Home Tears

“What part did my mom get?”

“She got the dreamer. Kathryn got the scheming part, some of her paranoia, too.”

“And you?”

“Oh.” A smile warmed her face. “I got the wild streak. But I got some of her demons. Too much boozing, too much whoring, and too many life lessons learned the hard way. That was me—yep—up until the day your mother asked me to take care of you.”

Dani caught her breath.

“I stopped living your grandmother’s dreams, thinking they were mine, and I turned serious. I think she knew you wouldn’t take to Kathryn.”

“Aunt Kathryn didn’t take to me.”

“No, no. That wasn’t it.” Aunt Mae’s voice was firm. “I’m betting your mother knew Kathryn wouldn’t mold you, so she came to me. That’s back when she found out she was going to go, and Kathryn wasn’t accepting it, you see. I think Kathryn lived in denial of your mother’s sickness.”

“Why didn’t you guys ever talk about Grandma?”

“Oh,” Aunt Mae sighed softly. “It was more about what she didn’t do than what she did do. I lived through it, but I was the first out of the home, so I guess I didn’t see the worst to come. I heard about it, and I always thought Kathryn and your mother got a little brainwashed against me. Your grandmother and I used to fight. Those was ugly fights. Nasty.”

“You said it was about what she didn’t do?”

“She didn’t love us. Not the way it’s supposed to be, you know. She put herself first. I think a part of us all came from your grandmother, but I’d like to think I partied my selfish streak out of me. I knew enough to know when my little sister Danny came to me that meant my universe shifted. I needed to change, and she informed me of that. She said she would not have my lifestyle influencing her children, and I needed to straighten up if I wanted to be a part of your life.”

Another memory tinged with a bitter lining. Dani remembered standing at her mother’s funeral, staring at that casket in the ground. Julia and Erica were huddled against Aunt Kathryn’s sides with her arms holding both, all three with tears on their faces. Dani stood alone. She’d yet to throw her pink rose inside, but she bit her lip to keep from crying.

Then Mae was there, and she nudged her hand with her own.

“You held my hand at the funeral.”

A hoarse chuckle ripped from Aunt Mae’s throat. “I’d been standing in the back, all self-conscious and not knowing what the hell I was supposed to do. Your mother only spared one conversation with me in years, but you looked so lost and lonely. A little puppy that just realized her mother wasn’t coming back for her.”

“You picked me up, and Aunt Kathryn thought it was the most horrible thing that could’ve happened. I remember that.”

“Ah—Kathryn has some of our mother’s jealousy, too. She was clueless, didn’t know how to even speak with you, but she couldn’t stand the thought that I might know. You and me, Dani, we speak the same language. Your two sisters, they speak Kathryn’s language. Your mother knew that.”

Her mother had known her. Her mother had looked out for her. Dani blinked her own tears back, holding tighter onto the blanket.

“Your mother was a good one.” Aunt Mae’s voice rasped out, thick with emotion. “Life’s not been easy for you, but you had one great mother. You got a good start in life.”

Dancing herbs and magical spices. Dani closed her eyes, but chuckled. “Erica used to sneak into my bedroom. She’d tell me that it was because our mom came to her. She wanted Erica to check on me, make sure I was okay.” Dani grinned fondly. “Erica was scared of the dark. She slept with me for three years.”

“Erica loved you. She looked up to you.”

Not when she used her.

Not when she betrayed her.

Not when she forgot Dani was in love with someone.

Erica hadn’t idolized her then.

Dani pointed out, “Until she was eleven. It was Julia after that.”

Mae’s hand came down over hers. “Erica was an idiot.” She squeezed lightly. “Pure and simple, tried and true. That girl was an idiot. She loved you, and I knew she loved you. She worshipped the ground you walked on.”

A tad dramatic, but Dani enjoyed her aunt’s flair.

“I know you think I’m just exaggerating, but I’m not. Your sister, your littlest sis, she—Erica was a lot like you, more than you think. She kept the world away, like you do, Dani. You keep the world away. Erica did that. She gave one face for everyone to love, but she had another face behind her. Your little sister, I watched her. I saw it. She wasn’t the Erica everyone thought.”

“What?” Dani asked. “She wasn’t really as self-absorbed as I thought? She didn’t want to be a goddess like everyone deemed her?”

It was laughable. And it was bullshit.

“Why do you think she fell in love with Jake?”

Dani frowned.

Aunt Mae added, “I never talked much to those two, but I saw plenty. Julia with her nose in the air, prancing in Kathryn’s shoes. You skulking wherever you thought no one would look, and Erica was the youngest. She watched, too. She got by. She played the part Kathryn wanted, but she kept you in her rearview mirror at all times. Your little sister, she idolized you no matter what you say. I know it.” She continued, “Little Erica was smart. Smarter than Julia. She had everyone in town wrapped around her pinkie, but by my thinking, she hadn’t counted on her fatal mistake.”