Going out for a drink on the first evening back home for summer has become a tradition of sorts, ever since I started studying. The only difference now is, I finally finished pre-med, which gets me one step closer to become a veterinarian.

It has always been my dream, ever since Doc Samson saved Bruno’s leg – our old dog, who has been dead for ten years now. I wanted to be able to rescue animals’ lives, too. So, after that profound experience, I begged my parents until they allowed me to work at Doc Samson’s animal clinic. I still work there every single summer, to make some extra money and gain experience. Although, Doc says he could leave me in charge, and no one would notice. Basically, he is waiting for me to finish my degree and hand me over the keys.

My dream hasn’t changed. But what I want in life has changed. Country life isn’t so alluring anymore as it was when I didn’t know anything about the city.

I keep these thoughts to myself because I know how much it means to my family to have at least one of their three children living close. Especially their only daughter.

My eldest brother Theo, who is eight years older than me, is a junior partner at a law firm in Boston, which is halfway across the country, and my older brother Chris, who is four years older, just got a job at a prominent architectural firm in Dallas.

Because of that, this year, I am the only Mallory returning home this summer. At least, right away. I genuinely hope Theo and Chris will show up soon enough, or I will go crazy.

No, I don’t hate country life, it just has become dull, and after splitting up with my boyfriend of two years, I need all the distractions I can get.

Sitting at our favorite table right next to the bar of the Ol’ Tavern, I prepare myself to get utterly, blissfully drunk as fast as I can.

Because, since this place is the only bar for miles and we are in the middle of endless cornfields, the only music playing is country.

And ‘we’ meaning my two childhood friends Liz and Marge, who are both already married and work at their husband’s farms.

I love them like sisters, but a small town has only so many stories to tell.

At least, they both are aware of that, which means, we have a whole lot of fun with drinking games. But everything changes, the moment the door opens, and Liz nudges me.

He has changed, but I still recognize him within a heartbeat: Colin Thompson, my childhood crush, and when it comes to him, my childhood hasn’t stopped yet. Lucky for me Liz and Marge swoon just like I do, and we three can blame it on the third round of shots we just downed.

Colin went to school with my oldest brother Theo. They were thick as thieves and wanted to study law together. But those dreams crashed along with their parents a few years back, and Colin joined the army to pay for his surviving mother’s medical bills, and to ensure his little brother’s college tuition. That was until he was almost killed in action abroad.

My girls told me he was the lone survivor of his team, and he spent several months in a hospital and rehab.

There are a lot of rumors about the kind of tasks his team had been commissioned with, and what type of team he served with in the first place. No one knows the truth, however, and Colin never spoke a word about it, which only makes the stories crazier, because people think he’s sworn to secrecy regarding missions.

Colin has never been the tallest of guys with barely more than six feet in height, but his persona made up for that. Everyone believed that he would have made a great lawyer because he had a way with words and a particular kind of charisma with which Colin could twist people around his little finger; knowing that he was cocky as hell.

But that has changed.

As I watch him walk through the place towards the bar, his eyes are glued to the floor. Before he left, Colin used to greet everyone he passed by, and drop some funny lines. Now, he seems broody, and instead of gathering around him, people quickly make way. There is something different about his presence. It is an aura of intimidation that surrounds him. Almost, as if he is emanating danger. And I thought I was drawn to him when he was a cocky college kid.

I can’t take my eyes off him. No matter how hard I try, I don’t seem to be able to move my stare; not even when the next round of shots arrives.

I try to put my finger on what else is different, while Marge recites what she already told me about Colin. He’s back to renovate his parent’s house because he wants to sell it. His mom died in the hospice after her body finally succumbed to the damages from the car crash that killed her husband; she died while Colin was in the hospital.

His brother Jackson won’t ever come back.

Hearing this makes me incredibly sad. And, for a second I think the sadness I feel is what has changed about Colin, but it’s not.

He has cut his dark hair short, military style, but he’s wearing a short trimmed beard, too. It makes him look older and meaner. Maybe he just wants people to stay away and leave him be. That, I could relate to.

However, if that is the case, why is he here, in the most crowded place for a hundred miles? Why isn’t he home, where he can be alone?

Suddenly, Colin freezes mid-movement, when he is about to take a sip of his freshly served beer. Just a second later, there is a short brawl at the far corner where the pool tables are, but it’s ended quickly. And, Colin relaxes.

That is the difference.

Cocky Colin Thompson was always relaxed and at ease. War veteran Colin isn’t. He is on edge. Always ready to jump into action.

“Why don’t you get over there?” I hear Liz, whose words break the spell and finally allow me to move my attention back to my friends.

There is another set of shots and on top of that, beer bottles. I can’t remember those being ordered.

“Where?” I ask, blinking once, as I feel how the liquor is starting to really affect me.

“Colin,” Liz and Marge answer in unison, giggling in response to that, and I feel my cheeks flush.

“But I’m drunk!” I protest, panicking.

“Exactly,” Liz nods. “You can always blame it on the fact that you’re drunk, Jo, should he blow you off, but I don’t think he will.”

I feel as if I’m hit with a live current: “What?”

“Because he is staring at you now,” Liz points out, but I don’t dare to move.

“He also hasn’t hooked up with anyone since he got home,” Marge adds, which we all know is quite atypical for Cocky Colin.

Thinking of this only reminds me of the moment when I realized that my oldest brother calling him ‘monster-cock’ did not mean that Colin was extremely cocky, which makes me recall a series of inappropriate fantasies that I should not think of.

“Fuck,” I mutter, and turn my head to see if he is still looking.

I expect him to turn away the second I move, but he doesn’t. Instead, our stares connect like magnets, and I feel gravity pulling at my body and towards him.

 

∞Colin ∞

The moment I see into her eyes, I know it’s Theo’s little sister, and I ask myself why I am staring at her. I need to ask myself this because I can’t trust my gut. Maybe, it’s just because Joana ‘Jo’ Mallory is one of the few remnants of my old life. Looking at her reminds me of how green I really was, how little I really knew about this world.

She hasn’t changed much. That’s what I am telling myself. The only thing, which is different about her is that she’s a woman now. Jo used to be a tomboy, but now where she had been lean, she’s curvy and sexy. Then again, she was barely a teen, when I left.

Apart from that, Joana has the same sky-blue eyes and the same flaxen hair. I remember her wearing two braids, hanging down her shoulders. Tonight, her hair is flowing around her face like water. That is the only reason, I want to stare at her. To lose myself in memories of more carefree days. I want to believe that this is the same reason she is staring at me, too.

But I can sense that it’s not. It’s something else. Because my slumbering stowaway starts to stir, and that is never a good thing. He only wakes when he senses food that will sate his hunger. And I am just here to feed him with the one dish I feel comfortable with, and that’s war.

There is always some sort of fight at the Ol’ Tavern. Sometimes, I join, when I know that Rabisu will be sated and go back to sleep. But he is sensing something different, and it’s making me more anxious than usual.

Because I know what will happen if I can’t control him once his appetite for sex has awakened. I tell myself that I can’t tear my gaze away from Jo’s face, because I haven’t seen her in ages, and I haven’t seen her brother, who was my best friend for a long time, in ages either. I lie to myself and pretend that it’s not an attraction in which I feel, or at least not mine. I remind myself of the very last time I felt like this, and that is enough to bring myself to stare at my full bottle of beer again.

I can’t drink. At least, not much. Anything that can jeopardize my composure is off limits. I’ve learned it the hard way. The tough one.

I might be home now, but I’m not at home.

Taking a sip from the bottle, I savor the taste on my tongue and focus on the tiny bubbles exploding on top of it. I count till three before I swallow the beer. When this place was what home was all about, the last thing on my mind was discipline. Sports was the only exception to that. Now, my life is nothing but control. I don’t have a choice. I need to contain him. I need to make sure that he doesn’t take over.

I don’t know why he chose me. Every member of my team was worthy of being a Seal. We all had our skill sets and specific strengths that set us apart from the ordinary soldiers. It was the reason we were picked from all the other young men.

I agreed because I could indeed make a difference, and I was earning more money. And later, because command promised to take care of my family. They still do. I let everyone believe that I am renovating my parent’s place to sell it, so my little brother Jax can finish his degree. In truth, I’m rebuilding it to create another prison for Rabisu.

He lets me because he thinks it’s funny. He allows me because he needs me to have hope that I might be able to contain him permanently. Even if that means I will die because of it. He lets me because bringing me back from the dead is terribly straining and painful for the both of us. It is every time.

After plummeting to death with my comrades, the last thing I expected was to open my eyes and be alive. The pain, however, was no surprise to me. How could it not be painful, when that fall should have killed me? The problem was: I couldn’t move since literally all my bones were broken, and my organs had burst. I was coughing up blood, I was choking on it, and despite everything, I was still awake, still alive.

I couldn’t comprehend what was happening. The only real explanation I’d come up with was that I was dead, and Hell was being imprisoned in my dead body, for all eternity. And that meant, the path I had chosen was the wrong one, and Hell wasn’t earth but another form of existence.

And that was when I heard Rabisu inside my head, telling me to pull myself together, sounding just like me, only with a voice a hundred times deeper.

“Pull yourself together, Colin,” he told me. “Cut the crap. This is not hell. You are not dead. And I did not bring you back because you are a little pussy.”

Even though he sounded so American, there was something off. There wasn’t an accent. He was only overdoing it. Just like I had when I was Cocky Colin Thompson.

Rabisu was very straightforward. He just doesn’t have a filter, because he doesn’t see a need for one. Just like I hadn’t, when I was a teen.

Maybe that’s why he chose me, because of the similarity.

“I am… I was a servant of Ishtar, the lady of love and war,” Rabisu introduced himself to me as if he was sitting on the other side of a table in a bar like the one I am sitting in right now. “There are many names for what I am to your kind: Demon, angel, demi-god, entity, spirit, even god. You can choose for yourself. I was sealed away in this cell for millennia, stripped of a body, which would have allowed me to roam the earth. Your war has freed me, and I have chosen you to be my host. You will try to fight me, and at times I will allow you to do as you please. You might want to kill yourself, but know that I will only bring you back. Rest assured that with every time you die, your soul will wither further, and my control over you will gain strength. I just do not want you to do that, because it is fucking painful and straining to bring you back to the living. It is up to you, Colin.”

My mind couldn’t handle this.

I was sure that I was dead, or dying, or delirious, or somewhere in between. And I still have problems at times, believing the situation I find myself in. But I’ve done my homework: Rabisu is a Babylonian demon, feeding off the energies of war and love, as in aggression and lust. He is in fact millennia old, older than some countries or societies.

Back then, I didn’t know that. Back then, I tried to embrace the fact, that I was dead, and in some sort of purgatory. I did my best to make my peace, but it was impossible.

I wasn’t ready to die.

A part of me felt furious about the fate I had been given, and I rebelled. I know now that this anger and fury was what Rabisu needed to finish the process and merge with me.

Even if I had known then, by no chance, could I have forced myself to give up?

 I went in and out of consciousness for indefinite amounts of time. Still, I couldn’t distinguish between nightmares and being awake.

I wasn’t used to being possessed, and I wasn’t used to watching my body act in a way I never would have. Like forcing something down the throat or up the anus of my dead comrades, or tearing open their wounds further to prod something into their corpses.

I can remember the relief, when I heard the first signs of the rescue team, because I dreaded the idea that Rabisu would force me to eat the raw flesh of my dead friends, to keep my revitalized body alive.

And, he was right.

The first chance I got, I grabbed a gun and hid it beneath the bloody blanket they covered me with. The same one they buried the bodies of my comrades in. And the second I was alone, I shot myself.

He fought, cursing in an unknown language.

He continued to do so, screaming in my head the entire time the doctors examined me. Rabisu kept me awake despite the anesthesia during the surgeries in which they put my body back together; telling me that this was the punishment for my ungratefulness.

Doctors said that I was a miracle.

Of course, they blamed the new drugs for my quick recovery. I surely didn’t tell them the ancient demon possessing me was the real reason for that.

 

∞Rabisu ∞

Here we are again, at the buffet of Colin’s choice. This one is bored to death by this place. I am bored to death by this place, but it will have to do. I still must get used to this new world, and its era of technology and social media.

Colin is so busy with trying to keep me contained that he does not notice that I am not even trying to take over, because I am studying, and learning, how to navigate through this digital age so that once I am strong enough, I can put him in the backseat.

He is so terrified of my capabilities that he cannot see beyond that. I’ve used him to do horrific things. I’ve used his darkest desires against him. He is my favorite toy. And I love that he still thinks that there is the slightest chance that he can win.

My captors did choose that remote cavern for a reason: To keep me away from food.

If he chooses to lock me away in the cellar of a village house; by all means, I’m happy to let him do it. Once he has died, all I need to do is bring back his body alone, and I can do as I please. But first, I will need to make sure that I don’t pop out like a rose amongst poppies.

Colin is drowning himself in self-pity again instead of liquor, which is quite a shame. He is so much more fun when he’s drunk. In the first month, when he had not figured out what happens if he gives up control willingly to me, it was one party after another.

Of course, I am not a young demon, who gives in to all the urges but makes sure to lay low. Otherwise, I would have found myself in an infirmary or on death row. I might be rusty, after a millennium of being sealed away in a cell, but I still know how to fit in.

But even a veteran arch-daimōn like me can be tempted, especially if it is a flaxen-haired, sky-eyed maiden like Joana Mallory, who stares at us, hungrily like some starved succubus seeing a male human after a year of hunger.

Succubae are female demons living off the lust of men, but I am not their male counterpart. An Incubus is of lower rank and nothing but my servant. There are lots of them roaming the earth. They are the only sub-demons that have prospered in these times. But like the good little beings they are, they stay away from my territory.

Because I am the big dog.

Joana Mallory.

I want to force Colin to continue to stare at her, but I don’t want him to realize that I am wide awake already.

He is too busy with musing about his current existence that he doesn’t notice me poking his brain for more information about this exceptional female specimen.

From her looks, she is precisely what a woman should be. Round and soft in all the right places, and healthily shaped in all the others. Not a skeleton like most human females aspire to be. They would never survive a dark age. Joana Mallory would, efficiently, and she would come out on top.

As I prod deeper into his memories Colin tries to suppress, I unravel things he does not like to admit. She is forbidden fruit, the far younger sister of his former best friend. Not that he had any interest in her when she was a child, no, but she is still closer to him than he would like to admit. Nothing tastes as sweet as the candy that was forbidden and locked away.

If she is just a fraction of what she is promising to be, it is well worth it. And I cannot wait to get a taste of Colin’s torment as he buries himself into the one woman he promised to stay away from.

That promise was quickly spoken all those years ago when Joana wore two braids to the right and left of her pristine, young neck. She was a child back then. Colin could not even imagine her as someone other than his best friend’s baby sister, but now…

Now, I can sense him fighting against what his mind wants to imagine. He likes her looks as much as I do. Our tastes are alike. Our temperaments are alike. And that is why I chose him. It is so much harder to fight temptations when they are your fantasies.

And, just now, I have found another one of Colin’s right the second it came into being.

Feeding on your host’s lust is the best aperitif one can get. It makes all that follows so tastier.

 

∞Jo ∞

For whatever reason, I don’t seem to be able to tear my attention away from Colin. He evidently was and now is again the late-night fantasy of many women.

A war veteran, a war hero, surviving fatal injuries and returning home. He’s the cliché.

I’m not ashamed to count myself among these women. Colin has been the one who I compared boys and men I met to. Women still romanticize war, and – although I know it’s wrong – I do, too, despite my father and brothers being pacifists.

I’ve had a thing for my eldest brother’s best friend ever since I’ve looked at a boy the wrong way. Hell, I’ve imagined it to be Colin when I lost my virginity to some drunk college boy I had randomly hooked up with. So, I could add myself to the it-girls who’ve lost their V-card. I still wish that it had been him, and I’m not ashamed to admit that.

Colin’s not looking at me with determination, and that makes me smile. I can see it in the twitching of his shoulders and head, every single time he stops himself from turning towards me.

It has to be me because I’m the only woman he shouldn’t give his attention to. After all, I am his former best friend’s sister, and everybody knows you stay clear of that woman. This only makes things worse.

“You don’t get the guy by making it easy for him,” Liz scolds me and pulls on my stool to make me stop looking at Colin.

If my cheeks hadn’t been already flushed by the amounts of liquor I’ve downed, they would be red by now. I nod as an answer and take a sip from my beer.

Marge’s husband is our designated driver, and he went back home after he dropped us off. He’ll be watching sports all night waiting for his wife’s call because she does the same for him every other Saturday. She is one lucky woman. And that is the very reason she is taking it slow on the drinks.

Liz persuaded me to go here and get a decent hook-up, to forget about my ex, and I was eager to do so. As long as the guy is good-looking, I told her, I am game.

But now, there is only one guy I want, and that is Colin. I don’t care that he’s brooding, and keeping to himself, brushing off the second woman already. There is something different about him now. It is luring me in like a beacon does to a lost ship on the sea.

For one night only, I don’t want to be the reasonable and responsible Joana Mallory, who will become a vet. I want to switch off my mind and reason just once and get what I have been after for years. Only once.

 

∞Colin ∞

I catch myself wishing that I had known she would be here. Not because I would have stayed away, no, but because I could have prepared myself.

I would have taken the initiative and gotten into a fight outside of this place and be up and gone by now.

I need the daily aggression; I don’t necessarily need to participate in them, but I must stay close so that Rabisu is fed and somewhat satisfied.

I should be grateful that he hasn’t woken already. Maybe the new talisman works. After all, the ritual I conducted last night, was written down in an ancient book, allegedly dating back to Babylonian times. I only wish I had the original.

It’s a perk of being possessed by a millennia-old demon: you pick up extinct languages, among other incredible things. Rabisu has incorporated everything from his former hosts, and because he has merged himself with me, I can access these skills, too.

It’s an efficient way of making money.

It is also an efficient way of getting my hands on ancient texts that are about exorcism and magic.

Before Rabisu brought me back to life and made himself known, not only by talking to me in my head, but also using my body for his pleasure; I did not believe in magic or anything paranormal.

Now, I know better.

I can not only sense but also see Jo staring at me through the mirror behind the bar. The way she looks at me says everything I need to know. This isn’t only about reconnecting with a childhood friend because we were never friends, but she wants more.

Before Rabisu the only thing that would have held me back from walking over there and twisting Jo around my little finger was my friendship to Theo. At least until I’ve lost count of the drinks I’ve downed. Then, even that bond wouldn’t have been enough.

I feel somewhat relieved when I watch Jo Mallory turn around and put her back to me. Now, when she’s not looking, I can make my exit and pick a fight with someone outside. If I’m looking, my parasite won’t wake at all, and he will be happy and content with the energy I’m feeding him. I can’t allow myself to get too close to Jo. Not only because she’s Theo’s little sister, but also because I am attracted to her. No matter how hard I try to deny that, it is still the truth. And I can only lie to myself and Rabisu for so long.

I finish my drink, tell Jordan, the woman bartender to put it on the tab, and get up quickly. But I suddenly feel dizzy. I blink and look at the countertop to see that I have drunken more than just one beer, without even noticing.

“Oh shit,” I mutter, not even sure if I use the right language, as I realize that Rabisu has tricked me.

I was too busy with ignoring Jo and drowning myself in my thoughts and memories, that I didn’t notice me emptying my beer and getting a new one.

“I’m getting us into a fight, blood and all,” I tell my parasite. “No need to get me drunk.”

“Oh Colin,” I hear Rabisu in my head, answering. “But where is the fun in that? I’d much prefer to bury your cock in that delicious woman with the summer sun hair, the girl you are so protective about. Just look at her, Colin. Look. At. Her.”

I'm not used to that much liquor anymore, and I don’t really need to because if Rabisu doesn’t want me to get drunk, I don’t become intoxicated. But if he wants me to, he just lets it happen. Like now.

I do my very best to walk straight and get out of here without running into anyone. All I want is to get out of here quickly. I notice too late that I push a girl aside and make her boyfriend soil himself with their drinks. There is the fight I need, but also the attention I don’t need at all.