Love and Lists

“Oh, no worries, Dad. I’d be glad to help Liz in the kitchen. I could even whip up a soufflé if there’s time,” Rocco tells him.

“Seriously, dial down the g*y a notch,” I whisper.

“I mean, how ‘bout we grab us a few brewskies and see if there’s a fight on TV,” Rocco tells my dad in a deep voice.

“How about I give you a five second head start before I get my shotgun,” he replies.

“LIZ! Get your ass out here and help me carry these cupcakes,” Aunt Claire yells as she walks through the front door. “Oh … hi, guys. Jim, stop staring at that poor boy like you want to slit his throat. LIZ!”

Mom comes rushing into the living room, wiping her hands on a towel. “What the f**k is your problem? Stop shouting already. Rocco, when did you get here? What are you doing here? Why is he here?”

“I really think your family is going to be crushed when you break my heart,” Rocco whispers in my ear.

The front door opens again and in walk Uncle Carter and Gavin, both of them smiling and laughing until they see Rocco standing next to me.

Shit. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

Rocco moves to stand behind me and clutches onto the back of my shirt. “Don’t let them hit me! I just had a facial!” he whispers frantically.

“What’s he doing here?” Gavin demands.

“Want to go help me clean my gun?” Dad asks him.

Aunt Claire smacks my dad on the arm.

Oh my God, Gavin looks pissed. He has every right to look pissed. I kind of sort of alluded to the fact that I was breaking up with Rocco a few weeks ago and haven’t mentioned him once since Gavin and I started fooling around. This is bad. Very bad.

I quickly turn around to face Rocco. “Rocco, I’m breaking up with you.”

“WHAT?! NOOOOOOOO!” Rocco screams. “Baby, please don’t leave me!”

I widen my eyes at him and scowl. “Nope. It’s over. I don’t love you. I’ve never loved you. You should just go now.”

“OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS OVER!” Rocco wails, throwing his arms around me and sobbing into my shoulder.

“OVER. ACTING,” I say through clenched teeth.

He quickly pulls back and puffs out his chest. “Whatev, babe. It’s cool.”

With that, he walks around me and heads to the door, passing Ava as she comes in with Tyler.

“Oooooh, cute shoes!” Rocco says before walking out, the door slamming closed behind him.

“So, who’s hungry? I’m starving!” I announce to the room as they all stand there staring at me.

“Hey, Charlotte, what’s with this list I found on your desk?” Molly asks, walking into the room from the back hallway. “Show him your cle**age, make him change your tire, have him lick chocolate off of you …”

Molly trails off when she finally looks up and sees me staring at her in horror. Gavin walks past me and right up to Molly, snatching the piece of paper out of her hands reading through it. As his eyes widen in what I assume to be horror while he scans the list, I seriously contemplate turning and running out of the house. Maybe leaving the country and changing my name.

“Gavin, I can explain,” I tell him softly, trying not to cry.

Gavin doesn’t say anything as he continues reading.

Tyler walks across the room and glances over Gavin’s shoulder. “Ooooh, that’s a good one. Take him to a sporting event and act like you know what’s going on. He would have totally fallen for that.”

Gavin puts his hand over his mouth, and I’m wondering if it’s going to be the mustard episode all over again and he’s going to start gagging. I see his shoulders start to shake and suddenly realize he’s laughing. He’s f**king laughing at my list.

“What the hell is so funny?” I demand.

I don’t care if I’m in the wrong here. He’s laughing at my misguided attempt to get him to fall in love with me. It’s really not a laughing matter.

Gavin moves his hand away and laughs out loud. “Tyler, I think you should tell her what’s so funny.”

“Holy f**k, it’s about time,” Tyler complains, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a folded up piece of notebook paper, handing it over to me.

I stare at it in confusion for a few seconds before Gavin speaks through his laughs. “You really need to open that.”

With a sigh, I unfold the paper and scan the words written in Tyler’s messy handwriting. I really don’t need to read everything; the title at the top of the page pretty much says it all.

“Oh my God,” I mutter.

Gavin comes up to me and places both of his hands on my cheeks, pulling my head up so he can look into my eyes. “I’m not crazy, right? This means you love me?”

I laugh and shake my head at him. “You idiot. Of course I love you. I loved you even when you were mutilating my Barbies and calling me a labia. I’m pretty sure giving you my virginity should have been clue number one.”

Too late, I realize we’re not alone in this room.

“Gavin, I love you like a son, but right now I want to punch you in your face,” Dad tells him.

“Can you wait to kick my ass until after I kiss your daughter, please?” Gavin begs him.

“Fine. You’ve got ten seconds. And then I’m ripping off your dick and giving you your own labia,” Dad threatens, crossing his arms over his chest.

Gavin doesn’t waste any of those ten seconds. He swoops down and presses his lips to mine.