Two sleeping pills and two large glasses of wine to wash them down with, and my tiny couch was calling my name. I considered going straight to bed, but since it was still the middle of the day, the couch seemed less depressing. The light blue, rough-textured couch was actually the only piece of furniture which I owned that hadn’t once belonged to someone else. Every piece of furniture scattered around my tiny apartment was either acquired from a second hand store, a garage sale, or given to me by someone who had bought something new and now considered their old piece of furniture trash. It wasn’t like my couch was anything fancy. It was part of a Labor Day blow-out sale, and it had a small stain on the cushion, hence the extreme discount, but it was all mine, and it was new. And the day I purchased that luxury item was memorable. I had suddenly felt like an adult. As if buying a couch finally gave me the adult card that allowed me access into the special adult club. Growing up with few possessions, I was one who never gave value to things such as fancy furniture. But that little blue couch gave me a sense of comfort every single time I walked into my apartment. It stood out to me against my brown and dull carpet. It shined and sparkled in a white-walled room. It was mine. It was a symbol that I would emerge from whatever hole I felt trapped in. It promised a time when I would someday drag myself out of my self-imposed prison and find the normal I so desperately craved. A blue couch was normal, and I now had a tiny piece of it.

Normal.

Someday I would be normal.

But today was not that day…

So, all I had was my normal couch to count on now. I could lie under a thick blanket and drift away as I watched a mindless movie as normal people often do.

Stumbling my way over to the living room after putting on sweatpants and a white tank, feeling a bit light-headed, I realized I might had gone a bit overboard on drowning away my sorrows, but at the same time, I really didn’t care. I was a fucking disaster. But I also think it was fair to say that anyone would have given me a free pass for being one.

There was a faint knock on the door and I paused, wondering if I was hearing things. My head was heavy, and I could barely keep my eyes open, so it was likely I could be hallucinating sounds too. There was another knock and then a third. It was too early for Maria to be stopping by and checking on me, so I questioned if I should even open it. Salesperson maybe? When the fourth knock came, I made my way to the door on shaky legs, feeling whoever this person on the other side was, wasn’t going to go away until I answered.

Cracking the door open, I struggled to process why the little old lady was at my door. “Viv?” I opened the door the rest of the way. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m so sorry I dropped in unannounced like this. I wanted to come by and apologize for my son’s behavior.” She had her tiny hands clasped in front of her as she looked down at her feet. “May I come in?”

I stepped to the side and motioned for her to enter, too stunned to do anything else. “I’m confused. How did you know where I lived?”

She looked around the apartment—no doubt taking in my lack of decor—as she stood by the couch that was still calling my name. “I went back to the diner after my son dropped me off. I couldn’t leave having you think ill of him. It killed me knowing you may think so.” Her body shook as worry washed over her face.

It seemed odd Maria would have given her my address, especially knowing how upset I was. But maybe she thought Viv could help in cheering me up. “We all have our bad days. I’m sure he was just in a rush,” I reassured her. “I hate being late for appointments too.” I didn’t mean any of what I said and still felt her son was an asshole, but if putting her mind at ease was what she needed, then I would.

She clapped her hands together. “Oh, I’m so happy you understand. Yes, he had an important business meeting. He’s liquidating assets in a company he had a large stake in. He was…” she paused, looking pained by her thoughts, “he is a very successful and wealthy man. So sometimes work can be very demanding for him.”

Figures. It seemed all wealthy men were assholes. At least the wealthy men I had encountered. Assholes. All assholes.

“I thought you said he was a pilot.” My head swam with the booze and pills, and I worried that if I didn’t sit down soon, I would collapse. So, I walked over to the couch and plopped down.

She looked down at me but remained standing. “Oh he is. As a hobby rather than a profession. He bought and sold companies before…”

“Before he went to prison,” I finished for her, feeling it was always better to address the elephant in the room rather than skirting around it.

“Yes, before that.”

Yawning big, I said, “To be honest, I didn’t like watching him hurt you.”

“He didn’t hurt me,” she defended. “Not at all.”

I glanced at her damaged wrists. “He grabbed you.” I pointed at her injuries. “How did you get those marks?”

She covered her wrists with each of her hands, trying to conceal what I could already see, and what I had already seen at the diner.

“Did he do that to you?” I asked, even though I was pretty sure I already knew the answer was yes. The look on her face and in her eyes revealed I was correct in my assumption.

“Not on purpose,” she continued to defend. “It was because I tried to break free.”

A thick fog of sleep was rolling in, so it was getting harder to comprehend the conversation. What she said made no sense to me. “What are you talking about? Break free?”

“Oh, it’s complicated. It has to do with my condition. Just know my son is a good, good man.”

Exhausted, and not feeling able nor wanting to discuss this any longer, I decided to table it for another day. “I’m sorry, Viv. I’m not feeling very well,” I said as I rubbed my eyes with my hands. “I really need to get some sleep.”

“Oh you poor dear,” she said as she came to me and placed her soft hand on my forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

I shook my head. “I just need to sleep.”

She glanced at the empty wine glass on the coffee table. “Let me get you a drink of water. I bet you’re dehydrated. You sit right there.” Without waiting for an answer, she walked over to the kitchen. I could hear a few cabinet doors open as she searched for where I kept my glasses, followed by the water running in the sink. A few moments later, she brought the glass of cool liquid to my lips, not giving me a choice but to drink from it. Her hands didn’t tremble at all which was surprising considering how badly they had shaken earlier in the day.

“Thank you,” I said, wanting to be polite but really wishing she would just leave me be so I could drift off into the abyss of sleep.

She forced me to drink some more. “This should make you feel all better.” Looking at me with the most tender of eyes, she asked, “Is everything okay?”

Fresh tears began to well up, and my lip quivered as I said, “It’s been a tough day.” A warm tear fell down my cheek. “I just want to close my eyes, wake up tomorrow, and start a new day. A new life. A new everything.”

She wiped at a falling tear with her tiny and frail hand. “I’ve often wanted to do that too. But it’s not always that easy. Your demons always remain inside you, so no matter where you go, they go too. You have to learn to fight them off instead.”

“They’ve won. There are more of them than me, and they have won.” My words slurred together in one jumbled mess.

“No, dear. You are a strong woman. I can see that. You have such a wonderful life ahead of you. I know this with all my heart. You will find love and live happily ever after.”

Giving up on fairytales years ago, I simply shook my head.

“You’ll see,” she reassured. “You’ll wake up, and a brand new life will be waiting for you.”

Finishing the last of the water, I rested my head against the pillow and closed my eyes. The pills were winning. “Viv, I’m really sorry for being so rude. I took some sleeping pills before you arrived, and I really need to just go to sleep. I appreciate you coming by, but would you mind coming back another time? Or maybe we can talk tomorrow at the diner.” I hoped my words were more coherent to her than they sounded to me in my fuzzy head.

She reached for the blanket and covered me with it, tucking it under my chin. “I completely understand. But I insist on staying until you fall asleep. It’s the least I can do for causing all the trouble today.”

I didn’t have the energy to argue with her, so I closed my eyes, nodded slightly, and snuggled into the blanket, ignoring the awkward fact that Viv stood over me, watching.

She was harmless.

Just there to help.

Being motherly… motherly. Like I knew what ‘motherly’ really meant.

Just as complete darkness was about to take hold, there was another knock at the door. Feeling like my head weighed a hundred pounds, I struggled to sit up. It was still way too early for Maria to be stopping by. Viv softly eased me back down, though I’m not sure I would have been able to stand up if she hadn’t. I’d definitely overdone it on the booze and pills. I had no idea they would knock me out like this, and they seemed to grow in intensity with every second.

“I’ll get it, dear. You just rest.”

Lying back down, I wasn’t going to argue. Not that I had much of a choice.

“What are you doing here?” Viv asked in a hushed voice to whomever was on the other side of the door. “You shouldn’t be here yet. It’s not time.” I heard the closing of the door.

“Who was that?” I asked, struggling to push myself up so I could go see, but failing. Was it Pope coming to pick her up to take her home? I didn’t like the idea of the man knowing where I lived.

“Nobody, dear,” she said with a warm smile as she came back and adjusted the blanket on me again all nice and snug. “Don’t bother yourself. I just shooed him away. I have it all under control. You just sleep.”

“If that was Pope—”

“Oh, no. That wasn’t Pope, dear. He doesn’t know I’m here.”

Why was she lying to me? Of course it was Pope. Who else would she be speaking to?

Who cares…

Feeling as if my body was being swallowed up by a big, thick, all encompassing black wave, I had no choice but to comply. Darkness equaled peace.