Home Tears

Dani wrapped her fists in the blanket now.

“She fell in love with your Jake. And your Jake fell in love with her.”

Dani closed her eyes as if to ward off the impending assault.

“She loved him because he loved you. I’ve had a few years to ponder the two of them. I’ve come to my conclusions, and I’ve got to say that Jake loved her. Hook, line, and sinker. It was the part of you that she had inside of her. That’s who he fell for.”

Dani caught her breath and released it slowly.

“Erica took a part of you that she loved and she made it a part of herself. That’s who Jake fell for. And I know it’ll hurt, but Jake was needed by Erica.”

“What?” The words cut from Dani’s throat. “You don’t think I needed him?”

“No.” Aunt Mae continued, “Not like she did. Jake was her soul. You were his, but he was hers. She needed him. You didn’t, and that’s what reeled that boy in. You didn’t need him, Dani. You didn’t need anyone.”

Did she need Jake?

What about Boone?

“That boy didn’t know what train was coming his way. Erica was the train, and she barreled over him, but she didn’t know. She didn’t have no stupid driver. Erica was playing life just like the rest of us. She was going forward, but she couldn’t stop. She had no idea until you left.”

Dani stood, holding the blanket around her. “I don’t want to hear any more.”

“You got to.” Aunt Mae scrambled to her feet. “Because you have a sister in the grave you haven’t mourned yet. You have to mourn her. You got to make right with her.”

“She’s dead!” Dani snapped. “She’s dead! She doesn’t give a rat’s ass what I think.”

“You’re not! That’s what I’m getting at.” Aunt Mae was right there, right in her face. She didn’t blink an eye. “You’re alive and you’ve survived hell, though you don’t speak about it. I know! I know the look, but you’re standing, and you’re alive. You survived, but you ain’t living.”

Erica wasn’t either.

Dani couldn’t breathe. Her chest was constricted.

Erica was dead. She hadn’t felt her sister leave, yet she’d felt the children die.

That was the point.

“You got to make right with your ghosts. Erica didn’t mean to fall in love with Jake, but she needed to.”

“How can you say this?”

Erica had Kathryn. Erica had everyone, but Mae was her aunt. She was supposed to be on her side.

“Because I know you better than anyone else.” Aunt Mae grabbed Dani’s shoulders. “And I know how strong you are, how courageous you are, how beautiful you are. You left holding your head high because you lost your boyfriend. You and Jake were together all your life. News alert: if you didn’t need your boyfriend for that long, he’s not the one for you.”

“I loved him!” The words ripped from her throat. “I loved him, and she took him.”

“You’re not fighting Julia, Dani. You’re fighting Erica. She’s alive, and she is a ghost to you right now. Her body’s in the ground, but she’s around. She will be until you’re finally at rest with her.”

Where had this come from? Where had any of this come from?

“You feel guilt,” Aunt Mae murmured, quieting. “You gotta push that aside and start living. It’s stopping you from living. I don’t know what you’re guilty about. If it’s Erica dying, your mother dying, I don’t know. Or that you didn’t fight for Jake. I don’t know, but I see those demons in your eyes. Me, finding you here, sitting alone and damn near chilled—that pisses me off. You should have a husband beside you, and you should be happy, not a numb robot.”

“What is this? An intervention on guilt?! Don’t come here and tell me what I’m messed up on, who I’m fighting. It wasn’t my fault that she up and died.” Her voice cracked and it took a moment for her to regain it. “Erica is supposed to be here, and she is supposed to be apologizing to me! I’m not in the wrong. It’s not me who should be apologizing to her!”

“She apologized, Dani. It took about two years, but she did. She came and talked to me. She changed because of you. Erica knew what she did, that she lost you.”

“I don’t want to hear this.” Dani started for the cabin.

She did what she did best.

She left.

She grabbed her keys and was down the road within a second.

Dust skirted underneath her tires, spitting the gravel behind her. She drove without thinking, and when she parked, she found herself on a cliff that overlooked Falls River. She closed her eyes, drawing in a breath. Another painful memory. Two trails led down to a pool of water below the cliff. There was a small cave that was underneath.

It was where she and Jake first made love.

Dani climbed from her car and moved to a trail. It looked the same, but brush had grown over it, nearly erasing the trail. It was years of remembrance that highlighted the trail as she made her way downward. It seemed a bit steeper, but flooded topsoil may have had a hand. As she came to the bottom, two buckets were placed near the bank with one containing different mussels and shells.

The cave hadn’t remained a secret

A large bubble popped the surface, and a dark shape quickly followed. Two heads broke the surface, complete in diving suits and snorkeling equipment.