Another restless night passed, but I woke feeling invigorated and recharged, eager to finish my work for the day so I could hunt down Tahlia and convince her to spend more time with me.

“Did you hear a single thing I just said?” Zara clucked her tongue, an unusual habit for a wolf, and shook her head when I winced at her from the other side of my desk.

“Sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“Like a certain brunette beauty?” She pursed her lips, wiggling her eyebrows. “I heard that you commandeered the cinema last night.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it commandeering…” At her smirk, I shrugged, my words from last night coming back to me. I’d meant what I’d said, if I had to do this king thing, then why not squeeze out some advantages to go along with the headaches. “Was someone pissed?”

“That’s a very American expression.” Cracking a smile, she shook her head. “You might be surprised to hear it, but the pack wants you to be happy.”

Resting my hand on my chin, I leaned back in my chair. “Why?” It shouldn’t matter if I was happy or not, just that I was strong enough to lead them.

“Because if you’re happy, then you might stop being such an ass all the time.”

At my glare, she dipped her head, but submission didn’t come easily to Zara, her smile still ghosting her lips. “They don’t need me to be their friend,” I snapped, instantly annoyed by her show of submission, though the reason why escaped me. My brother had been their friend and where had it gotten him? Dead, that’s what. The pack had nearly been lost, his death giving Raul the opportunity to try and swoop in and seize control. Raul had hidden his desire to amalgamate the packs under one ruler, but he hadn’t counted on one thing when he’d plotted my brother and his mate’s murder.

Me.

Which reminded me, and also gave me the perfect excuse to divert the conversation back to business. “I take it Raul is still insisting on his visit?”

Not thrown for a moment, Zara graced me with a scowl, then nodded. “Yes, and we’re on track with the arrangements.”

Supposedly, Raul was bringing his unmated wolves to mix with mine, to see if any connections could be made. He used words like alliance and ties, but I could see straight through him. He was looking for any sign of a weakness, that he could exploit or twist to his advantage. “And I really can’t tell him to go fuck himself?” Before Zara could reprimand me, I waved a hand, dismissing the idea. “At least we can try and use this to our advantage.” I stood and strode to the bar, pouring her a drink. It was five o’clock somewhere in the world and it took a lot for a shifter to get drunk.

Moving over to the couch, she accepted the glass, curling her fingers around the crystal tumbler. “What are you thinking? Spies?”

I stiffened, considering the idea. That it hadn’t crossed my mind annoyed me … but the risk was too great. I wouldn’t ask a member of my pack to risk the same fate that had befallen my family. It was perhaps a saving grace that my brother and his mate had spent a day in the river, their bodies had been washed clean and the signs of violence dulled for those of us who had loved them. But there was no missing the fact that they had been murdered and not challenged in the honorable way. The attack had come from behind and from multiple wolves, their bodies bearing witness as they had died before healing the wounds. The river had also washed away any scents that could connect the attack with a pack, something I was sure Raul was well aware of when he gave the order. It was cowardly and dishonest, everything an alpha shouldn’t be, and also the other reason I was sure that he was the man behind it all. “No,” I eventually said. “But we need to find a way to trick him into talking.” I sipped at the whiskey, the amber liquid coating my throat in fire.

“Or you could just challenge him?”

“I don’t want his pack.” Some days, I didn’t even want my own. I downed the drink in one gulp, swallowing the bitter taste the thought left in my mouth. No, that was wrong. I loved my pack more than I loved myself. I was just the caretaker until Alex came of age, then I could fade back into the background, enforcing his rule. And that was the damn problem. Being the alpha and king was more about bureaucracy and paperwork these days, and the role fit me like a poorly made suit. My entire being craved the rush of action, the spur of the moment decisions that came with life and death situations. As an ex-soldier, I had fibbed just a little when I’d told Tahlia my English was refined through watching movies. I’d traveled the world, deploying on special-ops on loan to assist groups of elite soldiers. Most had been fellow shifters, but I’d worked with humans, too. It had been Raul’s bad luck that I’d been home when he’d executed his plan, especially since I’d been spending more and more time away from the palace.

Setting the glass down with a thud, I resisted pouring another measure. “You should challenge him.”

Zara blinked. “Me?” Her voice was a little higher than normal.

“Why not? You have what it takes to be recognized as alpha.” I chuckled, meeting her eyes. “Sometimes, I wonder why you haven’t challenged me.”

“Because I’m not an idiot and I like my head where it is?” she offered, laughing out loud now. “You might not want the job, Nick, but you’re the best qualified, and you know it. No male—or female—in this pack could take you in a fair challenge.”

I tilted my head, accepting her compliment. “Okay, but think about it. If you want to challenge him, I’ll make sure it’s a fair fight.”

She flicked her fingers, scrunching up her nose. “Back to Tahlia.”

“We weren’t actually talking about her.”

She made a rude noise, then soldiered on, “How is your seduction plan working out for you?”

Luckily, a knock on the door interrupted my very colorful answer. “Yes,” I called, waving Marc, one of the male wolves into the room. He strode over to the desk, flashing Zara a cocky grin, to which she promptly rolled her eyes. His grin widened and I arched an eyebrow, flashing her a grin of my own. Well, well, well…

Marc turned his attention back to me, his grin disappearing and the friendliness fading behind a mask of professionalism. “Sorry to interrupt, Alpha.”

“It’s fine,” I gestured at the chair that Zara had recently vacated. Lifting my glass, I gave in and poured another measure. “Drink?” Zara held out her glass and I topped it off. After a brief moment of shock, Marc accepted, his movements slow and deliberate, as if he expected the glass to be snatched away any second. He didn’t bother to hide the wariness in his gaze as he nodded, tilting the glass to his mouth.

After wetting my throat, I set my glass down. “Is this about Raul’s visit?” Marc ran the team of enforcers who provided security for the palace. Basically, he had my old job. He was also an old friend and we’d completed several assignments together in the past. It pained me that we weren’t close anymore.

“Not exactly.” He paused, mouth twisting as if he couldn’t decide how to spit it out. I let the silence grow between us, giving him a moment to gather his thoughts. “The pack wants to know if they have to attend.”

“The pack?”

“The females.”

“Ah. No, they don’t.”

Marc made to rise, nodding his head and flashing me a grateful smile.

“Marc, sit a moment. I would like your input on the whole situation.”

His ass hit the seat again, heavy combat boots digging into the plush carpet. Scraping a hand through his blond cropped hair, he nodded. “In what way, Alpha?”

“First, the females do not have to attend, but I would like them to.” I held up a hand, cutting off any protest. “We need to make a show of strength and our women are some of our strongest packmembers—maybe not physically, but they hold the pack together. They are our backbone.” Zara made yet another rude noise, earning wide eyes from Marc, whose gaze immediately snapped back to me, his shoulders tense and jaw gritted. I shrugged. “Okay, some of the females could obliterate any male who dared to challenge them.” I turned to Zara, narrowing my eyes. “Better?” At her smirk, I chuckled. “As I was trying to say, no female—or male—would ever be offered without their consent and I’m both disappointed and ashamed that you think me capable of such a betrayal.” This time I did let my voice drop to a low growl, my anger rising to flash in my eyes and turn them the silver of my wolf.

He dropped his gaze, but the tightness of his jaw gave him away. “I didn’t.”

“But some do?”

“They don’t know you.” He glanced up, catching my eyes with his. “You don’t let anyone in and you’d been gone a long time. An alpha is meant to lead his pack, sure, but a pack’s loyalty can be won in other ways, not only with a show of strength.”

I leaned back, considering his words. Bracing my chin on my fist, I tilted my head. “You disagree with the way I’ve been running the pack?”

Zara had kept quiet throughout the whole exchange, and when I saw her open her mouth to protest, I held up a finger. I wanted to hear this from Marc.

“Yes. No. Shit, I don’t know.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair, wincing. “Nobody blames you. Shit, you went through hell and put yourself back together for us. But, you’re … different now. Harder. More distant.”

Isolated. Alone. Adrift, I silently added. But I wasn’t alone anymore. “You’re right.”

At my admission, his head snapped up and eyes widened.

“I’ve been handling my grief the only way I knew how, by letting it eat away at me. I’ve compared myself to my brother and refused to be anything like him, because it fucking hurt to even remember him. To try and be like him. I didn’t want to be friends with any of you or care too much, because it would kill me if anyone else died!” I’d risen out of my chair, my last words coming out on a roar, as the wound was ripped open and all the pain came flooding out. Dammit, I’d lost control. I sucked in a breath, forcing the anguish back inside.

Marc strode around the desk without hesitation and Zara was immediately by my side. Wordlessly, she slid her arms around me, Marc gripping the back of my head in a version of a guy hug, staring me straight in the eyes. “We’re a pack, we don’t abandon each other,” he growled, fierce and defiant. “We lend a fucking hand when needed and together we’re stronger for it.” He growled, finally lowering his eyes. “Together, you hear me, you fucking idiot!”

“That’ll be you Alpha fucking idiot, thank you,” I shot back, the anger and pain seeping out of me as I allowed my pack to ground me for the first time since my world had been torn apart.

Marc just shrugged, releasing me to punch me lightly on the shoulder. It reminded me of better days, when we’d been soldiers together, equals. “Then let me welcome you back to the land of the living, Alpha.”