Love Me

Maggie: Why do you feel guilty?



Me: I don’t know exactly.



Maggie: Aiden?



Me: No. Not that long ago, he told me I should date them both him. But then he did the stars and since then, there’s been nothing. He hasn’t asked me to hang out. He hasn’t asked me on a date. I’ve been friend-zoned.



Maggie: Maybe he’s waiting to see. I just texted Jake. He said, “I’d love to.” Is it bad that I’m swooning over the fact that he wrote the word love in a text to me?



Me: No, it’s sweet. Are you and Parker done hooking up?



Maggie: Yeah. Logan texted me the other day. You know we used to date.



Me: You said that you slept with him. What happened?



Maggie: I broke his heart.



Me: How?



Maggie: I got drunk and slept with my ex. Parker and I are kind of like you and Dawson, I think. Sex is good. We have fun together. Like, when we aren’t fighting. I mean, of course, we said I love you and all that, but . . .



Me: But, WHAT??!!



Maggie: I’m not sure it was actual love. I think it was more lust/love.



Me: And you think that about me and Dawson? We never fight.



Maggie: That’s because you’re so laid back about everything with him. Like when he freaked about the Facebook picture. When he sent you the text that he was drunk in some girl’s bed. When he left for the weekend without making damn sure you were going with him. And then, not going home with you because she texted him. He doesn’t respect you like he should Keatyn. I noticed you cleaned up your room. Figured that was a good sign that you’re taking control of things. It’s one thing if you want to sleep with him or have a friends with benefits relationship. I’ll fully support that, if that’s what you want to do. But don’t try to pretend it’s real love. (Don’t hate me.)



Me: Maybe it is a lusty love. But so what? We’re in high school. It’s supposed to be fun.



Maggie: True. And there are some really hot guys here. Maybe you should stay single and have some of that fun.



Me: Fun sounds good. So do you like Jake or would you like to get back together with Logan?



Maggie: I can say with all honesty that I truly loved Logan and completely screwed it up. Even if I wanted another chance, he’ll never forgive me. He told me that. I’ll be looking all my life for someone like him, probably. That’s why I haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since. No one compares.



Me: I get that. I’ll probably compare every guy to my first love too.



Maggie: The guy you lost your virginity to?



Me: No, the surfer guy. I was so in love with him.



Maggie: And you made mistakes with him?



Me: At the time, I didn’t think so. I thought everything that went wrong was his fault. But it wasn’t. I didn’t trust his love. I pushed for a commitment instead of just being happy that he loved me. But back to Logan. You went to homecoming with him and Aiden and Parker. Was that awkward?



Maggie: Since he hates me, there isn’t much I can do about it.



I hear Miss Praline’s shoes clip-clopping toward the door. Shit. I’ve been out here for a while.



Me: Shit. I have to go.



I slip my phone back into my pocket and pretend to just fill in the last answer on the quiz.



“Keatyn, I forgot you were out here. Are you finished?”



“Yes, ma’am, just finished up.”



I hand her my test and go back to my seat. There are only a few minutes left in class so everyone is either working on their homework assignments or speaking to each other in half French-half English.



Aiden leans up and says, “So, it’s complicated?”



I turn around. “Yeah, kinda.”



“So un-complicate it.”



“How am I supposed to do that?”



“You can start by bringing your boots to dinner with me. I heard that you don’t have rehearsal tonight. And I got my first A ever on a quiz. We should celebrate. Do you like French food?”



“Uh, yeah.”



“There’s this little place not too far from here. I thought we could go.”



“Is this, like, a date?”



“No, it’s tutoring with food. Or you could call it a tutoring field trip, whichever you prefer.”



My heart drops. Again.



“Oh, so, nothing special, huh?” I put on a little pout. Is it bad that I wish it was a date? Especially considering what happened with Dawson last night?



He rolls his eyes at me. “Fine. I’d like it to be like a date. I just don’t know what complicated means.”



“It means that my feelings are feeling complicated.”



“Your feelings have feelings?” he asks with a laugh.



“I told you, it’s complicated. But I’m single. Like, I can hang out, date, kiss whoever I want.”



“Can he?”



My heart drops a little again. Because I don’t like the sound of that. I don’t want Dawson dating or kissing anyone else. But I say, “Yes. Yes, he can. Or could. But he says he’s not going to. I don’t know. The whole It’s complicated thing was his idea. He wants to get back together, but I just can’t. I think I need to be single for a while.”



“You act like you’re together. He’s walking you to class. You hung out with him last night. So, is he wooing you?”



“Wooing me?” I think back to what I told my mom when I was complaining about Brooklyn’s lack of commitment. How I wanted a guy who thought I was worth the effort. What is Dawson doing besides wooing me into bed? And does that even count as wooing?



“Yes. Is he taking you out? Being sweet? Making you fall for him?”



I sit there for a second and think about it. “Uh . . .”



The bell rings, so I get up and grab my bag.



Aiden stands next to me, totally invading my personal space. He leans in toward me like he might kiss me, but instead his lips find my ear. “If you have to think about it, the answer is no. I’ll pick you up at 6:30.”



A damn good actress.



Soccer



The locker room is abuzz with gossip about a hot guy that was seen walking into the gym with our soccer coach.



Peyton says to me, “Did you see him?”



“Uh, no. I don’t think so.”



“Trust me. You’d know if you had. He’s got on a tight red Under Armour shirt and has a smoking hot body. I’m hoping he’s a new graduate assistant or something.”



“Are we supposed to be getting a new graduate assistant? Especially in the middle of the year?”



“I don’t know. All I know is he’s young and really, really hot. We’re all drooling.”



I finish tying my shoes and say, “Cool.”



She gives me a funny look then drags me out to the gym. “See?” she says.



I take a quick glance at Cooper. “Yeah, he’s pretty hot,” I say blandly.



She shakes her head at me. “I want to explore all those tattoos. With my mouth.”



“Peyton!”



She grins. “What? I can’t help it. How old do you think he is?”



I shrug my shoulder. “I don’t know. Twenty-two. Twenty-three, maybe.”



Coach clears her voice and asks us all to have a seat.



I plop down on the floor and cross my legs. Cooper Steele looks at me, but I give him a disinterested glance.



I am a damn good actress.



Because my eyes would really, really like to linger on the shirt that is molded tightly to his torso.



“So, girls, I’ve had an interesting couple of days. Most of you know that a few summers ago, I volunteered on a trip delivering soccer balls to children in third-world countries. It was a life-changing experience and I hoped to someday go back. Two days ago, I got invited to do just that, only this time in a paid supervisory role. So I’m taking a leave of absence and embarking on a little adventure. Opportunities like this don’t come every day, so when something like this falls into your lap, you have to embrace it. I’ll be leaving you in extremely capable hands. Meet your new coach, Mr. Cooper Steele. For those of you that have followed the U.S. National team or the Brown soccer team, you might recognize him. Over the next two days, we’re going to acquaint him with your skill levels. So let’s get lined up.”



“I’d like to acquaint him with a few of my bedroom skills,” a girl sitting next to me whispers to her friend, who erupts in giggles.



When we’re in line, Peyton starts gushing to me again. “Did you see those dimples?”



“Yeah, I saw them. He is pretty cute, but, I mean, I would think you would be the last person who’d want to get involved with a teacher.”



She rolls her eyes and waves her hand at me. “I’m legal now.”



Boys are confusing.



4:25pm



After dance practice, Peyton yells, “Hey, Keatyn, come here.” I walk over to her. She lowers her voice slightly and says, “You seemed a little off today with your timing and your kicks. That’s not like you.”



“I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” I say with a sigh. I mean, how much more could I possibly have piled on me in one day? Let’s see: Crazy stalker is doing a nationwide search for me. I have a hot—no, a ridiculously hot—man here to guard my body. Maggie thinks I’m letting Dawson off too easy. And Aiden, who I thought had friend-zoned me, asked me on a date. Well, possibly a date.



“I saw Dawson changed his relationship status. Are you getting back together?”



I sigh again. “Last night, we, um, sorta maybe did some stuff that made him think things were on the right track.”



“You had sex?”



“I’m not sure I should talk to you about this. Whitney is your best friend.”



She rolls her eyes. “Whitney says she told you that she was sorry. Did she?”



“Yes, surprisingly, she did.”



“I think Dawson needed closure. He told her that he loves you. Which was so awesome.”



I ignore her Whitney slam. “Can I ask you a question about them?”



“Sure.”



“This is dumb, really. But your stupid brother said something to me earlier.” I fidget with my locket then say, “Did Dawson woo Whitney?”



“Woo her?”



“Yeah, like cute little gifts or notes or candy? Did he score points for her or make her dance with him? Did he hang lights on his ceiling? Give her four-leaf clovers? Write on a football for her?”



She looks very confused by all this. “Uh, no. She invited him to the movies with a group of us, sat next to him, made out with him, and they were together ever since. But Dawson was a good boyfriend, always thoughtful and sweet. Although . . .” She hesitates for a second. “You already know she wanted his brother and not him. She started hanging out with him hoping to make Cam jealous, but then it didn’t work. It’s a very unromantic story.” She laughs out loud. “But all that stuff you just said. Dawson didn’t do that. My brother did, right?”



“Yeah. He did. And I don’t know how I feel about him because sometimes he acts like he likes me and other times he acts like he doesn’t.”



“And how is Dawson wooing you?”



“That’s just it. He’s not. He’s sweet. We have amazing sex. Like, it’s amazing. And that’s why it’s now complicated. I can’t resist him, even though I’m still mad at him. I’m complicating it. I swore I wouldn’t do it with him until I got things straight in my mind, but then he started kissing me. And now I’m supposed to go on a sort of date with Aiden. I’m babbling. I’m sorry.”



“It’s okay. Boys are confusing. Tell me all the stuff my brother did.”



So I tell her. Spill my guts, going all the way back to the start of the school year. About the lunch, the four-leaf clover, the dances, the toast, Keats, B, how he was mad at me, tutoring, all of it.”



“So why aren’t you with him?”



“Because it’s even more complicated. When I kicked the soccer ball at his head, it felt like we had this connection. And when he told me he was going to ask me to marry him at the top of the Eiffel Tower at sunset someday, it was too amazing to believe. Especially since I knew his player reputation.”



“Top of the Eiffel Tower, sunset?” She visibly melts and clasps her hands together. “Oh, Keatyn. That’s so romantic! I want that.”



“Well, obviously, it hasn’t worked out so well, so watch what you wish for. Aiden gets mad at me a lot. Gets mad and walks away. Dawson never gets mad at me. Plus I’m pretty sure I’m love-cursed.”



“I think I am too. But we have to keep trying until we get it right.” She hugs me and says, “So where is he taking you for dinner?”



“He said some French place. He said it’s not really a date. That it’s tutoring with food. Then he said it was a date and that we’d celebrate the fact that he got an A on a quiz. But then he said it wasn’t a date because it’s complicated with Dawson. But then he told me to un-complicate it. Which is part of the problem. Clearly, the boy has no idea what he wants. So, I don’t know what it is. Just a dinner, I guess.”



She grins at me. The same stupid grin that her brother gets when he thinks he knows something that I don’t. “The French restaurant is very nice. It’s definitely a date.”



I roll my eyes at her. “Great. Is that where he takes all his girls to woo them?”



She grabs my shoulders and looks me straight in the eyes. “Keatyn, my brother has never had to woo anyone. You saw him at the Cave the other night. They flock to him. Practically line up. I happen to know that he’s only been to that restaurant twice. Both times with our parents.” She looks me over. “You’re all sweaty. You need to go get ready. What are you going to wear?”