Chapter Nineteen
Cerrie
I wanted to find magic this Christmas. And tonight, it’s finally arrived.
Walking in the lantern parade was a beautiful experience. It didn’t matter that Kieran didn’t talk much beside me because it meant I could lose myself in the moment. I’ve been living for the next thing for a long time: tonight I emulated my wonderful seven-year-olds and just let the magic wash over me. I realised as I was walking in the parade that I finally feel free: from school, from David and from anyone else’s expectations of how Christmas should be. This year, I’m going to make it a quiet celebration, done exactly how I want. This is my life and I finally feel back at the helm of it. Who knows what the year ahead holds in store for me?
Passing the harbour front, I see Kieran and Aggie. I think the ice has finally broken between them, thank goodness. They certainly look happy. Aggie is doubled up with laughter as Kieran dances like a drunken loon. It’s so good to see my friends laughing together again – one without the other looks wrong.
At the lifeboat station, where the road takes a sharp turn up the hill, I spot Seren talking to Alastair. I wonder if working together they might find more than just friendship. They certainly seem close tonight: he’s just put his arms around her and they are hugging beneath the Christmas tree. I love that Seren is finally chasing her dream after all the bad stuff with losing her job. She deserves a huge dose of happiness.
We’ve all agreed to meet at Aggie’s house at eleven tonight for pizza and beer. Knowing us we’ll probably end up crashing there too. I’m looking forward to daftness well into the early hours, finally collapsing alongside the most wonderful group of people ever. But first I want to take a last look at the lanterns. I’ve adored making them with my best friends and tonight they’ve come to represent so much more than Lou’s grand vision for a St Ives Christmas parade.
Our lanterns are still lit, propped up around the walls of St Ia’s church, a short walk away from the harbour. They are more than just pretty shapes with lights inside. They are huge and hopeful – tangible symbols of my hope for what lies ahead for me and my friends. I pass the mermaids and the pirate ship, Father Christmas, the crescent moon and the stars, remembering the fun we’ve had putting each one together. Considering hardly any of us had done anything like that before, I think we did a brilliant job.
At the edge of the west wall, I spot the giant Harry Potter lantern and head over to take a photo. This was Georgie’s pet project and I’m so glad I was able to help build it. The Harry Potter books are my absolute favourite – the first series I’ve chosen to revisit in my new reading chair. I snuggled up there last night, losing myself again in the sheer wonder of the story. It seems that magic and I are destined to be friends for a long time to come.
‘Thanks, Harry,’ I whisper, gently patting his head.
‘He’s my favourite too.’
The voice makes me jump and turn around. Standing a little way from the lanterns is Tom Keller.
‘Hi – I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.’
‘I know. Jo told me you’d be here in the lantern parade. In fact, she insisted I visit. She even gave me a lift. Boy, was that scary.’
‘Ah. Jo likes driving fast, doesn’t she?’
‘Just a bit. And she really likes superheroes.’
I smile, picturing the conversation Tom would have been subjected to, focusing heavily on a certain hammer-wielding Norse god.
‘Certain superheroes, yeah.’
‘It was quite a journey. I learned a lot.’
‘I’ll bet.’ I didn’t think I’d be able to apologise until I saw him again at school, but I’ve rehearsed what I would say over and over since yesterday. ‘Tom, I owe you an apology for how I behaved. I thought you were setting me up to fail. But it turns out David was the one setting you up.’
He pushes his hands into the pocket of his leather jacket. ‘Yeah, I know. Jo said you’d heard me and David talking. I wish you’d said something.’
‘It’s not exactly the kind of thing you think of confessing to someone you think is out to get you.’
‘That’s fair. I wasn’t, by the way. I’m not. But I guess you already know that.’ He isn’t smiling but I feel like his eyes are.
‘I do. I’m sorry I believed otherwise. The thing is, until that happened I was enjoying working with you. You’re inspirational – not just your musical ability, which is considerable, but also the way you love the kids. That meant a lot to me.’
‘That’s how I felt working with you, Cerrie. You made me feel like I could do anything.’ He glances at the Harry lantern. ‘I can’t believe I’m saying all this standing next to a giant wizard.’
‘Welcome to Christmas in St Ives,’ I giggle, my nerves beginning to show. This is new territory for me – each step is uncertain. But I wonder if Tom feels it, too? ‘I think David used us both.’
‘I didn’t realise you two were together until David said you were taking a break.’
Taking a break? Is that what he calls going off with someone else? ‘He cheated on me with another teacher. We weren’t on a “break”.’
‘Jo put me right about that, too. But I’m kinda glad she did.’ He fumbles in his pocket and pulls out a small flat box. ‘I wanted to give you this at the play yesterday, but I thought you hated my guts, so . . . I’d like you to have it now.’
His fingers lightly brush mine as he gives the box to me. The lanterns seem to sway slightly. Inside I find a tiny silver star made from hammered tin, a pin attached to the back.
‘Tom this is gorgeous, thank you.’
‘You’re welcome. I made it for you.’
I stare at him. ‘You made this?’
The black leather shoulders of his jacket lift in a shrug. ‘Started making them while I was auditioning in London. Jobbing actors need something to keep them busy. It’s to remind you of Little Star in your play. I think she’s you: someone who doesn’t realise her value when everyone else can see it. Cerrie, I think you have the most important job in the school. I’d never try to take that away from you. I think you don’t know how awesome you are . . .’
In the course of him giving me this beautiful gift, we seem to have moved a little. Harry Potter is behind me now, the next lantern illuminating the contours of Tom’s face. I look down and recognise the huge mistletoe sprig that amused us all so much when we made it. Warm memories flood back of aching sides as Kieran tried to limbo-dance underneath it, to demonstrate how difficult a kiss beneath might be.
Tom follows the line of my gaze. ‘It appears we have mistletoe in close proximity. At least, I think it’s mistletoe.’
He’s right. It doesn’t look much like it at all. ‘I don’t think any kisses are likely to happen under that,’ I laugh.
And then Tom gently takes my hand.
I’m so surprised I don’t know what to do.
I watch, my heart thumping hard in my chest, as he stretches out his other hand and places his palm against the stretched silk of the lantern. ‘Would this work instead, do you think?’
Before I know it, I reach out and do the same. Our hands are thrown into silhouette against the soft white light – the silk a cool contrast to the warmth of our other hands joined together.
I turn my head to look at him, the sudden beauty of the moment arresting me. I don’t think about anything else: just the gentle pull of his hand that holds mine as we move closer. The future doesn’t matter; neither does the past. I give in to the inevitable, finding that it was what I wanted all along. Right now, bathed in the magical glow of the Christmas lanterns in the icy December night, all that matters is our kiss.
When I was alone, four weeks ago, the Christmas play music gradually appearing in tiny pencil marks across the manuscript paper spread over my piano, I couldn’t have seen where the finished songs might take me. So hurt, so broken by David and all the fallout that followed, the music was my only solace. But I am here because of it.
St Ives is glowing with beautiful lights and the sound of a party in full swing. Beyond that, the sea beats its own rhythm against the foundations of the town. I’ve always suspected magical things happen at Christmas. And here, as I melt into the delicious warmth of Tom’s kiss, I think I’ve finally found my magic. All around us is light and laughter, hope and possibility. And above us the silver moon smiles.
THE END