Jake: No

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

The wheels had clearly been turning, probably for months as she played private investigator in her head while trying to figure out my deal. My heartbeat accelerated as I took the phone upstairs, closing the door for privacy then locking it.

I dialed her.

It rang once before she answered right away. “Hello?” Her voice was groggy. It sounded like she was congested.

“Are you crying?” I asked.

“No.”

My tone was stern. “Don’t lie to me.”

“Yes,” she said softly.

“Listen to me, Nina. We do need to talk, but it’s something I was really hoping to discuss with you in person. This is all my fault for being afraid to open up to you for so long. But here’s what cannot wait a second longer: You absolutely need to know right now that you are the only person in this world that has my heart, and nothing that I have to tell you will change that.”

It was as if what I’d just said went in one ear and out the other when she asked, “Is someone sick or dying?”

“No…no, nothing like that. It’s a complex situation, and I’m not sure how you’re going to view it. If you insist that I tell you tonight, we’ll have the talk now, but I’d really appreciate the opportunity to do it face to face when you come home next week.”

“I’m sorry, Jake. I just…it’s been so hard. My imagination has been running wild for a long time. I’m scared I’m going to lose you.”

She was scared. I remembered Cedric’s words and took her fear as a sign that she really did love me.

I love you, too, baby. I just can’t say it yet.

“Don’t be scared. You won’t lose me. I’ll always be your friend and more if you’ll have me. Please trust that as long as you want me to be around, I will be.”

She sniffled. “Okay, I’m going to trust you on this, and you’re right. We shouldn’t be discussing anything important over the phone.”

“Thank you. I’m glad you agree.”

“I’d come home early, but my mother arranged for a memorial service for Jimmy at the church the Friday evening before I leave.”

“It’s only one more week. It’ll fly by.”

I stared at the ceiling and listened to the faint sounds outside my foggy window. Holiday revelers must have been entering and exiting the trolley that ran down Beacon Street. Many were probably headed to the First Night celebration downtown.

Nina and I remained quiet until I was the first to speak again. “I’m sorry if I ruined your night.”

“My night isn’t ruined, but I’m definitely not in the mood to go out anymore.”

“Good. Don’t. Stay on the phone with me. My family is downstairs, but despite that, I was feeling really alone tonight for some reason—until now. You’re the only person I want to ring in the New Year with.”

“I’d like that.”

“You said you’re not in the mood to go out. What are you in the mood for? Tell me.”

“What am I in the mood for? Are you trying to have phone sex with me or something?”

“I wasn’t.” I snickered. “But if I were, your calling me out on it just now would’ve ruined it.”

“Sorry.”

“No apologies needed, because I wasn’t trying to have phone sex.”

“Right.”

“By the way, if you change your mind and decide you’d rather go out, just say the word. I wouldn’t blame you. You’re all dressed up in that pretty little dress with nowhere to go now.”

“Not true.”

“You’re still thinking of going out?”

“No…I mean, I’m not wearing the dress anymore.”

A dull ache developed in my groin upon hearing that.

“You’re not?”

“No.”

“You took it off?”

“Yeah, I was uncomfortable.”

My next question sounded almost urgent. “What are you wearing?”

“I’m in my bra and underwear under the covers.”

I had to catch my breath.

“Nina?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you trying to have phone sex with me?”

“You just asked me what I was wearing. Isn’t that the universal phone sex lead in? I still maintain you were trying to have it with me.”

“Well, I wasn’t considering it until you told me you were practically naked. There’s only so much a man can take.”

“You do typically exercise a frustrating amount of restraint, though.”

“You think I’ve wanted to restrain myself?”

“No. That’s the thing. You look at me like you want to devour me, but you act the complete opposite, like you’re afraid of breaking me or something. I’m stronger than you think.”

“You’re partly right. You’ve become my best friend. I’m very protective. You know that. I’ve been gentle with you. But that’s only one side of me.”

“And the other side?”

“You haven’t experienced it yet.”

“I want to know that side of you, too. I really wonder what that’s like.”

I was horny as fuck and had no willpower to resist where this was going. I just wanted her. Period. Weaker by the second, the repercussions of letting go just didn’t matter to me anymore or at least for the moment.