Chapter 20

Striking Nordic Profile

 

 

Cass made her way back to Maidensbower Cottage to find that Anna was unloading her little car on the quayside.

‘How did the Christmas Market go?’ she asked. ‘Here, let me take one of these.’

She picked up one of the vintage suitcases in which Anna carried her jewellery; it was noticeably lighter than when Cass had helped her to load the car - she must have sold plenty of pieces. They went up the alley and Anna nudged open the front door with her shoulder.

‘It went well. I sold over five-hundred-pounds’-worth of stock.’ She was looking happier and more positive; perhaps the Christmas market and a night away from Rawscar had done her good. ‘Oh, I saw Hal on the way down the hill,’ she added casually. Cass hoped that Anna couldn’t see her face, which had flushed bright red.

‘Hal?’ Cass tried to sound casual but it came out as a croak. Anna didn’t even seem to have noticed.

‘Yes, he said there had been a power cut. Did you manage all right?’ She took the big case from Cass and stacked it neatly with the others just inside the door.

‘Oh, um, yes … of course I did!’ Guilt lurched up into her mind at the very thought of Hal and Cass forced it down again as hard as she could. She was suddenly feeling sick again. ‘I had plenty of candles. Did he seem OK?’

‘Hal? Well, he did seem a bit odd. Not quite himself. Why, is there something wrong?’

‘No, nothing that I know of,’ Cass said, aware that her voice was shaking slightly, she watched as Anna knelt beside the smallest case and laid it flat, opening it up. As she reached forwards her sleeve rode up on her arm displaying once again the small anchor tattoo that was a replica of Hal’s larger one. It was no good, she had to know.

‘Anna, can I ask you something personal?’ she began, hesitantly. Anna didn’t look up from the suitcase that she was rummaging through.

‘I guess …’ she said, but Cass could see her shoulders tense up. Cass took a deep breath.

‘Your tattoo – Hal’s got one just like it, hasn’t he? I couldn’t help but wonder … you and Hal … are you … were you …’

Anna still didn’t look up from the suitcase which she had now started to empty in search of something. She sighed.

‘It’s complicated. Hal’s my friend – my only real friend. He’s the only man who has always been there for me, the only man in the last few years since … well, you know, since …’ She was struggling, still trying to concentrate on the task in front of her, though now she had taken the same three boxes of jewellery out of the suitcase and put them back in again three times.

‘Since you and your parents had difficulties?’ Cass suggested in what she hoped was a tactful and helpful way.

Anna nodded and shuffled the remaining boxes in the suitcase again.

‘We’re not a couple, Cass, but we have been – you know – friends with benefits – in the past.’

‘You’ve slept together,’ Cass clarified, hoping that Anna did not look up and see how red her face was.

‘We did. Hal’s the only man who makes me feel safe. None of the other men I’ve been with since make me feel like Hal did.’

She was packing all the boxes back in the suitcase now, without finding whatever it was she had been searching for.

‘And how does he make you feel?’ Cass asked, her chest tight with guilt.

‘Loved,’ Anna said simply, slamming the case shut and locking it. She picked it up and carried it upstairs without even turning to look at Cass.

Oh Lord, thought Cass, what have I done?

 

The next couple of days were awkward. Cass and Anna barely saw each other on Monday or Tuesday. There was no hostility, no anger or bitterness between the two of them but Anna seemed subdued again, ill at ease and unsettled, and Cass felt guiltier than ever. In some ways it would have been easier if Anna had told her that she was in a relationship with Hal – then Cass would have known exactly where she stood, she could have backed away, vowed never to speak to him again and sought penance in work. But this? It was neither one thing nor the other. She was intruding on something special between the two of them, something more than friendship but less than a relationship and she didn’t really understand what she was doing and what they were to each other. She wanted clarity, but Anna seemed to be avoiding her, staying at the museum for longer than usual and then spending the evening in her room working on her jewellery.

It was only on Wednesday, when Anna came in from work at the normal time and allowed Cass to make her a cup of tea that they were able to speak again.

‘Do you fancy some soup? I’m just making some,’ Cass asked Anna, but Anna shook her head.

‘I had some for lunch up at the museum, the food’s lovely there. I’m feeling a bit run down, not very hungry tonight I’m afraid. But thanks for the offer.’

Cass felt a bit easier about Anna. She had noticed how little she seemed to eat at home, but if she was filling up in the museum café at lunchtime, that would explain it, wouldn’t it?

‘You know, I found out something last week at work,’ Anna said, sinking into the seat at the kitchen table with her cup of her herbal tea. ‘About Polly Allinson.’

‘Did you find her in the burial register?’ Cass said, sitting at the table opposite her with the bowl of soup she was having for her supper.

‘Yes, I did. She drowned.’ Cass saw Anna suppress a slight shudder.

That didn’t surprise Cass at all. ‘In the same storm as Henry Thorburn? When the women launched the lifeboat?’

‘No, after that. About three months later; the storm was in October, she was buried in January 1887. She was only just sixteen, poor girl.’

‘So young. Did you find out how it happened?’

‘No, the records said “Drowned in the bay.” But I found something else as well.’

Cass stirred her soup around in her bowl to cool it a little bit, it was still very hot.

‘What?’

‘A diary. The vicar at that time, Reverend Parker, kept a diary. It’s not easy to read, his handwriting’s dreadful and the ink is faint, and I can’t read it in work time. But I found a couple of entries that mention Henry Thorburn; it seems like he was popular with the artists who came here to paint - especially the female ones. From the descriptions of his muscular arms, flaxen hair and “striking Nordic profile” I suspect he was quite popular with Reverend Parker as well.’

‘Anything about Polly?’

‘Not so far. Reverend Parker doesn’t seem that interested in the ladies of the parish.’

‘It sounds very interesting. I wonder how long Reverend Parker was vicar?’

‘There are only a couple of volumes of the diary, so perhaps he didn’t stay for long.’

So, his name wouldn’t be on any gravestone. Another vicar who came and went, observing and meddling but never belonging.

‘I’m digitising it this week, so I should be able to download a copy soon.’

‘It will be interesting to know what happened,’ Cass said.

‘I almost don’t want to know,’ Anna said quietly. She stood up suddenly and put her mug of herbal tea, half drunk, in the sink. ‘Look, I’m really tired and I feel awful. I’m going to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.’

All the questions that had been seething in Cass’s mind would have to go unanswered a little bit longer, as Anna left the kitchen and made her way to bed, leaving Cass and Twiggy alone by the Rayburn.

 

It was about three o’clock in the morning when Cass was wakened from a deep sleep by the sound of Anna screaming.

‘Anna? Anna!’

Cass leapt out of bed, sending Twiggy skittering onto the floor in puzzlement. She tumbled down the attic stairs, barely awake, to find Anna on the landing, white and shaking.

‘Another dream?’

‘I was walking into the water. I could hear him calling and I had to go.’

‘Who? Who could you hear?’

‘It must have been him, Henry Thorburn, but it sounded like …’ she couldn’t finish the sentence.

‘It sounded like Hal, didn’t it?’ Cass prompted.

‘No, he’s not there. Hal’s not under the water, he’s safe. Not Hal, it was never Hal. Rob. Rob’s gone under the water and I’ll never get him back …’. Anna was gulping down sobs now; she looked young and frail and frightened.

‘Rob? Hal’s brother?’

‘I loved him so much …’

And suddenly it all started to make sense. What Hal had told her in the beach hut about feeling that he had to make up for Rob’s death – it wasn’t just his parents that he felt guilty about, but Anna too. That’s what was between them, he was trying to take his brother’s place when Anna needed him, it wasn’t because he loved Anna but because he had loved Rob and Anna had no-one else.

Except now she had Cass as well, and if Cass could help her, maybe it would mean Hal would be free …

 Cass put her arm around Anna, shivering in the chill of the unheated landing; she led her back to her bedroom where it was warmer. Anna did not shy away from the physical contact this time; she was happy for Cass to guide her. They sat down together on Anna’s bed.

‘It wasn’t an accident, what happened to me – to her, I mean, to Polly. I went into the water to find him. I had something in my apron pocket, weighing me down. Stones, I think, yes, big stones in my apron and stones in my hands.’ Tears filled her eyes. ‘I wanted to go. I wanted to be with him. I still do. Sometimes I still want to go and be with him, sometimes it would be the easiest thing in the world to walk into the water and find him.’

‘Oh Anna, that’s never the answer. Will you let me help you? I could -’

‘Just don’t leave me on my own. Stay here with me, Cass, please?’ she said, like a little girl seeking reassurance from her mother.

So Cass let Anna lean her head against her shoulder and as if she was a little girl, she started to sing.