Now that everyone has read Zeph’s story I have another story to tell you. I told this to my beta readers/friends and debated whether to share this with everyone else. I decided I would, so here it goes…

This book almost did not end the way it did. Toward the end of my writing process, I realized that Zeph was going to have to sacrifice himself in that scene with Rolim. I saw the scene in my head exactly as you read it, and the scenes that followed it, all the way up until that scene with Arwyn and Searly after she went back to the monastery. But I could not figure out how to bring Zeph back. I spent an entire weekend in tears thinking Zeph would die at the end. I saw him with his parents and I thought... is this it? He gains their forgiveness...he sacrifices his life, and we’re supposed to accept this as his ‘happy ending’?

I messaged Christie, my good friend and beta reader, on a Sunday and said, “I have to talk to you. I think Zeph dies.” I had to tell someone because I had cried the whole weekend, unable to figure out how the hell to get Zeph back to Arwyn and Elin and everyone else. To Christie’s credit, she didn’t book a flight to Alabama to kill me. Though, she was NOT happy with me at all. But I was not happy with me either. I had wracked my brain trying to figure out solutions. And it’s not as easy as figuring out a different scenario. Zeph showed me everything that happened. He showed me his death... weeks in advance...before I had even made it that far into the book. I had always envisioned that final showdown to be different. I hadn’t worked it all out yet, but I just assumed it would be a victorious battle. I was looking forward to writing it. And then... Zeph goes and thwarts my plans like he has at every turn of this book. I refused to write a single word that weekend, determined that I could come up with something else. But I hit a wall. Which was why I ended up reaching out to Christie, begging her not to throttle me and listen to what I had to say.

She said, “Ooookay...I’m listening. I’m freaking out but I’m listening.”

After I told her the jest of what Zeph was making me do she went quiet for a while. I started to pack my bags thinking I had at least twelve hours to disappear if she was leaving by car to come take me out. To my surprise, she started to ask questions that led to more questions and by her doing that... my mind opened up again and I figured out a way to BRING ZEPH HOME.

But for two days, I sat in my room, much like Arwyn sat in that throne room, and I refused to do anything because I thought I had lost Zeph. So, when I wrote those scenes...I relived those moments They were real for me. As an author, I’m not just telling stories. I’m living them. These characters are in my heart, buried in my soul. I never write a book for the money. There are easier ways to make money. But there’s not too many ways you can touch a person’s heart whom you’ve never met than by sharing your heart and your soul with them. And I’ve certainly shared mine when I wrote this book.

Favián’s note at the end was a quote Christie wrote about Zeph that she pinned on our Pinterest board we started over a year ago. I wanted to honor her for saving me and Zeph (lol) by talking me off the ledge and put it in the book. It seemed right that I attribute it to Favián. Who else would have said those words to Zeph, but him? And it seemed right that that’s how the book should end, since it almost ended so differently.

I debated whether to tell you guys my writing struggles. There have been many. I’ve never written a villain turned hero before, so it was a huge challenge for me. I’ve always written sweet heroes. Zeph was not sweet. He was the most complex character I have ever written. And there were many times I didn’t know if I could finish it. But I was drawn to him, nonetheless, and kept pushing forward. This book is my biggest accomplishment to date because I wrote something I was scared to write and wasn’t sure if I could write, but I did it. If I never write another book, I will look back on my writing career and be pleased with what I have accomplished. It’s not about fame or fortune. It’s about connecting, and I hope I connected with you on some level through Zeph’s story.