Chapter 4
Lost in the noise, the pain. She may have fainted. There was only darkness, torn by jagged, blinding lights. Pain. Deafening hurricane noise.
At one point, she felt and heard sounds that might have come from her own mouth, but she had no control over them. Someone held her. She didn’t know who. She smelled damp leather. Fresh male sweat. Felt strong arms circling her. Zade.
His physical presence was a sensory anchor in time and space. The universe lurched sickeningly as she spun at its edge.
But with Zade holding on to her, she wouldn’t fly into a million pieces. He wouldn’t allow it.
A low, crooning rumble of sound vibrated through her. She couldn’t make out the words, but the sound soothed. He gripped her shoulders, kneading her back.
Such a strange sensation. She hadn’t been touched in so long.
She felt a kiss against her forehead, warm and soft. The point of contact glowed like a star. He kissed her again, on the top of her head. His voice was becoming audible again. She could almost understand him. He cupped her face, looking into her eyes, but his voice phased in and out. Blaring intensely loud, then fading away completely.
“ … talisman. Listen.” His voice was urgent and soft. “Think of something beautiful. Something you love, something that makes you feel strong. That’s your talisman, okay? Focus on it. Make it the only thing you can see in your mind. You following me? Can you hear?”
She nodded, dragging precious air into her constricted lungs.
“Good.”
She blinked rapidly, staring at him. Your talisman. Something beautiful. Something that makes you feel strong. The only thing you can see in your mind.
His dark eyes, so piercingly deep and intense. She was going to see them whenever she closed her eyes anyway.
“Got your talisman ready?” His voice faded out, lost in the noise.
“Yeah.” Her voice was a thin, papery croak.
“Good. Close your eyes. Focus on that one beautiful thing. It’s all around you. Go inside. You’re safe there. No one can mess with you in there. Can you do that?”
She concentrated for a moment, visualizing his face. Filling her mind with it.
Her head still hurt, but when she breathed, more air came in. She nodded.
“Good. Just stay in there. You’ll be fine. Wait it out.” His voice was low and soothing.
She leaned her forehead against his chest and did exactly as he said.
And it actually worked. She concentrated on his eyes, his voice. Him. His face glowed in the darkness inside her mind.
The storm still raged around her, but it had retreated slightly. She could wait, quiet and safe, in that still inside place.
Shelter. He’d created it. Out of nothing. Out of nowhere.
He continued to knead her shoulders and nuzzle her hair. The caress of his breath moved the hairs against her neck. An intimate, delicately ticklish contact. His strong, gentle fingers stroked and squeezed through her coat, soothing and comforting.
The pain had not disappeared, but she could hold herself apart from it. She wasn’t lost in it. The panic began to ease.
Breathe. She could do that. Slowly.
“Okay,” he murmured. “That’s good.” His encouraging voice warmed her.
She didn’t want to look up. She hated to imagine what she must look like.
“Better?” he asked.
Simone nodded, rubbing her eyes. Braced for the expression that was sure to be on his face. That trapped look. His mind racing frantically for a way to unload the scary chick, but let her down gently. Get out of a situation that was way over his head without being a total asshole.
Tall order. Poor guy.
But she could help him with that. She could be generous. God knows, he had been. He’d saved her ass twice now. First with those guys. Now with his mind trick.
She wasn’t going to make him suffer. He didn’t deserve it.
She’d outdone herself this time. Way to lure a hot guy into her bed. Display her weird mental wiring before the first date. Great. Cue the slow clap.
She might have known she’d fuck this up before it even got started, but maybe it was better this way. Her awkward attempts to hook up always crashed and burned. She intimidated guys. Or made them nervous. Or worse, bored them.
She couldn’t bear for that to happen with Zade. Best to steer around that potential catastrophe in a big wide circle.
She groped mentally for an out. Something that would save face for both of them. “Look, ah … I don’t even really have to call a car at this point,” she told him. “I could just tell Kruger to give me a ride home. He’s right outside.”
“Not up for dinner, then?”
She was taken aback at his downcast tone. “I, um … ”
“I’d understand if you don’t feel well enough,” he said. “And we could shoot for tomorrow. Breakfast, brunch, lunch. Anything is fine. As long as it’s soon.”
Huh. He seemed sincere. “Well, on second thought, I could,” she said hesitantly. “Do dinner, I mean. Just thought I’d, um, you know, destroyed the mood.”
He shook his head slowly. “Nope.”
An out-of-control smile was spreading over her face. She’d never felt a smile like that. One she hadn’t carefully dosed and calibrated to the exact intensity warranted by a given occasion. Her face gave her no choice. It felt great.
She didn’t even know what a smile like that would look like in the mirror.
“That’s unusual, you know,” she told him.
He looked at her quizzically. “What is?”
“That you’re not spooked by what just happened. Any normal guy would be. And I wouldn’t blame that guy at all.”
“I’m not normal,” Zade said. “No one would buy it if I tried to be. So I don’t worry about it.”
“I sure have,” she blurted. “I try so hard. You would not believe.”
“Yeah?” His brows came together in a thoughtful frown. “How’s that working out for you?”
“It sucks,” she said. “Falls apart on me every time. Like a wet paper bag.” She winced inwardly. Stop babbling. Please. Just stop.
“Hey, it’s okay to be different. Didn’t you read all those kids’ books about that?”
“No.” She realized he was teasing her when he chucked her under the chin.
“Me neither,” he said. “Raised by wolves.”
Her spirits rose a little. “It shows.”
“Thanks.” He grinned at her wickedly. “Anyway, I don’t think normal actually exists. It’s just a myth that makes us all feel like outcasts.”
Simone shrugged. “I guess so. But there are degrees.”
“Yeah,” Zade agreed. “But we all get our asses kicked some way or other. I don’t judge anyone for hitting the ground. What counts is that you get back up. Which you do. You fight back. Like a demon. I respect that.”
She wasn’t quite sure what he was getting at. “Fight? You mean the pepper spray and all that?”
“Sure. That goes without saying. But how about that phone call? You were getting hammered but you just wouldn’t go down. You’re tough.”
Simone was bewildered, but pleased. “Whatever. If that’s how you want to interpret it, I’m not going to argue with you.”
“Good, because you wouldn’t change my mind. So dinner’s on?”
“One last thing,” she said reluctantly. “We won’t have any privacy. Don’t forget Kruger. He’ll follow us everywhere and take pictures. Big pain in the ass.”
He pondered that, regarding her with those inscrutable dark eyes. “I bet I can get you out of here without Kruger seeing you go. Do you trust me?”
She listened to herself just come out and say it. “Yes.”
And she meant it, for the most part, but it was another big step taking her even deeper into the void. He’d materialized out of the blue and helped her fight off thugs and an excruciating panic attack, and for that alone she was inclined to trust him. But dinner in a crowded restaurant while Kruger snapped pictures was one thing. Disappearing into the night perhaps never to be seen again was quite another.
That moment of truth had come upon her sooner than she’d anticipated.
He took her hand. “Come with me.”
Contact with his hand had the same uncanny effect as before. She felt light and soft, strangely unburdened as she wove effortlessly through the press of people who had filled up the dim, noisy bar. He pulled her into the relative quiet of a dingy corridor. Past the pay phone and the bathrooms. Through a door to a narrow stairwell lit by a flickering bulb.
They were alone, and she wasn’t afraid. It was crazy. She went anyway.
Still holding his hand, she ran up flight after flight of stairs behind him as if she had rocket-propelled boots. By the fourth landing, she was laughing.
Zade aimed a hard kick at the battered lock on the door at the top of the stairs. It flew open and he drew her outside … into a whole new world.
The rain had slackened. Cold wind had picked up, tearing thick billowing clouds into ragged orange tinted tufts that shifted and sped, lit by the city’s lurid nighttime glow.
Lights glittered in the darkness. The sky was a ragged dome over satellite dishes turned up to it, a bristling forest of antennas, water towers, and skylights, twisting snarls of pipes and tubes. An eerily beautiful, dreamlike fantasy nightscape.
He led her swiftly across the roofs of several attached buildings, circling the raised skylights, ducking under flapping lines of rain-soaked laundry.
The last building on the block had a roof bordered by a low wall. He helped her over it and led her down into the recessed area near the door to the stairwell, sheltered from the wind.“Doing okay?” he asked her.
“I’m great,” she told him. “More than great.”
His teeth flashed. His hand tightened on hers, and he tugged it. A wordless invitation that she could not refuse. She melted into his arms, lifting her face to his.
And the nature of reality shifted forever.
Hunger exploded open to her shocked awareness like a seed bursting from its shell, both inevitable and miraculous. Yearnings, cravings. Unseen forces, unknown powers. Pushing her, pulling her. Upwelling, cascading. Emotional chaos.
His lips entreated and demanded, seeking the moist heat of her mouth with his tongue. She’d thought kissing was a skill that could be learned, but this kiss felt like an entity that possessed them, with its own feverish demands, its own agenda.
She abandoned herself to it. Carried away, dazzled by the hot, tender inner sweetness of his mouth, the implacable strength of his arms, the massive solidity of his chest, the shocking intimacy of being tasted, known. She felt so soft and yielding, and at the same time, charged with immense power. And terribly hungry.
For him. She twined around his big body with wild abandon. The muscles in his arms were like bundles of steel cable. His masculine heat made her frantic. She couldn’t get close enough to him fast enough. More. Now.
The kiss went wild all by itself. She clutched his neck, his shoulders, fingers scrabbling for a better grip. Her back was pressed to the rough brick wall, one leg lifted up to wrap eagerly around him. Her hips tilted to press the hot bulge in the front of his jeans, rocking closer to that rush of sweet pressure that promised more and more pleasure with each tantalizing, grinding push.
Her longing sharpened with each teasing pulse, until she was on the verge of screaming. No control over what her body did, the sounds she made. Clutching, kissing, pulling. Arching and gasping and heaving. She clutched at his taut, excellent ass, pulling him against the spot where she needed him most … oh, yes … again, and again … rocking and shoving … edging closer to that shining promise of …
Oh God. Yes.
It wrenched through her. Each throbbing pulse a flash of light that revealed the vast and starry infinity inside herself.
Later, the coolness of the wind and rain against her forehead made her open her eyes. The world felt brand new. Freshly washed. Glittering and mysterious.
Like him. He was so incredibly gorgeous, her eyes welled full.
He noticed. “Are you okay?”
“Oh, yes,” she whispered. “Oh, Zade.”
His grin carved beautiful dimpled lines into his lean cheeks, and he leaned closer to kiss away a tear that had flashed down over her cheekbone.
“That was so good,” he murmured, kissing her ear. “Exciting. Watching you come was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
She vibrated with silent laughter. She had no words. Too overwhelmed.
He slid his hands up under her loose sweatshirt, his big fingers settling into the curve of her waist, splaying over her ribs. He nudged the fabric up.
“Show me?” His voice was low and rough. Seductively pleading.
She didn’t hesitate. Just dragged the sweatshirt right up, revealing her cream lace bra. She undid the front clasp, hesitating for a split second before spreading open the lacy cups and baring herself to him.
The cold air hit her flushed skin, making her nipples tighten. She shivered with pleasure at the kiss of the rain, the grip of his big warm hands, the weight of his hot eyes roving over her body.
He let out a rasping groan and slid his hands up to cup her breasts, circling her soft globes with his fingertips. He bent to press his face to her, dragging slow, hot kisses over her shivering skin. Flicking with his tongue, suckling, hot and deep.
His mouth left a throbbing glow of pleasure in its wake. He took his own sweet time caressing and nuzzling and kissing her breasts until she was helpless with pleasure. Her body shook with intense awareness. She looped her arms around his shoulders, winding his thick, damp hair into her fingers and gasping at the deep, suckling pull of his mouth around her nipple, the liquid, yearning ache between her legs.
Her body vibrated with sensation. He looked up, frowning. “You’re cold?”
“Not cold. I feel hot. The rain feels good.”
“I’m so turned on right now, I’m about to pass out.” He reached down between them, adjusting his jeans. “Excuse me. He needed a little space.”
“Do you want me to go down on you?” The words were out before she realized how they would make her feel. Wanton, crazy, naughty. Things she’d never been before, things she didn’t identify with. Had no experience with.
She’d just met this guy. She knew nothing about him at all except that he drove her crazy with lust. And she was no expert fellatio artist, for damn sure.
Even so, she was already gripping his thick and extremely hard cock. She squeezed it possessively through his jeans. Stroked its steely length.
Oh yes. She wanted him in her mouth. Wanted it now.
Zade caught his breath. “Holy fuck. Right here?”
“I want to. Come on. Let’s do this.” She reached for his belt.
His hand covered hers, blocking it. “Wait. It doesn’t feel right.”
She stiffened. Humiliation flash-froze her buzz. She tried to pull away.
“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to—”
Her voice cut off as he covered her mouth with his own, a hard, urgent kiss. His body still vibrated with controlled hunger. “Hey, I want it. Of course I want it. But I should be on my knees to you. Worshipping at the sacred well. Paying homage with my tongue. You should have ten screaming orgasms before we even give a passing thought to my hard-on. Believe me, it won’t go away.”
Her face had gone hot crimson again. Good thing it was dark up here.
“And I’m trying real hard to be, you know, a gentleman. But you went there first, so fuck it.” He kissed her neck hungrily, tonguing her earlobe. “It’s true. I want to put my face between your legs. Open up your pussy lips, and make your clit pop out, and suck on it until you moan and pull my hair.”
“Keep talking,” she murmured.
He nipped at the sensitive cord in her neck and went on in a low, rasping whisper. “Most of all I want to tongue-fuck your pussy nice and slow. For as long as you want … until you come right against my face. How does that sound?”
“Um.” She tried to swallow, but her throat quivered. “Good. Very good.”
“Sorry,” he whispered against her ear. “Too much, too soon. I know. It’s been a weird night. I feel really close to you after what happened. Like we’re already lovers. That’s my only excuse.”
“It would be a good excuse if you needed an excuse. But you don’t.” She dragged him closer.
His eyes flashed. “Have mercy on me, Alison. Don’t let me fuck this up. Tell me to dial it down if I need to dial it down.”
She exhaled slowly. “You could ask me for anything you wanted tonight.”
He hesitated. “Anything,” he repeated.
She nodded.
“I’m taking you at your word,” he warned.
“You do that.”
He sank down to his knees, lifting up the hem of her long skirt. “Hold this.”
He admired her lace panties for a second, no more, and tugged them down.
Zade ran his hands reverently over her hips, her thighs, her ass, between her legs. His hot breath caressed her thighs. He inhaled hungrily. “Ahhh. So fucking perfect.”
Then he put his mouth to her, and every thought still lingering in her head melted into a liquid shimmer of shocked sensation.
He was fiercely focused on her pleasure, his tongue sliding eagerly between her folds. Swirling and thrusting into her molten core.
Her head fell back. She was shocked at how wonderful it felt. How wonderful she felt.
She tried to steady herself by digging her fingers into his shoulders, but his muscles were massive, unyielding. She wound her fingers into his hair. Intense pleasure with a bright, shining edge of terror swelled like a vast wave, rising higher … and higher …