, no need to add to it.

“Then we’re good. I’m on birth control.” The way she said it with so much nonchalance concerned me. “Third, if I did do any of those things you said, there would never be the possibility you would ever do them to me again…not that you would.”

I stared at her, completely confused. “Okay, I’m intrigued. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because no one wants me, so why would you?”

It was said like it was the most obvious answer, at least to her. She really had no clue how beautiful she was, how many men desired her. Whatever haunted her from her past had created a warped sense of self.

“You have such a fucking low opinion of yourself it pisses me off.” The fact that someone was responsible for her way of thinking angered me. Someone treated her like trash, and my guess was that it was for a very long time.

We would worship her.

I can’t…

“What?” she asked, clearly stunned.

Anger consumed me, my muscles rippling, the beast growling, taking over. All the guilt and fear was gone, quickly replaced by the need to show her just how desirable she was.

“You are so fucking sexy, Lila, that all I can think of doing right now is bending you over that table and slamming into you again and again. Hard. My cock is like fucking steel at the thought of being inside you again. You need to be punished for making me want you this much.”

My chest expanded in labored breaths, the beast grinning, ready to take her. I stepped forward, and her eyes widened as she drew in a ragged breath. By her reaction, the glazed look in her eyes, parted lips, and the growing arch of her back toward me, I knew she wanted it too.

“Fuck!” I stopped in my tracks, inches from touching her, and paced once again. “What the fuck is it about you?”

Why couldn’t I stop wanting her? Why did I want her in the first place?

Broken. Empty. Fill her.

Fill her with what? I’m just as fucked up.

Want her.

No.

Want her!

“I. Don’t. Want. You.” I can’t. She cringed, taken aback. Good. “And you really don’t want me. No one should want me. I’m not a fucking catch, I’m a fucking…”

I needed an outlet, to center myself. There was a weight on my arm and then I was pushed against the wall. Lila had caught me off guard. I stared down at her, a sideways glance to my right hand that was balled into a fist.

Was I about to punch her wall?

She was so close. So fucking close I felt her breath against my lips.

Kiss her.

I wanted to. So badly.

“You think you forced yourself on me? Well, how about a little payback, then?”

My eyes widened as she dropped to her knees, her fingers pulling my pants open. Before I could even comprehend what was happening, her small fingers were wrapped around my cock, pulling me out.

“Shit!” I slammed my hands against the wall, bracing myself. Legs locked, waiting in starved anticipation of my enigma’s lips wrapped around me. All of my attention was on her. There was no looking away.

My mouth fell open as she looked me over, her eyes darkening as she gripped my shaft with her hands stacked down the length. The cockiness I once had wasn’t overcompensation for a small dick. I stopped breathing when she leaned forward, taking the head between her lips. Then, I sucked in an unneeded breath as the warmth of her mouth encircled the first few inches.

Blow jobs were nice, but none before compared to the few seconds of being in her mouth. Every place she touched was like fire licking at my skin, burning me.

I reached up and fisted my hair, the feeling almost too much to handle. “Fuck, fuck!”

Inch by inch, she took me in. It felt like I was going crazy, unable to form thought, my mind going blank. She reached as far as she could, leaving an inch or two, and pressed her tongue against my shaft as she pulled back. The feeling was so intense I drew in a ragged breath, my eyes rolling back.

“Shit, that’s it, baby. Fuck, you are such a good little cocksucker.” I stared down, watching as she bobbed up and down, my cock disappearing between her luscious lips. “You can’t stop yourself from craving my dick, can you? It’s all you can think about, isn’t it?”

The beast rattled, wanting to grab her head and fuck her fast. I kept him back, but my hips rocked, pushing her deeper. Slowly, he took control, hands in her hair, pushing and pulling, getting all the way down her throat.

“You have such a hot, wet little mouth.” I let out a groan and slowed down. The urge to be completely inside her was too much. She choked around me, sending shooting pleasure through me and caused my balls to draw up. Fuck, her mouth was perfection. The way her throat stroked me was almost too much. “Fuck, I’m all the way in…feels so damn good. You love it, don’t you? You love sucking me off like a little cock slut.”

I was so close to coming, so close to unloading my balls down her throat.

We don’t want that. Breed her, mark her as ours.

She let out a surprised squeak when I pulled her off me and wrapped my hands around her arms. I flipped her around, switching our positions. Nothing held me back from pressing my lips to hers, from opening her mouth and sucking on her tongue. I was so far gone.

I needed her.

I wanted her.

I was going to motherfucking take her.

She was all I saw, all I felt, her skin soft and supple beneath my hands.

“I don’t think I want you to swallow me. I want to come in that fucking tight cunt of yours.”

One hand was still in her hair as I kissed her again, the other having a death grip on her ass.

“How do you taste on my lips?” she asked as we parted for a breath.

The beast growled and pulled her closer, running my cock against her pants.

“Oh, baby, I’m about to ask you the same thing,” I whispered. The skin just beneath her ear was the perfect spot for an outlet, and I bit down.

The reaction it incited only increased the thickness of the air around us. Nothing but arousal and need. Each lap of my tongue on her skin only increased my want for more. I stopped and stared down at the bruise on her shoulder, the one that still held the outline from my teeth. The first mark.

Ours. She’s ours.

I licked the skin, a reverent show of what it was and what it meant, then clamped my teeth down on the impression, freshening it up.

“That is so fucking sexy.” I yanked at her tank top. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and her perfect tits bounced into view, nipples hardening. They were in my mouth, between my teeth. I loved her cries as I switched to the other side, then back again before working my way back to her lips and her luscious tongue.

“Now to taste your pussy. I bet you’re so fucking sweet.” I drew in a deep breath, my dick twitching. “I can smell you from here.”

“Fuck!” she cried out.

“Soon. Very fucking soon.” I fisted her waistband on both sides and yanked downward as I sank to the floor, exposing all of her to me. She shed her tank top as she stepped out. I couldn’t help running my hands across her skin, lost in my reverie for her.

I grabbed onto her leg and put it on my shoulder to give me full access to the pussy I’d been fantasizing about. The one that my cock fit in so well. I bit into her thigh and created a trail of bites all the way until I was up close enough to see the sheen on her pussy lips.

“Baby, you are fucking dripping wet for me.” I swiped my finger across her slit and brought it to my mouth. “Mmm, so good. This is what sucking my cock did to you? Dirty girl… So fucking naughty.”

I bit down on her thigh just to release some of the need before swiping my tongue across her slit and scraping my teeth against her clit. The sounds coming from her only made my dick harder and the need to eat her until she came all over my face overwhelmed me. I attacked her clit, relishing in the way she jerked, her hands fisting in my hair.

She was close.

I ran my fingers across her slit and pressed two of them inside. A few strokes and she was mashing my face against her mound.

“Oh, shit, Nathan! I…I…”

She rode my mouth and fingers through each pulse until her muscles began to relax and the aftershocks took over.

“You are so fucking hot when you come.” I gave her another lick before standing.

Inside her. Now.

I groaned as I flexed my hips, grinding against her.

“Time to fuck that pussy of yours. That’s what you want, isn’t it? You like being fucked fast and rough, don’t you? You want my cock to own your pussy and pound it hard.”

It was what I fucking wanted, what my dick was dying for. To be inside her again, to mark her again.

No more walls. I grabbed onto her arm and pulled her down the hall until I spotted the perfect place.

It was the pose I’d fantasized about since the first day I met her, and while it wasn’t her desk, her dining table would do. In my frenzy, I pushed her against the table.

“Bend over and hold on,” I growled. I scraped my teeth against the other side of her neck while I pushed her over with my body.

The animalistic need was too overpowering, and I gave her no time to grab hold before I slammed into her.

“So fucking good! So wet…tight…shit, Lila.”

I pulled out and slammed in even harder, the force of each thrust moving the table beneath her. It forced me to step forward, chasing her ass so I could fully drive into her.

My fantasy was part truth as I held her hips in my hands, watching as she stretched around me, her juices making my cock shine. The table continued to scoot, so I reached up and twisted my hand in her hair.

The new arch of her back as I tugged her head back and pushed down on her back with my other hand kept me at a steady angle. It forced her body to stay in place, letting me decimate her with my dick.

 “That’s it, take my fucking cock. You love it, don’t you?”

All she could do was whimper and moan, and all I could do was thrust my cock in her like it was the last fucking time I would fuck anyone.

“Answer me! You love my cock in you, don’t you, little slut?”

She was going to fucking answer me.

“Yes. Yes! Please fuck me with your…ugh…hard cock…shit…p-pound my naughty pussy.”

That was it, the shit that pushed me to slam into her harder and faster with each stroke. With each thrust, I took my pain, my frustration and anger, out on her. I couldn’t handle the feelings, couldn’t deal, and I fucked her like I hated her because it was the only way to expunge my being of all of it.

“Harder. Deeper, oh fuck…so deep inside me. More! Pull me down, take me over…shit. Make me sorry for being so naughty.”

Fuck!

Her dirty talk back to me was so unexpected I almost came right then. She wanted it, needed it. The depravity, the torture, the intensity of what we created was too much for me and not enough for her.

 “Yes… Punish you. Fuck. I don’t want this…don’t want you. This.” Slam. “Is.” Slam. “All.” Slam. “Your.” Slam. “Fault!”

Her pussy locked down around me, my name falling from her lips like she was praying to me. It was the high I needed as I climbed toward the mind-wiping numbness I craved.

“That’s it, come on my cock. Shit, your pussy feels so good… Milk my cock, baby. Fuck!”

She shook beneath me, each way pulsing around my shaft, locking down more and more. I stood back up and she fell down to the table. I used her hips to help me get all the way in, skin to skin each time, watching her ass cheeks jiggle with every slam. “That’s it. Grip it tight like a vice. That’s what you do. It’s how you torment me. Fucking cock tease.”

Sobs shook her, and I continued on. My hips moved on their own, my brain no longer registering anything, but the fierce pleasure and energy that was boiling inside me until it exploded. I buried my cock all the way in, jerking with each stream.

With the last drop emptied inside her, I fell down onto her back. Our breaths were in time, hard and labored as we came down.

“You should stay away from me, Lila. I’m no good for you,” I said. My breath was harsh against her back. I needed her to understand. There was no safety with me. “Run while you can. Run away from me, and don’t look back. I’m not worth your life.”

When I regained some semblance of strength a few minutes later, I stood up. Lila didn’t move, her eyes closed. A panic began to wash over me, but then I watched as her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm.

Passed out.

Another boost to the ego I didn’t need—fuck a woman until she passes out from pleasure.

Pulling out of her was almost torture, and there was come everywhere. Days worth saved up and emptied into her.

Look at that. Our come, sliding out of her freshly fucked pussy.

This is your fault.

You wanted it. Don’t lie.

I can’t want it. This can’t happen again.

Two tastes. There’s no stopping. We’ve never felt this intensity. Ever.

I hated that he was right. The sad fact was that he spoke the truth. I was the one who tried to deny, who forced a separation.

There was no way I was going to leave her like that, so after stuffing my cock back in my pants, I found a washcloth and wet it with warm water before cleaning her up. She was completely out, almost like she hadn’t slept in days. Dead weight in my arms as I picked her up. One arm crossed her waist while the other hung down, her head rolling back and forth on my shoulder as I carried her toward the bedrooms, searching for the master.

Bruises had already begun to form on her pale skin, pink dots from my grip. I gently set her on the bed and pulled the covers out from under her, then draped them across her body.

I couldn’t help but stare at her face. So innocent looking, so vulnerable. Reaching out, I brushed a few strands of hair aside. There was no makeup on her skin, and none was needed. Her hair was a natural blonde, not dyed. She was a natural beauty.

A sigh left me, and I sat on the edge of the bed, head held in my hands.

What am I going to do?

You know what.

I can’t keep doing this.

Yes, we can.

It’s not right. It’s not good for her. I’m not good for her.

But we want to be.

What I want is irrelevant.

No one else would be hurt because of me. I meant those words. I refused to have more pain upon me. I couldn’t handle the weight. Bad enough I was already a crumbled mess that was barely held together.

Standing, I headed back toward her kitchen. She was going to need some water when she woke and, based on the bruises, probably some Aspirin as well.

As I walked through, I noticed how neat her condo was, sterile almost, but it held an unexpected warmth. Much like the feeling I got when my wife and I toured some model homes. There weren’t a lot of knickknacks, but it was lightly decorated.

I poured a glass of water and walked back to her bedroom where I took a look around and found much of the same. There was no medicine in the kitchen, so I walked into her master bathroom. Going through drawers, there was some makeup and various toiletries, all in their place. Finally, I found a drawer with a basket full of bottles.

Prescription bottles outweighed the over-the-counter medications. My expression dropped as I read some of the labels. It wasn’t just the fact she had some of the same medications I was very familiar with, but also the name that appeared on them—Dr. Darren Morgenson.

“Shit.”

How the fuck did I get in such a mess with one of Darren’s patients?

I glanced through the open door, my eyes locked on her sleeping form. Every suspicion I’d had about her and a horrible past was confirmed with a single name. Darren’s practice was specified. He worked with trauma patients and their families.

Placing the bottles back, I opened the Aspirin and shook out two pills, then put it back with the rest before closing the drawer. I set the tablets next to the water. She was still asleep, peaceful even.

“What happened to you?” I asked in a whisper, the backs of my fingers trailing across her cheek.