"Oh god, I've shot my load-"
"And Sherry resembles a, um, oh yeah, `weepy raccoon.'"
"I've shot my load. Can you hear me panting?"
"You motherfucker," I whisper.
"This is cosmic."
"Buddy, I feel like we've become very close."
"Where's Hurley's brother? Curley?"
"He hung himself."
"Who was at the funeral?"
"Julia Roberts, Erica Kane, Melissa Etheridge, Lauren Holly and, um, Salma Hayek."
"Didn't she date his dad?"
"Yeah."
"So he was in and out of the picture?"
"So no photo, Buddy?"
"The photo of you and Alison Poole has vanished."
"For the record, what was it of?"
"For the record? You don't want to know."
"You know, Buddy, Alison just lost the role in the film version of The Real Thing," I add, "for what it's worth."
"Which is nada. Thank you, Victor. `A Current Affair' has arrived."
"No-thank you, Buddy. And please, this was not from me." I pause, then realize something and shout, "Don't say it, don't-"
"Trust me." Buddy clicks off.
21
Nobu before noon and I'm biting off half a Xanax while passing what's got to be Dad's limo parked out front, and inside: various executives from MTV, a new maitre d' being interviewed by "The CBS Morning News," Helena Christensen, Milla Jovovich and the French shoe designer Christian Louboutin at one table, and at another Tracee Ross, Samantha Kluge, Robbie Kravitz and Cosima Von Bulow, and Dad is the thin Waspish dude wearing the navy-blue Ralph Lauren suit sitting in the second booth from the front doodling notes on a yellow legal pad, a folder lying thick and suspicious next to a bowl of sunomono. Two of his aides have the front booth. He should look middle-aged but with the not-too-recent facelift and since according to my sister he's been on Prozac since April (a secret), everything is vaguely cool. For relaxation: hunting deer, an astrologer to deal with those planetary vibes, squash. And his nutritionist has stressed raw fish, brown rice, no tempura but hijiki is okay and I'm basically here for some toro sashimi, some jokey conversation and a charming inquiry about some cash. He smiles, bright caps.
"Sorry, Dad, I got lost."