Jim’s eyes opened and he stared at the ceiling above him. It took a long minute to remember where he was. He looked down at Olivia, sleeping soundly, her head on his shoulder, her hand splayed across his bare chest. She was naked and warm, and he could feel the weight and shape of her breast against his side. It was intensely erotic, he thought, as he watched the sheet covering him begin to tent. He’d had intercourse with Olivia Gentry. He’d seen her magnificent body unclothed. He’d touched her intimately, and she’d touched him. He’d made love to her.

But his thoughts were interrupted by a voice in the back of his head, shouting at him, shouting out in anger, and recalling all the rage he’d felt as he rode on York in the dead and cold of the night, all the terror and prayers that had drifted through his mind thinking of her body twisted and broken in a train wreck’s aftermath. Was she still moving to Washington? To find weighty conversation and more sophisticated company than Winchester could ever offer? He was furious then, breathing harshly, thinking about her plans as she shifted and laid a long leg over his.

He sat up abruptly, feeling sordid, and disloyal to a family, to men he’d known all of his life. She tumbled onto her stomach and lifted her head from the pillow, her hair shadowing her face. She pushed the strands out of the way and smiled at him.

“Hello,” she said. “What time is it?”

He stood and pulled on his pants. He looked back over his shoulder at her. “Time to go.”

“What is it?” she whispered.

He turned and looked at her sitting there, staring up at him wide-eyed and lovely and virginal and everything single thing he’d ever dreamed of. Naked and warm and ready for him again, he could it see it in her shy smile and the slow blink of her long lashes. He felt horribly guilty and angry, and unhappy to have to deal with the tumult of emotions he was feeling.

“We’ve got a long ride ahead of us,” he said and pulled on his shirt.

“Jim. What is it? What have I done?”

He righted the rocker, sat down, and pulled on his wool socks. “Done? Just worried everyone to death. That’s all.”

“Why are you so angry now? You weren’t angry last night.”

“Why do you care, Olivia? You’ll be gone from Winchester and not have to concern yourself with me.”

Even as he said the words, even as he watched her smile fade, her shoulders drop, even as she reeled back from his words, covering her mouth with her hand, he couldn’t help himself. If he gave in now, kissed her and loved her again, he’d be lost forever, worshipping her and losing himself in the process, as she merrily tripped away to the next thing that caught her attention. She swallowed visibly.

“Jim,” she whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks. “How could you think—”

“I’m sure there will be someone to take my place when you’re settled in Washington.” He stood and pulled on his coat. “I’ll arrange for your trunk to be delivered to the Winchester station when they finally get this train moving. We’ll take York and be back home faster. Is half an hour enough time for you to be ready?”

He opened the door and stared into the hallway waiting for her reply. He hated his weakness. She was his everything. Didn’t she know that?

“I’ll be ready.”

Olivia gave in and leaned back against the solid wall of his chest, after having sat upright and away from him for the first hour they were on York’s back as she was too angry, too crushed to do anything else for as long as she could manage. She couldn’t reconcile the man who’d made love to her with the man behind her, his arms around her, loosely holding York’s reins in his hands. He managed the massive horse with little more than the slight movement of his fingers or the tap of his knees.

She was reminded of riding in front of her father when she was a young girl. Tears threatened again as she thought of how much she missed him and how much she wished she could throw herself in her daddy’s arms and tell him all of her problems. He would solve it for her, she was certain of that.

“We’ll be coming to Paradise first,” he said. “I’ll leave York and take another horse home and have Phillip return him.”

She said nothing. She didn’t trust herself to talk to him even about the most mundane of subjects. But she had come to some conclusions on their ride and knew she must deal with the truth rather than hide behind some false modesty. She’d lost her virginity the night before. She loved Jim Somerset. She was leaving Winchester for good.

Paradise came into sight from the northern ridge and she barely restrained herself from jumping down and walking the rest of the way. York trotted onto the shelled drive as her mother came out of the house. She awkwardly slung her leg and skirts over the horse’s neck and slid down his side. Her mother gathered her in her arms.

Olivia buried her face in her mother’s shoulder and breathed deeply of home. She allowed herself to be petted and kissed until she was able to look her mother in the eye and smile wanly.

“Jim,” Eleanor said and walked to him as he dismounted from York and handed off the reins to George. “I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done.”

Olivia heard him reply and walked toward the house, seeing Aunt Brigid and Ben in the doorway. Her mother called to her that Jim was leaving, but she didn’t raise a hand or turn her head. Whatever had begun all those tormented years ago, that had shriveled with disappointment and flared bright with hope on occasion, was now dead. It was finished. She wouldn’t turn back.

* * *

“Come in,” Olivia said to the knock on her bedroom door the following day. “Good morning, Mother.”

“Writing a letter, dear?”

“Yes,” she said and turned from her desk chair to smile at her mother, who was seating herself on the bed. “I’m writing to Josephine and Darien.”

“Ah,” she said. “I’ve yet to send a thank-you letter. I must do so without delay.”

Olivia blew on the paper and folded it. “I’ve asked Darien to begin a search for a town house for me to purchase or rent. I’d like to be settled there by spring.”

“You’ve decided definitely to go, then,” Eleanor said some moments later.

She stood and walked to her mother. She picked up her hands and clasped them tightly. “Yes, I have. It’s high time I begin my own life, and I liked Washington. It’s good to know I’ll have a friend or two in my new hometown.”

“What happened between you and Jim?”

“Nothing, Mother,” she said and shook her head. “Nothing at all.”

“You didn’t even speak to him when he left. He’d traveled quite a distance in the middle of the night at my behest. He brought you home to us. He looked terribly upset as he rode away, so strange for the Jim I know who is always even-tempered and—”

“Leave it, Mother,” she said gently. “There is nothing more to say.”

Eleanor searched her eyes. “Love always has something to say. Sometimes it shouts from the highest hill, and sometimes it whispers so softly one must listen closely to hear. Do not turn away, Olivia. It is a rare and precious commodity. Treasure it.” Eleanor touched her cheek and smiled. “But you are right. You’re an adult woman in an exciting new world. Find what it is you need to find.”

“I intend to,” she said. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Eleanor stood. “Adam is home, and Matt and Annie are coming here for the noonday meal. I’ve had Mabel make a special dinner for their homecoming and yours.”

Adam wrapped her in a hug when she came down the steps and kissed her forehead. “Come. Matt and Annie are already in the dining room.”

Annie hugged her tightly, and Matt looked at her with a laugh after kissing her cheek. “Why do I get the feeling there’s more to this story than the train stopping in a snowdrift and you riding home up in front of Jim?”

She smiled as everyone was seated and Mabel and Beatrice brought platters to the table. “Well. There was an odious woman in the semiprivate car with me.” She held her nose and spoke. “Mrs. Frederick Lehrner of the Philadelphia Lehrners! ‘I am acquainted with the owners of this railroad and they will hear about my dissatisfaction!’”

Everyone laughed and she continued on, telling them about falling out of her seat, patching up the conductor’s cut, and making all the trips walking back and forth, carrying children and helping the elderly.

“I was near frozen when I heard Jim’s voice,” she said and finally looked up at her family. None of them were eating, although Matt still held his silverware in his hand. They were all staring at her.

“How long were you out in the cold, Livie?” Adam asked.

“Hours. There were a lot of cars and it was a very full train. So many children. The snow was far too deep at first and then treacherous after the first three or four groups tramped it down. There was a man who needed stitches desperately where he’d cut himself on a broken window. How I wished I’d packed my kit in my satchel instead of in my trunk, which I couldn’t get to.”

“How long, Livie?” Matt asked quietly.

She shrugged. “Most of the night, until we got everyone into the stables or the saloon or the general store.”

“We?” Annie asked.

“The conductor and the train men, and Jim, of course.”

“Well,” her mother said. “It sounds as though you did your duty and more, dear.”

“I was exhausted and cold and my clothes were so heavy with snow and ice they were dragging around my ankles. I was very glad Jim arranged for the last room at the boardinghouse for us. For me,” she corrected. She looked down at her plate as she felt her face redden.

“For Jim and you,” Adam repeated.

“The landlady was very kind. She brought me a warm bath and food and had my clothes ready for me when it was time to leave,” she said.

“When was that?” Matt asked. “What time did you get on the road?”

Olivia looked at her brother, who was staring at her intently. It was never pleasant to be a subject of Matt’s scrutiny when he was unsmiling and serious.

“I don’t know exactly.”

“Were you able to get any sleep?”

She swallowed and took a sip of tea. “Yes. Some.”

“You are so brave and wonderful,” Annie said with a glance around the table. “You could have lost your toes or fingers to the cold, but I’m guessing that would have still not stopped you from doing all that you could do.”

Olivia smiled at her sister-in-law, grateful for the change of subject. “Tell me what happened with the sale of Annie’s property.”

Adam stared at her for a few more moments and picked up his knife and fork. “It was as routine as one could expect, and no one tried to kill us this time.”

“Thank goodness,” Annie said. “I’m just glad to be done with it all even if I do still miss my neighbors and the friends I had there.”

“Maybe we’ll visit after the foaling this spring,” Matt said. “Would you like that?”

Olivia watched them smile at each other and Annie touch her brother’s arm. Her mother was right. Love was precious. She was glad these two dear people were so happy and in love. After the meal was over, Adam and Matt went outside to the barns, and Eleanor to the kitchens to plan the following week’s meals. Olivia went up to her room, and Annie followed, carrying Teddy.

“May we come in?” Annie asked when they came to Olivia’s door.

“Of course,” she said and took her nephew in her arms. “You are so sweet and such a big boy!” Teddy grabbed at her earbobs, and she sat down on the floor with him as he examined the blocks she’d pulled from the trunk near her bed.

“Mother says you are planning to move to Washington. That you’ve decided for sure,” Annie said. “I’m going to miss you so much!”

“I’m going to miss you, too, and Teddy, and well, everyone,” she said, looking down at the little boy.

“It will be very exciting, I imagine.”

Olivia smiled. “Oh, yes. Washington is a very busy town and there are so many things to do and see. You’ll have to come visit as soon as I’m settled in a house.”

She looked up to see Annie staring at her.

“If there is something you’d like to talk about, maybe something you don’t want to tell Mother, you know you can tell me. I’d never repeat a word of it.”

“Why would you think there would be something I couldn’t tell Mother?” Olivia asked and turned a block over in her hand. “What could there possibly be?”

But she knew she wasn’t fooling Annie and was very close to tears. She stood and walked to the window, staring out into the deep woods, now brown and gray and white with snow on the branches. It had occurred to her the night before as she lay in her bed that she would most likely never have children. How could she ever marry someone other than him? She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Even if it weren’t cruel and dishonest to marry someone she could never love, she believed it was beyond her ability to go to a husband who would be expecting a virgin bride when she no longer was one. But more than that, more than any of it, how could she ever be intimate with someone other than Jim Somerset? She didn’t think she could stomach it.

“We made love,” she whispered. “I . . . I had no idea how I’d feel.”

“What happened, Livie?”

She turned and smiled. “We slept for a few hours . . . afterwards and he wasn’t the same man suddenly. He told me he was sure I’d find someone to take his place in Washington.”

Annie slumped. “Oh, Livie. How cruel! But why would he still think you were moving there?”

“I don’t know,” she said and shook her head. “How could he think I would want someone other than him after what we’d done together?”

“Men just aren’t good at this,” Annie said and shook her head. “I think Jim Somerset has been in love with you all of his life. Maybe he was hurt and lashing out at you. Oh, I don’t know.”

“If he’d said anything, anything that would have led me to think he was in love with me or cared for me, I would stay and see where it would all lead, but he didn’t. He was so angry with me, and I have no idea why.”

“Have you told him you love him?”

Olivia shook her head. “I never did. I will have that as a regret, I imagine.”

“When Matt left me in Bridgewater, well, when I refused to go with him, I would sit and pray that one day I would stop thinking about him and that I’d told him how I felt about him. That he was the only man I’d ever love. I nearly drove myself insane thinking about it. You have time to make it right. Don’t waste your chance.”

* * *

Jim stopped to wipe his face. He’d been bent over, bending shoes, working the forge for most of the day, trying to stop seeing Olivia’s naked body in his mind’s eye and to stop thinking about the look on her face as he’d told her to find someone new in Washington. There’d been nothing in his experience to prepare him for how he’d felt when she’d looked up at him with those perfect green eyes, stricken and hurt, the blood draining from her face leaving her skin ashen and translucent. How could he have said what he did?

But how could he have not? She was leaving him, leaving Paradise, her family’s stake, her nephew and brothers and mother. How could she do it?

“Hello, Mr. Gentry,” David said from the door.

“Matt,” Jim said.

“Can you walk outside with me a minute, Jim?” Matt said. “I’d like you to look at Chester’s front shoe.”

“I can do that for you, sir,” David said and wiped his hands, ready to untie the leather apron around his waist.

Matt shook his head, staring at Jim all the while. “That’s all right, David. I’d like to speak to Jim. Alone.”

Jim pulled his apron off, rolled down his sleeves, and followed Matt outside and around the back of the forge building. Chester was standing quietly chewing on some grass and nickered when he saw Matt.

“What’s the matter with him?”

Matt turned to him. “With Chester? Nothing. Nothing at all.”

“Then what is this about?” But he knew, he knew why Olivia’s brother was staring at him, fists clenched, aching to take a swing.

“I think you know what this is about,” Matt said, staring hard at him. “What happened between you and Livie at Harper’s Ferry?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Matt shoved him hard, hard enough that his back hit the wall of the building with a thump.

“What in the goddamn hell happened between you and my sister?” he shouted.

David came around the side of the building and skidded to a stop.

“We’re fine, David,” Jim said. “Go back inside.”

“Tell me, you son of a bitch!”

He couldn’t betray her any more than he already had. “I have nothing to say to you.”

Jim saw the fist coming. Knew it was going to be painful, and yet he didn’t even raise his arms to cover his face. Matt was swinging hard and fast, and finally he pulled his forearms to his face, giving Matt a chance to pummel his stomach. He got hit hard in the kidneys and dropped to his knees.

“Defend yourself! Or can’t you look me in the eye! I trusted you, and so did my mother!”

Jim was kneeling, hands on his thighs, watching the blood from his nose drip onto his pants. He had nothing to say to redeem himself.

“What are you doing, Matt?” he heard Adam say. “Get up, Jim.”

“Do you realize what he did, Adam? Have you figured it out yet? This son of a bitch, my best friend, has . . . was with . . . oh, Christ, Livie,” Matt said and walked away.

Adam Gentry knelt down. He handed Jim a handkerchief.

“I’m guessing since you were letting Matt swing freely, he’s right. Otherwise, I’d sure as hell hope you’d take a swing back at him if he was talking casually about our sister’s virtue.”

Jim sat back against the side of the building and held the handkerchief under his nose. He could feel an eye swelling shut.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” he said. “I’ve never had anything but the utmost respect for the Gentry family. I wish it hadn’t happened, but it did.”

“And she won’t marry you?”

“Marry me? She’s moving to Wash-ing-ton! There’ll be lots of smart, eligible bachelors there to dote on her.”

“Jim? You’re going to want to be careful here. I’m not as big as you or Matt but I’m not afraid of you, either. If you’re implying that Olivia is loose with her favors, I’m going to finish the job Matt started.”

Jim turned his head sharply. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean if you think what happened between the two of you meant so little to her that she’d merrily trip on to a new town and a new life and a new man, you know my sister much less well than I thought you did.”

He could hear himself then. That’s exactly what he’d said to her. That she’d be soon moving to Washington. “There will be someone to take my place when you’re settled.” Would she have thought that he thought she would lie with just anyone?

“Did she say no?” Adam asked.

“About what?”

Adam sat down beside him with a sigh and leaned against the wood slats. “When you asked her to marry you?”

Jim gulped. “I never asked her,” he whispered.

“Well, good God, man,” Adam said, shaking his head. “What in the almighty hell is the matter with you? Why not?”

“She’s . . . she’s special. She’s perfect. She’s Matt’s sister, and yours, too. Matt and I had an agreement, even if neither of us had ever said it aloud. We’d never be free with each other’s sisters. Anyway, she’s meant to do great things.”

“You’re not young boys any longer! You’re men. What a ridiculous notion!” Adam rubbed a hand down his face. “Look. You’ve got to fix this. You’ve made one hell of a mess.” He stood up and reached down to help him stand.

His body hurt and he’d be more sore tomorrow. “I’m not sure what to do.”

“Have you just tried talking to her?” Adam shook his head and held up a hand. “It’s between the two of you, and I’ll let you work it out the way you see fit, but,” Adam said and stepped closer, tilting his head to look him in the eye, “if there are any consequences from what happened, you’ll both be marching down the aisle faster than you can say I do. Got that straight?”

Jim nodded. Adam got on his horse and trotted out to the street where Matt was waiting. Emmaline came around the back of the forge carrying a tin bucket full of snow.

“Here,” she said. “You’re going to look a fool if you don’t keep the swelling down. Why didn’t you at least cover your face?”

The answer was obvious, finally. Physical pain was nothing. He could stand a great deal, he could endure most any test or challenge he faced. But talking? Talking to Livie? Telling her she meant everything to him, that his world started and ended with her? He was terrified. But he was going to have to find a way to do it.