I make it into my room, closing the door, and drop my ruined suit on the floor by the bed before collapsing on it. My phone is close enough in the suit pants if I am summoned.
I shut my eyes and just let myself go someplace in my mind other than here for a few minutes.
The smug fucking bastard is going to pay.
I wake later to quiet sobs. I must have faded right out. I know it’s Rose in my room, because she won’t disobey Cezar, and Whisper has been left alone to let it sink in what she was forced to do to me. I don’t blame her. Nobody says no to Cezar.
I lie still and take a moment to hear the proof she is actually human underneath all that female terminator she shows everybody, and then I make a small moan to let her know I am coming to. She won’t want me to know she has let her guard down, so I don’t face her yet.
Her sobs finally quiet. She’s probably erasing her tears and erecting her emotional walls of steel. Once I know Rose has her game face back on, the one she wears for all the men down here, I turn my head to face her.
“Hey, Rose.” I try to make my voice light and friendly. “I got myself into a spot of trouble after I left you.” I give her the best grin I can muster. “How are you feeling?” Stupid question, I know her back would be on fire. At least she’s dressed in yoga pants and a tank top, and not that leather catsuit he makes her wear. “You should be resting.” An idiotic comment, because Cezar ordered her here. “Don’t stand there wondering if this is your fault.” She knows you don’t question his orders, and she heard me tell Cezar I was finishing up with her back, which was as good as saying no to his command to get Whisper. “This is on me.”
She shakes her head, a fierce expression on her face, as her long ponytail swishes back and forth. She’s not totally lost inside that head of hers, because she’s able to disagree with me. She’s no longer a robot in front of me; she is showing emotion.
“Let me guess.” I let out a pain-filled breath. “Filip already filled you in on all the grim details, and the why? The sadistic bastard.”
She nods. She doesn’t quite know what to make of my careless words around her.
“Look... I just need a hand getting to the shower so I can clean up the mess my ass appears to have gotten itself into. Can you do that for me?” I’m worried about her. No female should be put through what she has. She’s been traumatized enough with however long she’s been Cezar’s prisoner.
Rose nods her head and becomes all business again. I push up with my palms off the bed, my muscles protesting while cursing that fucker under my breath. Rose tucks her hand under my elbow and braces herself to pull me off the bed until I can stand. “Watch your stitches. You don’t want them tearing.” She ignores my words and I curse through the pain. My body isn’t too pleased to be moving again so soon.
She pays no attention to my nudity and guides me to my bathroom. “I can take it from here,” I tell her, but she shakes her head. Her stiff movements tell me how sore she is. I hold onto the doorjamb, taking a few heartbeats to let the dizziness subside that has hit me.
She slides past me, flicking the light switch on in the bathroom, and then I hear the water running in the shower. Gentle hands guide me into the tiled area until I’m underneath the tepid water.
I rest my forehead against the cool tiles, shutting my eyes, and let the spray clean me up. I want to groan, hiss, and swear out loud, because my ass is one big, out of control, throbbing, stinging pain. This shower is torture, but a necessity to wash away the blood and clean the shredded flesh.
My mask is drenched, and I can’t find it in me to care to keep the fucking thing on. I rip it off, letting it fall with a splat to the wet floor.
I know we’re not being watched in my quarters. I have carefully searched every inch of my rooms to make sure there are no cameras or bugs invading my privacy since I’ve been here. There is not much furniture to hide anything in. The surveillance room also showed no signs the sentinel rooms are spied on. Rose’s stall is, but not ours.
The other sentinels confirmed our quarters were free of surveillance. We had privacy, but in a way we were as much a prisoner as the females, because we only went up top when we were ordered, and then it was by Cezar’s rules to protect his lair. I feel confident none of what is going on in here is being documented or listened in on. That fucker is so sure of himself when it comes to his trusted sentinels’ loyalty.
My eyes spring open when I feel the soft touch of Rose’s hands as she dabs with a wet cloth over the affected area. It must look a real mess. Blood bruises would be covering my ass, and I can imagine how bad the cane marks look where my skin has split open.
“Rose, you’re getting wet. Your back should stay dry.” She’s half in the shower with me. I feel a tug on my arm and look to the side, water falling down my face, making it hard to keep my eyes open, my beard plastered to my neck.
She’s never seen my face, and her eyes widen. She must not have noticed I discarded my mask, because her attention had been solely concentrating on my ass. She looks a little surprised by what she sees.
“What? Not pretty enough for you, Rose?” My smile is forced, but she needs some gentle banter in her life. Her face turns fire engine red, like a switch flips. She’s forgotten what it’s like to have a man joke with her. Has she ever had that? “Please excuse my humor. It helps to keep my mind off the fact I won’t be attempting to sit of my own free will for a few days.”
Her hair has been swirled around into a messy bun on top of her head. She reaches into the shower and turns the taps off.
“You figure I’ve had enough under here and it’s time to get my ass patted dry so I can have some fun with the hydrogen peroxide?”
Her eyes soften for only a few seconds before she toughens back up again for me. She’s a beautiful woman when she’s being human, and I know the female terminator she has to become in order to survive what Cezar dishes out to her takes its toll on her.
When the urge hits, I know Cezar abuses this beautiful woman, because Filip has joked about it enough. At first, I thought she enjoyed it, but I saw the victim inside her when he was cutting her back. Her tears for my flogging have shown me she is still in there somewhere.
Her tongue has been taken, her body abused, her mind conditioned to kill. I wouldn’t blame her if she is totally broken mentally and unable to be put back together... but I sense the strength in her.
“I... hep?” The noises she makes when trying to talk aren’t attractive. I bet she had a beautiful voice before it was stolen from her. Talking in front of me tells me a great deal. She trusts I won’t mock her. She’s been paying attention to me, working out who is worth her words.
“Honey, it would seem I need all the help I can get at the moment.”
And there goes that soft look in her eyes again, and then she is down to business. I can’t let on how much pain I am swimming in, but I need to get dry and horizontal again. If I go down, she won’t have the strength to get me up, and she could tear her stitches.
I step out of the wet area and she hands me a towel to dry my top half, while she gently pats my ass down. I want to hiss in acknowledgement of every place she touches, but it needs to be done.
When she’s finished, I target my bed, beeline it, and collapse again. Clothes aren’t required at the moment. No doubt, Cezar will order me up and about in a few hours, further punishment to be dressed and on duty. The no clothes policy, I’m going to enjoy for a few more hours.
Rose isn’t afraid of me. I feel like we have broken some major ground. Maybe I can work with her. I can earn her trust to learn more.
“Fuuuck.” My body jerks on the bed. She must have brought the medical supplies with her. The hydrogen peroxide just hit my broken skin. Smart woman gave me no warning. I force myself to relax as best I can as the liquid does its thing, and then she applies the dressing.
Once she’s finished, I touch her arm and we make eye contact again. “You better leave and go rest. Thank you. I’m sorry you had to go through being hurt and I couldn’t stop it.” She hesitates like she wants to say something, because she doesn’t know if I can fully be trusted.
We’ve broken some ground. Is it enough to gain her trust? She’s probably wondering if I am playing her. Rose shouldn’t trust any man in here.
She gets up and moves toward the door. She releases her bun before opening it, her hair falling back into the neat ponytail. There are cameras watching outside my room. Cezar expects neat and tidy. And then she is gone.
I close my eyes and savor the silence. I know I have some Ibuprofen around here somewhere, but instead, I let myself fade out.