Chapter Nineteen
There wasn’t a sound in the halls of Benbridge, except for the fires that burned and the winter wind that rattled the windows.
Generally, this would have been a cause for concern, as it was a house of Gerrards, but after this particular Christmas Eve, the quiet was a welcome change.
No one was yelling or crying, but no one was laughing.
There was no disaster at the moment. Those were all in the past, and all cleared away.
The drawing room was the quietest room of all, perhaps.
Colin sat staring into the fire of the Yule log, his thoughts a million miles away. His youngest daughter was cradled in his lap, sound asleep, her weight against him offering the only comfort he could find at the moment.
He had destroyed any chance at having a happy family Christmas.
Not just him, but his brother as well. Normally, he would have been only too happy to blame Kit entirely, but under these circumstances, he knew full well that he shared at least half of the blame, if not more.
It was easy to see how it had all fallen apart around them. He and Kit had been trying so desperately to do everything that could be done at Christmas to celebrate the season that they had completely forgotten about the only thing that truly mattered in it.
Family. Togetherness. Peace.
Well, maybe not peace.
They were Gerrards, after all.
But in all their forcing of Christmas, they had forgotten to enjoy Christmas.
Just a small detail, that.
Colin shook his head now, looking over at the righted Christmas tree, its candles glowing once more. How could he have lost sight of things so easily?
A set of footsteps echoed in the corridor behind him, disturbing the peace ever so slightly.
He glanced behind him, knowing who it would be before he could see them. “Care to join me?”
“I would, yes,” his brother responded, pulling a chair over to the fire and sitting down beside him.
For a moment, they said nothing, staring into the fire in a sort of reverie, dwelling on their failings in unison.
“Well, at least we’ve established our worst Christmas ever,” Kit sighed after a moment, folding his arms.
Colin chuckled softly and glanced over at his brother. “Is this really worse than the Christmas with Loughton?”
Kit considered that, wincing. “Hard to say. I feel much worse this time, personally.”
“So do I,” Colin agreed. He exhaled roughly and adjusted his position in his seat. “I didn’t expect that outburst from Rosie.”
“Me neither.” Kit shook his head. “From the Christmas standpoint, I understand where she is coming from. We have been a bit…”
“Excessive?” Colin suggested dryly. “Flagrant? Exuberant?”
“Overbearing,” Kit replied, giving Colin the sort of look he was used to receiving. “We knew we were putting a lot into all of this, but I never really considered the effect it had on the others.”
Colin nodded, toying with Amelia’s hand as a bemused smile formed. “Did I really force all of Advent into four days just so we could say we had done it?”
“You did,” Kit assured him with a laugh. “And somehow without actually going into a church.”
The irony in that was astounding, and Colin just shook his head, laughing at his own idiocy.
Kit wasn’t about to let him endure it alone, though. “I found every single tradition I possibly could and insisted we have it,” he reminded his brother. “I meticulously researched whatever it was so that it could become something we valued in our family.”
Colin snickered as he thought back on the last few days, particularly the last few hours.
It was all true.
“I forced other people’s traditions onto everyone just for the sake of having traditions.” Kit leaned forward and covered his face with his hands, laughing to himself.
Colin looked down at Amelia and stroked her cheek softly. “Our wives tried to warn us, I believe.”
“They did,” Kit admitted, though his words were muffled.
“Where are they now?”
Kit slid his hands down. “I believe they took the boys and my girls down to the kitchens for pudding. And to leave us to stew in our thoughts until we mend things.”
That seemed a rather insurmountable task at the moment.
“What about the other thing Rosie said?” Colin murmured, returning his gaze to the fire. “About being in the family.”
Kit shook his head. “I don’t know where that came from. I don’t know how she could think that they would somehow lose their place with us, or that they weren’t part of us.”
“Maybe it’s because they haven’t always been?” Colin shrugged uneasily. “I imagine there must always be a question of position and place if you have experience outside of it.”
Kit considered that. It was a definite possibility. The girls had been practically cast off by their father only a few years ago, and if they hadn’t had Colin and Kit to go to, there was no telling what might have become of them. There had never been a question but that they would take them on and become their guardians, and that they would be part of the family, but if someone who was once tasked with their care had sent them away…
He sighed and pushed up from the chair. “I’m going to ask them all to come down.”
Colin looked up at him with a raised brow. “And say what?”
Kit pursed his lips for a moment. “Sorry, for one.”
“Probably for the best.”
Kit looked at him. “You could say it, too.”
“I probably will.”
“And then…” Kit shrugged and sighed. “I supposed I’ll take the example of the children tonight, and improvise.”
Colin laughed quietly so as not to wake Amelia. “Yes, because that worked so well for them.”
“I don’t know,” Kit murmured as he scratched at his jaw. “I thought it was a very good theatrical.”
“That it was. Maybe we should have that be a tradition for us.” Colin grinned and lifted his brows in suggestion.
Kit laughed and nodded. “Maybe we should. You call for the family downstairs, I’ll fetch the ones upstairs, and we’ll meet back here.”
“Yes, sir.”
One by one, they managed to collect every member of the family, even the most reluctant ones, and bring them all to the drawing room.
They all sat, and Kit stood before them, Colin only a few steps to the side. He stared around at each of their faces, his hands rubbing together almost anxiously.
“I need to apologize,” he finally said, dropping his hands helplessly to his side.
“We,” Colin murmured, swaying with Amelia still in his hold, pressing his lips to the top of her head.
Kit acknowledged that with a nod. “We. We need to apologize.”
Marianne smiled at Kit in encouragement, and he couldn’t find it in him to smile back.
“We tried everything we could to make this Christmas a special one for our family,” Kit went on, wrenching his eyes away from his wife to look at his sisters, children, and his brother’s family. “We were so excited to finally have a year without a complication at this time of year, letting us fully embrace the holiday in a way that we’ve never had before.”
“And not just with you all,” Colin broke in gently, “but in many years for us as well. We never had much of a reason to celebrate Christmas when it was just the two of us, so we really didn’t. But now that we have all of you…” He shrugged a shoulder.
Kit nodded, smiling at Colin’s words.
Colin fixed his gaze on Rosie then. “We don’t know how anybody else celebrates Christmas, except now for Marianne’s eccentric Scottish cousins.”
That brought smiles and laughter from them.
“All we know is that we didn’t want to celebrate Christmas when we two were our only family,” Colin continued with a faint smile. “It took finding sisters we didn’t know about to make us want to celebrate Christmas. It took bringing in the two most amazing women on this earth to mend our ways for life to make us want Christmas. It took each and every one of our sons and daughters…” He paused as he fought for a swallow. “We are a family, and families celebrate Christmas together.”
Susannah smiled at him with tears in her eyes, her adoration plain for all to see.
“Together,” Kit echoed, still smiling. “That is the part that we forgot about. That is the one thing that all families everywhere have in common on Christmas. They celebrate together. That is the only tradition we absolutely have to have. It’s the only thing that matters at Christmas. And I think we knew that.” He turned to look at Colin for confirmation.
Colin shrugged. “I knew that, but I don’t know if you did.”
Rosie snickered at that, as did all the rest of the children. The wives just shook their heads and smiled.
Kit rolled his eyes, but Colin was always going to be Colin, and this was what Colin did.
“I may have forgotten that,” Coin allowed, winking at one of the girls.
“We both forgot that,” Kit agreed. “It doesn’t matter if our Yule log or Yule candle bring us good luck as much as it matters that we all know that we are an important, integral part of the Gerrard family, no one of us more or less important than any other. This is what a real family looks like.” He gestured around at them all.
The sisters exchanged smiles, looked at their nieces, nephews, brothers, and sisters-in-law, all of whom smiled back.
“No one should ever feel that they do not belong right where they are,” Kit insisted, looking at Freddie meaningfully. “And I don’t care if this Yule log goes out before it should.”
Bitty hissed a wince. “I care. I don’t want bad luck.”
He pointed at her. “Then we will make sure it keeps going, because that’s important to Bitty.”
“I liked the improvised theatrical,” Freddie admitted, looking at their stage area fondly.
Colin chuckled and nodded at him. “I was hoping someone would, because I think that needs to become a Gerrard tradition.”
“Only if I don’t have to organize it next year,” Rosie announced, holding her hands up. “That was a headache!”
Everyone laughed, and Bitty patted Rosie on the back. “I’ll do it next year,” she offered. “I don’t mind.”
“That’s the spirit,” Kit praised with a warm smile. “The point is that we can have whatever traditions we want. We will decide on them as a family, and we will celebrate them as a family.”
“I love the tree,” Marianne said as she looked at it. “It really is lovely.”
Several others were nodding at that.
“Next year, Kit and I will happily teach everyone how it should be decorated,” Colin promised, bringing Amelia over to Susannah, who gladly took her. “Unless anyone has other ideas on how to do it, and then we will change that, too.”
“I also liked Colin’s feast,” Rosie laughed. “Can we do that again?”
“Yes!” Colin cried. “I knew someone would!”
“One!” Susannah protested with a laugh. “Just one feast.”
Colin acknowledged that with a nod and a sheepish smirk.
“I like Humphrey,” Ginny stated in her usual matter-of-fact way.
There were several chuckles and several eye rolls at that.
Kit went to Ginny and knelt before her, taking her hands. “I promise you, I will bring Humphrey back once we arrange a situation for him on our lands.” He gave her a slight smile. “He does have to stay in Yorkshire, however. We can’t take him everywhere.”
Ginny shrugged and smiled. “That’s fine. I don’t think he’d like Somerset or Cheshire as much as here. He’s a Yorkshire goat. This is his home.”
Kit patted her hands, grinning helplessly. “That it is.”
“And next year,” Colin said, “I think we will get each other very small presents. We can work out the details of that all later. The gifts aren’t as important as everything else.”
Bitty looked at Kit for a long moment. “And church?”
The brothers looked at each other, then back at her. “If you want to go to church next Christmas,” Kit told her, “then we will happily go too.”
“If the snow is not too bad in the morning,” Colin suggested, looking out of the window, “we might be able to venture down to the church and see Mr. Gregson, if you like.”
Several of the girls smiled at that, even if Susannah and Marianne looked dubious.
They knew their husbands well, and it would not be surprising if something came up in the morning to prevent that.
Perhaps a shocking amount of snow would suspiciously find itself directly in front of the door or something.
A noise in the hall brought several heads around and Colin rubbed his hands together. “Excellent, this is another tradition that I hope everyone will want to keep.” He moved to Kit and gripped him on the shoulder. “It’s one of the only ones we had.” He continued on to the hall and reappeared with a heavily laden tray.
Kit grinned, knowing exactly what was coming. After all, it was he that had asked Mrs. Fraser to prepare it. Colin must have asked for it when he had fetched the others.
The timing was perfect.
“Growing up,” Kit told the others as Colin set the tray down, “after our mother died, we didn’t have Christmas. We would spend our Christmas holidays at Seabrook with Aunt Agatha, who didn’t care much for us, but didn’t send us away. She didn’t celebrate Christmas either. But her housekeeper, Mrs. Clappe, would have hot cakes and cider for us, and we would sit by the fire and eat them together on Christmas Eve.”
Marianne made a soft noise, covering her mouth.
Kit winked at her, smiling.
“It smells delicious,” Ginny said as she reached for a hot cake.
“Dip it in the cider,” Colin suggested, handing her a cup. “It’s the best that way.”
She did so, and everyone else followed suit. Soon they were all making soft noises of appreciation and laughing to each other as they dipped hot cake after hot cake into their mugs.
“Excellent tradition,” Rosie said around bites of hot cake. “We have to make this one official.”
“Agreed,” Susannah hummed as she took another bite of hers.
Nods all around made it unanimous.
“Done!” Colin laughed, clinked his glass against Freddie’s.
“What are we doing tomorrow?” Bitty asked, reaching for another hot cake. “And the rest of the days?”
Kit smiled at her and slowly sipped his cider. “Well, tomorrow is Colin’s second feast.”
Colin waved his hand in acknowledgement.
“But I don’t think we should have much actually scheduled,” Kit went on, ignoring Colin. “We had too much planned already, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” Ginny replied with a dramatic roll of her eyes.
That made everyone laugh again, and another round of hot cakes were passed out.
“One thing, though,” Kit said slowly. “St. Stephen’s Day is the day after Christmas. The servants have the day off to celebrate, so it will be just us. We have gifts for them, and boxes for our tenants… What would you say to hosting a small party for the tenants? We could give out the goods for them and show them some Christmas cheer at the same time.”
“Yes!” Bitty and Ginny cried out, while the others smiled and nodded.
“Nothing too overdone,” Kit assured them all. “Just a little something. We could also go for a sleigh ride in the countryside. And maybe we can convince the carolers and Morris men to perform for us then.”
Marianne gave him a very sharp look.
“In the village square, of course,” he hastily added, sipping his cider once more.
A booming knock on the door broke their warm Christmas celebration and they all looked at it in confusion.
“Who in the world…?” Susannah asked of no one.
“Maybe it’s the carolers!” Bitty said, setting down her cup and clapping.
“And the sword dancers!” Ginny added.
Marianne groaned and looked at Kit, who looked heavenward with a wince.
Harward went to the door and opened it. “Good evening.”
“If it were warmer and less wintery, it might be, but it certainly is brisk,” chirped a voice they all knew well.
“Oh no,” the adults murmured as one, feeling the usual combination of dread and delight the owner of said voice brought.
“Tibby!” the children cried.
Then suddenly, she was before them. Lady Raeburn, the most eccentric and well-loved woman in England, wrapped in the colors of their evergreen boughs, complete with an appropriately red bow on her head, stood proudly in the wake of her dramatic entrance. She carried a bundle in her arms, wore a black fur about her shoulders, and had her cheeks tinged with rouge, as usual.
“Happy Christmas, beloved Gerrard family,” she cried jubilantly, waving one gloved hand in grand fashion. “I have come to spend Christmas with you all. I do apologize for my tardiness, but the snow really was quite dreadful. And we were delayed ever so slightly by this lovely creature.”
She pulled back part of the bundle to show them all.
“Humphrey!” Ginny cried as the goat in Tibby’s hold bleated.
“What a perfect name, Ginny!” Tibby exclaimed as the others gaped at them in disbelief. “The poor dear was wandering in the snow, quite lost. I had my driver stop and fetch him. He must stay here until we can return him.” She turned to face the hall. “You there, footman. Take this animal down to the kitchens and put him in a room where he will not do any harm. A spare cupboard, perhaps? With blankets, you understand.”
The footman came forward and did so, his expression carefully composed.
Colin was fighting laughter so hard he shook with it, while Kit just held his head in his hands. Marianne rose to greet her aunt, who kissed her cheeks fondly.
“I don’t know why you two are laughing,” Tibby scolding, pointing at Colin and Kit. “Goats are wonderful, as I told Ginny before you all left London. You should think of getting one.”
Laughter exploded from Colin and Kit shook his head again.
Hugs and kisses were exchanged as everyone else greeted Tibby, and when the older Gerrards had regain control of themselves, they rose and dutifully greeted Tibby themselves.
She kissed their cheeks and looked down at the cider and hot cakes. “Ah! A Devonshire delight! You must pour me a cup, Colin, I adore these things.”
Colin did as he was told, still smiling to himself.
Tibby looked around her, frowning. “But where are the gifts?” She turned to look at all of the adults. “The packages I had sent over. Where are they?”
“Packages?” Rosie repeated, a smile forming. “You sent packages?”
“I most certainly did!” Tibby proclaimed with a sniff. “A great many, as a matter of fact. And you all must have them!”
“Why, Tibby?” Marianne queried, looking the least surprised of any of them. But she was Tibby’s niece, and quite used to her eccentricities.
“For my wedding, of course!”
There was not a single noise after that announcement, not even from the youngest children. They all stared at Tibby in stunned silence.
“Wedding?” Marianne repeated, blinking her wide eyes. “To whom, Tibby?”
“Well, I haven’t quite worked that out yet,” Tibby confessed, looking thoughtful. “Only that I am going to marry again. I so miss being married, so in the coming year, I will once again join myself to a suitable man in wedding bliss.”
That was entirely too many surprises for one day, even for Gerrards, and there was no telling what could happen next.
There was only one thing to do.
Colin and Kit rose as one. “Wasn’t there a special Christmas Eve service at the church we were thinking of attending?” Colin asked of his brother.
“Yes, everyone bundle up!” Kit ordered brusquely. “Surprise!”
“Surprise!” Rafe and Matthew echoed in delight as everyone rose quickly.
“Oh, I do love a good church service!” Tibby chirped as she rose as well. “Nothing calms me like devoted worship! My third husband was a clergyman, you know, and he always asked me to assist in writing his sermons.”
“Of course he did,” Colin said helplessly as he assisted his children with the coats that the servants were impossibly quick to provide.
“And I was always willing to sing for the services, if called upon.”
“Of course you were,” Kit replied, taking Daphne from Marianne.
“But do you know what the best part was? Hiding mistletoe around the church.” Tibby grinned at them all. “Attendance was never better than at Christmas service!”
“Tibby!” the adults said together.
“Happy Christmas, one and all! Look out for mistletoe, and no matter what the clergyman says, smile and nod!”
“Oh, Tibby…” Colin sighed, amused and resigned, and secretly quite pleased.
Tibby swirled her skirts and cloak and strode proudly for the door. “Come along, Gerrards! Christmas is here and we mustn’t waste a moment of it!”