Four Letter Word

“Why didn’t you say anything if you knew it was me?” I questioned, keeping hold of my clothes instead of putting them on. “And why did you get so angry when I sent you that photo? You knew I was here. You’d sort of seen me already.”

He scrubbed a hand down his face.

I stepped closer, getting ready to ask something else or plead for an answer, when he spoke, head down and voice quiet.

And what he said changed everything.

“Gone for you fast, Wild,” he began. “Can’t explain it. Don’t know how it happened or what it was about you specifically that got to me, but you fuckin’ got to me, babe, and it was good. Best I’d felt in a long time, maybe ever. Didn’t want to risk anything messing that kind of perfection up. It was too good the way we had it, your voice in my ear, what you’d give me every time we spoke. I was living for that.”

Oh, God.

I was wrong. His reason totally mattered and I completely understood it.

He lifted his head to look at me.

I could barely see him, my eyes were flooding fast with emotion, but I heard and registered his sudden movement then felt his hand on my face and the other on my hip, pulling me close.

“Wild,” he whispered, thumb catching a tear.

“It—it was perfect!” I cried out, agreeing, letting it all go and clutching at him with my head tipping forward and dropping on his chest. “I don’t know how either, Brian. I don’t understand what it was about you, but since that first day, that first text you sent me, it was perfect and everything I needed and you knew.” I lifted my head to look at him. “You just knew the right things to say and the right times to call. You healed me. You didn’t know it but you did!”

“You were healing me, too, babe.”

Oh …God.

I started crying harder.

His lips touched the top of my head, and his breath fluttered as he chuckled.

“Healing me is a good thing, Syd. You know that, right?”

“I know,” I whispered between sniffles.

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me!” I explained, blinking away my tears. “And I’m mostly naked and feeling vulnerable right now, plus, we’ve just had the best sex of my life and I’m still processing all of that, and also”—I got on my toes and pressed closer to stress—“I’ve just really really missed you. This is a lot to handle all at once.”

His mouth jerked with a smile.

“Missed you too,” he said. “Past two days have been Hell.”

I nodded in agreement, grabbed his face with both of my hands, inhaled deep, then spoke.

“I learned after losing my brother that you shouldn’t wait to tell someone something you’re really feeling, that you never know how much time you have with them, and in a second, they could be gone and you regret everything you never told them.”

His eyes held mine, sure and steady. He didn’t even blink.

I swallowed and continued on.

“That being said, I know what happened between us happened fast and it happened in a way neither one of us can explain, and at the start of it, I wasn’t even legally separated from my husband.”

His jaw flexed under my palm.

“Which, by the way, has changed,” I assured him. “I signed the papers today and they’re going out Monday. In the eyes of the law, I am now legally separated and free of Marcus.”

“That’s good, babe,” he told me.

“Thank you. I agree,” I said, pulling my bottom lip into my mouth and sucking on it while I stared up at him.

He quirked an eyebrow.

“Thought you were leading up to telling me something with that speech, Syd.”

I released my lip.

“I was. I’m just …wondering if now is the best time to say it.”

“This ain’t a good time?”

I looked down at myself, then back up at him.

“Well, I am naked. Mostly.” I glared at his tear-soaked shirt, then wiped my hand across his chest, hoping the friction would dry it while I muttered, “And I totally cried all over you. I’m sorry.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Hand stilling, I lifted my head and tilted it.

“Mm?”

He smiled.

“Nothing.” He bent and gave me a soft kiss. “You won’t? I’ll say it.”

I gasped against his mouth, watched him lean back an inch and slid my other hand to his chest to join the one I already had pressing there.

“Told you I was gone for you,” Brian started. “Think you know what that meant. Think you might be feeling me the same way and that’s what you were wanting to tell me.” He ran his thumb along my jaw down to my neck. “Am I right?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Good,” he said, smiling. “That’s ours, Wild. What we have, how we build on it, and I don’t give a fuck if it makes sense or not. It was fast but I don’t care. People might not get it like we do but again”—he dipped closer—“I do not fuckin’ care. What I do care about is you, everything that involves you, and right now, getting you covered up enough so I can get you inside to my room and into my bed where I’ve dreamed about getting you, and straight up, Syd, in case you didn’t know, I’ve dreamed about it a lot.”

My eyes were round, had been since Brian said what we had was ours.