“Hand me the sugar, Ben,” Annie said as she put away all the supplies that Matt had brought to the cabin.

“Here, let me help you,” Ben said and squeezed himself beside her in the side room. “I can lift it.”

She smiled at him and watched as he concentrated on lifting the cloth bag of sugar. His arms shook with the labor, but there was no use trying to help him. She thought she’d most likely insult him, and she’d never dream of doing that. He was kindly to her and helped her even when he was unable to get off the mattress just by being happy and appreciating every small thing she did for him.

“There. Too high up for any critters to get to,” he said. He turned his head to stare at her. “He’s getting ready to go, you know, miss. He wanted to make sure you had a few things before he left.”

She nodded and fought tears. “I know. He didn’t have to get any of it. I could have put another layer of paper in Teddy’s boots.”

But Ben wasn’t having any of her false smiles or laughter. “It’s not just that he’s trying to make up for what you done for us.”

“He doesn’t owe me anything. Neither do you. What kind of person wouldn’t help another?”

“He’s worried about you, miss. The boots and coat were to make your life easier. That shiny yellow tablecloth was to make you happy. You know that, don’t you?”

She nodded. Tears fell down her cheeks and off her chin. “I do. I’ll never forget either of you.”

“Can’t understand why he hasn’t asked you to come with us. You would have a comfortable life at Paradise.”

“He has asked me, Ben. I’ve said no. He’s been a gentleman to me, you see. There’s no reason for you to scold him.” She looked at her hands and then up at Ben as more tears fell. “Help him when he gets home. I think he’s terrified and embarrassed, and sometimes things happen and you start doing something one way and it’s too hard to change or maybe just too easy to keep on doing what you’re doing. He’s going to have a hard homecoming.”

“Too easy to keep doing what you’re doing? You could be talking about yourself now, missy.”

Annie wiped her face with her apron and kissed his cheek. “Come on. We’ve got to see about roasting this turkey.”

* * *

Annie heated water and filled her tub before shooing Ben out of doors. She scrubbed her hair and washed her body and soaked her bones in the hot water. After her bath, she sat on the porch with Ben, combing out her hair and telling him what she was going to make herself with the yards of fabric Matt had brought her. She watched Matt coaxing Chester to drag a log that he had intended to cut for firewood but hadn’t gotten done. She didn’t know why he was dragging it around her yard other than to keep from having to sit with them on the porch, listening to the crickets and enjoying a pleasant evening talking and being together before he and Ben left. She had enough firewood to last for two winters now anyway with what Matt had felled and split. Ben had gathered kindling in the near woods, too, limping around on his crutches and filling a burlap sack he’d strung around his neck.

She watched Matt brush down Chester and strip to the waist to wash in water he’d hauled up from the well. Dear Lord, he was a handsome, well-built man, his arms and chest tan from the sun and thick from the hard work he’d done. He poured the water over his head, soaped up his hands, and scrubbed at his hair, making her think of when he could barely stand and she’d washed his hair for him on the porch. He disappeared in the barn, leading Chester in, too.

“I sure hope I’m not too much of a burden for this trip,” Ben said.

She looked at the old man, and she could see he was worried and anxious. “What would happen if you had to delay somewhere? He’d never leave you. You may have to take a few days somewhere to build your strength back up.”

“He’s weighted down already. I don’t want to be the cause of more. His daddy and I met at the stables in Winchester where I was working when both of us were just young bucks. He offered me a job at twice the pay, and Miss Eleanor fixed two rooms for me above the old barn. They took me in like family.”

“You’ll be fine, Ben. I’m sure of it.” Then she realized his eyes were misty. She reached across and held his hand.

“I don’t know exactly what happened on the river that day, other than I was probably being a stubborn old fool. He saved me, he did. I can remember different bits and pieces, you know, when I wake up from sleeping sometimes. After my leg was broke he picked me up and put me on Chester. I was freezing and screaming and the mud and the boulders were flying down at us and he’s just whispering to Chester, Back up boy, that’s right. Back up.” He turned to look at her. “I’d never been so terrified in my whole life.”

Annie walked with Ben into the cabin and helped him get his shoes and shirt off. She sat beside him on the bed and held his hand until he drifted off to sleep. And then she made a decision.

They were leaving tomorrow. He hadn’t said as much, but she knew. It was cowardly, he thought to himself, to not be able to just say the words. I’m leaving you. But he couldn’t. He’d bought a small wagon that Chester could comfortably pull with room on the seat for both him and Ben and enough in the back that Ben could lie down if he wanted or needed to. But he couldn’t say the words to Annie. He’d bought her supplies and that damn yellow tablecloth. Her face had lit up from her normal wary to joy when he’d handed it to her. She’d smiled at him and touched the cloth and made Ben touch it and help her spread it on her table. She’d tried on her new boots and declared Teddy’s to be her spare for in the barn when she had to muck the pig stall. But he couldn’t say the words.

She’d baked the turkey in the wood oven that sat out back of the cabin, spooning the drippings over the top of it and making sure that it was cooked just right, with the corn bread stuffing falling out of it. They held hands and said their thanks and were cheerful together. But he still couldn’t say the words.

Now he was lying in his bunk, in his short drawers, looking up at the barn roof, counting the beams and then the roof boards, hoping to fall asleep. He’d worked all day, as hard as he could drive himself, so that he’d be able to drop off to sleep from exhaustion. But his plan hadn’t worked. He was lying there thinking of Annie and that gap between her front teeth that made her look young and vulnerable, especially when she smiled at him as she had today, and beautiful, too.

Then he heard the creak of the barn door as it opened. “Are you asleep?” she asked.

“No.” He pulled his pants on. He stood and went to the edge of the loft to look down. “What are you doing here?”

She climbed the ladder, and he helped her up the last tall rung. He dropped her hand as soon as she was on two feet and walked away to lean against the barn beam near his mattress. She didn’t say anything. She began unbuttoning her blouse. He watched her, willing himself to say no, to stop her but was unable to say a word. She unhooked her skirt and let it fall to the floor. She took a step to him, stopping in the last rays of the setting sun and pulling her chemise over her head as she did. Annie Campbell had a glorious body, which she’d hidden successfully under her brother’s and father’s clothing most of the time. She was long-limbed and strong but rounded just right, with breasts the right size for his hands. Her hair tumbled over her shoulder as she undid pins and dropped them on the floor.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” he said, now finally able to say the words he owed her. He noticed his voice shook as he spoke, and he swallowed.

“I know,” she said and walked to him. “I know. There’s never been a man I’ve wanted to do this with before now. Never thought there would be. But I want you to love me tonight. Will you?”

He gently moved her hair away from her face. “You are so very beautiful.”

She reached up with both hands to pull his face toward her, brushing her breasts against his bare chest as she did, causing him to hiss an intake of breath. She touched his lips with hers lightly, and he closed his eyes, feeling her breath against his mouth, not daring to move. She touched his lip with her tongue, and he growled low in his chest, pulling her into his arms and turning his head to slide his tongue in her mouth. He held the back of her head steady with one hand wound in her hair and the other rubbing the warm length of her back.

She unbuttoned his pants and pulled his short drawers down until he could step out of them. His sex was already hard and aching, and she stared down at him and licked her lips. She walked to his mattress and lay down. He stood there, looking at her, thinking how much he wanted her and how their coupling would change everything. It didn’t stop him from lying down beside her. His hands shook as he touched her face and neck, slowly working his way to her breasts, watching her eyes as he did, ready to stop if she wanted him to.

She smiled at him. “The past is gone. This is the now. I want you to touch me.”

He groaned as his hand closed around her breast, rubbing her nipple with his thumb and kissing her hard and impatiently. Leaving no doubt in either of their minds that he wanted her desperately, wanted to be inside of her, and moving in her. She wasn’t shy, running her hands over his chest and arms and back down to his buttocks with swift traces. She was breathing rapidly and pushing her hands through his hair, devouring his mouth and sucking on his tongue.

Matt rolled her on her back and spread her legs with his knees. “Stop me now, Annie,” he whispered.

She shook her head and pulled his mouth down to her. She lifted her hips up until she found his cock and rubbed her sex on its tip with a blatant invitation. She was hot and wet and he was lost. Matt entered her swiftly, and she threw her head back as he did, revealing her long neck and uptilted breasts. He waited, letting her grow accustomed to him inside her. She opened her eyes then and looked at him with heavy lids, her mouth open slightly and moaning as he began a slow rhythm within her. He dropped down to his elbows on either side of her, feeling her nipples hard against his chest. She stretched her arms above her head and wrapped her legs around his hips, and he moved in her faster with each stroke. They were both sweating and panting and he could hear the sounds of his push and pull. She smelled like mint, like her soap that he’d come to associate with her. He was home in her body and was quickly losing control. She arched and sighed and he strained, taking short breaths, eyes closed, his world reduced to this woman, this act, and its purpose.

Annie’s heart had finally slowed its rapid beat and she turned her head to look at Matt. He had an arm over his eyes but she was certain he wasn’t sleeping.

“Annie, you’ve got to come with me now.”

“No, Matt, I don’t. This is my farm, my life.”

He stood and pulled on his pants, wandering up and down the length of the loft, shaking his head occasionally and talking softly to himself. He looked at her. “I can’t split myself. I don’t know what to do. I’ve got obligations . . .”

“You’re not obligated to me. This didn’t change anything. I never asked anything of you.”

He eyed her furiously and pointed at her. “Not obligated!” he shouted. “What a damn fool thing to say. We didn’t just screw here. You’re no barmaid waiting for me to leave a silver coin.”

She stared at him. “I’m not so different from them, I imagine. And from the sounds of what you’ve said, you’ve done your share of whoring. You didn’t take any of them home to your mother.”

“What are you talking about? I won’t deny I used the services of some soiled doves along the way, and both of us knew before anybody took off a stitch of clothing that I wasn’t staying, that I was paying for services and that she knew that as well. This is nothing like that.”

Annie pulled on her chemise and her skirt and buttoned her blouse. It was for the best, she supposed, that they argue and be angry with each other. It would take the sting of his leave-taking from her, or at least delay it until the anger had gone and left her empty at some later date. Maybe it would be enough to keep her from crying and begging, for what, she wasn’t sure.

“I have to get Ben home. I have to see my family and see if I can repair the hurt I’ve done and lessen their disappointment. I have to, Annie. But now . . . Sweet Jesus,” he whispered. “I can’t leave you.”

“Of course you have to leave me. My life is here. You have to go home,” she said as she walked to him. “This was the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I’ll treasure the memory of it and how you looked at me forever.”

She turned then and made her way down the ladder, hearing him call her name, barely able to hold back tears until she was outside in the cool of the evening.

* * *

It was drizzling rain the following morning but not hard enough to keep Matt from making the trip to Harrisonburg and boarding the train. If he missed it tomorrow, he’d have to wait a week to catch the next one, and he didn’t think he could manage another seven days of the emotional nonsense these last few days had been. Chester was hitched, and he’d put his saddlebags and clothes in the back in some oilcloth Annie had produced. Ben had been wearing her father’s clothes recently, even though Matt had told him he’d get him what he needed in town. She and Ben had hugged for several wordless minutes before she helped him up into the wagon’s seat and put his crutches in the back. She had wrapped two apples and biscuits and handed them with Matt’s filled canteen to Ben.

“Annie,” Matt said and shook his head. “I could never, ever repay you for what you’ve done. I still want . . . well, it’s too late for that. I’ve left my telegraph direction and mailing address if you need to get hold of me for any reason, and there are no reasons too small. I . . . I will always . . . remember you fondly. Good-bye, Annie.”

He leaned down and kissed her cheek. She was smiling and waving and promising to write. She was a poor actress, though, and they both knew it. He climbed onto the seat beside Ben and hawed Chester to move. He took one look back, right before the trees covered his vision of her. She was standing in the same spot, her hands over her mouth and tears or rain trailing down her face.

The rain died down not long after he’d set off. They only had an eight-mile trip according to the telegraph operator, and the road was an easy one, wide and clear with just some foothills to climb. They rode through Bridgewater, Matt pointing out the places he’d stopped in the town, although he took some side streets and was glad they’d started out before daybreak, hoping less folks knew that Annie was now alone.

“Didn’t go to the saloon?”

Matt shook his head and smiled. “No, I didn’t, old man. I haven’t had a drink since before we took our dunk in the river and you know it.”

Matt heard his name called at the corner of the main street as they headed out of town.

“Mister! Mister! You got a telegraph! Wait up.”

Matt jumped down from the wagon, pulling a coin from his pants as he did. “Much obliged,” he said and took the folded note from the man’s hand.

He pulled himself up, gave Chester’s reins to Ben, and opened the paper.

My dearest Matthew. Please bring Ben and yourself home safely to me. All my love, Mother.

“What’s it say?”

“She wants us both home safely.”

“Well, hell. Nobody wants that more than me,” Ben said with a chuckle. “I’m longing for my rooms and my bed and my pipe and some of Mabel’s cooking.”

Matt smiled at him. He wondered if his old room was still vacant and what things would be like when he got there. He rubbed the paper between his fingers for a time before putting it in his pocket. It was the first time he’d read his mother’s words in six years, and it felt like she was standing beside him, saying them to him, even knowing that some nameless man in Winchester had sent the telegram to this nameless man in Bridgewater. It didn’t matter. They were his mother’s words. How would he begin to explain where he’d been? He missed Annie with a gnawing ache.

* * *

The trip to Harrisonburg was uneventful. The day had turned warm after the morning showers, and while Ben was content under the beating sun, Matt had been hot and uncomfortable, that being his only complaint. The dirt road was packed tight, smooth, and wide, although he kept Chester to a walk while Ben stretched out in the back of the wagon. He didn’t move much faster even when Ben was beside him, trying to keep the rattling and the bumping around to a minimum. Toward the afternoon, Matt noticed Ben hanging on to the seat rail, his knuckles white.

“We’re almost there, I think,” Matt said. “That bridge up ahead leads into Harrisonburg.”

“I’m fine, son. Just keep us moving.”

Matt pulled up in front of the Harrisonburg Hotel near some livestock yards and the train depot. These must be the yards Annie said the neighbor would be bringing her hogs to to sell this fall. He wondered what she was doing right now. He jumped down from the wagon, tied Chester to a rail, and waited for Ben. The old man wasn’t moving very fast.

“You go on in and get us a room. I’m just going to rest a bit,” he said.

“Okay. Catch your breath.”

Matt went into the hotel, paid the clerk, and got a key. He knew Ben was exhausted already and trying not to show it; he didn’t want him sleeping alone. He went back out to the wagon.

“Got us a room on the first floor. Two beds. You ready to go inside?”

“In a minute.”

Matt waited and then stepped up on the wheel. He picked Ben up in one swift motion and headed to the door of the hotel. Ben was murmuring and fussing and hanging on to his hat.

“Don’t say one word, old man,” he said as he carried him to the door of their room and set him on his feet to lean against the wall. He opened the door, and Ben slowly hobbled in and sat down on the bed.

“I think I’ll rest a bit. It’s been a long day,” he said and lay down.

“Yes it has. I’m going over to the depot to see about tickets for tomorrow.”

“That’s fine, son,” Ben said softly as his eyes closed.

“I need two tickets to Winchester, and if you have any room in a first-class car, I want them. Will this train have a livestock car?”

The clerk in the string tie and vest nodded. “Yes to both questions. That’ll be three-quarter of a dollar for your tickets in first-class and another half-dollar for any animal going in the livestock car.”

Matt breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been worried about having to leave Chester at a stable here in Harrisonburg until he could get back on the train to get him. He didn’t trust others to care for him like he did and was thinking he’d just get himself and Ben home and have to turn around and board the train again. His mother wouldn’t be pleased, but after all was said and done, Chester had saved his and Ben’s life as well as being the smartest, toughest horse Matt had ever ridden. He deserved the very best care he could provide.

After Ben woke, the two of them went to the hotel dining room. Ben had cleaned himself up and had started to look a bit like the Ben Littleship who had barged into his hotel room all those months ago even if he was still weak and needed extra rest and one crutch. Matt had found a general store while Ben slept that was still open nearby and bought Ben clothes and boots and a new hat.

“I don’t like owing you. I’ll pay you as soon as we get to Paradise. All my paper money was in my saddlebags and is at the bottom of that river still strapped around Tramp’s rump. I had a couple gold pieces, too, in my pocket. I suspect they fell out somewhere along the way.”

“I have money. Still got plenty of gold pieces in my belt and some sewn inside Chester’s saddle. I’ll live, and if Mother ever heard that you felt obligated to pay me for some clothes after traipsing all over God’s acre looking for me, she’d never let you hear the end of it. Just take the clothes and shut your mouth, old man.”

Ben eyed him as if intending to argue and then chuckled. “My God, you remind me of Beauregard.”

“Was that supposed to be a compliment?” Matt asked and picked up his coffee.

“Stubborn. Bullheaded. Yeah, you’re mostly Beauregard with just a little bit of Miss Eleanor’s fine manners smoothing out the edges.”

“And I was too stubborn and bullheaded to square myself with him before I went off wandering, and now he’s dead.”

“There’s no denying any of that,” Ben said and stared across the table. “You ever wonder how I found you?”

“I suppose I wondered, but I guess I didn’t care all that much.”

Ben leaned back in his chair and waved an impatient hand his way. “Don’t go feeling sorry for yourself. You and I both did some growing up in that water.”

“I guess we did,” Matt said. “How did you find me?”

“Well, I figured if I was to have any chance of finding you, you’d have to be in Virginia or close by. I caught your trail in Kentucky on the roads coming north ’til I found you in Lexington.”

“Caught my trail?”

“Had a small portrait of you Miss Eleanor gave me and asked around at the saloons if they’d seen this big, stubborn man the ladies probably loved and the criminals stayed away from.”

Matt laughed. He couldn’t help himself. “They know me right away?”

“Yep, and generally knew from the barmaids which direction you’d rode off in when you left their beds for the last time.”

* * *

Annie spent the day pulling apart the mattress for her bed, stitching the ticking where necessary and sorting through new straw for the softest bunches as she did every year come fall. She added thick layers of new batting that she’d asked Madeline to get for her at the general store on top. She’d scrubbed every inch of the cabin with soapy water the day they left. What a silly thing to do, she’d thought later, as if she could remove their existence with a scrub brush and lye soap.

Her fences were fixed and her garden tended. Wood was stacked neatly for the winter, and her panty was stocked with plenty of provisions to get a single person through even a harsh winter. Her pigs would go to market in a few weeks, and she’d hopefully have a few more coins to stow away with the ones she kept in a pocket she’d sewn in the inside of her left boot. She figured if someone took her boots away she was going to die soon anyway and wouldn’t care if she was robbed of her life savings, including the gold pieces Matt had left her with his telegraph directions. She’d also cut a small slit between the outer leather and the inner lining of her right boot. She was just able to fit a small ivory-handled knife that she’d found with her mother’s things there.

She’d spent some time going through her mother’s boxes, which she’d never done as an adult. She’d opened the leather satchel a few times as a young girl just to touch and smell her mother’s things. Now, she read the letters her mother had received from her mother and father back in Tennessee begging her to come back there, and bring her husband if she wished, and most definitely bring her young daughter, that they’d always have a home with them there. How different would her life be if Momma had moved back to her family home? She might even still be alive if Daddy didn’t go with them, for there’d be no Teddy, but then her own life have been so bleak without her little brother’s smile and love. Time could not be turned back, though, and decisions made and questions left unanswered eventually set a course.

She was sitting on her porch reading a book of her mother’s and wondering where Matt and Ben were at that very minute when Madeline came racing through the near trees. She was breathing hard and bent over to catch her breath.

“What is it?” Annie asked in a panic. “What is it? Is it Tom? One of the children?”

Madeline straightened and looked her in the eye. “Gilly’s gone missing. Her mother don’t know where she’s at. And they’re talking about coming out here for you.”