Violet
The front door opened and closed.
“Violet!”
She jerked at the anger in Andria’s voice.
“Yes?” Had she done something wrong?
“What the hell did you do to Ivore?”
Violet didn’t respond immediately. “I didn’t do anything to him…What are you talking about?”
“Well he sure isn’t upset over nothing. He’s been moping around the apartment all afternoon and evening. Cowl finally intervened, but he wasn’t able to get anything out of him. Just that he’s feeling helpless.”
“What does that have to do with me?”
Andria’s frustration grew visible. “Don’t play stupid with me. I’ve noticed you two hanging out, and I know that you’re ‘business partners,’ whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.”
Violet looked away, unable to meet her friend’s green-eyed stare. Not when she was called out.
“V, talk to me. What is going on?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Andria wasn’t backing down. She came over and sat down on the other couch. “Well, if you won’t go talk to a professional, then you need to talk to me.”
A professional. She meant a shrink. A therapist. What the hell was the therapist going to tell her that Violet didn’t already know? Her life was a disaster, and it was all her own fault for being selfish and self-obsessed. For being weak and trading on someone else’s feelings toward her to get what she wanted.
Someone else had paid the price for that, and she had to live with it. It was a rather cut and dry story as far as Violet was concerned.
“You need to talk to someone, V. About what happened, or about what is happening. I don’t really care, but you can’t keep it all contained up in that pretty but thick-skulled head of yours.”
“Nothing is happening,” she said stubbornly.
Andria didn’t hold back. “You’re so full of shit and you fucking know it. You can lie to yourself all you want, but everyone else can see it, so do me a favor and don’t lie to me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Ivore!”
Violet shook her head, biting her lip. “Ivore and I made a business deal. He’s a bank, a wallet, an investor. Nothing more. That’s all he is to me.”
“Right. Do you kiss all your investment bankers then?” Andria shot back.
“Excuse me?”
Andria shook her head. “Don’t get all angry with me. Everyone can see what’s going on except for you, V, because you’re intentionally blinding yourself. You care for him. We see you with him. You try to hide it, to not allow yourself to get close, but it’s clear you think he’s more than a friend.”
Violet pulled a pillow into her chest and slipped her feet under her butt, looking studiously at the coffee table in front of her.
“The few times I’ve seen you where you haven’t been overtly miserable is happier than I’ve seen you…I think ever,” Andria stated. “So if this is about J—”
“I said I’m not ready to talk about it,” she snapped.
“It’s been what, six years now? You need to stop blaming yourself and move on.”
Violet shook her head. “How can I? It was my fault. I caused it. You don’t just forget something like that, Andria. I hope you never have to experience that.”
“I didn’t say forget it,” Andria replied softly. “But you can grieve and move on as well. Keep the memories, and while I don’t believe you aren’t, you can strive to be a better person. That doesn’t mean you need to be alone.”
“It’s safer that way.”
“Of course it is. Not allowing yourself to feel is going to make everything completely safe. Like living in a bubble.”
“No. Not for me. Safer for him.”
Andria stared at her. Then she did the last thing in the world Violet expected. She started to laugh. Her best friend held her sides, tears streaming down her face.
“What the hell is so funny about that?”
“I’m sorry. Really, I am sorry. It’s just…Violet, if I ask you to do something, will you do it?”
“That’s a pretty broad question. I can’t agree to that.”
Andria waved her hands. “Right. Okay, listen. When it comes to Ivore, and you’re going to have to trust me on this, the only thing you need to worry about hurting with him is his heart. Otherwise, you don’t need to worry about his physical safety. And I’m saying that not in an attempt to convince you that you can’t hurt him, but that even if something did happen, he would be perfectly okay.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” She was confused. “Is he a robot?”
More laughter. “No. I…can’t say any more. I probably shouldn’t have said what I have. Just try to believe that, okay?”
“I…okay? I don’t know. That’s weird.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“It doesn’t matter though.” Violet wrung her fingers. “I can’t grow close to him anyway.”
“Yes you can. And you are. Should. Whatever. You can’t lie to yourself any longer, Violet. It’s obvious you like him.”
“I do not!”
Andria just stared.
“Okay fine. Maybe Ivore interests me. Intrigues me. Hell, maybe he even excites me. He’s a good kisser. A bit of a blabbermouth for telling, but that doesn’t change the fact he’s good with his mouth. But Andria, I can’t let myself grow closer to him. Even if I could, he deserves better than me.”
Andria got up, walked over to her and calmly slapped her open palm across her face.
Violet reared back, her cheek stinging from the unexpected blow. “What the fuck?!” she snapped.
“You are an amazing person, Violet. You’re strong. I know what you’ve been through, and I realize you still struggle with the guilt of what you think you did, but that does not make you unworthy of being happy. Ivore obviously sees something in you too, and you don’t get to choose what will make him happy. You’re a hell of a catch. You’re kind, caring, smart as all hell, and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he thinks you’re pretty darn sexy too.”
Violet looked away as she was taken to task.
“Tell me that you haven’t caught Ivore checking you out at least a half a dozen times. If you can tell me that without lying, then I might consider backing off.” Andria crossed her arms in front of her expectantly.
“Every time he thinks I’m not looking.”
Andria crowed in victory. “I knew it. He wants you.”
“Ivore’s such a good person though, Andie.” She was one of the few people that could get away with calling her friend by the diminutive form of her name. “Whether or not I think he deserves better, I’m still a wreck. That’s not fair to him. He shouldn’t have to deal with my baggage.”
“That’s also not your decision to make though,” Andria pointed out, sitting down on the couch next to her. “I bet if you told him everything that happened, all he would say is ‘How do I help?’”
Violet laughed as her friend tried to mimic the deep voice of Ivore and Cowl. “That’s just the problem though.”
“Stop trying to make their decisions for them,” Andria urged. “Please. Ivore is a grown adult. Give him all the information, and then let him make a decision. He’s a good man. Not the sort to hurt you, and definitely not the sort to hold your past against you. The only one doing that is you. Give him a chance, Violet. You won’t regret it.”
She eyed her friend, the passionate plea unusual. “You really believe in him, don’t you?”
Andria nodded. “I…want to say more, but it’s not my place. Cowl has said some things, but…well, I have to respect his confidence, you understand? Just trust me when I say he’s stronger than you think.”
“I don’t know. I need to think about it.”
Andria nodded. “Over ice cream or over wine?”
“Wait, I thought you were going to Cowl’s.”
“Not tonight. They’re having brother time with Ivore.”
“That…sounds like Ivore is in a rough way.”
Andria grinned, already halfway to the fridge. “He likes you, Violet. A lot. And you’ve done everything possible to leave him completely in the dark. Can you blame him for being a little upset and frustrated?”
“I…I guess not?”
“Good. Now, let’s eat!”
Violet let herself smile. Andria was a good friend. Her word meant a lot.
But still, how could she tell Ivore what had happened and still hope he would stick around? Any sane man would run for the hills.
Andria sat back down.
“You’re holding the entire tub,” she pointed out.
“You don’t really think that a single bowl is going to help, do you?”
Violet had to give her friend the win there. “Fine, gimme my damn spoon and stop hogging it already!”