Nora
I wake up Sunday morning with a crick in my neck and Aubry hovering over me. Us. Us! I jolt upright.
Aubry puts a finger to her lips to shush me before I say anything. Liam is sound asleep, head lolled backward, mouth agape. Soft snores wheeze in and out. I creep up with the help of Aubry pulling. She ushers me into the kitchen, hands me a large mug of coffee, fixed perfectly and heads to the patio.
“He is fucking dreamy, Nora. And don’t tell me differently. Charlotte went inside to use the bathroom last night and came out gushing about how he was reading out loud to you.”
I sigh and sip my coffee. He is dreamy. And messed up. But that part can be a secret that we carry, just he and I. Maybe. People say time heals all wounds but I do not agree. Every wound leaves a scar and I am covered in them. They remind us where we have been and in theory, should teach us where to go. Lately, I have felt so monumentally far away from the cabin. From Holden. My scars remind me that the past is real. For the first time since coming home, those scars don’t define me. I do not cling to them the way I once did.
“I really like him. I feel, bolder lately. I think I want to try you know, the whole sex thing again.”
“Oh, my God! You were serious? I totally thought that was like a week. You’re still not physical? That poor man.”
“Aubry, lower your voice. I was serious, so no, there has been no sex.”
“But the orgasm?” she asks.
“It was a foot rub only. I told you.”
“This is a big deal. I feel like now you have to make a show out of giving it up to him, since it’s your choice and all and he’s just waiting on you.”
“Leave me alone, will you? I don’t have enough coffee in me yet. What about you? Did you love your party?” I ask, changing the subject.
“Yes!” she says, too loudly. “And I loved Mike. He is like honey on a stick, that one.”
“I don’t even know what that means. Is he still here?”
“Gross Nora, at my mom’s house? I’m not that messed up. We did mess around for a while after everyone left. Since Liam was out cold, he had to call an Uber, but we made plans for tonight. Did you know he is a pilot? He owns his own plane. He’s taking me for a sunset flight over the coast and then I will properly thank him for it after we land.” She waggles her brows.
I stare wide eyed at Aubry because it still amazes me how much information she can get out of people in such a short amount of time. How brazen and brash she is. Sometimes I wish I could live a slightly less inhibited life like her.
When Liam appears in the patio doors rubbing sleep from his eyes, hair a mess of unruliness, I am utterly speechless. I feel him in my loins. I have never quite felt this level of attraction before. He yawns and Aubry laughs.
“Coffee?” she asks. He nods and I hop up from my seat to fix a mug for him.
“I’m sorry for falling asleep on you,” I say, as I pour his coffee. His arms snake around my waist, his chin sets up shop on my shoulder.
“I’m not,” he says quietly.
***
Monday I cannot stop thinking about Liam, which is a problem because each time he pops into my head, I get turned on. After pacing my morning away and half-assing through a lunchtime yoga class, it is during my shower at the yoga studio that I make up my mind. I am going to surprise Liam at work. I will be bold and brazen and waltz into his office, shut the door behind me and give him his fantasy. I will hurt him and please him.
It takes me half an hour of walking to get to his building from the yoga studio. I stop outside the front doors of the building and stare upward. The glass building is sexy in its architecture and ominous in its size.
I wring my hands together the entire elevator ride up. When the doors open, I cautiously step out. I don’t know what I am concerned about, only that my gut is in knots. My heart sounds like it’s coming from outside of me, like it’s a pair of high heels on wooden floorboards. I wander down the hall until I see a vacant desk. It must be Mara’s. I round it and stop short. I lean against the door frame, eyes closed, trying to regulate my breath and settle my pulse. Who the fuck is on the corner of his desk with legs spread wide to him. I can only make out his hair from this angle, as the mystery woman’s back is blocking my view.
No. Drapetomania strikes. I cannot do this. I do not want to feel this. My heart throbs in my chest. Monachopsis. Zemblanity. I cannot come up with a third word. He spots me when I am turning away to make a speedy exit.
“Come on, Liam, please,” the woman whines. It is a needy plea.
“Nora! No. Wait.” I hear the female protesting but it does not slow Liam down.
“God fucking, dammit! Wait, Nora. Let me explain,” He urges.
I stop and spin around, fantods. Furious at myself for believing that this was something between us. For allowing my heart to be used again. For being so gullible.
“What could you possibly say to make me stay?” I bark out as I take a step backward. He grabs my shoulders and shakes me.
“Do not leave! I’ll explain,” he commands. I am tempted to stomp on his foot and take the stairs three at a time to get away from him. But I don’t. He makes me weak. He is duende and minatory. I bite the inside of my cheek in deliberation. Maybe it is not what I thought. An imbroglio. I stand rigid, unsure what to do next. He steers me to his office bathroom. “I will be right back.”
The floor shakes as Liam storms out of the room, I hear muffled footsteps and the woman’s voice. It is destitute sounding but I cannot make out what is being said. Fury builds in me. I will not wait. I will not be used. My hands clench into fists and I am one step forward in storming out, when the bathroom door swings open. Liam towers before me. Abience hits me but I stand my ground.
“You’re a slubberdegullion! You should be punished. My heart is fragile, I can admit that. But just now, the emotions that bubbled up when I saw her, you, I ... I want you to hurt the way I do.”
Liam steps closer and appraises me. “That is the sexiest, fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” He hesitates, as though summoning nerve from inside himself. “I think of you every hour of every day. I don’t want Candy. I want you.”
I lash out and slap him. His head whips left before righting itself. His fingers immediately touch the spot that is already turning red. He steps forward again. “Yes, Nora. Punish me.”
I am so furious, that my words tumble from my mouth.
“That’s why I came. But you’ve ruined my surprise. I was going to ... I wanted the fantasy for you. I ...” A tear slips down my cheek. Liam’s demeanor changes. His expression shifts, softer.
“Let me explain. Come here.” He pulls at my arm but I yank it away, still angry. He drags his hand down his face and walks to his office. I stomp behind him.
“I thought you were echt, but you’re nothing but a liar and a cheat.” He sits on what appears to be a very expensive leather couch.
“Candy works for The Black. The gentlemen's club I told you about. She works there because of me.” He pushes a hand through his hair and sighs. I stand in the doorway, uncertain if I want to listen or not. “I met her one summer during spring break and became infatuated with her. I was constantly high and drunk, Nora, not quite right in the head. Anyway, she made it very clear she was not interested in me. I didn’t like that, so I followed her.”
“Stalked her?” I ask. My body begins to relax.
“Yes. And I harassed her. And eventually, I cornered her and told her if she wouldn't fuck me, she wouldn’t fuck anyone. She liked that. And it turned her on. We had a fling for a while. But I grew bored and she grew too attached. I told her what I liked and she tried to give it to me but I wasn’t interested anymore. She flipped out. Said she’d go tell the world what disgusting things I was into. She lost her mind over me. She even went to a reporter. As you can imagine, my father didn't like that much. It looks bad. Reporters draw attention. Slander. She ran her mouth. Stalked me. Crashed high profile events. Our family reputation was at stake. Cost my father a pretty penny in legal fees. So, he went to her father to have a chat.”
“And?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I don’t really know all the details. She came from an affluent family. After my father’s visit, she showed up here, begging me to take her back in tears. That her parents disowned her. Cut her off. She had nothing. No one. They stopped paying for college. I brushed her off because she wasn’t my problem. I was young and stupid. Next thing I know, she went to my father. After that, it was too late. My father owned her. She’s worked at The Black ever since. Part of me thought for a while that it was to stay connected to me somehow, but now I don’t know.”
“What is her job?” I ask.
“To please men,” he says and looks away from me.
“She’s a sex slave?”
“Not exactly. She doesn’t have to sleep with them. Just please them. It is her choice to put out and she’s compensated.”
My heart beats erratically in my chest. “She is the one who beats you?”
“She did. Not anymore,” he says.
Jealousy seizes me. She gives Liam pleasure that I have not been able to yet. “Why was she here?” I demand.
“To her, I’m the reason she’s in this mess. She was trying to persuade me to get my father to let her go.” Liam stands and approaches.
“I think I might be sick,” I say and swallow down the lump in my throat. Liam drops to his knees before me.
“Please, Nora, this is my father's doing. Not mine.”
“But you aren’t helping her. You’re participating. You're...”
“Sick. Depraved?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“And you’ve never been mixed up in something sick or depraved before?”
“That’s ...” my voice fizzles out.
“Don’t say different. Because it is not different. I don’t hold the key to Candy’s existence. I treat her well. She has a penthouse apartment for fuck’s sake that my father pays for. She’s treated like a goddess. Ask her what she plans to do when she’s free.”
“I don’t think I want to know,” I say. I pace around his office, riddled with uncertainty.
“Were you really coming to give me my fantasy?” he asks.
“I was. But now, I don’t know.” I wring my hands together. If he is telling the truth, I am the one in the wrong. I mistook the situation and ruined things. If he is lying, how will I know?
“Do it. You’re angry and hurt, use that. Hurt me, Nora,” he says.
I glare at him. “You really have no desire for her?” I ask.
“None. Not since we started ...”
I’ve been holding back in fear that he might change his mind about me. It dawns on me that I can be in control now. I can do this. My confidence is bolstered by my thoughts and Liam’s remorseful expression. She was here just moments ago. As soon as he saw me, he booted her out like trash. That is an admirable sign, isn’t it?
“Seeing each other is the phrase you’re looking for,” I say. He nods. I leave Liam and retrieve my forgotten yoga bag that I dropped in the bathroom. I rifle through it to find one of my tops with the string ties piped through it. I am not exactly sure what I am doing, only that if he wants pain, my dented pride wants to oblige. I yank the string from the shirt and march back into Liam’s office. He’s standing, facing the window, staring out.
He turns and lifts his chin at me. I go to his desk and search the drawers until I find something I can use.
A ruler. It will have to do. I’m flying blind. I know nothing about how to do this. I’ve read about it in books but execution is an entirely different game.
“Take off your clothes,” I say.
His eyebrows jump to his hairline but he begins undressing. He is methodical about it, folding each garment and placing them all in a pile on his desk chair. When he is naked, he gives me a ‘now what’ look. I walk around him trying to figure out what to do first. I take his hands and pull them behind his back and secure them at the wrists with the string from my shirt. I grab the ruler from the desktop and slap it across his ass. He yelps and jumps a bit. I come face to face with him.
The sound of my palm on his cheek rings out loudly in the air around us. Liam groans. I lean forward and gently bite one nipple, followed by the other. Not hard enough to draw blood but enough to leave a mark.
“You like this?” I tease, to his cock, which stands at attention near my belly button. A surge of confidence rushes through me.
“I want to see you,” he says. I slap the ruler against his stomach and step backward. I undress down to my bra and panties. I stalk around his naked body, slowly. Even with my back to him, I can feel him trembling—it ripples out at me, fluttering against the backs of my legs, and arms. My skin absorbs his anticipation.
“Tell me what you like, Liam,” I whisper in his ear, on my tip toes, before I bite the lobe.
“Hit me again.” I swat the backs of his knees with the ruler. “Again,” he moans. The crack of the ruler on his lower back is shocking. My stomach clenches and I position myself in front of him and drop to my knees. I take him in my mouth and suck as hard as possible while clawing at his ass. I know my nails will leave marks, bruises even, at the rate I am clutching. I am enjoying this. I nip at his lower abdominal muscles before dragging my teeth back down to his cock. I take him in my mouth for a moment before standing again. I bite his nipples, his neck, his ear lobes, I round his quaking body and drag my nails from shoulders to ass cheeks. I grab his tie from the pile on his chair and rope it around his neck. I untie his wrists. I press my body flush against his backside.
“Make yourself come.” I pull the tie tight around his neck, while sinking my teeth into his shoulder. His hand moves at a furious pace up and down his shaft. It is intoxicating to witness. His jaw is clenched and beads of sweat take residence at his hairline. I am panting with exertion at how powerful I feel. The ribbon of come is long and his grunt of satisfaction exhilarating. I did this to him. I release my hold on the tie. It flits to the floor silently.
He turns to face me. I am aroused. Heady with dominance. Without warning his hands are on me. He spins me, pushing me against the window. My bra is unclasped, my panties ripped from my hips. The turning of the tables; the power shift, is electrifying. His lips caress my neck and shoulders all the way down to the backs of my knees and up again before repeating the trail with licks and nips. It leaves me filipendulous. My cheek presses against the glass and fog forms each time I exhale.
His hands slip under my breasts and squeeze. His cock hardens, brushes against my ass, the space between my legs. He pushes me against the floor to ceiling glass that looks out over the town. My breasts flatten out. My nipples ache against the chill. People could see. They could look up and see my naked form plastered against the window. It is exhilarating. Liam slides inside me and I am frantic for more. He pumps in and out, holding my hips, fingers digging into the flesh, bruising the skin.
“Finger yourself,” he says. I do not hesitate. I reach a hand between my legs and gently swirl the pad of my finger over my nub. “Harder, Nora.” This time I do hesitate but he begins to pound in and out of me. So, I pinch my clit then circle it. I match his pace. It is furious and passionate. I am titillated, just looking down at the litany of people milling about the street unaware.
We are in the throes of rapture. I love how he touches me, how breathless and eager he is. A chill surges through me with such power that I lunge forward, panting. A frisson. He pulls out and spins me so I face him. Liam takes my cheeks between his hands. “I can’t believe you fucking came here to give me my fantasy.”
Then he lifts me by my rear end. I toss my arms around his neck to steady myself as he slams my back against the glass. He adjusts us until he is again at my opening. His biceps bulge under my weight as he holds me. Slowly now, he pushes in and out. A form of torture I am not accustomed to. His hips swivel a little as he goes, his teeth nip at my collarbone and neck. It is a slow burn that builds between my legs. A deep seated itch inside me that I cannot grind hard enough on him to scratch. He takes me to the precipice in this languid style, until I am no longer in control of my own body. My eyes roll. The thud of the glass as my head hits it sends little reverberations down my back. A baritone groan. My groan, leaves my lips and stars begin to dance behind my eyelids.
“Breathe, Nora,” he says against my neck. I am breathing, I think. Or maybe I am not. I open my mouth but all that happens is a silent scream of pure ecstasy. My body goes rigid, muscles tense and paralyzed momentarily. Tiny earthquakes ripple through me every few seconds as my orgasm passes. Liam slowly moves inside me still. Just little fidget movements until I blink a few times and his face comes into focus. He pulls out and sets me to my feet.
“Water?” he asks. He grins and chuckles. “I’ve fucked you right, if you’re incapable of speaking.”
All I can do is nod.
***
Liam
I grab my cock, ready to fuck her again. She’s bent over my desk. Legs spread wide. My fingers are wet with her juice, the perfect fucking lubricant for my dick. I slide inside her. Her pussy clamps onto me, muscles tightening around my shaft. My dick slips in and out of her wet folds. It finds its way inside her with so little labor, I could fucking die from satisfaction. Playing the good guy has finally paid off. She is my bitch now. Signed, sealed and delivered. I have Nora right where I’ve wanted her. I pull out and tug her hair until she stands. Pressing the backs of her knees with mine, she drops to the floor. I push her head so she is cheek to floor, as I slip in and out of her. Her ass bucks up a little, urging for more. So, I give it to her. I play with her pussy with one hand while thrusting hard and fast. I love the way my cock looks sliding in and out of her. Her hands are planted on the floor on either side of her head. Nails digging into the carpet. I flick her clit in rapid succession.
A deep throaty groan escapes her. She goes wild like I’ve never witnessed before. She gasps for air. Writhing beneath me. I thrust harder, sending us both inches forward each time. Rug burn is inevitable. She cranes her neck to try and see me. I abandon her pussy and push her head to the floor again. Nora laughs. It sounds maniacal in the silence of my office. I pull out, flip her over and hover above her face.
“What is so funny?” She bites her bottom lip. Her nostrils flare with each breath she takes. “I’m not keen on repeating myself,” I say.
Her big innocent eyes stare up at me. “Nothing is funny.”
“You laughed,” I say.
“Hysteria,” she says and shrugs. “Euphoria. Rapture.” She laughs again. “I’m sorry. I promise you I was enjoying myself immensely though.”
This woman is like witchcraft. I don’t know whether to punish her or applaud her. She makes no sense and yet is completely rational. I dip down until my lips meet hers.
“You baffle me,” I say. She looks up at me, eyes sparkling.
***
We’re cramped on the couch together—spent. Nora is sleeping soundly in the crook of my arm. I lost feeling in it hours ago but I don’t mind. I’ve been craving her for months now and this is the most she’s ever let me into her life. It should feel like a blessing but right now it’s a curse. She raged. She came. I came. She gave me pure emotion. She made it clear I am more than a fling. I am not casual to her.
Eventually, when the sun appears to sit on the horizon, I wake her. We clean up and dress before I load Nora on my motorcycle and take her home. My body is tender from our playtime and I can’t wait to get home and soak in the Jacuzzi but the air around me feels constipated. I’ve never had someone I couldn’t walk away from. Each goodbye leaves me anxious for the next hello. I’m still haunted by the memories of my mother. I’m held captive by the hole inside me. The thought of Holden lingers, haunting me. I shake off the past and remind myself to focus on the future. On the goal.
In front of her house, I kill the engine. She hops off the bike and returns my helmet to me with a quick kiss. “Are you sure you have to be home tonight?” I ask.
She blushes and mumbles something about Burt and Charlotte and school supply shopping.
“Right. Tell Charlotte and Eve I say hello.”
“What about Burt?”
“Is he a wonder dog with human-like comprehension?” She laughs and shakes her head. “Then if you forget to pass along my greeting, I don’t think he’ll be crushed.” I watch her turn toward the front steps. Before I can start the bike again, she’s swinging around.
“I know this sounds ... whiny, but the whole Candy situation ... it’s not something—”
I cut her off. “Never think of her again. She is not part of my life.” She swallows thickly and nods. “And Nora, that wasn’t needy or whiny. Given what you walked in on, it’s a valid concern to have.” It’s fun bolstering her. She’s a breath of fresh air with her earnest reactions and expressions. Almost child-like.
I wait, bike running, until she is inside and has closed the door behind her. I wait until I see her head bob past the kitchen window, a smile plastered across her face. I lift the kickstand and take off. Tonight I bypass my house and keep riding until I arrive at the cottage. When I walk inside, the smell hits. It smells like Nora.
It is then that I am struck with the most epic idea. I am going to make Nora’s fantasy come true. The cost be damned and it will cost plenty, considering it is all for sex. My phone vibrates in my jacket. I unzip the chest pocket and glance at the screen. Nora. I ignore the text. Her fantasy will be that much better if I have no contact with her between now and then. A grin sweeps over my face.
This relationship is strangely fitting. Instead of analyzing my emotions, I grab a beer from the fridge and plant my ass in an Adirondack chair on the back porch overlooking the ocean. For the first time in the years since I’ve owned the cottage, I wish someone was sitting with me to enjoy the view. It’s an uncomfortable feeling for me. I don’t want to but I find myself wishing Nora was here.