I woke with the taste of dust in my mouth and the dream at the back of my mind. Just like last time, my chest ached with longing. I wanted to see my parents so badly that it was a physical pain, like a sword blow to the chest.

I sucked in a hard breath and tried to banish the thoughts.

The room was dark, but the smell familiar.

Home? I blinked in the dark and sat up, my head spinning.

“Whoa, careful.” Roarke’s voice came from the darkness. The bedside light flipped on. He was sitting in a chair near the bed, his hair mussed as if he’d been sleeping. He leaned close, propping his arm on the mattress as his gaze searched mine.

“What happened?” I asked.

“You passed out at the Apothecary’s Jungle.” Anger laced his voice. “When I returned, they’d taken so much blood that you’d almost died.”

“They said that might happen.” Memories flowed back in fits and starts. I’d remembered the language, right? I thought so.

“Well, it was dangerous.”

“I’m fine, though.” Except that my mouth tasted like a feather duster and I felt about three thousand years old. I shifted on the bed, my arm brushing Roarke’s.

He pulled away immediately. He coughed, then said, “Good. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Have you been sitting here this whole time?”

“Ever since I brought you back.”

What the heck? And yet he was being so distant. There were questions I wanted to ask, but more than that, I wanted to know if the procedure worked. I didn’t feel any different.

“How did it go with Orson?” I asked. “Did he get back to his place with no memory?”

“I delivered him to Claire. From there, we drove him back to his house in his car and left him in the driveway. That was about sixteen hours ago. I’ve had surveillance on him since then. He woke, was confused, but hasn’t spoken to anyone about you. I think it worked. We’ll have to keep an eye on him though.”

Relief made my chest feel light. “Thank you.”

“You just have to learn to control the magic. Because if the demons keep coming for you, he’ll sense a problem again. He found you once, and he’ll be able to do it twice.”

“Yeah. I know. Where are Cass and Nix?”

“In the living room, playing Scrabble.”

“Oh shit.”

As if on cue, I heard the sounds of an argument.

“That is not a word!” Nix cried.

“Is too! Ferbacious means particularly ornery!”

I grinned at Roarke. “Scrabble is a dangerous game in our family.”

“I can see.”

I struggled to sit fully upright, my muscles aching and weak. My hair felt like it was three weeks dirty, and I was pretty sure I smelled like some kind of forest animal. A glance at the clock showed that it was 2:00 a.m.

“I’m going to shower real quick, then we’ll give this map a try.”

Roarke stood, dragging a hand through his hair. “I’ll go supervise the Scrabble.”

* * *

By the time I made it out to the living room, Nix had won and was doing some kind of victory dance. She looked a bit like a chicken, but it worked on her. I could hear Roarke in the kitchen, poking around.

“He’s making coffee,” Cass said.

“Awesome.” I staggered to the couch and sat.

“How do you feel?” Cass asked.

“Spectacular.”

“Liar.”

I shrugged. “Fake it till ya make it, right?”

Cass frowned. “Not sure that applies in this instance.”

“I can make it work.” The leather folder was perched on the coffee table, as if it had been put there just for me.

It probably had.

I sucked in a deep breath and picked it up, then opened it.

The squiggles on the lines were still squiggles. I squinted at them, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. Slowly, they coalesced to form words. Not moving on the paper, but in my mind.

“It’s working?” Nix asked.

“Really?” Cass leaned close.

“Yeah. It looks familiar.” I tilted the map slightly. “It’s in Wales, I think. North Wales. There are directions for getting somewhere, but they’re really confusing.”

“Nothing’s ever easy,” Cass said.

“No kidding.” I studied the map and words. “There’s riddles. It looks like we need to get there, then figure it out as we go.”

“But no idea what’s on the other end, huh?” Nix asked.

“No.”

“That’s proper quest material right there,” Cass said.

No kidding. Only I wasn’t sure if I really had the energy for a quest. I sat back and looked at my friends, grateful to be in my own place for a little while with the people I loved. Things had been crazy lately. Too crazy.

“I might have had a dream about my past,” I said. “A couple dreams.”

“Yeah?” Cass asked.

“What happened?” Nix asked.

I told them about being a little girl and practicing with the sword and the magic. About how my parents hadn’t wanted me, but Draka had helped me.

“Oh man, I’m sorry.” Sympathy gleamed in Cass’s eyes. “That sucks.”

“Yeah,” Nix added. “I’m jealous you’re both getting your memories back, but it sucks big time that you aren’t getting good memories.”

The embrace of the Phantom dragon tugged at my memory. “Yeah, but I have Draka. Whatever she is. Wherever she is.”

“She’s some kind of Guardian, huh?” Nix asked.

“Yeah. Like a dragon nanny.” My childhood had been weird.

“Maybe the map will take you to her,” Cass said.

“I doubt it. She’s come to me three times. Why would I go to her now if she can just come to me?”

“Good point,” Nix said. “Do you know why you were in a tower in your dream? Or where it was?”

“No. But if the dreams are true, which they must be since Draka is real, then I’ve had this block on my magic since I was a kid.” And I’d used the visualization trick whenever I wanted to control my magic since then. “Draka also mentioned that a dark shadow stalked me.”

Nix frowned. “Oh, that’s not good.”

“It put the curse on me.” I frowned, wishing I knew what the hell was trapped in my mind. So many memories with answers, all out of reach.

Roarke stepped out of the kitchen, two coffee cups in hand. “Coffee?”

“Yes.” Del, Nix, and I spoke in unison.

Roarke handed coffee around, got a couple more from the kitchen, then sat on the couch next to me, careful to keep distance between us.

“How’s it going with the map?” he asked.

I bent over it, pointing. “We have to go to that place. It’s called Cwm Y Ddraig. It’s a little town, I think.”

“Let’s Google it.” Cass pulled out her phone and tapped something in. After a moment, she grinned and held the phone up. “Found it!”

“That was easy,” Roarke said.

“That was just the first part.” I nudged the map across the table so that he could see a bit better. “All those little squiggles are words. They’re clues, but they’re totally obscure. Things like finding the Black Mountain and journeying the Lake-So-Deep.”

He frowned and leaned back. “Then we need to figure it out when we get there?”

“So you’re coming with?” I asked, shooting my deirfiúr a look that said get lost. I didn’t know if it was the blood loss or what, but I was ready to have it out with Roarke. I shoved the embarrassment of my jumping kiss to the back of my mind and met his gaze.

Cass and Nix stood silently and drifted out the door.

“What do you mean, am I coming with?” Roarke asked. “Of course I am. I’m here to help you until you figure out what you are.”

Annoyance surged and I stood, stalking around the coffee table. “Because it’s your job?”

“Yes. And because I want to help you.”

“Because you like me? Then why haven’t you spoken to me almost at all in the last few days? Why haven’t you kissed me again when you clearly want to?”

He was at my side in a heartbeat, gripping my arm firmly but gently and yanking me to him. “You want me to kiss you?”

When he put me on the spot like that, I didn’t know what to say to him. Yeah, I did. But I couldn’t fess up to it after I’d tried and failed to kiss him before.

So I went for the gut instead. “I don’t know what to make of you. I don’t know if I can trust you.”

His brow creased, annoyance on his face. “Seriously? After I broke my most important rule to keep you out of the Underworld, you can’t trust me?”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I’d spent a lifetime not trusting people, but then he’d ask why. And I’d have to explain being a FireSoul and hiding my true identity from everyone but my deirfiúr.

Instead, I said, “You’re pretty freaking secretive.”

There was stuff beneath his calm demeanor. He was like Lake Laberge, all calm on the surface with stuff underneath. Was there a shipwreck in his past?

“Because I won’t discuss my brother?” he asked.

“I’ve heard you turned him over to the Order. You can see how this would be a big deal to me, right? Because I don’t want to be turned in to the Order. And if you could do it to your brother, you could do it with me.”

“You know nothing.” He pulled me closer, until I could feel the heat of his body.

My heart raced, galloping away with all my good sense.

Up close, I could see the pain in his gaze.

“You want me to kiss you?” His voice roughened.

I stared at him stupidly, unable to speak. I was mad, but I was also stupid. So yes, damn it. I did want him to kiss me. He took my silence as a yes and swooped his head down, crushing his mouth to mine. My head swam, and my skin heated.

Roarke’s arms enveloped me from behind, pulling me so close that I could feel every inch of him as his lips expertly moved upon mine. They were soft and firm at the same time, so skilled that I shivered, imagining I felt his kiss everywhere. My heartbeat thundered in my ears as his hands, strong and sure, traced my back.

When he finally pulled away, I thought I saw stars. I blinked to bring his face into focus.

“You have secrets, too, Del.” His gaze was serious. “You need to trust me if I’m going to trust you. I have my reasons for the last few days, but I’m not keen on sharing until you do a little bit of that yourself. And you’re sitting on a mountain of secrets.”

He was right. So right.

And I didn’t like it.

I pulled away and turned toward my bedroom, giving him my back. “I need to speak to Cass and Nix. I’ll be back.”

I stalked to the exit and pulled open the door. Nix and Cass stumbled down the stairs, just out of sight. I scowled at the dirty eavesdroppers and pointed my finger down the stairs.

Chagrined, they turned and hurried down, and I followed. We ducked into the first door, which was Nix’s place.

“So, how much did you hear?” I demanded as the door shut behind us.

“All of it,” Cass said.

I shook my head. “You guys have no shame.”

Nix nodded. “None.”

“So how was the kiss?” Cass wiggled her eyebrows.

“None of your business, is what it was.”

Cass nudged Nix with her elbow. “Oh, that means it was good.”

“Yeah,” Nix said. “For sure. But what did he mean about secrets?”

“I don’t know!” But I totally did. “I’ve told him everything but…”

“The fact that we’re FireSouls, right?” Cass asked.

“Because you didn’t want to put us at risk,” Nix added.

“Yeah.” I paced the small apartment. “But he knows everything else.”

Cass sighed. “Being a FireSoul is a pretty big deal, dude. It’s who we are. It’s shaped our whole lives. So I can see how that one secret is actually many secrets.”

“Yeah,” Nix added. “It’s the reason we met in the Monster’s prison. We’ve built our whole business on it. We run our lives around it. It’s the reason none of us trust worth a damn and have two friends besides each other.”

“I mean, we live fairly weird lives,” Cass said. “Roarke’s bound to have noticed and wondered why.”

“Well, he lives a pretty weird life himself,” I said.

“Which is why you should maybe consider fessing up to him,” Nix said. “Laying it all out there.”

Shocked, I whirled to look at her. “You trust him with that kind of information? You?”

Cass’s brows had jumped up almost to her hairline. “I can see me making that suggestion, but you, Nix?”

“Yeah.” She nodded decisively. “I know I’ve been suspicious of him, but I’ve been watching him and thinking about it. After the thing with that asshole Orson and how he took care of business and stayed by your side, I’m cool with him. If he was ever going to turn you in, it would have been when that jerk walked in here blathering his accusations.”

“True accusations,” I said.

“Exactly. And all of it leads back to Roarke. He’s got a stake in this. If the Order of the Magica finds out he’s protecting you, he’s in just as much trouble as you are. But he looked an Order member in the face, then hit him over the head and massively broke rules that we know make him uncomfortable. For you. I see no benefit for him in any kind of long con. If he wanted to turn you in, he’d have done it by now. So I think you’ve got to trust him. Tell him the whole lot.”

Stunned, I stared at her. “But then you guys are at risk, too.”

Nix shrugged. “We’re always at risk. And ever since Cass hooked up with Aidan and told him the whole, dirty truth, our lives have been better.”

She was right. But Aidan was so clearly trustworthy.

Or was I only thinking that in hindsight because I’d watched him with Cass for the last few months? He’d protected her, helped her, loved her.

Didn’t I want something like that?

Whoa, Nelly. The cart was really getting ahead of the horse here. Sure, we had the hots for each other and I liked him a lot, but we hadn’t even known each other two weeks.

“You got a circus going on behind your eyes there,” Cass said. “Care to share?”

“No.” It was embarrassing. My whole life was embarrassing these days. “But don’t you think it’s just a bit too good to be true? Cass meets a great guy, gets her memory back, saves the day. Now I’ve met a dude, am maybe getting my memory back…” I didn’t even want to mention me saving the day. What if I couldn’t? “I mean, it’s all just too good to be true.”

“Or maybe it’s just time something started to go right,” Cass said. “Face it, we’ve had a rough slog the last ten years. But it’s only been getting better. Maybe things are finally, really, truly working out.”

“Yeah.” Nix nodded. “I like the sound of this. Because it means I’m next, and I want to meet my own smart, nice, hot dude and remember where the hell I’m from. So fess up to Roarke. Let’s keep the good things coming.”

A grin tugged at my lips. Maybe they were right. “Fine. I will. When the time is right. For now, I have to follow a mysterious map to who the hell knows what on the other end.”

“Want us to come?” Nix asked.

“No,” I said. “You guys gotta keep Ancient Magic going. We’re going to need the money to pay back Mordaca and Aerdeca for the memory spells.”

Cass grimaced. “Yeah, that wasn’t cheap.”

“You’d think they’d give us a discount because we’re friends,” Nix said.

Cass and I laughed at the absurdity. Aerdeca and Mordaca, giving discounts?

“If I really need you guys—like I know we’ve got a big fight ahead—I’ll let you know,” I said.

Nix grinned. “Good. I like our team outings.”

“Team outings?” I asked. “Like a field trip?”

“Yeah, but more violent.” Nix punched the air. “Keeps me in fighting shape.”

I laughed. “I thought beating up the jerks who try to rob the shop did that.”

“It does. Sorta. But they’re easy targets. I like a challenge.”

A challenge. I had a feeling that whatever was at the other end of this Guardian situation I was dealing with would probably be considered a challenge.

A big one.