Chapter Ten
Lily
Two days. That was how long it had been since the night she lost control of her wolf and gave in to the animal need to be with Declan. Two days of not being able to sleep properly, two days of swinging back and forth between shame because she’d betrayed Keith and the desire to feel Declan’s arms wrapped around her and his cock deep inside her. To say she was an emotional mess was putting it lightly. It was late morning and she was trying to get up the energy to get her day started. She had to work that evening, but all she really wanted to do was crawl into bed and ignore the rest of the world. A knock at her apartment door pulled her from her melancholy thoughts, and she headed to answer it with a soft sigh.
Keith, who had returned from his business trip a little early, had picked up some beignets from Cafe Du Monde and some coffee from Gathering Grounds, and headed to Lily’s apartment. He stood there with coffee and bag in hand and a smile on his face when the door opened. “Hey there, beautiful.”
Lily wasn’t expecting Keith to be there; she’d been half afraid it was Declan, but when she saw him a sob escaped her and tears were suddenly streaming down her cheeks.
“Oh, honey, what’s wrong?” Keith stepped inside the apartment, closed the door behind him, set the stuff in his hands down, and then pulled her into his arms. “Lily? What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Oh gods, Keith…I’m so sorry…I just…” She closed her eyes a moment and took several deep breaths to calm herself. She gently pulled from his embrace and moved to the sofa. “We need to talk. There are some things I need to tell you, things I should have told you long before now.” ‘Goddess, please don’t let him hate me.’ She sent up a silent prayer as she sat down.
Keith joined her on the sofa before he reached out to hold her hand. “Whatever it is, Lily, you can tell me. You can tell me anything, you know that.”
Lily bit her lip before she swallowed and dove right in. “I should have told you about this a long time ago, I know I should have, but I was scared. I admit it, I was a coward because I really liked you, and then it deepened into something more and I just… I’m making excuses and you deserve better than that. The thing is, Keith, I’m a shifter. Wolf, to be exact.”
Keith turned to look at her. “That… I definitely didn’t expect that.” He frowned a little. “Why were you afraid to tell me before now?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t want you to look at me in fear, or worse, horror, and then dump me. I was trying to leave that part of myself behind. I came here to start over and I was afraid of your reaction.” She played with the hem of her shirt a moment. “I’m not just a wolf shifter, I’m the daughter of my old pack’s Alpha. There were expectations. My father gave me an ultimatum I didn’t agree with so I left and ended up here. He wanted me to settle down with a wolf of his choosing and have babies and that wasn’t what I wanted. When we met and you asked me out, it felt nice having someone interested in me for myself, not for my position and what it could get them.”
Keith listened intently. “I think I understand why you didn’t tell me. It makes sense you’d be worried. Yeah it feels like you didn’t trust me enough to be open with me, but I understand it, honey.” He touched her cheek. “There has to be more to this story though. There’s no way that is what had you so upset when I got here.”
She didn’t want to tell him. She knew what she was about to say would tear his heart out, and she hated herself for it, but she had to be completely honest with him, now. “It’s not.” She took a deep breath and forged ahead. “Shifters are a little different from humans, besides the obvious, that is. Humans meet, get to know a person, and sometimes fall in love. It’s a process that takes time. Shifters can and will do that, as well, except for when they meet the person who is intended to be their animal’s mate. When that happens, the connection is immediate and intense. Animal instincts take over if you’re not careful. It can make things complicated. My father found out I was here in New Orleans and sent a pack member down here to bring me home. He’s the older brother of someone I grew up with, but he left the pack when he was eighteen or nineteen, which was when I was three or four, so I didn’t know him. He’s the guy who was bothering me at my work, and then followed us to the club.” She lowered her gaze from his and couldn’t look at him. “He’s…my mate.”
Keith gave her a puzzled look. “I’m confused. If that’s true, why were you so angry with him for following us? You threw your drink in his face and told him off.”
“Yeah, well, he said something that made me angry.” She knew it wouldn’t take him long to put two and two together.
“I’m still not sure why you were so upset,” he said then his eyes widened. “You slept with him, didn’t you? Lily, look at me. Did you sleep with him?”
She lifted her gaze to his and the pain she saw in his eyes hurt her heart. “Yes,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean for it to happen and I’ve been sick over it the last two days. New Orleans is part of the Black Water Pard’s territory; they’re leopard shifters. I was given permission to stay because I didn’t pose a threat. I had to take him out to meet with their Alpha. While we were there, my friend Mia, you remember her—we had dinner with her and her mate, Gage—she went into labor and there was a big celebration when the baby was born. I drank several shots of Jack Daniels and…I lost control of my wolf’s urges. It’s not an excuse, it doesn’t change what I did, and I hate myself for it. I can barely sleep, I’ve barely eaten anything, I can’t even bare to look at myself in the mirror because what I did went against everything I stand for. It went against my own moral code.” Her voice came out in a choked, broken whisper.
Keith was silent for several long minutes. “You say it’s animal instinct; does that mean it could happen again? If I have to go out of town for a few days, am I going to come back to find out you’ve slept with him again?”
She closed her eyes and wished she could erase the last three days but she couldn’t. “To be honest, I don’t know but…maybe. Probably. I don’t know that I can fight my wolf forever.”
“That’s what I thought.” He traced her cheek with his fingertips. “I’m sorry, Lily. I love you, but I can’t do this. I can’t be with someone who can’t commit to me fully. I know this is hurting you; I can see the pain in your eyes. I know you feel horrible because of what happened, and, God knows, I wish I could forgive you and pretend like it didn’t, but you’ve already admitted that there’s a very real chance it’ll happen again, that something will cause you to lose control. I think it would be best if we end things now, before either of us gets hurt even more.” He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “I hope he realizes how lucky he is,” he said before he got up and headed for the door.
“Keith…wait…please. I’m so sorry. I never… Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do.”
“I know, Lily. You can’t change what happened, sweetheart. God, that’s the last time I’ll get to call you that. I came here today…you know, I was going to propose. I thought I’d found ‘the one’. Looks like I was wrong.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “There are a few of your things at my place; I’ll box them up and drop them off for you.” When he reached the front door, he looked back one last time. Pain and sorrow were etched on his face and his eyes glistened with tears. Then he left.
Lily sat there staring at the door. Tears slid down her cheeks and before she knew it, she was curled up on the sofa, sobbing into a pillow. Keith was a good man and she’d broken his heart. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t intentional. It happened. She wasn’t sure how long she sat there crying before she pulled herself together. She wanted to sit there and wallow in self-pity but she had to get her shit together. She had to work and she knew she’d be seeing Declan soon. After what happened between them, there was no way he was going to stay away for long.