Hard to Fight
“Don’t give up,” he encourages. “You’re going to do great. It takes time.”
We talk about various things for the next hour and then we hang up. I’m just about to settle back down when car lights flash through the window. Then two doors slam, and I can hear distinct arguing. A moment later, the front door flings open and Benny enters, followed by Raide. I gasp when I take him in. He’s got a busted lip and a swollen eye. I leap up, abandoning the ice cream to rush over, but his hand shoots up and he grunts, “No.”
I look to Benny helplessly. “What happened?”
“Nothin’ fuckin’ happened,” Raide grunts, cutting Benny off before he can answer.
Benny shoots Raide a glare so angry, I flinch. “You’re lyin’ to her. She doesn’t know, does she?”
Know what? I swallow. “Raide?” I whisper.
His eyes flash to me, and I see so much anger behind them. “Benny,” he growls, all while holding my stare. “You shut your mouth.”
Benny laughs bitterly. “She’s a good woman, Raide. She’s a good fuckin’ woman who thought you came up here to spend time with her, when that’s not what it was.”
Oh God.
“Shut—your—fucking—mouth.”
Benny shakes his head. “No. Gracie, I’m sorry to do this, but the only reason Raide came here is because he got word Kelly’s dropkick boyfriend was hanging around. Tonight we found him.”
No.
No.
No.
“Raide beat the fuckin’ shit outta him. The only saving grace is that I was there and the guy was drunk, stoned off his fuckin’ rocker, so he had no idea who Raide was.”
No.
“You—” I swallow. “—you brought me here just to find that guy?”
Raide looks to me, and his eyes soften slightly. “Yeah, I came here to find him, but I brought you because I fuckin’ wanted to.”
“I asked you,” I say, my voice a low whip. “I asked you, and you swore it was ‘just a few days away.’”
“Grace.”
“Fuck you!” I screech. “You just won’t learn, will you?”
His jaw ticks. “You know nothing about my situation.”
“Don’t I?” I bark. “I know you’re running from the cops, I know you’re trying to find a man to kill him, I know you’re angry and you want revenge. Did you ever for one second stop and consider me in all this? You’ve been going on about how I’m making things better for you, but how much better can it be when you’re still going to end up in prison because your need for revenge is bigger than any of this?”
Raide flinches and Benny steps to my side.
Tears rise up and run down my cheeks.
“Grace—,” Raide begins again.
“What’s going to happen to me when you’re on trial for murder?” I yell. “A murder you actually committed! You’re going to end up in jail, that’s what.”
“Baby—”
“What’s going to happen to us then?” I continue to yell, throwing my hands out. “Why bother with me, Raide? Why did you start this when you know, you fucking know, it’ll end.”
I know I’m not being fair, because I’m as big a liar as Raide. My guilt, my pain, my feelings, they’ve all finally caught up with me. But I’ll be damned if I watch Raide throw his life away.
“Grace—”
“No,” I say, and tears burst from my eyelids. “I get it, Raide. I get that you want to make him pay, but did you ever stop and think about doing it the right way? You’re so desperate to make him bleed that you’ve forgotten everything else. Do you think this is what Kelly would want for you?”
Raide’s jaw is tight and his fists are balled by his sides. “Don’t talk about my sister like you know what she’d want. Besides, you’re one to talk!” he snarls.
“Excuse me?”
“A waitress, Grace? We both know you ain’t one of those. I don’t know what you are, but you’re carryin’ a bigger fuckin’ secret than any of us.”
I flinch.
He laughs bitterly. “My point, exactly.”
“Then why am I here?”
He throws his hands up. “I don’t fuckin’ know, because I thought you were worth something!”
“Worth so much, you were willing to put yourself at risk and leave me alone?”
He tenses. “I didn’t think it’d go that far.”
Oh—my—god.
“So I was a fun fuck?” I whisper.
“Grace, I didn’t—!”
“Take me home.”
“Grace.”
“Take me home!” I scream so loudly, Benny flinches beside me. “Now.”
“I’ll take you, honey,” Benny says gently.
“Like fuck you will. I’ll take her.” Raide lifts the keys and storms out to my car.
I turn to Benny. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “It’s okay.”
Then I quickly gather my things and carry them out to the car. My heart is heavy, my body is aching, and something in my soul is broken. I have to switch it off. This was going to happen, I knew it was going to happen. This was never going to work, it was never going to be a “happily ever after.” I was fooling myself. Raide was fooling himself. I have to end this because we’d end up killing each other purely from the pain.
“I’m driving,” I say to Raide. My voice is frighteningly empty.
“No.”
“It’s my fucking car!” I yell. “I’m driving it.”
“I said,” Raide growls. “No.”
“You’ve been drinking.”
“Two drinks, I can drive.”
“Just let me drive!” I screech. “I need to drive!”
I need to drive so I can take him straight to my office and turn him in. It’s time to end this. If I don’t, he’s going to kill Kelly’s real murderer and ruin his own life forever. Me turning him in is the kindest thing I can do for him. It’s the right thing. I pull out my phone and turn it on, then I look at Raide, who is studying me. “No, I’ll drive.”
He’s not going to make this easy, because he’s suspicious.
“It’s my car,” I say carefully. “Now, give me the keys.”
He ignores me and gets in. “You get in or I leave you here.”
With an angry grunt, I get in. Raide yells out something to Benny about coming back to get his things, then he speeds off down the road. The tension in the car is thick, and pain has lodged itself deep in my heart. There’s nothing more to say. Raide used me. I used him. We both fucked up. I open my messages on my phone and I send one to everyone on my team.
G—Bringing Raide in. About three hours. Need manpower.
Then I stuff the phone into the cup holder. Raide and I drive in silence. There’s clearly nothing more to say. Tears burn under my eyelids but I don’t let them flow. I can’t. My phone dings a few times but I ignore it. What I’m about to do is going to break my heart, tear it into a thousand tiny shreds, but I don’t have a choice. It’s for the best, for both Raide and me. The more time I spend chasing him, the more I fall for him. The more time he spends chasing Kelly’s killer, the more he loses who he is.