Love Me

“I don’t know.”



She grabs me by the elbow. “Come on. I’m going to help you pick out something perfect.”



I’ve showered, shaved my legs, deep conditioned my hair, and am now curling it into the sexy supermodel curls I wore the night we danced under the twinkle lights.



Peyton is sitting on my bed flipping through a magazine when my phone buzzes.



“Oh shit,” she says, looking at my phone. “It’s Dawson. He wants you to meet him for dinner. What are you going to say?”



“The truth,” I reply, walking over to grab my phone. “We promised to always be honest with each other.”



Me: I can’t. I’m going out for dinner.



Dawson: With who?



Me: Aiden. We’re combining tutoring with some French food tonight.



Dawson: That sounds like a date.



Me: We’re both single now. We can both go out on dates.



Dawson: I only want to date you.



Me: Someone asked me today what you’re doing to try and woo me back. Do you think you’re wooing me?



Dawson: I’m pretty sure I did that last night.



Me: Sex is not wooing.



Dawson: Oh :(



Me: Dawson, I know the sex is good. We have a great friendship. But I just don’t know if you even like me enough to woo me.



Dawson: So you’re gonna date both me and Aiden?



Me: I’m not sure that Aiden wants to date me, but I am going to dinner with him.



Dawson: I hate you right now.



Me: And I love your honesty. If it’s any consolation, I have hated you quite a bit recently too.



Dawson: :(



“He says he hates me,” I tell Peyton.



“He’ll get over it. You have to do what’s best for you. And even though I like Dawson, what he did sucked.”



“Yeah, it did. My mom told me that you have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Do you think that you love yourself?”



She picks up one of my pillows and hugs it. “I think that’s good advice, but it’s hard to love yourself. Especially if you’re like me and have screwed up more times than not.”



“Isn’t that part of loving yourself? Forgiving yourself too?”



“Yeah, probably. Although, I’m having a hard time with that. My mom has cancer.”



“I know. Aiden told me. It’s in remission, right?”



“Yeah, but when we found out, my parents made some big changes in our lives. I was a little bitch about it. We had to make bucket lists. I was mad. Mad she had cancer. Mad they moved me away from my friends. So, on my bucket list I put that I wanted to go to boarding school. So, of course, they sent me.” She shakes her head. “Serves me right. I haven’t really liked myself much since.”



I sit on the bed next to her. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. That was a lot to handle. And I know your parents did what they thought was best, but moving you away from your friends, your support system, would have been awful. I can see why you acted like a little bitch.” I smile at her. “Aiden told me about that time. About how he ended up here. He loves it, though. Do you?”



“I just try to stay busy enough not to think about all my mistakes.”



“My mom says that our pasts, including our mistakes, are what make us who we are. My dad died when I was eight.”



Her eyes get big and she reaches out to touch my forearm. “I’m so sorry.”



“It’s okay. The reason I’m telling you that is because my mom loved my dad, but now she’s with someone else. Someone she met and just knew was right. She says that sometimes life makes you wait for true love until you’re ready for it. Like all of the stupid mistakes you’re making now, when the right guy comes along, you’ll maybe have them all out of your system. If that makes sense. At least, I hope that’s what it means.”



She leans back and looks up at my ceiling, like she’s saying a prayer or making a wish.



“Hey, there are glow-in-the-dark stars all over your ceiling. Did you and Katie do that?”



I laugh. “Actually, your brother put them there.”



“Oh, wow. He is totally wooing you. You should really give the boy a chance. Now, what are you going to wear?”



I walk in my closet and try to stay calm. But it’s hard.



Because I. Am. Nervous.



Crazy, butterflies-in-my-stomach, strung-out, starting-to-sweat nervous.



Nervous that since the second he asked me on a sort-of date to a French restaurant my mind has been going to all those dreamy places. I’ve been writing scripts in my head about how he’ll take me to dinner and tell me I’m the one. That he made a wish on the moon. That it was fate that brought us together. That he wants to marry me. That he wants to grow old with me.



That he wants to kiss me with his tongue.



French restaurants and French kisses should be paired like a lamb chop and a vintage Bordeaux.



They. Belong. Together.



And I could so belong to Aiden.



I should call Maggie. She knows Aiden’s past. Has anyone ever successfully moved out of the friend zone with him?



No.



I can’t do that. I don’t want to know.



I don’t want to be like any other stupid girl.



I can’t even see my clothes. They have all just become a blurry colored background. Like a sunset.



Oh. My. God.



Everything—even my own closet—is plotting against me.



When has my closet ever looked like a sunset? Never. Never, ever. Ever.



Always. Only. Ever. For you.



“Can’t you find anything to wear?” Peyton says, pulling me out of my maniacal thoughts.



I look at my closet again. Take a whiff of it.



It sort of smells like Aiden.



That’s it!



He was in my room putting up the stars. That’s why I can’t think. There must have been love potion still lingering in the air that got trapped in my closet.



I walk out into my room, open my window, and take a deep breath of fresh, cleansing air.



“I think I almost have it figured out,” I lie.



“You aren’t usually so indecisive. Here, I’ll choose one.” She wanders into my closet, flips through the rack, and pulls out a pale pink Marchesa organza ruffle dress with a black bow at the waist. “This is what you should wear. It even looks Parisian.”



Oh, I can’t wear that dress. That’s the dress I’d been saving in my closet at home for the perfect occasion. I brought it here to give me hope. It’s the dress I thought I’d wear when I got my life back.



I’ve even given the dress a little script.



We’ll go to Paris. Stay at the Four Seasons. Shop all the designer boutiques. Stop for tea and macaroons at Ladurée. Then, as I walk into Cartier, an amazingly hot guy—who, unbeknownst to me, is the prince of a small country—holds the door open for me. He whispers to me in a sexy accent. He tells me I’m beautiful, causing me to blush the exact same shade as the dress. He helps me pick out a fabulous piece of jewelry, then insists on buying it for me, telling me that the gorgeous gem pales in comparison to my beauty.



But, in all likelihood, that won’t happen any time soon.



My mind flashes to me wearing this dress in my coffin, instead. After Vincent finds me, rubs his tattoo against me, and makes me film a movie.



I shudder. “You’re right, Peyton. That dress is perfect.”



“You’re acting strange,” she says, scrutinizing my face. Then her face breaks out into a grin. “You’re nervous, aren’t you?”



“I just got dumped by Dawson and then slept with him. Now it’s complicated and I’m going to dinner with your brother. Please, don’t stress me out any more. This dinner is a simple tutoring exercise.”



She smirks. “Whatever you say. How about shoes?”



I pull a pair of black Jimmy Choo high-heeled sandals that have black ostrich feathers gracing the front of them. “These, for sure,” I say, my confidence coming back. I grab a pair of long black feather earrings, a pearled Alexander McQueen clutch, and a rose quartz flower ring for my accessories.



“Love the feather earrings,” Peyton says. “Très chic.”



My phone buzzes.



“It’s my brother,” she says. “He’s just pulling up and says he’ll meet you in the front hall.”



A wonderful sense of powerlessness.



6:30pm



I walk slowly down the hall.



I’m done freaking out. I look good. I’m loving me. I’m doing all the things at school that I wanted to do. I’m proud of the fact that I’m still here. That I came face-to-face with Vincent—not once, not twice, but three times—and managed to get away.



But, at the same time, I feel like my luck is starting to run out.



Maybe I need another four-leaf clover, I think with a grin.



As I turn to walk into the front hall, Aiden’s eyes are on me, making me feel like I’m making a grand entrance at a ball.



Now presenting Miss Keatyn Elizabeth Douglas.



I just need a little dude standing here with a trumpet.



Oh, shoot. Script change.



Now presenting Miss Keatyn Elizabeth Monroe.



Aiden is wearing a charcoal gray suit with chalk-colored pinstripes and a white dress shirt with French cuffs. Very appropriate.



And he looks so very handsome. I know I go on and on about his appearance, but I’ll just say this.



He looks like he walked out of my dreams.



He walks toward me, kisses my hand, and says, “Vous êtes belle, mademoiselle.”



“You look pretty handsome yourself,” I reply. Then I notice his tie. It’s pink with little black Eiffel Towers sketched all over it. “We going a little overboard on this whole French theme?” I ask, pointing at his tie and laughing.



He chuckles and pulls up the tie. “This was my family’s way of giving me shit because I barely passed French last year. I got a 70.2% as my final grade. I told you. Fate.”



He leads me outside to the car that is almost as gorgeous as he is, walks me around to the passenger side, opens the door, and lets me in.



I slide into the leather seat, loving that Aiden has good manners.



Aiden opens his door and slides in next to me.



He reaches over, grabs my hand out of my lap, and holds it on the stick shift under his. “You ready?”



“Yeah. I’m looking forward to seeing if you can read the menu. You have to order. You know that, right?”



He grins at me as he puts the car in gear.



And I may be slightly obsessed with the way his hand feels on top of mine. The way he presses down on it slightly when he shifts. It’s like he’s in control.



And for some strange and surprising reason, I find this oddly comforting.



No, comforting isn’t the right word. I feel like he’s taking care of me. Kind of like the old-fashioned version of how a man is supposed to be. Usually, I have to drive a relationship. I have to know where it’s going.



With Aiden, I have this wonderful sense of powerlessness.



And it’s kinda thrilling.



“I love your dress,” he says. “And we match.”



“Your sister picked it out. I wasn’t planning on wearing it. I was sort of saving it.”



“What for?”



“You know, like a rainy day.”



“That dress is too pretty for a rainy day. You look like you should be in Paris having tea and eating macaroons.”



My eyes practically bug out of my head.



What the hell?



Can he read my freaking mind now, for real?



“I, uh, how did you know that?”



“Know what?”



“That I was saving it for Paris.”



He squints his eyes at me. “I didn’t. I just said that it looks like you should. So, does Dawson know we’re going on a date tonight?”



“I thought it was tutoring with food?”



Aiden pushes his hand down on mine as he shifts. I force myself to breathe normally. I am a normal person.



“No, it’s definitely a date. So, what did you and my sister talk about?”



“You know, clothes, shoes, boys.”



“Boys?”



“Well, yeah. We were talking about wooing. What you said made me think.”



“And what did you decide?”



“So far, Dawson is not wooing me. He’s also not thrilled about our field trip tonight.”



“You told him we were on a field trip?”



I laugh. “Naw, I told him it was tutoring with food at a remote location.”



“So, you lied?”



“Technically, that would not be a lie. And no, I didn’t. I told him it was a date. Even though you were a little unclear about it, your sister says it’s a date because you’re taking me to a nice restaurant. Plus, you’re wearing a suit. It’s totally a date.”



He downshifts, stops at a light, pulls my hand to his lips, and kisses it again. When the light turns green, he pushes it back on the stick shift, revs the motor, and slams through the gears.



And I must admit, it revs my motor too.



“You’re driving awfully fast.”



“I know. It’s fun, huh?”



Okay, so I have to gush.



OH. MY. GOSH.



Is he freaking sexy, or what?



Him, the suit, the tie, the car, the adrenaline rush, all of it.



He is—well, it’s no surprise. He is God of all Hotties, for sure.



We get to the restaurant, where he opens my car door, opens the restaurant door, and pulls out my chair for me. He is quite chivalrous.



But then he flips open the menu, written in French.



French is like his Achilles heel. His one weakness. And it’s adorable. Plus, it’s good to know he has at least one weakness.

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