The first thing Aerity noticed when she sat down across from Wyneth in the library that afternoon was her cousin’s sea-green gown, the way it brought out the green in her hazel eyes. Aerity sat down and spoke carefully, seeing how Wyneth fidgeted nervously with her skirts.
“You look beautiful in that color, Wyn.”
Wyneth shook her head. “I fear it is too soon.”
“I don’t believe so,” Aerity said. “It is right to mourn, but there is no shame when it’s time to move on. It doesn’t mean you won’t always love him and remember him.”
Wyneth ran a hand down her skirts, calming.
Caitrin came into the room and bumped into the doorframe, spilling hot tea across her tray. She’d been jumpy that morning as well, dropping a stack of linens when she passed Aerity in the hallway.
“Seas alive,” Caitrin breathed. “I’m very sorry, Your Highness and Lady Wyneth. I’ll be back with more.”
“Caitrin!” Wyneth said with a funny look. “It was only a small spill. I’m sure there’s still plenty more in the pot.”
Caitrin hesitated before bustling forward and setting down the tray. Her hands shook as she wiped the spilled tea and poured cups for both girls. Once she’d served them and rushed away, Wyneth gave Aerity an amused look.
“What do you suppose has come over her?”
Aerity gave a stiff shrug. If Wyn knew, it would upset her.
They sipped their steaming tea in silence. It had been ages since Wyneth asked Aerity to the library. The princess used to accompany her cousin weekly to watch her draw. Those had been peaceful days.
Wyneth set down her cup and watched Aerity closely. The princess ran her fingers down her long braid before asking, “What is it? You’ve something on your mind?”
Wyneth slowly shook her head. “Nay. Do you?”
“Nay.”
At the same time they picked up their cups and sipped, eyeing each other over the rims. Of course Wyneth would be able to tell something was happening with her—they never could keep secrets. Aerity didn’t want her cousin to worry, but she also knew Wyneth could be trusted and wouldn’t try to stop her. And as much as it pained her to think of leaving without telling her sister, Vixie, she knew the younger princess would want to accompany her, and that simply was not happening.
Aerity set down her cup. She glanced toward the doorway, but the guard was too far down the hall to hear. Still, she lowered her voice. “You know my parents are pushing up the wedding date to winter?”
Wyneth touched her fingers to her throat, swallowing the hot tea before she nodded.
“Well, I plan to have one last adventure before I do their bidding. I will leave a letter so they know I’m safe.” Aerity twisted her braid tightly in her hands.
Wyneth set down her cup and watched her closely. “But will you truly be safe, Cousin?”
“I plan to be, of course. I don’t aim to be reckless. And I won’t be alone. I’m seeking a favor from Harrison.”
“Harrison?” Wyneth’s brow scrunched with worry. “What about his work? Won’t he be reprimanded for abandoning his post?”
“Not if I can make it seem that he gave chase to find me and bring me back.”
Wyneth’s fingers drummed the sides of her cup, seeming lost in thought. “Where will you go?”
Ah, there was the question. Aerity didn’t fully know.
“South,” she said. “Before Tiern left, he told me he believed Paxton had set off to supposed safe lands in southern Kalor, or perhaps to Zorfina to the Zandalee tribe.”
“That could take you weeks to find him, even on horseback. How long will you search before you return? You must give yourself a limit, Aer, or we’ll all be worried sick.”
Aerity felt her insides trembling at the unknown. “I will search for two weeks, and if I don’t find him, I will return straightaway. One month. That is how long I plan to be gone. No longer.”
“That will hardly give you any time with him.”
Aerity knew this. It was one of the plan’s many possible flaws. Would a day or two be enough to tie up their loose ends and allow her to move on?
“I don’t know if I’ll find him at all,” Aerity whispered. “Or if he’ll be glad to see me, for that matter. I’m trying to prepare myself for any outcome.”
Wyneth brought the cup to her lips but didn’t drink. Her eyes were distant and lost.
“Please don’t worry, Wyn,” Aerity whispered.
“Is it strange that I’m jealous?” Wyneth asked softly.
Aerity’s chest tightened. “Would you like to join me?”
“Nay.” She shook her head. “It’s just the thought of being out there, free, with you and Harrison . . .” She smiled to herself. “But I fear I would slow you down. And I think I’ll be needed here to help calm your parents and sister.”
Relief rushed through Aerity. She had been counting on Wyneth to keep things running as smoothly as possible in her absence. “I don’t imagine I’ll be missed. My ideals are bothersome to them. They kicked me out of the office today! I am afraid of what is happening in this kingdom.” She eyed her cousin. “Am I completely horrid to leave when things are the way they are?”
Duty warred with her heartfelt desires.
Wyneth took Aerity’s hand tightly. “You have the rest of your life to sacrifice all for this kingdom. Lochlanach will rule you as much as you rule it. A single month, in the scheme of things, is nothing. If the most wayward time of your life happens before you’re even of age, then I’d say you will succeed.”
Aerity’s eyes burned. Nobody understood her quite like Wyneth. “I have a favor to ask. Are you willing to deliver messages to Harrison and Miss Rathbrook asking for their help? And will you see me off from my chamber tonight?”
“Aye. I will be there.”
An hour after sundown Caitrin knocked quietly on the princess’s chamber door before opening it slightly. Aerity waved her in.
“Quickly. Shut the door.”
Caitrin bustled in, her cheeks pink. She held a brown cloth bag.
“Do you have everything?” Aerity asked.
“Aye, Your Highness.”
“Did you tell anyone at all?”
“Nay, Your Highness.” Caitrin appeared tight with discomfort, as she had each time Aerity saw her since catching the girl with Lord Alvi.
Aerity stood and took the bag from Caitrin. The maid dashed past her and set to work making a fire. She then filled a pot and hung it in the fireplace to warm. Once she finished, she stood awkwardly, like a beaten dog awaiting its next command.
Aerity approached her. “Have you not thought of me as somewhat of a friend, dearest Caitrin? Have I given you reason to fear me?”
Caitrin’s eyes squeezed shut, pressing out beads of moisture. “Nay, my princess, you have always been kind.”
“Then why fear me now?”
“Because I deserve your punishment, Your Highness. I am s-so ashamed.”
Aerity had to calm her if they were going to make any progress that night. And it was breaking her heart to see her in this state.
“Be honest. Did you seek Lord Alvi?” Aerity asked. Caitrin’s eyes flew open, and she shook her head. “Did you set out to seduce him?”
“Nay, my lady! That is, I do not wish to speak ill of him—”
“My betrothed is a scoundrel,” Aerity said flatly. “He saw a pretty girl who blushed at his flirtations, and he advanced. I’m sure he was quite flattering. In Ascomanni, men have no qualms about such things. Married, single, engaged—men do as they please and women live to make them happy. He is handsome and charming. You never thought anyone would find out. And I’m certain it will never happen again.”
“Never, Your Highness. Never!” Caitrin began to kneel, but Aerity made her stand.
“Then let us put this in the past, aye?”
Caitrin’s lips tightened as she appeared to suppress another surge of emotion.
“Here is what I need from you tonight, without question.” Aerity walked to the chair and took off her robe. She wore only a thin shift underneath. “You will cut my hair from my waist to my midback, and then dye it dark brown. I will be leaving the castle for one month’s time and then returning to my duties. I will leave a letter for my parents. You will not be named as an accomplice. I plan to find Paxton Seabolt and give him the proper good-bye that was robbed from us. Do you have any questions?”
Her maid gawked at her, speechless.
“Well, then. Start cutting.”
Caitrin hesitated for a moment longer before dropping to her knees and fumbling for the shears in her bag. She came to Aerity’s side, her breathing ragged. “You’re certain?”
“It will grow back, and the dye will fade. I am absolutely certain.”
Caitrin paused . . . and then the crisp sound of shears cutting and a soft thwap of hair hit the floor. A chill of excitement and trepidation ran up Aerity’s spine.
“Seas, Princess!” Caitrin hissed. “What have I done?”
“Keep going.”
So, she did. It seemed like forever before Caitrin stepped back, surveying the mass of strawberry-golden hair, as pink as the sunset, lying at their feet. Aerity’s chest rose and fell with speed. This was really happening. No turning back.
“Now, the color,” she said.
Caitrin applied oil to the skin surrounding Aerity’s hairline to prevent the dye from staining. Her efforts to do a clean job were painstaking and slow. Aerity calmed, enjoying the feel of fingers in her hair. Her mind wandered to Paxton, and what would happen when she saw him. She thought of their kiss, and what she’d give to feel that again . . . and more. The “more” part filled her with a burning curiosity that made her quiver with nervous excitement. Was she willing?
Aerity thought about Lord Alvi, and while she felt a reluctant respect for him, she felt no obligation to retain her innocence for a man who didn’t love her. That left one question. Did Paxton love her? He’d never said as much. They’d scarcely scratched the surface of the feelings between them before he left without a good-bye. But if she saw him, and if he felt the same as her . . . aye, Aerity wanted everything with him. Even if only for a day.
But she had no idea what to expect from “everything.” This wasn’t exactly something her mother spoke of. She could ask her maid, but the thought of it made her stomach flip with nervousness. It took many minutes of working up the nerve before the question croaked out of her.
“What is it like, Caitrin?”
The maid stilled, and the princess’s face flamed.
“That is,” Aerity amended, “not Lord Alvi in particular, just . . . what is it like?” She fidgeted with her fingers in her lap.
After a moment, Caitrin slowly began working again. “May I tell you a story?”
“Please.” She listened, trying to relax.
“Do you recall last spring when I told you about a lad who had come calling for me?”
“Aye.” Come to think of it, Aerity had wondered what happened with that. All spring Caitrin had been full of smiles and joy. And then, Aerity realized with shame, she’d never thought to inquire further. She’d been wrapped up in her own world.
“He was an older boy I’d grown up with who’d left to become a sailor and returned from sea. I’d fancied him for years and you can believe he knew it! Well, I was quite certain he was going to ask for my hand when he returned from his next stint at sea. My parents believed so, as well. Even his siblings were sure of it. So before he left . . . I stopped halting his advances. I figured if I was going to marry him anyway, you know.”
Aerity listened attentively, not moving a muscle.
“It wasn’t anything ground shattering, I regret to say. In fact it wasn’t comfortable or as enjoyable as I expected, but it felt special to me. It was only once, and I had hopes that it would get better over time.”
Aerity was getting a horrible feeling and didn’t dare speak.
“When he returned from sea midsummer, he was not alone. He’d brought a girl from the south. A girl he had married in port because her father had caught them together and insisted upon her honor being salvaged.” Caitrin stopped and sniffed, wiping her nose against her shoulder. “He tried to see me, but I refused. My older brother blackened his eye. By then it was known throughout town that I was not an innocent anymore. And while there are plenty of men who don’t care about that, it’s usually the older widowers and what have you. So I suppose you can say I haven’t been in a good frame of mind when it comes to men, or my own self for that matter.” She sniffed again.
Indignation fired through the princess. “I’m so sorry you went through that, Caitrin.”
“Nay, Your Highness, don’t pity me. I made a choice.”
Aerity stared down at her hands and let a few beats of time pass. “So . . . it’s not enjoyable, then?” If that was the case, she couldn’t understand why such a fuss was made about it.
“Well, I mean, it certainly can be.” Aerity couldn’t see Caitrin’s face, but it sounded as if she were embarrassed. Her maid rushed on. “I think it is different for every person and every couple. With my sailor, I believed we were in love. I can’t say being together did much for me physically, but in my mind it made me feel closer to him.”
Aerity felt tired of being in the dark about all things. Preparing her mind was the only thing she felt she had power over anymore. She took a deep breath and asked a question that was likely inappropriate, but she didn’t care about propriety at the moment.
“And Lord Alvi?” Caitrin’s hands stiffened in her hair, and Aerity continued. “Let’s just pretend he was a passing traveler and not my betrothed. . . .” Her stomach swooped. She didn’t know why she was pressing this except that inquisitiveness seared her from the inside. She heard Caitrin swallow before the girl spoke in a dry, low tone.
“He will make you a very, very happy bride if you let him.”
More chills zapped the column of her spine. And then Aerity giggled. Perhaps it was the nervous tension finally cracking, she didn’t know, but the giggle turned to pure laughter, and she bent at the waist, cackling.
“Oh, Princess!” Caitrin scolded. The girl tried to cover her smile, but she broke into a reluctant giggle too. “Shame on you. There’s dye on your neck now. Be still.”
Aerity sat up again, gasping for air and covering her mouth as Caitrin dabbed her neck and applied the last bit of dye.
“Let it sit as long as you can stand it, and then I’ll bring in a basin to rinse it.”
A barely discernible tap came from the door, and it opened a sliver. Aerity’s heart leaped into her throat until she spied the shock of red curls. Seeing her cousin sent a bout of guilt through her, thinking of the conversation she’d just been having. She hoped Wyneth never found out about Lord Alvi and Caitrin.
“Come in,” Aerity hissed. “Hurry!”
Wyneth slipped in and closed the heavy door behind her, leaning against it. “Look at you. You’re really doing it!”
Aerity grinned. “Did you deliver my message to Miss Rathbrook?”
“Of course,” Wyneth said. “And Harrison, too. Though he says you will owe him. He expects to be made high captain with no further effort from himself. He had to rearrange the schedule to put himself on night watch.”
Aerity was elated that the people she cared about were willing to help her, even under the circumstances. She only felt bad about not telling Vixie, but Aerity needed to focus on herself.
They chatted quietly about nothing in particular, both nervous talkers, until Caitrin carried in a basin and began filling it with water warmed in the chamber’s fireplace.
When her hair had been rinsed, Aerity stared down at the dark brown water.
“Deep seas almighty, Aer.” Wyneth stared at her in wonder.
Caitrin began drying her hair with a cloth, then twisting strands from the sides and pinning them in the back, as was common among village girls.
“I could only get my hands on temporary dye, Highness. It should stay up to a few weeks if you don’t wash it vigorously or often. Water and brushing will fade it. I’ve put the last of the jar in your bag.” Aerity nodded, though she was not looking forward to having unwashed hair for any length of time.
The princess stepped into a drab, tan dress. and Caitrin buttoned it, tying a sash around her waist. The fabric felt thinner and itchier than she was used to. Next Caitrin pulled out a wad of cotton and a small jar of shimmering dirt . . . or so it looked to be.
“We need to cover some of your freckles,” Caitrin explained. She ran the cotton over Aerity’s face and neck, focusing on her cheeks and nose. When she finished, Aerity made her way to the mirror.
Wyneth stood over her shoulder, eyes widened, as they both stared at the unrecognizable maiden in the looking glass. The only thing that looked the same were her hazel eyes, but even they looked different with her changed appearance, lighter against her dark hair and darkened cheeks.
“Well done, Cait,” Aerity breathed.
“Oh, Princess. Do be safe. The kingdom would be lost without you.”
Aerity turned and pulled her maid into an embrace. Caitrin hesitated before hugging her back. The maid then handed the princess a pack and a worn cloak.
“I’ve filled it with extra clothes, extra dye, and food.”
Aerity donned the cloak. When she looked at Wyneth, her cousin’s eyes were wet, but she stood with her shoulders back, poised. “Paxton had better appreciate this or he’s a fool.” She reached for Aerity’s hand and they pulled each other close.
“I will leave letters for my parents and sister.” Aerity pulled away, startling at the sight of dark strands across her shoulder before remembering they were hers. “Don’t let Vixie hate me too much.”
Wyneth sighed. “I make no promises about that one.”
The three of them jumped at a tap, tap sound. The door. Caitrin rushed forward and opened it a crack, then farther to reveal Miss Rathbrook, the royal Lashed healer. The older woman eyed Aerity with admiration.
“Your guard is resting, Your Highness, but not for long. His mind is sharp and his instinct to protect you will not let him sleep heavily.”
“Thank you so much,” Aerity said, grasping her frail hand. “How did you do it? You won’t be in trouble, will you?”
“My guard and I were out for a stroll and the two men began to talk. I touched a soft finger to his neck from the side and put him into a sleep. My guard lowered him to the ground. He’ll think he’s fainted. My guard and I will be there when he awakens, to make him believe it was a momentary blackout. You must go.”
“Aye, thank you.” Aerity took one last look around her room, at her cousin and maid, at the letters lying on her window seat. Then with a final nod she straightened. “Let’s go.”
Wyneth kissed her cheek and left first to be sure the hall was clear. When she didn’t return with warning, Aerity and Caitrin picked up large baskets of clothing and headed out, their heads down.
The princess followed Caitrin to a part of the castle where she’d never been: the laundry chambers. Scents of soap and wet fabric wafted down the damp-feeling halls. Behind her, Aerity heard the voice of her younger brother, Donubhan, and her heart stopped.
“I’m not even tired,” her brother whined.
“Back to your chambers, young prince,” called a nursemaid as she ran to catch him. “You don’t want your father finding out you’re roaming the halls after dark.”
“But I’m nearly eleven!”
Aerity bit her tongue and rushed away as the maid chased Donny down a different hall and their voices faded. It took all her might not to turn and tell her rascal brother to be obedient for once. Caitrin’s eyes were big as she waved the princess to a squat cellar door and took the basket from her.
She helped Aerity into a brown hooded cloak that cinched at the waist, and put a strap over her shoulder, across her chest. “Here is your bag. I’ve wrapped enough food for ten days. More than that would go bad, so Harrison will have to hunt.”
Aerity nodded as she adjusted the bag. Her heart beat so loud she could scarcely think.
“I’ll lead you out the servants’ door, but try not to let the other maids see you. Wait here while I check.” The two of them froze at the sound of footsteps passing and hushed female voices. She could have sworn she heard one of them mention Lord Alvi. Caitrin shook her head as if to tell her to pay no mind.
When all was quiet again, Caitrin peeked out and grasped Aerity by the hand, pulling her out to the very end of the hallway, beyond the bustling laundry room where she could hear voices. Aerity had no idea the staff worked well into the night on laundry. These were details she promised herself she would learn when she returned. Caitrin stopped at the servant cloakroom and grabbed her own cloak.
“Just keep your head down,” Caitrin whispered. She led Aerity through the door where two guards stood outside in the crisp air. The coolness went straight through her thin clothing, and Aerity grasped her cloak tighter.
“Evening,” Caitrin said to the men as she pulled her cloak over her head. Aerity heard their muttered polite replies as the girls made their way down the stone steps. Delight rushed through the princess as she realized they would not be followed—that they wouldn’t even have to explain where they were going! For the first time in her life she was free of a guard’s presence. She stifled an exhilarated laugh.
Caitrin accompanied Aerity until the stables were in sight. A lantern was lit within.
“This is where I shall leave you,” Caitrin whispered. “I will enter the castle at the west doors and finish my night’s work. I wish you all the blessings of the seas.”
Aerity hugged her hard and quick. “The seas be with you as well.” Her heart never slowed, and she began to wonder how long she could go at this pace of excitement. She made her way into the guests’ stable and found a capable mare ready, as planned. She was to leave royal lands first, heading east then south, and Harrison would join her on the other side of the bay bridge.
She blew out the lantern at the stable entrance and made her way in the dark. Aerity led the horse from the stable, cooing at it in a tone she hoped it found comforting. It was a cloudy night, which made it darker than normal. A chilly breeze forced her breath to catch as she pulled herself onto the thin saddle. Her nerves shot up an extra notch. Being on horseback always made her uneasy. She hitched her heels into the horse’s side and they began moving down the cobbled path.
In ten minutes’ time she could see the gate of the royal lands, and for the first time Aerity wondered if this was a dire mistake. She rarely left royal lands and had never done so without protection. She breathed through the fear, slowing as she neared the guard. Surely he would recognize her! A mustached man came forward with a lantern so bright she lifted a hand to shield her eyes.
“Name?” he asked.
“Callie Hazlett, sir.” She hoped he didn’t detect the tremor in her voice.
“Hands,” he said.
She held out a hand and he inspected each finger before releasing her and holding the lantern higher. “You don’t look familiar, Miss Hazlett.”
“I am a new maid in the soldiers’ quarters.”
“Where are you headed?”
“To the south village of Port Lorn where I’m from.”
He tilted his head to stare up at her, and Aerity looked down at the reins.
“Why are you leaving so late?”
“I received message today that my gran is ill, but I couldn’t leave until my work was done.”
He gave a gruff nod and lowered the lantern. “Hope she heals. Be aware of your surroundings. It’s not safe these days. Seas be with you.”
“And also with you.” As her horse trotted forward she let out a heaving sigh.
“Keep an eye out for foreigners and strange folk!” The guard called. Aerity raised a hand to acknowledge him. She could hardly make out the worn path as the lantern light faded. Her horse could apparently see as badly as she could in the dark, and she kept having to steer it back to what she believed was the center of the path. Thankfully they were surrounded by fields of low vegetation where it would be hard for people to hide.
It felt like forever before Aerity made it to the outskirts of the town of Dovedell, where the path intersected. She took the southern route and immediately began to question herself as she entered the forest. Thankfully the path was plenty wide, but it was even darker amid the trees. Her ears were perked for sounds of people or creatures. Her head swiveled from side to side, and she tried to remain calm so as not to startle the horse. She pulled her cloak tight to ward against the chill.
Aerity rode for a long while until the tree canopy gave way to a cloudy night sky and she heard the sounds of water. She spotted the bay bridge to the southern lands and made her way across, feeling as if the horse’s hooves echoed on the wood for all of Lochlanach to hear. Her heart did not slow until she got to the other side of South Bay. Thankfully it was a narrow waterway.
She moved into the tree line, patting her horse’s head and caressing its neck to keep both herself and the horse calm. Her eyes darted around to every leaf rustled by the breeze, every frog croaking by the water’s edge. A cool wind shook the trees. Above her, the clouds crept out toward the sea, revealing the moon and stars in all their glory.
Finally, finally, a single horse crested the hill, coming toward the bridge. Aerity could make out the form of her old friend, even from afar. A smile stretched across her face, and a sense of adventure hummed through her blood once again.
“Oh, you will be in such trouble with your parents in the morning, young lady,” Harrison said when he reached her.
“As long as I’m back to make good on their deal with the coldlands, that’s all that matters,” she responded drily.
“Aer.” She looked at him, her eyes adjusting to the moonlight. “You’re more to the people than just the bride of Lord Alvi. Remember that.”
“Thank you, Harrison. For everything. For coming with me.”
“As if I had a choice, Your Highness.” But he grinned. “I am at your service to a fault. But I hope you will let me be in charge on this journey?”
Aerity spread a hand to the path in front of them. “All yours, Lieutenant. For the next month I am your subject. And if anyone asks I am Callie Hazlett.”
“That is what I like to hear. I’ve mapped out a journey to Zandalee tribe land in Zorfina. It is best to stay in Lochlanach as long as possible. We will cross south creek and journey along Eurona River down to the border of Kalor. We’ll follow the border until we come to the junction of Toresta. The ridgelands are not lenient with foreign travelers. As you know, they require papers. So at that point we will go south into Kalor, following the Kalorian border until we nearly reach the sea. Kalor is known for its lax borders. Only then will it be safe to pass into Zorfina. They are even less trusting than Toresta, but since the Zandalee control that portion of the country I’m hoping we won’t run into any issues.”
Aerity swallowed hard and nodded. Oh, seas. What had she gotten them into?
“Good. Now follow me, Miss Callie, and have no fear.”