Chapter Nineteen
By the time Mandy stirred from a restless sleep, grey morning light was spilling past the half-closed curtains. Lifting her head from the pillow, she saw it was already past eight. For a moment she considered turning over and going back to sleep, but there were animals to feed. She dragged herself upright and pulled on jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. Downstairs, she opened the fridge. Was she hungry? There was nothing she fancied. With a sigh, she closed it again and walked over to pull on her boots.
Inside the rescue centre, the Christmas decorations looked garishly out of place. Their fake promise of joy needled Mandy and she resisted the urge to put them all back into their boxes. As Mandy was finishing the breakfast rounds, Nicole burst in through the door. Mandy had forgotten the teenager had said she would come on Saturday. At least Mandy would have a bit of company and unlike Helen, Nicole knew nothing about the events of last night.
‘Morning!’ It was heartening to be greeted as if there was nowhere Nicole would rather be right now. Dredging up a smile, Mandy led her though into the dog area. They would start with some exercise sessions.
Flame was in a good mood as well. Although her recall wasn’t much more reliable, she seemed to like Nicole. The girl had all the patience in the world, watching for the right moment to engage Flame’s attention and call her. The lurcher still seemed fascinated with Robin and Holly too. They stood on opposite sides of the fence, the two grey animals with their long ears, peering through at the smaller golden brindle one. When Flame bowed down on her front paws, asking them to play, the donkeys jumped backwards. Robin shook his head with a snort, but Holly turned her head to one side, studying Flame.
Mandy had expected it to be freezing this morning, but during the long night, clouds had rolled in. She could see them hanging over the fells, dark and threatening. It was much milder than yesterday and she and Nicole soon shed their coats as they followed first Flame, then Melon, then Twiglet and Arthur around the paddock. It was only when Nicole had set off home and Mandy picked up her jacket to return to the house that she realised she had received a text.
It was from Jimmy.
‘Dinner tonight at Lamb’s Wood Cottage. Vinegar or ketchup? Don’t forget the fizz!’
Mandy had to read it twice to believe it. Last night, he had been cosying up to Molly. Now he had sent this offhand message. There could be no doubt now about his deceit. ‘Don’t forget the fizz’ was insulting. There was absolutely nothing to celebrate.
What on earth was going through Jimmy’s mind, she wondered as she pulled the door of the rescue centre closed behind her. Was it possible he thought he could hang out with Mandy when Molly wasn’t available? Okay, so there had been nothing ‘official’ between her and Jimmy. They hadn’t had a specific conversation about exclusivity. But they had been heading in that direction, hadn’t they? Jimmy had been serious about Molly before. If he had started seeing her again, he should have the decency to let Mandy know. She had never been into the idea of casual dating. If Jimmy had asked her, she would have said no. He hadn’t given her that choice.
She shoved the phone back in her pocket. How was she supposed to reply? She had no idea, but she was not going to pretend everything was fine. As she walked back across the field to the cottage, the heavens opened and she launched herself in through the door at a run. She would have to send him something, she realised as she stood in the kitchen shivering. Angry as she felt, she wouldn’t leave him hanging. Pulling her mobile back out, she began to type. ‘No longer available tonight,’ she typed. ‘Please do not contact me again.’ She clicked send and was left standing there, looking at the screen. With a last painful look at his message, Mandy switched off her phone.
By three thirty it was almost dark and the storm had picked up. Adam had gone out with Tom Hope to a farm sale, leaving Mandy and Emily together. Her mum was still too quiet, Mandy thought, though they had joked about what kind of rural bric-a-brac the two men would come home with. She badly wanted to talk to someone about Jimmy. She wanted to try to understand what he might be thinking. But Emily’s white face reminded her that her mum had enough on her own plate without Mandy adding to her worries.
Mandy had lit the fire and she and Emily sat with their feet stretched out as the rain hurled itself against the window. Sky snuffled in her sleep, pedalling her paws as if she was chasing a rabbit. Emily looked like she was drifting off into sleep too. There was nothing Mandy could do about Jimmy other than ride out the sadness, she thought. What would he do tonight, she wondered. Would he stay at home, huddled in front of his own fire? Or would he have called Molly when he realised Mandy wasn’t going to make herself available? Pushing the rather morbid thought from her mind, she picked up the remote and switched on the TV.
The coal shifted in the grate. Mandy had piled it high and despite the awful weather, the room was cosy. Bing Crosby’s mellow tones crooned from the TV as black and white images flickered across the screen. She would get up in just a minute, Mandy decided. Her body felt heavy. She really was very tired after last night. In a while, she needed to start dinner, but she was so comfortable sitting here, with Sky at her feet and her mum dozing beside her.
She was startled into wakefulness by a volley of thuds at the back door. Sky was sitting up, her ears pricked. She gave a low growl, looking at Mandy as the banging noise began again. Mandy glanced at her mum. Emily was still sleeping.
Scuttling into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes, Mandy opened the door to find Jimmy standing on the step. There had been no let-up in the rain. His hair was flat to his head and rivulets of water were running down his face. For a moment, Mandy considered slamming the door, but he looked so wet and cold that she couldn’t bring herself to leave him in the storm. Opening the door wider, she let him step into the kitchen.
‘Wait there,’ she said in a low voice. Being as quiet as possible, she slipped through and closed the door to the sitting room and then the hall. The last thing she wanted was for Emily to listen.
When she returned, Jimmy was still standing on the doormat. His coat, his hair, his trousers, everything was soaked. Pulling a hand towel from the hook on the wall, Mandy tossed it to him and watched as he gave his face a cursory rub. With his hair darkened, his half wild countenance, he looked, annoyingly, more appetising than ever.
Jimmy took a step towards her. ‘Is everything all right?’ he asked. He gave a slight shiver as his green eyes searched her face. ‘I tried to phone. I couldn’t get through,’ he said.
Mandy found herself trembling, though not with cold. ‘Yes,’ she said, clenching her fists to stop her fingers from shaking. ‘I switched it off.’
He took a step nearer to her. ‘Why?’ he said. ‘I don’t understand. Is something wrong?’
Mandy stood her ground. Was he really going to pretend not to know? Didn’t he have more respect for her than that? ‘I think you know what’s wrong,’ she said. Her face felt tight. She shouldn’t have to spell it out for him, she thought.
He stared at her. ‘Well I don’t,’ he said, his brow wrinkled. ‘I’m totally confused, if I’m being honest. First you said you wanted to take things slowly, then everything seemed fine – and now this.’
Mandy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear her head. Was he laying the blame at her door? The image of Molly gazing at Jimmy across the blue-lit table flitted through her mind. She should have listened to her instincts, she thought. It had all moved too fast and now reality was kicking in. He couldn’t even admit what he’d been up to last night. She should end this now, she thought. She needed someone she could trust.
‘I think we should stop this,’ she said.
Jimmy’s eyes darkened. ‘You want to stop?’ he said, incredulously. ‘Why?’
The words were on the tip of her tongue, but somehow Mandy couldn’t bring herself to mention seeing him with Molly. Instead, she found herself reeling off other reasons, the ones which had stopped being so important once she’d truly acknowledged her feelings for Jimmy. ‘There’s … there’s just too much going on,’ she said. I’ve got too much to do here with sick animals and rescues and all kinds of problems cropping up all over the place.’
‘What problems?’ He was frowning.
Mandy shook her head. She didn’t want to get into a conversation about the campaign against Hope Meadows or her mum being ill. About previously unpaid bills and the cost of winter bedding for the kennels. Was it only last week that she had thought it would be lovely to have him to share news with? How naïve she had been. ‘It’s not easy starting a new business.’ She had to drag the words out.
‘Tell me about it.’ Jimmy raised his eyebrows. ‘I know that you’re busy, Mandy, but you’re not the only one with things going on,’ he said. ‘If you’d asked for help, don’t you think I would have dropped everything and come over? You’re so determined to do everything yourself that you push people – push me – away.’ His voice was shaking.
Mandy started to feel hot with rage. So now it was her pushing people away? Had she pushed him so far that he had landed in Molly’s arms? ‘I may push people away,’ she said, ‘but at least I’m not a cheat.’
Jimmy’s eyes flashed. ‘I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life!’
‘Are you sure about that?’ The words were flowing from her now as if she could no longer control them. ‘Were you, or were you not, in Walton last night with Molly Future?’
An unreadable look flashed into the green eyes. Was it guilt? ‘Yes, I was.’ For the first time, Jimmy sounded less sure of himself. ‘But …’
Mandy cut him off. ‘That’s all I need to know.’ She pulled herself fully upright as she ground the words out.
‘Wait, that’s not what …’
The sound of a door opening caught her ear. ‘Mandy?’ Emily’s voice was weak.
‘Just go!’ Mandy reached past Jimmy and pulled open the back door. There was no way she wanted to explain what was going on to her mother. Not now, not ever.
‘But …’
‘Go!’ Holding the door wide, Mandy came close to pushing him out. Her whole body was shaking.
For an instant, Jimmy stared straight into her eyes and then without another word, he turned and was swallowed in the rain and darkness. Mandy closed the door just as Emily walked into the room.
‘Was someone at the door?’ she asked.
‘Just a client,’ Mandy lied. ‘I’ve sorted it out.’
‘Has something happened?’ Emily looked puzzled. ‘Is everything okay?’
Gripping her fingers into tight fists, Mandy shook her head. ‘Everything’s fine,’ she insisted. ‘I need to go and check the animals.’ She grabbed an umbrella and before her mum could argue, opened the back door. Gripping the plastic handle in the gusty wind, she rushed down the path.
Moments later, she was inside the rescue centre. Without switching on the light, Mandy leaned against the wall. She closed her eyes, but somehow a tear slipped out and ran down her face. Rain lashed against the huge window. Mandy slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. Despite the weather, Sky had followed her outside and the little dog tucked herself in close to Mandy, a solid furry source of warmth.
She wanted Jimmy, Mandy realised. She wanted the Jimmy she’d thought she had known. The anchor in the storm, who would hold her tightly and tell her everything was going to be all right.
Another tear slid down her cheek. Sky licked it away. Mandy reached out an arm and Sky slid under it. Her coat was wet, but Mandy didn’t care. ‘Bloody men.’ If she said it often enough, would it make her feel better? ‘Bloody Jimmy. Bloody MEN!’ Her face was wet. She rubbed the tears away with her sleeve, but they were replaced in an instant. With a gasping sob, she let her head fall back against the wall.