Lizza sipped at the coffee just to have something to do with her hands.
Why had Oriel left?
He never left her alone, not in the apartment. Sure, he would hang out in the living room while she was sleeping, just because that would be creepy otherwise, and sure, he was twitchy a lot when they were in such close quarters… but she’d never seen him up and flee like that. She rewound over everything she said, but she couldn’t find anything that would drive him away. Unless… was it her disastrous run? She told him she didn’t think she could fix it.
Did her utter and complete failure mean he was off the hook Guarding her now?
She slowed her nervous pacing and set down the mug. She hadn’t considered the possibility of Oriel just leaving. Somehow she figured he would always stick around, trying to Guard her and not giving into this insane sexual tension they had going—she was convinced more than ever that it wasn’t just her. That was the problem—he wanted her, too. They just couldn’t act on those feelings. Which was fine. She could do the friend thing. But she’d been blathering on about her problems—again!—and had failed to mention she understood about being friends. She’d only gotten halfway through an apology, and she’d meant to tell him she would totally respect his space and his need to not do that flirting thing anymore, but then the whole thing had devolved.
And then he left.
That was hitting her harder with each passing moment.
She literally had to sit down because her legs were feeling weak. Then again, she really hadn’t eaten much these last few days. She stuffed a few more crackers and cheese and salami slices in her mouth and chewed with a mission. She needed to be stronger when he came back.
If he came back.
Then she would tell him straight away that she would behave herself from now on. If only he wouldn’t leave her. It wasn’t even about the project or the security—the last thing she was worried about was black-winged shadowlings. She just wanted to know he would stay by her side. Be her friend. Keep her spirits up when they cratered, like today when he literally held her up. She had had no one like that in her life—zero good friends she could depend on—since her parents died. It had always been her, riding solo, working hard, soaring to new heights of achievement. It was all she’d wanted, and somehow along the way, she’d convinced herself, it was all she needed.
But she needed Oriel.
That was the plain truth, as he would say.
She focused on washing down bites of cheese and crackers with coffee, but she only got halfway through the plate, when suddenly, Oriel, Tajael, and Charlotte appeared in her living room. She was startled so badly, she spilled what was left of her coffee all over her t-shirt and jeans and the couch.
“Oh, crap!” She quickly stood and swallowed down the crackers still in her mouth. Then she just kind of stared in shock… Oriel was back. But why had he brought the others?
“Sorry,” Tajael said, about their sudden entrance. He grimaced at the coffee staining her shirt.
Charlotte just looked her over with a concerned frown.
Oriel hurried to her side, taking the now-empty coffee mug and setting it on the table. “Come with me. We need to talk.” Then he took her hand—what?—and started towing her back toward her bedroom.
“Oriel, what’s going on—”
He flashed a look at her, and she could tell he wanted to speak in private, so she held her tongue. But why bring Tajael and Charlotte to the apartment if he wanted to be alone? Her head was spinning. She glanced back, but Tajael already had his hands on Charlotte’s shoulders, bending his head to speak quietly to her. They were definitely staying put.
When Lizza and Oriel reached her bedroom, he closed the door.
Then he turned to her, but she already had her finger up. “Whatever this is about, I’ve got something to say first.”
“But—”
“Are there shadow angelings about to attack?” she asked.
He leaned back. “No.”
“Are the fae launching some kind of offensive I need to worry about?”
“No?” He was looking at her like she’d gone crazy.
“Is the lab on fire?”
He frowned. “Not that I’ve heard.”
“Then let me have my say.” She stepped closer to him so she could lower her voice and peer up into those soft brown eyes. “Oriel, you are the sexiest damn man I know. Angeling. Whatever. You’re kind and sweet and good.”
He opened his mouth to protest, so she raised her finger again. He stopped.
“You are exactly the kind of man I would want to lose my virginity to.”
His eyes went wide.
“But I understand that’s not possible. Because you’re not a man—you’re an angeling. A person so pure of heart and good and righteous that honestly, there’s no man on earth who could ever compete. So you’ve stolen my heart, even though I know that’s not the kind of thing you do.” His eyes just got wider, so she hurried up. “But here’s the thing. I need you. Not as a boyfriend… as a friend. I need someone I can count on to pick me up and dust me off and put me on my feet again. Not because I’m weak or needy or whatever—because everyone should have a friend like that. And I’ve just never really had that. Not for the longest time.” Dang it, her eyes were stinging. “So, just promise me you won’t run out on me, okay?”
He looked stricken. “I’m not sure I can promise that.”
No, no, no… “I promise I won’t torment you anymore. No more teasing. No more flirting. I said I was sorry, and I meant it. But Oriel, please—”
This time, he was the one to stop her. He held a finger up and almost touched her lips with it, an attempt to keep them from flapping more nonsense. “You misunderstand.” And then he touched them, so softly and sweetly that she ached when he quickly dropped his hand. “I can’t promise that I won’t run out on you—because if I were a danger to you, I would have to leave. And I would do it before you could count your next heartbeat.”
“What are you talking about?” She scowled.
A small smile tugged at his lips. “I’m saying I won’t leave, Lizza. Not unless I have to.”
Relief washed through her. “Oh. Okay. Good.”
“But there’s something I need to do.” And the way he said it—the way he edged closer to her—he definitely meant he needed to do something to her. Like kiss her, with the way his gaze was fixated on her lips.
“Like what?” she whispered. Hoping. Trying not to hope. Hoping again.
His gaze rose up to meet hers. He peered into her eyes for a moment. “There’s one more power angelings have that I haven’t told you.”
“Seriously? You guys have an endless supply of those.”
He smiled then ran his fingers along the hair framing her face. It was so gentle, barely even touching her, but it electrified every part of her. He’d never done that before, not that way. “You are so beautiful and brilliant. Not only on the outside, the things mortals can see, but on the inside as well.”
“Wait, you can see… the inside of me?” The shock of this was an icy hot tremor through her. “Can you read my thoughts?” Oh, God, that would be horrible.
He gave a soft laugh. “No. I spend quite a bit of time wondering what you’re thinking, though.”
That turned the icy hot into pure heat. She held her breath, waiting for more.
“What I see is who you truly are,” he said gently. “The essence of you. Your soul.”
The chill came rushing back. “You do?” Okay, that could be equally bad. Worse, even. “What does that look like?”
His mouth worked for a moment, but no words came out. Then he swallowed. “Do you know the feeling when you see something impossibly beautiful? A work of art. A glorious sunset. A small child picking flowers. An act of kindness. All of those things pressed together and made to shine forth, brighter than the sun. That is a human soul.”
Now she was the one who couldn’t speak. Finally, she managed, “You can see that?”
“Yes.” His voice was a whisper, and his hand had strayed to her cheek, so light with his fingers she would barely know it except that her skin was on fire with his touch. “When I say you are beautiful on the inside, Lizza, I mean it literally. Your soul shines with such brilliance that it steals my breath. Humans are impossibly alluring to angelkind to begin with. That’s why it’s so difficult to Guard them.” He was closer now, gaze flicking between her lips and her eyes, and she’d never ached so much for a man to kiss her in her entire life. “A woman like you would be terribly difficult to resist under any normal circumstance, but in your specific case, there’s something more. Something I’m done trying to resist because it’s the one thing I can give you.”
Her eyes were wide. “What do you mean?” Just kiss me, she begged with her eyes.
He brought his other hand up, so he was now cupping her cheeks. Just like that time before, in his cell, when she was certain he would kiss her.
“Your soul has a darkness in it. A broken spot in need of healing.”
“What?” She drew back, slipping out of his grasp. “I’m not… I’m not broken, Oriel. I was just… upset or depressed or whatever. I’m fine.”
He gave her the kindest look. The kind you give to someone who is broken, in pain, hurting in some terrible way… oh, crap.
Her mouth went dry.
“I can see it, Lizza,” he said softly. Gently. So kindly.
And yet it was like a thunderclap jolting her system. What was wrong with her?
“You lost your parents.” His hands took hold of hers. “It opened a wound in your soul. You know this is Truth.”
Something deep inside her ached. She felt the resonance of what he was saying there. “That was so long ago…” But she knew that didn’t matter. Was there a single day she hadn’t thought about them? About fulfilling her vow to her father on his deathbed? No.
“And every day since, you’ve devoted yourself to them.” He smiled kindly. “It’s a noble thing, the pursuit of science, but you forsook all other things for it. The wound could never heal because you never let anything come into your life that was capable of healing it.”
She wanted him in her life. Was that what he meant? “But you can heal it?” That surge of hope sprang up again. Was he saying what she thought?
He nodded. “I thought you might get there on your own. I felt sure that your work would fulfill your vow to them, and once that happened, you would heal your own soul. It can happen. Or so I’m told. But then the Bounce Back run went sour. And the darkness inside you grew, Lizza. It grew, and it dragged you into its darkness.”
She frowned. “I just get down sometimes, that’s all.” She shook her head, resolute. “I’m not suicidal or crazy or… whatever you’re thinking.”
His hands released hers then slid back to her cheeks. “I’m thinking that you needn’t feel that darkness anymore. I can bestow a blessing upon you—one that will heal the rift inside. You’ll be free of the darkness that crowds your thoughts when you falter in the pursuit of your vow. And then—once you’re whole—I’m sure you’ll find your way to it.”
It was hard to breathe with him so close, holding her face, whispering these things to her. “You want to give me a blessing so I can fulfill my vow?” Her eyes ached with unshed tears. She’d never met anyone like this amazing, beautiful man. She would take his blessing and his friendship and whatever else he had to give. And she would try like crazy to be worthy of it all.
“I want so badly to heal your soul.” His voice was rough, and it revved her heart.
“How…” She couldn’t breathe. “How does it work?”
“I breathe it upon you with a kiss.”
Oh, God, yes! Yes. She nodded, rapidly, cheeks moving against the infinite softness of his hands. Please let this happen. Please let this be real.
A breath escaped him like a sigh—and she was afraid that was it.
But then he leaned into her, slipping one hand behind her head and the other to her back, drawing her against him. When his lips met hers, she shuddered with the pent-up need for his touch. Her lips parted under his, but he wasn’t kissing her—at least, it was like no kiss she’d ever seen. He was open-mouthed breathing into her, like a slow and deeply sensual CPR. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it infused her with a soaring joy, like a straight jolt of life that shocked her heart then seeped into every corner of her being. Her hands grasped at his broad shoulders, bringing him tighter against her, opening herself wider in every way—her mouth, her heart, her aching need for him. He kept breathing the long, slow breath like he was emptying himself into her, and heat surged up to chase after her joy.
She wanted his man like she’d wanted nothing in her life.
His hold on her was gentle, but his muscles flexed, tense and rigid like he was holding himself back. Which was not what she wanted. She was pressed against the length of him, and every hard muscle was taut against her, including an impressive erection. He wanted her too. Of course. She knew that, but feeling his desire made her squirm with the need for a real kiss. Not one composed of a surging blessing-breath, but lips and tongue and need.
He finished the blessing at long last and pulled back just far enough that their lips no longer touched. He sucked in air fast, then breathed raggedly against her lips.
“Oriel,” she whispered. Then she pulled his face to hers, meeting him halfway with her lips. His were now soft, and they yielded to her demands. At first, the kiss was lips only, tentative as she nibbled at his to see if he would respond. If he would give her the kiss she truly desired. Then his lips moved, just a little, parrying her thrusts, pushing back against her demands. At first, it was soft… then he became more insistent.
Her heart thrilled to movement. He was kissing her!
His tongue brushed her lips, and she eagerly opened her mouth to him. He made a small sound—like a moan or a groan—then slipped his tongue into her mouth. His kiss was soft and then strong, gentle touches then harder thrusts. Her heart stuttered with the wonder of it, her hands clung to his shoulders, her body aching for more. His fingers worked into her hair, his hand skimming down her back and over her bottom. Yes! She could hardly believe this was happening. Her aching need for more surged up and made her claw desperately at him. He groaned and walked her backward. The wall came up hard against her back, and he pressed her into it, plundering her mouth with his tongue. His erection loomed large between them, pressing into her belly and making her writhe against him.
Yes, yes, yes! She wanted him now. She didn’t care if this was the first time for both of them—they would fumble their way through it. They would make it work. Neither of them knew much about what they were doing, but everything—his kiss, his groans, the way he moved against her like he couldn’t get enough—felt so right.
He pulled back from his deep kiss. “Lizza.” His voice was rough—ragged. Hoarse. “Lizza, I have so much… want. So much need.”
She dug her fingers into his shoulders. “I want you so badly.”
He groaned and dove in for another kiss. But as he did, his clothes disappeared! No… transformed. He was wearing the toga again, which left his bare chest hot against her palms and pressing against her. Only her thin t-shirt stood between them. So much manly muscle all at once wedging her against the wall…
She whimpered. It was mewling and soft. She would have begged him to take her, right here, right now, but all sound was trapped by his kiss. So she just whimpered again under the press of all that gorgeous flesh, and the sound seemed to drive him into a frenzy. He pressed her harder into the wall and groaned. A whisper of sound from behind him drew open her eyes—
Black wings.
She jolted in his arms. The reaction stopped him cold. He yanked back, breathing heavily, eyes dilated, lips parted. She fumbled to say something, but the terror in her eyes was enough to draw him back further.
And then her heart fell to the floor. She’d thought the flash of black feathers was a shadow angeling come to attack them… but no.
They were Oriel’s wings.
“No, no, no, no…” She was blabbering.
Oriel frowned and whipped his head to the side—then he jerked away from her. “No!” he cried.
“Oriel—”
But he had already staggered back. The horror on his face ripped her heart in two.
“Wait!” She flung herself away from the wall, reaching for him, but he jerked out of her reach again.
Then, with a screech that felt like it might break her ears, he flung himself up—but he just slammed against the ceiling and crashed face-first back down into the floor. Plaster fell with him.
“Oriel!” She lurched toward him.
He picked up his head and snarled. “Stay away!” Then he leaped off the floor, bounced off the wall as he turned and flew through her bedroom door.
“No!” She chased after him with numb legs.
More screeching came from the living room—a high-pitched sound that ripped the air—and when she turned the corner, she glimpsed Oriel just before he slammed into the ceiling again. Only this time… he passed through.
And disappeared.
Tajael stood next to the wall, arms raised. He’d dropped the wards. Her guess was confirmed by his frantic waving and whispering—all the things they did to raise them again.
“Okay, they’re up,” he gasped out in a ragged voice to Charlotte.
Then he caught sight of Lizza, and both turned to stare.
What had she done?