Desolation
“Good to see you again, Rainer. One of these days I’ll get to know you, but tonight we have husbands to be with and my sister is excited about your company.”
Rainer smiles at Santana. “Yeah, we’ll do that.”
“Ah,” Ash says stepping forward. “I’m Ash. It’s nice to meet you.”
She stretches her hand out and Rainer takes it, shaking it.
“And I’m Jaylah.”
Rainer flashes an award-winning smile at them and then turns to me. He’s wearing a pair of black jeans, a black tee and dark, unlaced boots. He looks as if he could fit right in with the guys from the club. He’s got that dangerous, dark edge.
“Well,” Santana says, “let’s go give our men some loving before their ride tomorrow. Later, Pippi.”
They all hug me, and I squeeze each and every one of them tight. For the past two and a half hours, we’ve talked without restriction. They didn’t treat me like a doll—instead, they openly asked questions and discussed things with me. We even laughed. We promise to organize a girls’ day out in the next few months. I can’t wait. A weight has been lifted off my chest.
The moment the front door has closed, I turn to Rainer and smile. “I’m glad you came.”
He grins at me. “Me too. You look like you have some good friends there.”
“I do,” I agree. “Do you want a drink?”
He asks for a beer and I get one, then we both kick back on the couch. It doesn’t feel strange to be here with Rainer; he’s always been familiar to me. He crosses his booted feet and looks over to me. “You look like you’ve had a hard night, Pip.”
I nod. “I have.”
He reaches across, touching my cheek. “I still can’t believe you’re here in front of me. It’ll never feel real.”
I smile and reach up, covering his hand with mine. “No, it won’t.”
“So tell me,” he says, moving his hand but taking hold of mine and bringing both to his leg to rest. It’s nice having his fingers around mine. “What made your day so hard?”
I hesitate. I don’t know if I should tell Rainer about Tyke; I don’t know how he might feel about it. He catches my hesitation and says in a low voice, “It’s a man, isn’t it?”
“Is it that obvious?”
He nods.
I sigh.
“You don’t need to be afraid to talk to me, Pip. No judgment here.”
I look over to him. “It doesn’t bother you?”
He frowns. “No. Why would it?”
I can’t really answer that, so I don’t.
“He’s a brother from the club. He’s been my friend since I first got here, and he’s been amazing, Rainer. It’s just . . . he seems never to want to take it over the friend line. He said he thinks I deserve better, because of the life I’ve lived.”
“Do you think he’s just trying to do the right thing?” Rainer asks.
“Yes, part of me understands why he’s doing it, but another part just wishes he would see me the way I see him.”
“Have you told him how you feel?”
I turn away and flush. “Not . . . exactly.”
“Pip, you and I both know how important it is to express feelings. You never know when you will have no time left. You need to tell him how you feel.”
“I don’t know if I can now, Rainer. Tonight changed things for us; I’m so angry at him still.”
“Let your anger simmer down, and then give it another go.”
“You’re a whole lot smarter than me, it would appear.”
He chuckles. “I’m not so sure about that. Now, tell me everything else that has happened.”
For the next two hours, Rainer and I talk about what happened after I was saved. He tells me about his time in rehab, and how he ended up buying the bar because it keeps him grounded. He said he’s only had one relationship, but the girl struggled to be able to handle his strange habits and mood swings, so he decided being alone was easier.
By the time we’re finished talking, we’re both exhausted. Rainer kisses me softly on the head before telling me we’ll catch up again soon, then he’s gone. I don’t even bother to move from the couch, my body too weak to bother. Instead I take my phone and hold it to my chest as I curl against the soft cushions. I think about Tyke, and wonder what he’s doing right now.
I wonder if I should text him, but decide I don’t want to risk something happening to him if he’s in a dangerous situation. So I just tuck my phone to my side and close my eyes, drifting off into a fitful sleep, wondering what the hell the next week is going to bring to me. Will I forgive Tyke? Will he finally open up to me?
Is there any hope left for us?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
NOW – Pippa
The next night at work seems to drag on. I don’t know if it’s the constant panic in my chest because I haven’t heard from Tyke again, or if it’s just anxiety because things are finally moving forward in my life and I’m not quite sure I’ve processed all of them. Either way, it seems I can do no more than drag my legs as I clean each room.
Sofie is starting a new girl tonight, and they should be in at any moment. I’m glad we’re getting a new girl, because things have been hectic around here lately. I grab a broom from the cupboard in the two-bedroom suite I’m cleaning and start dragging it over the floor in a back and forth motion. A knock sounds, and I spin around to see Sofie standing with a gorgeous young woman.