Love and Lists

“I beat up Freddy Kruger and kicked a ghost. It was alright,” Josh replies with a shrug.

“I have to tell ya, man, that Grim Reaper you got walking around the woods deserves a raise. That guy scared the holy hell out of me,” Uncle Drew tells him with a laugh.

We all chuckle and then notice the park worker looking at Uncle Drew in confusion.

“Grim Reaper? We don’t have a grim reaper employed with us this year, do you mean Frankenstein?” he asks.

“Uh, no. I mean the Grim Reaper. Tall guy, wearing a black cloak that dragged on the ground and had a hood pulled around his face so you couldn’t see him. And he had that big sickle thing in his hand that he walked with,” Uncle Drew explains.

“I’m sorry, sir, there is definitely no one of that description that works here this year.”

We all look around at one another in confusion, no one wanting to admit just how creeped out we are. But I know there has to be a logical explanation.

“It was probably just someone going on the walk like we were and he decided to have some fun with you,” I tell Uncle Drew.

Once again, the park worker shakes his head.

“I was at the front gate collecting tickets from everyone tonight, and there wasn’t anyone wearing a costume like that,” he says.

The man talks to us for a few more minutes about the people that volunteer for the walk every year and how he’s known them since the walk first opened twenty years ago. He walks away and our table stays silent while everyone processes what he’d said.

“Maybe he was a homeless guy or something. I bet he lives in the woods and just wanted to make some friends,” Aunt Jenny says wistfully.

“Make some friends, yeah right. That guy wanted to ass rape me,” Uncle Drew complains.

“Really, Drew? I’m surprised you noticed anything while you were humping trees and squatting over pumpkins so it looked like you were shitting them out.” Mom gets a disgusted look on her face as she remembers Uncle Drew’s actions in the woods.

“Oh believe me, I could tell. There was something squirrely about him,” Uncle Drew says with a nod of his head.

“Wait a minute. You thought he was a squirrel? I thought he was supposed to be the Grim Reaper?” Aunt Jenny says in confusion.

Uncle Drew pats her hand. “No, baby. It’s just a figure of … never mind.”

“I still say he’s homeless. It’s a doggy-dog world out there. Poor guy was probably just trying to make some money,” Aunt Jenny adds.

Tyler looks at her in confusion. “Don’t you mean dog eat dog world?”

“Jenny lives in the puppies and rainbows part of the globe,” Aunt Claire says with a laugh.

“Is there really a place like that?” Aunt Jenny asks.

“He told me what his name was,” Josh says nonchalantly.

Uncle Drew looks across the table at Josh. “Dude, shut up. No he didn’t.”

“YOU shut up. He totally did,” Josh argues, looking over his shoulder, back into the woods with a nervous look taking over his face.

We all turn our heads and stare in silence toward the trail entrance.

“What did he tell you his name was?” Aunt Claire asks quietly.

Everyone leans closer to Josh, no one saying a word, waiting for him to speak.

“He said …”

Everyone holds their breath.

“His name …”

No one blinks.

“Was …”

My heart is beating out of my f**king chest and my knee is bouncing nervously under the table. I feel Gavin’s hand reach under the table and clutch my knee.

“Death,” Josh whispers seriously.

We all sit there staring at Josh with our mouths dropped, the silence permeating the air around us.

“Holy shit,” Uncle Drew whispers.

“I’m going to find security and tell them,” Dad says as he starts to get up from the bench.

“I’ll come with you,” Uncle Carter states, doing the same.

Josh scrambles off of the picnic table bench and starts laughing hysterically. “You guys are a bunch of sissies! He said his name is Bob and he was opposed to be dressed like a ghost but he got hot chocolate all over his costume and had to change!”

Everyone lets out the breaths they’d been holding as Josh continues to laugh and taunt everyone.

“Oh my God, we just got punked by a five-year-old,” Uncle Drew says with admiration in his voice.

Well, after this fun-filled evening, telling Gavin about Rocco should be no big deal.

Chapter 21 – Run Virginityman!

“So, the plan is you’re going to just break up with me in front of Gavin? I don’t know if I like this,” Rocco complains as he stands in my living room.

“You will do it and you will like it, or I will never go shoe shopping with you ever again!” I threaten.

Rocco places his hand over his heart and pouts. “Now that’s just mean.”

I am such a chickenshit. I should have told him when we got back to his apartment after the Halloween walk last night. Instead, I dragged him into the shower and gave him a blow job. Blow jobs equal love, right?

My mom invited a few people over for dinner, so I figure this is the perfect time for a public break-up. I can just end things with Rocco, pretend like the list never happened, and we can all move on.

“Charlotte, your mom needs help in the kitchen,” my dad says as he walks into the living room. He stops when he sees Rocco and glares at him.