Chapter Thirty-one

Serena surveyed the chaos of the great room in the Ram’s Haven guest house. Clusters of the Windy Gap kids played together, making the high-ceilinged room ring with laughter. Mothers and grandparents snuggled with little ones. And of course there were wolves curled up in corners, or nudging balls back into play.

A pang of homesickness for the quiet of the tiny home she shared with Gabe filled her. What was he doing now? Was he able to get any sleep? Had the mostly volunteer force kept the fire contained, or was it still raging toward the main compound of Windy Gap and their home? And beneath it all lurked the fear she might never see him again. Never touch him, curl up close to him in their bed, or see the love in his eyes.

The shamans’ circle at Ram’s Haven had considered her needs and placed her in a room with just Sheila. She didn’t know if that was good or bad. She’d be able to sleep tonight, after the over-full building had settled down, but she didn’t know if she wanted to. The council had made it clear—she’d have to visit Glenna tonight. She couldn’t put it off any longer. She had no choice.

She wished she’d had a chance to talk to the shamans’ circle at Windy Gap, but things had been crazy with the fire and now she was the only one from her pack stationed here. The others were spread out, helping the firefighters, helping with first aid. Anywhere someone might need them. No. She was on her own. She had a job to do here, to help these people through this crisis, and she couldn’t burden the worried mothers and grandmothers with her fears for Glenna. Even if she could have shared the confidential details with them. But she couldn’t.

Once again she was back at the beginning, like a pup chasing its tail, only she knew there could be only one outcome.

Ram’s Haven’s head shaman, Adam, came over to her, smiling out of his salt and pepper beard. “Mind if I join you.” She hadn’t met him before tonight, but he had a good reputation as a shaman and a dreamwalker.

“Of course.” She scooted over on the hard bench seat. “Thanks for helping out with the kids today. This has been really hard on them, especially the little ones. You’re very good with them.”

“No problem. They all seem to be settling in well.” They watched the room overflowing with children. “I know it sounds corny, but I believe the kids are our future. Now that modern couples put off having kids so late we don’t have as many of them as we used to, and I like seeing them all together like this. It reminds me of the old days.”

“We don’t have that many at Windy Gap either.” She nodded to the group. “This is most of them. A few went to relatives with their families, some are away at Ridge School, or Sister Absolute’s, but these are most of them.”

“We could have hosted you with families in the area, but we thought you’d like to be together.”

“We’re pack. When things get hairy, we like more of us around, not less.” They smiled at each other. Pack clung to pack, even in today’s modern world. Maybe especially in today’s modern world where discovery lurked around every corner.

He seemed kind, thoughtful, and mature, like the kind of man you could depend on to give you honesty. He’d been a calm resource during the day’s chaos and she’d leaned on him several times already. Maybe she could lean on him a little more.

“Adam, can I run something by you?”

His brows went up. “Sure.”

A ball hit her foot and she gently kicked it back to the four- and five-year-olds who’d lost it. Pack stuck with pack, but there was no privacy here. None at all. “Can we talk outside?”

He nodded and they escaped into the chill of the mountain night. Stars filled the sky, sparkling as if there were no flames licking away at her home. They were beautiful and if she hadn’t had so much on her mind she might have really taken the time to look, but instead she turned to Adam. “I know you don’t know me very well, but I have a problem. Normally I could go to my own pack’s shamans but...” She shrugged and he nodded.

“What’s the problem?”

She hesitated. The pack council had made it clear—none of this was for public knowledge. She’d been prepared to talk to her own circle, but this man? Would the powers in charge at Windy Gap understand? Was he trustworthy?

Adam reached over and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay, Serena. I’m just as bound by our rules as your own shamans’ circle. I’ll keep your confidence.”

“I’ve been instructed by our council to do something I think violates my vows as a shaman and as a dreamwalker. I don’t know what to do.”

Adam pursed his lips. “That’s serious. What did your head shaman at home say?”

“Nothing.” Adam frowned and she rushed to fill him in. “I didn’t have a chance to talk to anyone, not with the fire and evacuation. Now we’re scattered and I’m supposed to walk tonight.” She wrapped her arms tight around her body, the cold raising goose bumps on her skin. “If I do what they want I’ll betray my patient’s trust, maybe even hurt her permanently. All so the council can hunt someone.”

“I don’t know the details, but I’m surprised at your council. It must be serious.”

“It is. They’re not wrong and they are so wrong.” Serena shivered.

They listened to the sounds of the night. A late-season cricket, the wind in the pines, and the howls of the wolves out playing and working in the dark. A single howl ripped through the dark, sending a thrill through her. Despite the fact that she’d made her peace with never running as a wolf in anything but her dreams, she still felt the call. Adam smiled at her. He knew. He understood.

Even her own mate would never understand—he had a physical wolf. He could shift and run under the stars, smell the deep damp of the woods and the musky scent of a frightened rabbit. She could only dream and imagine what that was like.

“We may not have the physical bodies of wolves, Serena, but our dream wolves have gifts the shifters will never know or understand. You don’t just have a responsibility to your patient or to your vow. In the end it’s your wolf you must look in the face.”

Her wolf.

A trio of howls joined the others. Pack backed up pack but who was she supposed to back up? Could she rip Glenna’s world apart and violate her oath to her patient? Would Glenna forgive her? Would she forgive herself?