CHAPTER NINETEEN
I hold my breath, petrified Rob’s going to slide away from me into the darkness below.
But somehow he manages to manoeuvre himself until he’s just below me on the slope, still hanging on by some miracle. I can feel him there behind me. His arms stretch either side of me, his hands gripping the rock face a little way above mine.
‘All right, I’ve got you,’ he says in a calm voice. ‘You don’t need to worry about falling because I’m here, right behind you, to stop you sliding down.’
‘Okay.’ My heart is beating so fast, it feels as if it might explode out of my chest at any minute.
If I slip, my weight will push Rob down the slope. He won’t be able to hold on!
His voice is close to my ear. ‘Fen, I want you to do exactly what I tell you, okay?’
‘Yes.’
‘So what I’d like you to do is let go with your right hand – slowly - and reach up for my hand. I have a firm hand-hold and when you reach it, you can start levering yourself up the slope.’
At the thought of letting go, my heart rate goes into overdrive, making my head swim as if I’m going to pass out. But Rob’s presence at my back gives me the courage to do what he says.
Slowly, I let go and reach up, finding his hand and the jutting rock he’s holding onto.
‘That’s great,’ he murmurs. ‘Now move your other hand to where mine is.’
I do as he tells me, calmed by the matter-of-fact way he’s talking to me.
I can do this!
‘Good. Now move your right foot. There’s a hold a little further up. That’s it. Now the other foot.’
Achingly slowly, I’m managing to move up the slope.
‘That’s great. Now you can reach the top of the ridge. So let go with your right hand and find a hold above you.’
I hesitate, but he murmurs, ‘It’s fine. I’m right behind you. You’re doing brilliantly.’
I reach up and find some solid crevices in the rock. My hands feel secure enough for me to start sliding my feet upwards, searching for somewhere solid from which to lever myself up.
‘Perfect. You’re nearly there,’ murmurs Rob.
With one final surge of effort, I scramble up to the top and lie face down in the snow, panting.
A second later, Rob’s there beside me, flat on his back, staring up at the sky.
For a while, we just lie there, our ragged breathing in loud harmony in the silence of the night.
Then Rob reaches for my hand. ‘You all right?’
‘Yes. Thank you. I’d have fallen if you hadn’t rescued me.’
‘Not necessarily. People find great reserves of strength in a crisis.’
‘No, Rob, you saved me.’
‘Well, the main thing is you’re safe.’ He lets out a long breath. ‘My heart was in my mouth when I saw you dangling over that sheer drop. Promise me you won’t go exploring ridges in the semi-dark any time soon?’
I laugh softly, still feeling the total relief of being on solid ground at last. ‘I promise.’
‘Good.’ He gets to his feet and holds out a hand to me. ‘Shall we head back to Sunnybrook?’
‘Yes, please.’ I take his hand and he hauls me up. My legs feel weird, as if they belong to someone else.
As we walk back to the farmhouse, I’m praying he won’t let go of my hand. And he doesn’t.
*****
For the drive back, Alicia ushers me into the front seat.
I think she’s expecting an argument but none of that seems to matter now. I’m feeling exhausted, physically and emotionally, after the horror of earlier. But a strange calmness has washed over me. I think I’m still stunned that Rob risked his own safety to make sure I was okay.
We’re mostly silent on the drive back.
The snowploughs have done a good job of clearing the roads, and the snow is now piled up in great banks along the grass verges. A few miles from Sunnybrook, we call into an out-of-town shopping centre so Rob can fill up with petrol.
‘Do you mind if I pop into the supermarket for milk?’ asks Alicia.
‘Yeah, no problem,’ says Rob. ‘I need milk myself so I’ll probably see you in there.’
Feeling woolly headed with exhaustion, I decide to get out, too, and stretch my legs a bit. Passing a Macdonalds, its lights blazing, I glance in and see Ellie and Zak at a table by the window. They’re nursing hot drinks while Summer and Maisie tuck into burgers and chips with great enthusiasm. I smile. Fast food is a big treat for them.
Ellie spots me and waves me in.
‘Hi, how did you get on?’ she asks eagerly. ‘Sit down. Sit down. I want to hear all about it.’
I groan. ‘The less said about it, the better.’
‘Why? What happened?’
So I tell her about my lovely cake toppling onto the floor and how I literally ran from the place in horror.
‘Oh, Fen, that’s awful.’ She looks so sad for me, I feel like bursting into tears on the spot. ‘Still, you did it. And that’s something to be proud of, isn’t it?’
I nod. ‘I suppose so.’
Ellie’s right. It didn’t work out the way I wanted, but at least I tried. And even though at the time I felt like a massive failure, I’m determined I’m not going to let it get me down.
Ellie peers outside. ‘Where’s Rob?’
Summer and Maisie scoot along the banquette so I can squeeze in.
‘In the supermarket. With Alicia,’ I say gloomily.
She frowns. ‘Alicia? Ethan’s ex?’
I nod. ‘Long story.’
She studies me closely. ‘Are you all right? You haven’t been fighting with Rob, have you?’
I shake my head. ‘On the contrary. He’s my hero at the moment.’ I give a rueful little smile and tell her about our drama on the snowy ridge.
‘Brave man,’ comments Zak. ‘Not sure I’d have had the balls to do what he did.’
‘Yes, you would!’ Ellie turns to him, an indignant expression on her face. ‘So you’re telling me you’d have left me dangling and not done a thing?’
Zak grins. ‘Calm down. Of course I’d have rescued you. I’m just saying Rob was very brave.’
‘Or very smitten with our Fen.’ She smiles at me and I find myself blushing.
‘I wish,’ I murmur.
She gives me an arch look. ‘Ooh, so does that mean you’ve decided to forgive him, then?’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know how I feel now.’
‘What’s he done that needs forgiving?’ asks Zak.
‘I did tell you,’ says Ellie. She looks apologetically at me. ‘Sorry, I hope you don’t mind but Zak couldn’t understand why you two split up so I had to tell him.’
‘You mean because he had a fling with Alicia? But wasn’t that before you two got together?’ Zak looks genuinely puzzled.
‘They didn’t have a fling,’ corrects Ellie. ‘Rob wasn’t completely honest with Fen, that’s all.’
I swallow hard. ‘Actually, they did have a fling. Alicia told me. Well, a one-night thing, anyway.’
‘Really?’ Ellie looks aghast. Oh, poor you. You must be feeling like shit.’ She covers my hand with hers.
‘Well, I was . . .’
Zak gets to his feet. ‘How about I take the girls to get the shopping and leave you two to chat?’
Ellie smiles up at him. ‘Why not buy some marshmallows and I’ll make hot chocolate when we get back. What do you think, girls?’
Maisie punches the air and says, ‘Yes please, Lellie!’ and Summer smiles shyly.
My heart squeezes with affection for Ellie. She’s got the perfect little family and she loves Maisie to bits. If Maisie were to think of her as ‘Mum’ instead of ‘Lellie’, that would be the icing on the cake for her. But I suppose you can’t rush these things. You can never tell exactly what’s going on in the mind of a child.
When Zak and the girls have left, I frown at Ellie. ‘So how are you?’
Her happy mask slips. ‘Oh, Fen, it’s crap. We’ve had a lovely day out, the four of us, but now we’re going back to a leaky flat and a café that’s only fit for demolition.’
‘That’s not true. You’ll be able to fix it up, I’m sure of it.’
‘But how? The bank isn’t going to lend us the money we need to get the roof done. Not when I’ve already got a loan. Zak’s new book is out in the spring but he won’t get the royalties for a good few months after that. And anyway, this is my mess. I want to sort it out myself.’
‘And you will.’
‘But how?’ She looks anguished. ‘I’ve thought about it from every possible angle until my brain hurts, but there’s just no way. Without the money to fix the roof, I’m stuck.’ She smiles sadly. ‘I was so excited about the bakery idea. But now, I won’t even be able to hold onto the café.’
‘It won’t come to that.’ I’m desperate to cheer her up. But with the best will in the world, it’s not looking good.
She slumps forward, elbows on the table, digging her hands into her hair.
I search for something positive to say. ‘It was a good idea to get away from it all for a while.’
She nods. ‘It was Harry, of all people, who persuaded us to go to the pop-up ice rink in Lumleyside. He said I needed cheering up, away from all the chaos at home.’
‘He’s right.’ I grin. ‘And you’re not the only one who could do with escaping from reality.’
‘You and Rob?’
I heave a sigh. ‘I’m just so confused. I think I might have been too hasty in judging him.’
She shrugs. ‘Maybe some lies can be forgiven – if they’re told with good intentions?’
I nod slowly, reflecting on this. Then I laugh. ‘God, what are we like? The Glooms of Gloomington Hall.’
‘In Gloomsbury-by-the-Sea,’ she adds with a sigh.
‘Things will work out,’ I say with forced brightness.
‘Yes. They will.’
I can tell from her expression she’s far from convinced.