The door to the room bursts open, yet I don’t move when wood splinters spray into the room. His smell still lingers on my skin. The taste of him in my mouth. The coppery scent making me sick. My head throbbing and my skin burning alive where he touched me. But none of that matters. Saxon. He told me to keep fighting. He was more than willing to go with them. I’m not a fucking idiot. Saxon would do the same thing a hundred times over for my safety.

“Eden.” My shoulders rattle. “Fuck, Eden, you need to talk.”

Curtis blurs in and out of focus. He never stops shaking me. Long moments pass before the reality sinks in. They can get Brick back. His brothers. They will kill every last one of them.

“They, they-uh, they took him.”

“Who?”

“Step the fuck back,” Katch roars.

His voice cuts into all the confusion swirling around in my head. He stands at the end of the bed with his hands on his hips and his stone-cold killer mask on. The man would scare demons, but in this moment, he comforts me. He’s pissed and out for blood, all for Saxon and Wilder. I focus in on his face, studying him and all the determination streaming from him. With each second that ticks by, I muster up the courage to speak.

“Cartel. They mentioned that. Spoke Spanish and were horrible.”

“Fuck.” Curtis picks up a lamp, ripping the cord from the wall, then throttles it into the wall. It’s a waterfall of glass pouring down on the nasty carpet.

“Let’s go. Time to call on the Hell’s Lovers charter here.” Snake slaps Curtis’ back. I wonder if the man has a damn death wish. “They’re already up to speed and just waiting on the call. They know where his warehouse is and the ins and outs.”

The men move in unison like a well-oiled machine. They’re a system of outlaws working together to bring justice. It’s Snake who helps me up from the bed and dresses me. He’s uncomfortable, but I don’t have the energy to do it myself. Not to mention my throbbing head and burning cheek.

“He just went with them so freely.” My chin waivers right along with my voice.

Snake slips on my flip-flops then peers up at me with a stern face. “Of course, he did. Brick would do it one hundred times over to save you. The man loves you.”

The next words hurt like hell. “They’re going to kill him. They had death in their eyes.”

He plants a palm on my leg. “No way they can kill that stubborn fucker. He wouldn’t want you worrying about this and making yourself si—”

“Trust the club,” I cut him off.

He nods. Stands and strides away. I’m not sure I can stand on my own legs, and dressing me was as far as it went for him. I do my best stumbling over my own nervous feet until I’m behind the brothers out in the parking lot. Even knowing very little about the club rules and the ways of it, I do know my ass doesn’t sit on another man’s bike.

I’m thankful when Dilan goes to Saxon’s truck. I follow him, getting into the passenger seat. It’s all wrong. Saxon’s scent still lingers in the cab. I can hear his hearty chuckles and feel his body next to mine. But none of it’s there. Rage begins to brew up inside of me with the vision of Dilan behind the wheel following the pack of roaring motorcycles in front of us.

With each mile that ticks by, the rage turns into something more powerful and intense. A feeling I can’t describe. I’m ready to break. Right on the verge.

Trust the club. Trust the club.

I focus in on my breathing. Counting the seconds that pass as I exhale then inhale. Repeating the process until my mind calms down and my body catches up with the events that went down tonight. My fingers dance up and down my leg. I focus on that, too, centering myself. It’s a fucking struggle, and I’m barely hanging on by a thread of solace. But I don’t break. I refuse to.

When Dilan throws the truck into park, I finally let myself take in my surroundings. The clubhouse is as similar as it is different. It’s smack-dab in the middle of the city, disguised as a mechanic shop. The men roaming around have the same Hell’s Lovers patch on the back of their cuts.

There are long lines of bikes with men standing guard waiting to get the hell on the road.

“Eden.” Curtis jerks his chin calling for me to go to him.

I do, finding my legs are still unstable as shit. He grabs me by the forearm, stabilizing me. Didn’t think I was that transparent.

“You’re gonna stay here. You’ll be safe. Yeah?”

I nod knowing if I open my mouth, I’ll crack. Never have I felt so damn lost in the world. Everyone I’ve loved has been punished for it. I gulp down the anxiety and worry, silently promising myself to trust the club.

“This is Rose, the club prez’s wife. She’ll take you to a room. You’ll stay there until you get the call from us.”

I nod. It seems it’s the only thing I’m capable of doing. I bite down the words dying to spill out. I want to know all the details. Be the one to help and save even though I have no ability to do so. But I don’t.

Rose wraps her arm around my shoulders. Her touch is warm and welcoming. There’s no judgment or prying stare coming from her. Just comfort. Rose smells of lavender and cigarette smoke. She has her own leather cut on, her face adorned with slight wrinkles, and her salt and pepper hair pulled up high on her head. With one look, you know without a doubt she’s the queen of this club.

I relax in her arms, watching the men storm out of the clubhouse. She guides me down a long hall until we are in a room. It’s complete opposite of Saxon’s at Hell’s Lovers MC. This one is welcoming with warm colors covering the bed and windows. Pictures and posters covering the wall. Rose with the same man in every single one. The frames showcase the couple throughout the years, and they all have one thing in common: they’re together.

My heart squeezes, cutting off my oxygen. Then I leap out of my skin when the thunderous roar of motorcycles fills the room. The engine roars, gravel sprays against the outside of the building, and then the sound fades off into the distance.

“C’mon, sweetie.” Rose nudges me then guides me into a bathroom. “I’ve been where you are several times. Ain’t no words to ease your pain. And also something that never gets easier. Unfortunately, it’s a part of the world our men live in. They can’t help but be passionate, bullheaded, and driven. Baby girl, you just need to hold it together.”

“I feel like I’m going to die,” I say without thinking. The words are bitter and honest.

She responds with a tight hug pulling me in. Rose doesn’t let go for a long time. The wall barricading back the tears shatters. Rose catches every single one of my tears and never tells me it’s going to be okay, which I appreciate.

I’m sick of hearing those words, or ‘We will get Wilder back.’ No one can guarantee that fact. They can sacrifice everything in the mission, but there’s never any for-sure deal. This woman holding me knows this all too well.

“Now we got that out of the way,”—Rose soothes her hand down my back—“gonna need you to get showered. I’ll get some clothes for you. Then we wait.”

“Thank you,” I whisper.

“Anytime, baby girl.”

Rose leaves me alone in the bathroom to shower. The water is hotter than hell, scalding my skin. It makes me feel alive. Keeping me from falling further and further down the rabbit hole. I have to hold on. Sit and wait, praying to a god I’m not sure even exists. But I’d do anything in this moment. They have my whole world right now. I can’t let myself even begin to think about the what ifs.

I’m thankful Rose has her shower well stocked. It’s a little thing that makes me just that much stronger. Like promised, she has clothes laid out on the bed. I’m not sure how she did it because Rose has to be a few sizes bigger than me and these clothes are not club-whore attire. A black pair of yoga pants, a Hell’s Lovers MC T-shirt fitted for a woman, and pair of Nikes with socks tucked in the top.

I take my time dressing. Then find myself staring into the mirror running the brush over and over through my long hair. It’s hypnotizing and numbing all at the same time. I don’t recognize the woman staring back at me. She’s broken and whole. Scared and hopeful. She is a woman living with her entire universe in limbo. One small snap could take everything away.

“Cleaned up real nice, Eden.” The door to the room snaps shut.

I turn to see Rose with a tray of food and a bright smile. “Time to eat, and none of that nonsense about you’re not hungry or your stomach can’t handle it.”

She sits on the bed placing the tray on the mattress. I notice there’re two plates of food with large sandwiches, barbeque chips, and chocolate bars. “We are going to sit our asses down and enjoy some good food.”

Rose isn’t one to argue with, so I sit down cross-legged in the middle of the bed with my wet hair soaking the back of my shirt. I pick at the sandwich, nibbling at the cheese. She doesn’t reprimand or scold me but simply enjoys her own sandwich.

“You weren’t born into the biker world.” It’s not a question that leaves her lip but a comment.

“No.”

She laughs. Not the response I expected. “Oh, you poor thang. I’m sure you’re learning quickly. It’s not always the prettiest fairy tale, but to have the love of one of these men is priceless. I have no idea what’s going on or why you’re here, but just know this club is all in.”

I let it all out. Tell her everything from the day I found out Zoe was dead. I don’t leave out one single detail about Saxon and myself. And end with this morning’s events. Again, I find myself spilling every single detail.

“Oh, fuck eating.” She shoves my plate to the side and wraps me up in a hug again. “Like I said earlier, not one word I can say will help you right now. I’ll be by your side until we hear news.”

“I got in big trouble,” I blurt.

Rose leans back staring at me in confusion.

“I busted into church back in California.”

“Christ, child.” We both flop back onto the bed. I stare at the ceiling, while Rose gives me a rundown on club life 101. It’s the perfect distraction. I find myself even giggling at some of her stories. Her man and the club prez, Rocker, met his match in this woman. Her stories of fighting and getting into trouble match the happy and proud-moment ones. I’m in love with this lady.