Chapter Six

Jonah felt like he couldn't speak as the car drove away from the factory. Aubrey's revelation sat like a rock in his stomach and he didn't know what he was supposed to think or what to say. Her father? What did she mean that Frederick was her father? It didn't make any sense. When the older man brought him out of the factory Jonah had trusted him because he said that he knew Nana. Though it seemed strange and he didn't understand the man's sudden appearance at the factory or the fact that he wanted him to leave without Aubrey, it had been his promise of a connection with Nana and the insistence that they didn't have the time to hesitate or even to think that made Jonah listen to him. What had happened after was something that Jonah could never have expected, but this had thrown him even further, confused him even more, made him feel even more like he was completely out of control.

He had been so happy to see Aubrey. She didn't know what he had been through or how long it had really been since he had been able to hold her in his arms. He knew that to her it had only been a matter of less than an hour since they had parted ways in the basement, but to Jonah, it had been years. They had timed their return to the factory precisely, taking the time to first go to the school to meet with Linnea and gather the supplies and information that they needed to ensure that they were completely ready before going to the factory. It was critical that they entered at just the right moment. They couldn't go in too soon and potentially risk overlapping their streams in a way that could be dangerous to all of them, but they also couldn't wait too long and leave Aubrey and the others at serious risk. Through all his preparation and all that he had gone through, however, nothing braced him for those two words that Aubrey had just said.

How could Frederick not have told him? In all that they had gone through together, in the years that they had spent traveling, fighting, researching. Through all they had done to get them ready for this moment and for the work that still lay ahead. Through all of that, never had he mentioned that he had any relationship to Aubrey, much less that he was her father.

They had all fallen silent after the revelation and they drove along tensely as if each was lost in their own thoughts and unwilling to compromise the sanctity of the stillness or the confidentiality of their own minds. Even if they did, Jonah didn't know what to say. He had already been trying to come up with how he was going to explain to her what had happened. It was already going to be incredibly difficult to tell her what had happened after she left the basement and what was still lying ahead for them. Now that was out of his mind. It didn't matter what she thought of what he had done. What mattered was the questions of why. Why didn't she tell him who her father was? Did she even know? Why hadn't Frederick told him that he was Aubrey's father? Where was her mother? Why didn't Nana tell Aubrey what her parents did and why they weren't around? Why had Frederick chosen this moment to resurface rather than sooner? How did he even know to come?

The questions were filling his mind so completely that Jonah barely recognized that the car was slowing and then stopped. He heard the slamming of the front door and it brought his attention away from the place in the dark blue carpeting on the floor of the car that he had been staring at since they left the factory. He looked around, noticing that it was inky black outside of the car. They were outside of a large building and it took a few seconds for Jonah to process the fact that they had arrived at a hotel. He didn't know how long it had been since they left the factory or where they were, and even as everyone else around him was getting out of the car, he stayed in place. It was as if the impact of everything he had experienced and everything that was still to come had suddenly hit him and he didn't know how to get through the next moment

The door beside him opened and he turned to see Aubrey looking in at him. They stared at each other for a few seconds in silence.

"Come on inside," she finally said. "We all need to get some sleep."

"There's a lot that we need to talk about."

"In the morning, Jonah. We need to get some rest."

Jonah shook his head.

"No. We need to talk. I need to understand all of this."

"None of us have the energy to go through all of it tonight. We've been through so much already. We need to rest and then we can talk through it when we have a clear mind."

She said it as though she was trying to push away the thought of anything that he wanted to talk about. She was pulling away from it, trying to ignore it, trying to pretend as though none of it had happened or was happening and that she didn't need to acknowledge it.

"Aubrey, you just told me that a man I thought I knew is your father. How am I supposed to just ignore that? Aren't you curious at all? Don't you want to know how I met him or why he's here? Haven't you noticed that I look different?"

He felt almost desperate. He couldn't understand why she was so dismissive, how she could just push it all aside and not feel the way that he was. Aubrey's eyes flashed, and her jaw tightened.

"Of course, I'm curious. Of course, I want to know all of that. Of course, I've noticed. But it scares the hell out of me and I just can't deal with it right now. I'm exhausted and I need to sleep. I just want to go to sleep. I will have to face it all tomorrow and I know that there's nothing that I can do about that, but for now, I don't. For now, I can go into that hotel, take the longest, hottest shower that I have ever taken, and then go to sleep. Are you going to come with me, or are you going to stay here in the car?"

He had never seen her like this. Jonah didn't know how he should process the change that he was seeing in her. He had missed her so much. For the years that he had been gone from her, he had felt like there was a part of him missing, like someone had taken his heart out. He had hoped that when he got to see her again he would have the opportunity to savor holding her in his arms again. Though she wouldn't have felt their separation and wouldn't know the pain that he had gone through, he wanted to embrace her, to show her how much he loved her, to make sure that she knew that she was on his mind every single day, every moment of the day, no matter what he was going through. No matter what he was doing or what he was facing during those years, she was always there in his thoughts. She never left his mind and he longed for her with every beat of his heart.

Now, though, she looked tired, frustrated, and even angry. She didn't feel the love that he wanted to show her, or even the urge to understand what they had found themselves. Jonah had learned so much in the time that he had spent with Frederick and had an even greater sense of urgency about all that they needed to do, but now that he was here with Aubrey, alone for the first time in so long, he felt like he knew less than he ever had.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do now," he said.

"Come inside with me. Go to sleep."

Jonah finally nodded and climbed out of the car. He walked alongside Aubrey across the nearly empty parking lot toward the brightly glowing glass doors that led into the lobby of the hotel. Her hand brushed his and he took it, tightly intertwining their fingers to create the connection that he had been searching for since he first saw her running through the hall of the factory and reached out to grab her. For those moments as they walked through the night it felt almost as though all was normal again. He could just enjoy the feeling of her hand in his, their skin together, and know that things were going to be alright.

They stepped through the doors and into the bright lobby. Jonah winced slightly as the light hit his eyes and he again wondered how long he had been in the car. Wondered if he had fallen asleep or if he had just spent the trip staring, unable to keep himself present in the moment as his mind went to work untangling the thoughts, questions, and memories that were clashing inside. Frederick was standing near an elevator to the far side of the lobby and as they walked by the front desk Jonah noticed the man standing behind it lift his eyes and watch them. He looked curious and unnerved, as if he had noticed the unusual assortment of people that had just walked through the lobby. Jonah could only assume that this hotel didn't get a tremendous amount of business thanks to its location seemingly away from everything else, and that few people showed up in the middle of the night.

They walked to Frederick, who opened the elevator as they approached. They rode up two floors in silence and then made their way down the corridor. It suddenly occurred to Jonah how long it had been since he had been in a hotel. During the years that he had been traveling with Frederick, they had stayed in homes, camped, found shelter in abandoned buildings they came across. He hadn't been in a hotel since before he left for the Nyx 23 mission. Yet nothing seemed to have changed. It was a strange realization. The surroundings were exactly as he remembered. There was so much that was different about Earth now that he had returned from the time he had spent on Uoria. Though he had only had conscious memory of just over 15 years of that time, the further he explored and the more he experienced, the more evident it was just how long his absence really was. The changes were extensive, the progress breathtaking. But here in this hotel, time had stopped. Everything seemed just as it had in the hotel that he stayed in before he left. The walls looked so similar, with a somewhat unbalanced combination of textured paint and wallpaper in a mix of cream, dusty blue, and mauve that seemed a popular choice among hotels. The carpet felt like the same thick, dense texture that he remembered and when he looked down at it Jonah saw that it had the swirling pattern that gave the impression of the carpet being lush and thick even though it was industrial in order to make it easy to clean.

What struck him the most, however, was the smell. As they walked down the quiet, cold hallway, Jonah could remember the smell of the hotel that he stayed in before getting onboard the StarCity. It was the same smell as this hotel, something fresh and clean, but completely unique to hotels. In front of him, Frederick stopped in front of a door and Jonah's mind snapped back into the current moment. It seemed ridiculous that he had gotten so wrapped up in the experience of walking down the hallway of the hotel, that of all the things he had experienced since coming back to Earth, that was what had struck him the most. Yet it was reassuring in a way, comforting in its consistency and predictability. He was willing to give in to the superficial reality of focusing on these details. He was happy to give himself over to something with little impact, little meaning to the rest of the world, just so that he could feel like he had some control and some sense of stability as everything else tilted and twirled around him. If he could put himself back into that feeling before he got onto the ship, he could remind himself of a time when none of this had happened. He could remind himself of a time when he cared only about getting on the ship and going to a planet that was being misused so he could save the tormented and imprisoned who were on it.

He never would have believed that he wouldn't return to Earth in the few months that they thought it would take. He never would have believed how much more they would uncover or what they would go through just to finish what they started.

Now he just hoped that they would have a chance.

Frederick opened the door to the room and they walked through. Jonah walked in and noticed Ilya, Mordecai, Willow, and Gannon sitting on the long couch and two overstuffed chairs positioned around a low table in the center of what looked like a living area. It was the first moment that he realized that Willow and Gannon hadn't been in the car with them when they were coming from the factory. He wondered how they had gotten there, but he didn't have the energy to ask. He put down the bag that he had carried from the car and filled a cup from the nearby counter with hot coffee, swallowing it so fast it burned his throat. When he put the cup down, he looked at Frederick.

"Where am I sleeping?" he asked, trying to withhold the anger that he was feeling.

Jonah hated that he was feeling so angry toward the man who he had learned to trust and rely on so much. He knew there had to be a reason that he hadn't been forthcoming with him. There had to be an explanation for not telling him everything that he needed to know. Yet he felt betrayed by him. In the back of his mind, he also felt that Aubrey had been betrayed. By the way her voice sounded when she made the declaration that Frederick was her father Jonah could tell that she didn't know what he had been doing. She had no idea who he really was or what had brought him away from her all those times, keeping him from seeing her for years. He had seen the pain in her eyes and confusion on her face. He knew how much it had shocked her when she saw him, but at the same time Jonah couldn't help but wonder how she couldn't know anything. She had to have. There had to be some kind of indication, something that would tell her that her family was far more than just their wealth.

"Jonah…" Frederick started.

"I need to get some sleep," he said.

He had just argued with Aubrey when she said the same thing, wanting to talk, but now that he was facing them, Jonah wanted to get out of the room. As much as the questions were filling his mind and digging through his thoughts, he no longer wanted to face them. Not yet. For now, he needed to continue to think that everything was as it had been and the plans that they had laid could remain as they were. Frederick didn't respond, and Jonah turned away from the group to head through one of the three doors that were to the sides of the living area. He stepped through and was startled to see that Aubrey was inside. He hadn't noticed that she had walked in there, and yet he must have because he had chosen that one to go into rather than any of the others.

Aubrey turned to look at him from the small suitcase that was set on the bed.

"These are my clothes," she said softly.

Jonah nodded as he walked up to the bed and put his own bag down on it. He opened it and pulled out a pair of pajamas.

"I know," he said. "I brought it."

"But it isn't my suitcase. I mean, not the one that I brought when we left for the factory."

"I know," he said. "That one was in the other car and I didn't know if it was going to make it here. I wanted to make sure that you had what you needed when I came for you, so I had that one packed for you."

"By who?"

"Linnea," he said.

"Linnea?" Aubrey sounded surprised. "Why? I mean...how? She didn't come with us. You were already in the factory."

"I wasn't there when I asked her."

"I don't understand."

"I know you don't."

Jonah took his clothes and brought them into the bathroom so that he could shower before getting dressed. By the time that he came out, Aubrey was in her nightgown and curled up in the bed, her eyes closed. Jonah turned off the lamp and slipped under the blankets with her. The muscles and joints throughout his body relaxed into the mattress despite the tension that was coursing through him. His body felt more comfortable than he had in as long as he could remember and the combination of that comfort and the feeling of the warmth of Aubrey's body radiating toward his instantly made Jonah start to drift to sleep.

"Why do you look different?"

Aubrey's voice was soft and cautious in the dark and for a moment Jonah wasn't sure he had actually heard her say anything and that it wasn't the beginning of a dream.

"Hmmm?" he said, more a groan of acknowledgment than any real words so that if she hadn't actually spoken to him he would have less of a chance of waking her up with his response.

"Why do you look so different?" she asked. "You don't look the same."

Jonah's heart thudded in his chest and he rolled over so that he was on his side facing Aubrey. She turned to face him as well, so their faces were just inches apart. He could feel her breath brushing across his skin and hear it as it moved in and out of her lungs. It was reassuring, and he felt the anger that had built inside of him start to seep away. He was too happy to be back so close to her that he could reach out and touch her to be angry. He had already been through too much to be upset.

"What looks different?" he asked, knowing how much he had changed but also wanting to hear it from her so that he could understand what she was seeing and how she was internalizing it.

"You're wearing different clothes than you were when you were in the basement," she said.

Jonah let out a brief, involuntary laugh.

"My clothes?" he asked. "That's what you noticed about me?"

He could hear the voices of the rest of the group still in the other room, so he kept his voice lower. He didn't want them listening. Though they were only talking about something that he knew they would all discuss come morning, he still felt protective of the conversation that they were having. It was the closest thing that he’d had to privacy with Aubrey for so long that he didn't want to share any of it with anyone else. Until they were all in the same room talking about all that was unfolding, this was his time to talk only with her.

"No," she said. "I noticed more. I just didn't want to…"

Jonah slid a little closer to her and shook his head.

"It's alright," he said. "I know that I look different. I should. It's been years since you've seen me."

Aubrey looked startled.

"What?" she asked. "What do you mean it's been years since I've seen you? You were in the basement when I walked out of it. You were right there. I left and heard Ryan shouting for Ilya --"

"And you went after him and shouted for him to come get you and started running through the factory. You shined your lightstick on him to distract him from going after them but then you put it in your pocket so that it wouldn't be bright enough for you to really call attention to yourself while you were going down the halls and up and down the stairs. You didn't know where the Valdicians were and you didn't know what was going to happen if they found you, so you just ran through the dark."

Aubrey nodded.

"Yes," she said softly. "How did you know that?"

"I was there," Jonah said. "I watched it happen."

"But how did you get out of the basement fast enough to be there? And how did I not see you running after me?"

"Because I didn't come out of the basement."

"I don't understand."

Jonah took a breath. He had always known that he was going to have to have this conversation, but he thought he was going to have Frederick right there with him to help him through it. Now he was going to have to come up with the words himself and just hope that he chose the right ones so that he was able to tell her all that he had done and all that they still needed to do. It seemed strange to feel so unsure preparing to tell her about his movements through years that had already passed. He came from a century before, had technically lived through many more years than his lifespan should have allowed him. But this was different. When he lived those years, it was because of the Covra and the toxin that they had pumped into his body along with all the other members of Nyx 23. He hadn't really lived those years and he had done nothing to move through them.

With Frederick, though, he had. Along with Frederick, he had jumped through spans of time that for the first months that he was away from the factory left him feeling dizzy and confused. He took to writing out where and when they had gone and what they had done so he could keep track and ensure that he always knew where he was in the timeline of his past so he didn't overlap. Now that his timeline had reconciled, and he had returned to his own line of progress, he didn't have to worry about the potential dangers of encountering himself unwittingly, but he did have to acknowledge the changes that had come over him in the time since Frederick brought him out of the factory.

The years had changed him. Though his grasp on how the moments, days, and years worked when he was moving through them still felt unsure, Jonah knew that he didn't look exactly the same as he had when he left. His face was older now, if only slightly, and the scar that stretched down the side of his cheek marked him with a reminder of what he endured and what he accomplished. Skirting carefully around discussing Frederick as anything more than the man who had come for him, Jonah told Aubrey all that had happened and what he had learned. The complexity of Ryan and the Valdicians started to fall open in front of her, but there were still gaps, there were still questions, just as there were for him. That was why they needed to come back now. They needed her. They needed Ilya and Mordecai. They needed to keep them from Ryan.

They talked until the sun was starting to come up and then finally drifted to sleep, but Jonah could only rest for a few hours. He was soon awake and pacing around the living room when Frederick came out of one of the other bedrooms. His eyes met Frederick's and there was an unspoken exchange. The older man looked as though he knew that this moment would come and had been dreading it. He didn't seem to know what to say or how to resolve the tension that now existed between the two that had come to lean on each other.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jonah finally asked. "How could you not tell me?"

Frederick sighed and took a few more steps toward Jonah.

"I couldn't, Jonah. I need you to trust me when I tell you that I didn't mean to deceive you. I didn't want to lie to you or to make you think that I was trying to keep something from you. That wasn't my intention. I just knew that there was no way that I could explain it to you at that time. I needed you to work with me the way we did without knowing so we could accomplish everything that we needed to and then I could tell you."

"Why?" Jonah asked. "Why couldn't you tell me at the beginning? I still would have worked with you. I still would have helped you with everything."
"But if you knew that I was Aubrey's father, you might have tried to get her involved or let her know what was happening and I couldn't let that happen. This is the way that it had to be. But I can explain it all now."

"Explain it to me, too."

Jonah turned around and saw Aubrey standing at the door to the bedroom. Her eyes were focused past him, locked on Frederick.