Chapter Seventeen
Their breaths caught; their hearts slowed. The uncertainty of her future with Hugh was more terrifying than the darkness to her now. Still, she eked out as much happiness she could as she leaned her head in the crook of his arm and rested her hand against his chest. She adjusted her hips to tangle their legs even more. It was Hugh with her now, touching her, loving her. More glorious and heartbreaking than she’d ever dreamed this would be.
How could someone be happy and heartbroken at the same time? She lifted her palm, skimmed her fingers through the hairs on his chest, over the flexing muscles underneath. His warrior’s training, his strength, were so evident in the cords of his muscles, in the ridges along his abdomen. She would never get enough.
‘We have spent so many years apart.’
‘And I regret them all,’ he said.
Misunderstandings and missed opportunities. And now their monarch was after them, and there was nowhere they could run.
‘I cannot regret this,’ she said. After he brought her pleasure, he’d taken her maidenhead...just as she begged him to do.
‘Maybe we never had the perfect time, but we did have it—we simply needed to be able to see it. I see it now.’ He paused. ‘I didn’t hurt you?’
‘Did it sound like you did?’
Hugh clenched his eyes. ‘If you keep reminding me of our pleasures, Alice, we’ll never get out of your bed.’
If only they could. Happiness. Grief. Joy. All were somewhere in this moment. ‘I like us this way,’ she said, curling into him and splaying her hand to feel his heartbeat.
‘Me, too.’ His shifted, his idle caresses now becoming more purposeful.
Alice basked in the feeling of Hugh’s fingers tracing circles behind her knee before trailing up, then down again. Rejoiced in the way he breathed and how his heart thumped under her ear.
‘There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask...’ he whispered.
‘Hmmm?’
He gave a low sound, almost a chuckle. ‘Why did Allen lower you into the well?’
She tilted her head to see him watching her with a tenderness she’d never known existed. A happiness she was only beginning to glimpse. ‘You never asked me that question before.’
‘Well, at first I was preoccupied with saving your life...and then saving my nose. Afterwards—’
‘You were trying to escape a six-year-old girl’s vow to marry you, and a young woman’s demands for a kiss.’
The lightness in his eyes dimmed. ‘I regret all those years,’ he repeated.
She sighed, rested her head against him. ‘Well, the last demand wasn’t your fault. It was mine.’
‘Yours? I almost killed you that day. I said so much in anger—no wonder you fled.’
It was easier to talk to him this way. So much had already been revealed between them, so much shared, it was simple to share more. ‘I didn’t flee; I ran away.’
‘I told you to, though, didn’t I? Told you to run away.’
‘I shouldn’t have listened. You didn’t mean it, and I was a coward.’
His hand stilled. ‘I was the coward who demanded that you go. Do you know how long I was haunted by your standing against me like that? I dreamed of how you would have tasted.’
Somehow, even after all they’d shared, her heart still yearned for that moment. She lifted her head and softly kissed his lips before settling down again.
‘Well, now you know,’ she said lightly.
‘I’d like to know more,’ he said, his voice indicating that even the slight touch of her lips had affected him. She heard it in his heartbeat, and in hers as well. Their desire was only slightly banked and was beginning to bloom again, and she was more than ready for it.
‘Aren’t you going to tell me?’ he said.
‘Tell you what?’
‘I’d like to know more about what happened that day.’
Where was her thoughts? Certainly not with Allen.
‘It wasn’t only Allen who lowered me into the well. It was Peter and Garman as well. It took more than one boy to tie me up and lower me down.’
He chuckled, and she loved how it felt against her.
‘And he did all that simply because I told him that he would never get a wife if he didn’t learn to comb his hair.’
His hand squeezed her thigh. ‘You were trying to fix him? A boy almost twice your age, with his friends watching, and you were...scolding him?’
She giggled, and rested her chin on his chest in order to catch his gaze. ‘I suppose I was.’
Laughing, he bent his head and kissed her thoroughly, until their laughter blended and her breath caught with his. And then she couldn’t breathe at all as his hands cupped the backs of her knees to hold them wider and make space for him.
‘Again?’ she breathed.
‘Always,’ he promised.
* * *
A knock on the door. The light from the shuttered window indicating it was still night; the noises down below revealing the festivities continued.
Hugh sprang out of the bed to grab his tunic and the blade from his boot. Another knock—not any louder, but more insistent as it beat again and again on the door.
‘Who would it be?’ Hugh whispered.
‘I don’t know, but it can’t be good.’ Alice whispered back, pulling on her chemise. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m protecting you.’
‘You can’t answer the door!’
He cursed.
‘I’ll get it. It could be my sister or Esther, enquiring after my well-being. I didn’t tell anyone that I was retiring. They may be wondering where I am.’
He scoffed. ‘It could be a reveller, trying to get to you.’
‘They wouldn’t knock, would they?’ she retorted as she headed to the door.
‘I know you’re in there.’
Hugh’s stomach dropped and he moved away from the drapery around the bed as Alice opened the door. ‘Eldric? What are you doing here?’
‘Coming to warn you.’ Eldric stepped around Alice. ‘Easy with that dagger, Hugh. I come here as a friend.’
‘The fact that you’d notice a blade hidden behind my back tells me otherwise—as does your presence here.’
‘I think my noble intentions are clear since Alice stands next to me and no harm has come to her.’
Alice gasped then. Softly. But she didn’t move. She was brave. And Hugh’s faith in her strength blinded him to her vulnerability.
He brought the blade forward and lowered it to throw it under-arm. Just in case.
Eldric chuckled. ‘Not very knightly of you to allow a maiden to be your shield.’
‘You as well, then,’ Alice said with steel in her voice he had never heard before.
Not now; don’t let her guess everything now.
‘Eldric, leave,’ Hugh growled.
‘Not a chance. Not now that we can finally get to the point.’ Eldric swept further into the room and Hugh watched Alice move behind him, her eyes scanning the room. No doubt for a weapon.
It was the casualness of Eldric’s words that punctuated through Hugh’s anger, diffused the haze of desire that had burned through him from Alice’s love and confession.
Eldric was too casual...too knowing. ‘You comprehend now, don’t you, why I’m here?’
Hugh knew it was only Alice’s presence in the room that kept his knife still. His secret was known. Lives were in danger. Not only his own, but families, entire clans. ‘How much does Edward know?’
Eldric crossed his arms across his chest, and leaned his shoulder against the wall. ‘Not mincing words in front of her, then? Either you’re planning on killing me, or she is with that comb.’
Alice didn’t drop said comb, but she came close. She looked mutinous, ready to throw it despite the lack of surprise she’d no doubt been depending on.
‘Look at me, Hugh.’ Eldric shifted his crossed arms. ‘I couldn’t attack fast enough for any harm to come about and you know it.’
‘How is it you know?’ Hugh said, though he had already guessed. Eldric had been too careful with his words and actions since his arrival.
‘Because I’m like you.’
‘Another spy. Who isn’t?’ Alice blurted.
Eldric’s lips quirked. ‘It’s not something I acknowledge in front of strangers, but apparently, it’s information Hugh freely hands out.’
‘Edward sent you here,’ Hugh said. It was not a question, but he had to know with certainty how deep this went.
‘Long before your arrival. Or his summoning of her.’
Alice did drop the comb then.
Eldric cracked a smile. ‘You aren’t any good at this you know.’ Then he nodded his head. ‘And you, rushing headlong to defend her. As if you could protect her when your very presence is the cause of—’
‘Enough!’ Hugh growled. ‘We’ll have this conversation, since you insist, but we’ll do it elsewhere.’
‘No, you won’t,’ Alice said. She’d moved towards the door again; looked as if she intended to bar their departure. ‘You won’t be leaving this room until I know what is going on.’
Eldric’s low whistle did nothing to ease Hugh’s riotous feelings. Elation at being with Alice, at her bravery in the face of Eldric. Her understanding that he and Eldric were spies.
Eldric’s presence here was either a bluff or meant he knew Hugh had the Seal, though there was a possibility he didn’t know about Robert. Eldric definitely knew about his involvement with Alice, and that meant the King could too. She was in danger. If only he could protect her from it.
‘How many spies does a king need?’
‘How vast is Edward’s greed and desire for power?’ Eldric replied.
Vast—so vast. Hugh wondered if, given enough time, he’d take over the world.
‘Explain it to me,’ Alice said.
Hugh’s gaze snapped to hers. Her eyes were filled with determination, fear, confusion. She was so open, innocent. And he had allowed Edward close to her. To make her part of his manipulations. When he had had her in his arms at Court—he should have held on and escaped with her. Damned the consequences and the outcomes and simply gotten her out.
But he hadn’t known what was expected of her. How could he guess Edward wanted her to spy?
Now Eldric was watching them both for their vulnerabilities. He had waited until this moment to reveal his intent. True, Eldric still stood casually, but his hand wasn’t far from his sword.
‘How much danger is she in?’ he asked, not expecting an answer.
‘I want an explanation now,’ Alice said.
He wanted to answer her, but that could only come from Eldric. He needed to comprehend exactly what Eldric knew. Since Eldric suspected Hugh had the Seal, did he know of Robert?
None of it mattered if Alice wasn’t safe.
‘I’d say she’s in a lot of danger,’ Eldric drawled, ‘more than you alone can protect her from.’
‘Now,’ repeated Alice.
When had she grabbed her comb again?
‘Edward’s need for power is vast, Alice. So vast he wouldn’t ask three spies to go to this wreck of a town to find one traitor.’
‘A king always has more than one traitor,’ Eldric added. ‘He couldn’t waste the resources of you, Hugh and I. Therefore, there was an ulterior motive at play here.’
Alice eyes darted from Hugh to Eldric, and then she shook her head once, twice. As if trying to answer questions.
‘Which means he suspects one of us,’ Hugh said.
Eldric’s eyes narrowed. ‘You guessed, and yet you didn’t throw your blade at me?’ he replied.
It still didn’t mean that the King had proof of Robert, and he had to protect Alice. ‘Since you’ve held back your sword, I don’t suppose you want to negotiate?’
Eldric drew his lips in, made a dismissing sound. ‘You’ve seen the slashes on my arm. I have my own burdens to bear. Can’t be taking on any unnecessary ones.’
‘But she’s not unnecessary. I’m asking, as a friend, if you know how to protect her.’
Alice gasped at the same time as Eldric laughed.
‘You think it’s her that needs safety?’
No bluff. Eldric did know about the Seal, was about to reveal all.
‘The King suspects you, and guessed you had some weakness here in this town, given your less than stellar lineage. I don’t think he suspected it was her. But it’s ironic, isn’t it? That he chose her to be a spy...on you...and she’s your greatest weakness. If it was planned, Edward must have some divine given power from God. It has to be luck.’
‘Just don’t do it in front of her.’
Alice clenched the comb, felt the bite of the teeth into her palm, but none of it was holding in the pain in her heart.
Eldric was a spy, watching, threatening, them both. Hugh now wanted to keep her safe.
‘What, not in front of me?’ she bit out.
Eldric gave a tsking sound. ‘Hugh thinks I’ll kill him in front of you.’
‘Won’t you?’ Hugh asked. ‘You have to kill me or be hanged yourself. I know what is done with traitors.’
She wouldn’t allow it. ‘You think he’s the traitor with the Half-Thistle Seal?’
Eldric shrugged. ‘I don’t think it. I—’
‘But you don’t know why he’s done it. You don’t—’
‘Alice!’ Hugh cried out.
Eldric’s knowing smirk was gone. His expression was stunned. ‘There’s more?’
‘Alice, don’t.’ Hugh shook his head, his expression fierce. ‘As a friend. Protect her. If you think it’s luck that Edward chose her, then downplay her role in this. Tell the King of her failed attempts. Sever our connection. Keep her safe.’
Eldric pushed himself off the wall. ‘It’s luck. It has to be. I’ve been counting on it.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m not going to kill you, or drag her into this. While you were both pining for each other, some of us were actually planning how to survive once you revealed your feelings.’
‘If I were dressed, I would show you planning,’ Hugh stated.
‘I rather like you helpless. And you won’t be able to kill me once you hear my plan.’
‘You intend to help us?’ Alice said.
‘That’s all I’ve been doing—but you were both taking so long, and I had to be sure.’
‘Of what?’ Hugh said.
‘Of where your loyalties lie.’
‘They lie with the King.’
Eldric raised a brow. ‘While you trade secrets with the Scots?’
‘You do know a lot.’
‘Know this, the King only suspects you have the Seal. I doubted it, and told him so. Throughout your time in Swaffham, your actions of following her made me believe it to be true. This conversation is only confirming it.’
Alice sound was of dismay. ‘Tell him why.’
‘No.’ Hugh swung his gaze to her. ‘I’m a dead man either way, Alice. At least this way I’m keeping some of my vows, some of my honour.’
She couldn’t stay quiet any more. ‘Tell him. Or I will. You both act like enemies, but you’re friends, aren’t you?’
Eldric shrugged. ‘I’ve sent no message to the King.’
‘I can’t trust that,’ Hugh said.
‘Didn’t I ask if we were friends? Didn’t I carefully, throughout this dance you have both played, examine the information? I flirted with Alice that first night, which confirmed your attachment. I watched you sneak into rooms with her, followed you when you left the church that day.’
‘I’m still helping the King.’
‘I know. But if we are friends, I’d like to know why you’re doing it.’ Eldric replied. ‘It makes no sense to me.’
‘Tell him, Hugh,’ Alice pleaded.
Hugh gave a curt shake of his head. ‘It will only make matters worse.’
‘Right now I understand that both you and I are dead anyway,’ she said. ‘How could it be worse?’
‘Not only for us, but also for Eldric.’
Alice’s eyes widened, and she gave a curt nod.
‘I’ve told nothing to the King,’ Eldric said. ‘I’m already taking risks.’
Hugh exhaled, and looked to the ceiling. ‘I’m sharing secrets to protect the Clan Colquhoun and their families.’
‘And why would you have loyalties to a certain Scottish clan?’
Hugh turned his gaze to Eldric, who was his friend. He’d been surprised that friendship was there, but it was.
‘I don’t have loyalties to that clan. In fact, having run into them, I wouldn’t mind if a few of them disappeared. But I do have loyalties to Robert of Dent, who is alive and married to the Laird’s sister.’
Eldric whistled and leaned abruptly back against the wall. ‘Well, I wasn’t suspecting that.’
‘Now what?’
Eldric shook his head. ‘At least I now know it was a good reason. But what a reason! And one I’ll not worry about for now.’
‘You won’t worry about a legend or the fact that Edward’s right-hand most faithful knight has been lying to him? That one of the most deadliest swords is now on our enemies’ side?’
Eldric smiled. ‘I have my own burdens, remember? The Archer was here.’
Hugh shook his head. ‘How do you know?’
‘He left an arrow on my bed.’
‘Maybe you shouldn’t have been distracted by that woman.’
‘I only danced with her once.’
Hugh arched his brow. ‘And you didn’t try to look for her again?’
‘I was trying to look after you.’
‘I thank you for that,’ Hugh said, leaving out all humour from his voice. ‘You truly are my friend.’
‘That’s what I’ve been telling you.’
‘So tell me your idea.’
‘You won’t like it.’
‘Will it keep me with him?’ Alice asked.
‘Yes,’ Eldric said, ‘and if it goes according to plan no one will be hurt.’
Alice looked to Hugh. Her wide grey eyes were filled with all the warmth they shared, and determination for the trials to come.
‘I’ll do it,’ she answered, her eyes never leaving Hugh’s.
* * *
The moment the door was closed Hugh grabbed the rest of his clothes. He threw Alice’s gown towards her, but she didn’t dress with the same alacrity. He didn’t know whether to be amused at her sudden lack of shyness, or frightened because of her serenity.
Alice was never serene.
‘We can’t let Eldric do it,’ he argued. ‘The loss is too much for Swaffham and for your family.’
‘It can all be built again. My family has more silver and gold than they know what to do with. My father certainly doesn’t need another pair of breeches or shoes.’
‘Yet to set fire to your new barn! There could be bystanders. The loss of the spinning wheels, wool, tools and supplies will be significant.’
‘But it’s a plan that’s so natural—as if it was meant to be done on Candlemas. All the workers will be gone by then and the town is always flooded with candles. It will look like an accident. Believable, too, because I have already had a conversation with Mitchell about the barn being in danger of burning down.’
The plan was eerily perfect. She shouldn’t be this full of relief. The building was new, and filled with all of her and Mitchell’s plans. And yet, she could see this as a viable way for her and Hugh.
In one way it was like setting fire to her past so she could have a future.
‘And Eldric’s right,’ she continued. ‘The trap door underneath and the passageway will make the perfect escape in case someone stops the fire early. No one knows of it except for Mitchell. We could be on our horses at the tunnel’s entrance and out of the country before anyone even thinks to look elsewhere.’
He turned away, his shoulders rigid. ‘So many years protecting Robert, so many years of openly fighting by the King’s side. There’s a part of me that feels like a coward even contemplating Eldric’s suggestion.’
She could see that. As a child, his shoulders had gone back whenever the crowd had jeered. His head had been held high as he’d half-carried his father home. Then selling the land, taking the coin for armour, training to become a knight... He was a proud man, and planning a fake death, going into hiding, would go against everything inside him.
‘Eldric is no coward and he suggested it.’
He shook his head. ‘I keep thinking there must be some other possibility.’
‘If you lived, if you stayed by his side, the King would order your death.’
‘But you don’t have to go with me.’
‘Of course I do. I can’t go to the King empty-handed. He was adamant about what he’d do to my family. You’re the one who pointed out that I’m not nobility. I won’t have the protection of a title and power. If I live, my family dies.’
‘He’s looking for the Seal, and our sudden deaths will be too suspicious.’
‘Maybe he’ll think the traitor is someone else—who got rid of us.’
‘He’ll send people here to investigate. More spies in Swaffham.’
Her home town, with a population of more sheep than people. She could hardly contemplate any intrigue here, even though she was a part of it.
‘Which is why only us three know the truth.’
He turned then. ‘I won’t stand for that. When we are at a safe distance, we’ll let your family know.’
Her eyes welled at that. It was the hardest thing, knowing they would suffer. She put a hand to her mouth to hold back the other thought, of the even more painful separation.
Hugh’s eyes softened. ‘And William, too. We’ll make sure he’s looked after. He loves you. That isn’t going to change.’
‘I’m going to miss so many years.’
He strode towards her again, and she went into his arms. ‘You don’t have to go.’
She’d go where her heart was. ‘I won’t be separated from you again. It’ll hurt, but I have to trust that William will find us eventually.’
He rubbed her arms, exhaled. ‘So much could go wrong.’
‘And yet you saved the wrens.’
‘The wrens?’
‘The boys were there to capture them, and somehow you freed them before they could be tied to the poles. That’s what we’ll be—a couple of wrens.’
‘We have no feathers to satisfy those left behind.’
‘I have the horn the King gave me. If I leave that, he’ll believe I died.’
Hugh looked to the sword at his side and nodded. ‘It’s winter...our passage will be dangerous.’
‘The ice and snow will only make it more difficult for someone to follow us.’ She patted his chest. ‘You worry much for a knight, a spy and a traitor to the crown.’
He looked at her with heat and love in his blue eyes. ‘I have much to worry about. You are everything, and yet I now realise how easy it would be to lose you.’
‘Do you trust Eldric? Because all this comes down to Eldric and his words, his ideas for you and I.’
He nodded.
‘Then stop worrying for me and my family; I worry more for you.’
‘There’s nothing to worry about with me.’
She gave an exasperated sound and took some steps away to pace the room. ‘Leaving for Spain! Leaving England and Scotland and your vow to Robert! You started spying against the King to protect him.’
Ah. It was good that they talked, and they needed to talk more. There were words he wanted to say, and she wasn’t going to like them. Alice fought to the death for those she cared about. And...he felt his heart swell...she cared for him.
‘I won’t be breaking my vow to Robert,’ he said, and waited for his words to be understood.
She stopped and clenched her hands. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I can pass information from Spain. I’ll work together with Eldric and we’ll continue with the Half-Thistle Seal.’
Her hands flew apart. ‘No!’
Hugh crossed the room and entwined her hands with his own. ‘I must continue. There are too many changes in the world, too many chances. I can’t sit idly by while others sacrifice themselves—’
She jerked her hands away. ‘But you’ll be free from all that. We’ll leave your sword, the horn, a few pieces of our clothing. It will be as if we died. If we don’t stay hidden you might be recognised, and then what? What of our children?’
‘Children?’ He choked the word out as if his throat closed on him.
‘You have to know we’ll have them. They’ll be at risk.’
‘I cannot break my vow.’
‘But this plan includes marrying me. To do so you need to be alive. You jeopardise our lives by doing this.’
‘I have already said I feel like a coward for going into hiding, I can’t just abandon my friend, my honour.’
‘Did Robert feel like a coward because he faked his death?’
Hugh rubbed a hand down his face and across his nape. She was right, and Robert had never cowered from anything or anyone.
‘It doesn’t sit right with me. Maybe I’m wrong—maybe in this way I am flawed—but I know that if I turn my back on that vow it will be something I cannot recover from.’
Suddenly she stilled, and a look softened her eyes. ‘I’m not trying to fix you. You’re still unflawed to me.’
‘I don’t understand—why are you arguing with this then?’
Tears welled in her eyes, and he felt every one of them even before she said the words.
‘Because I love you. Because I finally have you, and we have a future. I don’t want it to—’
He took the necessary steps and pulled her into his arms. ‘It won’t end. This is our beginning. This is new for you, but I’ve been here before. There are risks—’
‘Yes, there are risks. I don’t know how good a spy you are if the King suspects you—and now you say you’ll continue?’
‘I have to. I meant it when I said I regretted those lost years without you. The years you helped people here—I would have liked to help along with you. I liked that day at the barn, and I intend to have more of those days with you.’
He did understand her need to help; he wanted to share it with her. ‘I do, too. Which is why I want you to stop. Which is why—’
‘What?’ Hugh said, at her sudden pause.
She sighed against him, but it didn’t sound like resignation. It sounded like...acceptance, and something in him eased.
Held in Hugh’s arms, it was hard to keep her anger and frustration, and even harder when she knew he was right. The difference of him being a spy before was that he hadn’t had her. Together, they would keep each other safe. They would share in this way, too.
‘Let him know,’ she whispered. ‘Send a message to Robert about what we do.’
‘Alice?’
She pulled away and was caught in Hugh’s gaze. The storm inside his eyes had ceased, and they were more blue than ever.
‘Keep your vow. We will be helping together, just as we both wish to. We’ll be helping Clan Colquhoun and Robert’s family.’
He cradled her face in his callused hand, his thumb tenderly brushing against her cheek. ‘I have to confess your words that day of the storm about my father aren’t what brought me peace. Aren’t what made me forgive the past.’
‘Then what?’
‘You were here.’ He gave her a soft kiss. ‘No matter what loss had brought me to Swaffham, no matter what trials I had living here, how could I ever hate this town where I met you?’
She pulled him tightly to her, and rested in the warmth of his embrace.
‘I love you,’ he whispered. ‘The pain, the regrets, the trials ahead we must face—all of it is insignificant to my feelings for you.’
She knew the thread, the years and the love that bound them would spin endlessly now that they were together.
‘I knew all along that you’d marry me.’
A huff of held laughter, a shake of his head against the top of hers. ‘We’ll be careful. If it goes according to Eldric’s plan, we simply have to travel for the few weeks afterward before we find a home. If anything is discovered, we’ll be countries away from here.’
They would be, and yet... Looking up, she shook her head. ‘Then how will Spain work in your vow to Robert?’
‘I have sources to follow. If it doesn’t work, we’ll move to France—but away from the Western border. I can’t guarantee to keep you completely safe from this.’
She laid her hand on his cheek. ‘I don’t want safe. I want you. I never thought I’d have you at all—I’ll take what I can get.’
Grasping her hand, he kissed her palm. ‘You may take all you can get, but I’m greedy now and I want everything. I want us this way.’
She leaned her head against his chest and heard his heartbeat. ‘Me, too.’