Chapter 10
“I allowed Amanda to suck my cock until I came after the ball on Saturday evening.”
Adam raised dark brows as he stared across the distance that separated them as they sat either side of the fireplace in the library at Wetherby House late on Monday morning. “Allowed?”
A nerve ticked in Alex’s tightly clenched jaw. “She had previously asked if she might do so and…and on Saturday night, I gave my permission.”
“I see.”
Alex eyed his brother bleakly. “Do you?”
“No.” Adam frowned. “Amanda had previously asked if she might do this?”
He avoided meeting his brother’s probing gaze. “It is complicated.”
“Then why are you telling me something which is surely best kept between yourself and Amanda?”
“Because I have to talk to someone about what happened, and you are my brother!” Alex rose abruptly to his feet, too restless to remain seated any longer.
Emma had arrived with Hawkwood an hour ago, joining Amanda and Miss Marchment in the parlor before the three ladies all went out shopping together.
Alex had thought of discussing this development with Miss Marchment; after all, the other woman was the closest thing Amanda had had to an authority figure these past three years. But to discuss the events of Saturday night with Sophia Marchment didn’t seem fair to Amanda, and Alex knew how much Amanda valued fairness.
“We are living here together.” Alex began to pace. “I am her guardian.”
“But now also her lover?” Adam prompted softly.
Color warmed his cheeks. “Not in the fullest sense, no.”
“But in the sense that matters?” his brother probed. “In a sense that Amanda matters?”
Alex gave a pained wince. “Well, of course she matters,” he snapped. “She is my responsibility. It is only… How can an innocent girl of almost nineteen years have had such an impact on my self-control that I ever allowed such a thing to happen?”
Even while asking the question, Alex knew exactly the reason it had happened.
Jealousy.
He had stood and watched for hours as those young bucks fawned over and flattered Amanda on Saturday evening, danced with her, and wanted them all gone to Hades, the ballroom and the other guests along with them.
Several of those gentleman had, as Adam had predicted, called to see Amanda yesterday. Alex had left instructions with his new butler to inform any and all that they were not at home to visitors.
“Did you enjoy it?” Adam prompted.
Alex gave a roll of his eyes to imply any man would enjoy having his cock sucked, to which his brother raised reproving brows. “Yes,” Alex bit out. “I enjoyed it more than I have enjoyed being with any other woman. How can that even be with someone so young and inexperienced?”
“Emma is fifteen years younger than me,” his brother drawled. “And an innocent until we met. Yet I was, am, and ever will be completely held in her thrall,” he stated with satisfaction.
“I am not held in Amanda’s thrall!” The mere thought of such a thing terrified Alex to his core. “After the way in which our mother suffered for loving our father, does it not bother you to now be a prisoner of your own emotions?” He frowned at his brother.
“Not when I have not a single doubt I love Emma with all that I am or ever will be, and that she loves me in the same way,” Adam spoke softly. “She holds my heart in her hands, and I am happy for it to be there, know she will keep it safe from harm and never hurt me. As I will hold and cherish her, and her love for me, forever safe from anything or anyone who might ever wish to harm her.”
Alex had spent the majority of Sunday in his study trying to make sense of what had happened on Saturday evening. Well, he knew what had happened to him in a physical sense. It was the other, the rearing up of emotions he should not feel toward his young ward, which had sent him into a dark reverie.
And jealousy, something he had never felt before, not even toward his married lovers’ husbands.
Desire for Amanda of such magnitude, Alex had completely lost control when he bared his cock for her to stroke and suck.
Then experienced a pleasure so deep, it had felt as if he were giving Amanda a part of himself along with his cum.
“Our mother loved a man who was incapable of feeling the emotion for anyone but himself,” Hawkwood continued. “We are neither of us like our father, thank God.”
Alex had always wondered if perhaps he was not a little like Edward Stirling in that he had never fallen even remotely in love with any of the woman he had bedded these past fifteen years. Felt affection for, yes, but never love.
Was he falling in love with Amanda, a young woman so different to any other he had ever met that it had also caused him to behave in a manner so completely unlike himself?
Would he recognize love if it jumped up and bit him on the nose?
“How does Amanda feel about this latest development?” his brother now prompted softly.
“I have no idea.”
Adam’s brows rose again. “The two of you did not talk about it? Afterward?”
“No.” Alex scowled as he recalled how Amanda had calmly returned to her seat across the carriage from him while he managed to fasten his breeches only seconds before they arrived at Wetherby House.
“Since?”
Alex’s mouth thinned. “No.”
His brother eyed him curiously. “Why not?”
Because Alex had been doing his best to avoid so much as being in the same room as Amanda since they entered the house late Saturday evening, let alone engaging in conversation with her, and least of all on the subject of her having sucked his cock to completion!
He closed his eyes, still able to see the way the slenderness of Amanda’s throat moved as she greedily swallowed every pulse of his cum, even licking her lips afterward to ensure she did not miss a single drop.
“Alex—”
Both men turned as the study door was thrown open and a disheveled Emma quickly entered the room.
“My love?” Hawkwood rose immediately to his booted feet.
His wife’s breasts quickly rose and fell as she breathed heavily. “There has been an accident. Amanda—”
Alex didn’t stay to listen to any more of his sister-in-law’s explanation as he strode past her, down the hallway, and into the cavernous entrance hall. He took in the scene at a glance.
A shivering and trembling Amanda sat on the bench beside the doorway, her clothing and hair appearing to be soaking wet. She was attended by Miss Marchment and Buckham, the new butler Alex had engaged, the latter even now in the act of placing one of Alex’s cloaks about Amanda’s wet shoulders.
“What the hell happened here?” Alex demanded. He sat beside Amanda to take over draping that cloak about her shoulders before his arms moved about her to draw her in close against the heat of his body. A move which showed him how wet and cold she was, her hands feeling icy against his chest as she tightly gripped his shirt.
“I f-fell in t-the f-fountain as w-we crossed the p-park to the sh-shops.” Amanda’s teeth were chattering so badly, she could barely speak.
“You did not fall, you were knocked into the fountain,” the headmistress corrected briskly before turning to Alex. “A woman rode by on a horse, and the next thing we knew, Amanda was spluttering to the surface in the pool about the fountain.”
Amanda pressed her face against Alex’s chest. “I am s-sure it w-was an a-accident.”
“It was not an accident,” Miss Marchment briskly correct her ex-pupil. “I specifically saw the woman ride the horse straight at you. Not soon enough to do anything about it, of course, but I am nevertheless certain it was a deliberate act.”
“Oh b-but—”
“Are you hurt?” Alex demanded.
Amanda grimaced. “Only my pride.”
“Then we will talk of the how and why again later.” Alex stood up with Amanda in his arms. “The important thing now is to get you upstairs, out of these wet clothes, and into a hot bath.” He gave the butler a pointed glance to enforce the instructions for the latter before striding over to the wide staircase. “Obviously, Amanda will not be accompanying you to the shops today after all,” he dismissed distractedly as he carried Amanda up the stairs to her bedchamber.
Amanda felt utterly ridiculous. As well as looking a perfect fright, with her clothes all water-logged and her hair falling about her shoulders in wet clumps, she felt utterly childish for having fallen in the fountain at all. Yes, the horse and rider had come very close to her, allowing her no room for evasion with the fountain so close on the other side, but this bedraggled and vulnerable state was not the way in which she had wished Alex to see her so soon after their shared intimacy on Saturday evening.
She had seen little of him since that time, Alex spending most of yesterday in his study and then having gone out in the evening. She had no idea when or if he had come home later, and with Buckham now in the house, there had been no valid reason for Amanda to wait up for Alex’s return.
For him to now see her looking such a sight was humiliating in the extreme. To add to her discomfort, Alex’s brother, the Duke of Hawkwood, was also present.
What was more immediately disturbing was to have Alex carry Amanda into her bedchamber, remove the wet cloak, and peel her out of her pelisse before turning her slightly so that he could begin to unfasten the buttons down the back of her gown.
Making her again feel like the five-year-old child having fallen into a fountain at all had already made of her.
She turned to look at Alex over her shoulder. “I am sure you should not be doing that.”
“Whether I should or should not, I have every intention of doing so,” he bit out.
“I am sure Miss Marchment or Emma would be happy to assist me.”
“I am happy to assist you,” Alex insisted as he unfastened the last of the buttons on her gown before pulling it carefully down her arms. “Did you see the face of the woman who rode you down?” Whoever this woman was, she would be found and questioned as to her reasons for doing such a thing.
Amanda shook her head. “A black veil concealed her face.”
A niggling voice at the back of Alex’s head, along with Sophia Marchment’s conviction Amanda had been ridden down on purpose, told him that he was somehow to blame for this. After all, Amanda knew no one in London apart from himself, Adam and Emma, and the headmistress.
And all those gentlemen flirting with her on Saturday evening, Alex considered grimly.
Perhaps the woman on the horse was connected to one of them.
No, Alex knew instinctively this would not be the case.
As he must now accept Amanda had not been lying about the intruder three nights ago and the reason the vase outside her room had been broken?
Which meant he had not only unfairly accused her of the crime but then spanked her for it.
Alex could not think that far ahead as yet, needing to deal with one problem at a time. And the more immediate problem was getting Amanda out of these wet clothes and into a hot bath in the hope she would not suffer anything more serious from this mishap than an hour or so of discomfort.
He dropped the sopping gown to the floor before helping Amanda to step out of it, his breath catching in his throat as he straightened to see that Amanda’s wet camisole clung to her in such a way as to reveal the full swell of breasts tipped with ruby-colored and engorged nipples.
It was merely the cold causing that reaction, Alex immediately reproved himself, both for staring and the stirring of his cock inside his pantaloons. His hands shook slightly as he reached for the hem of that wet camisole.
“Alex, you really cannot—”
“I can do what I damn well please within my own home! I apologize,” he sighed heavily, now feeling guilty for having raised his voice to her after what she had already suffered today. “Allow me to do this for you, Amanda, please.” His voice softened. “It is the least I can do after treating you so unfairly.”
She looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
He reached out to grasp both her cold hands in his own. “It is obvious to me now that I—”
But Amanda was not to hear what was “obvious” to Alex, because at that moment, the new butler entered the bedchamber accompanied by two footmen carrying the bath, three maids with heavy pails of hot water, all followed by the Duchess of Hawkwood.
The latter, after a brief glance in their direction, immediately began to organize the servants into filling the bath and lighting the fire in the hearth.
“We will talk again later.” Alex abruptly released Amanda’s hands and gave a terse bow before departing.
Emma crossed over to where Amanda stood and watched Alex leave. “I have no doubt he will return once you are bathed and warm again,” she consoled softly.
Amanda gave her friend a guarded glance. “I was only—”
“I know that look in your eyes, love.” Emma squeezed one of Amanda’s hands. “I see that emotion in my own eyes for Adam every morning when I look in the mirror,” she added ruefully.
“I do not—”
“Oh, I believe you do,” Emma chided with affection. “And beneath that self-possessed exterior, Alex is as much in need of being loved as Adam.”
Love?
Could Emma be right, and it was not just infatuation Amanda felt for Alex, but love?