Mini Shopaholic

‘Wow,’ breathes Suze. ‘That looks amazing. Have you got an Alexander Wang bag?’

‘I’d have to buy one,’ I explain. ‘And next to it, maybe a console table accessorized with some Lara Bohinc jewellery?’

‘I love Lara Bohinc!’ says Suze enthusiastically. ‘Have you got some of her stuff? You never showed me!’

‘No, well, I’d have to buy some of that too. But I mean, it wouldn’t be for me, would it?’ I add hurriedly at her expression. ‘It would be for the house.’

For a moment Suze just looks at me. It’s the same look she gave me when I wanted us to set ourselves up as telephone fortune-tellers. (Which I still think was a good idea.)

‘You want to buy a bag and jewellery for your house?’ she says at last.

‘Yes! Why not?’

‘Bex, no one buys a bag and jewellery for their house.’

‘Well, maybe they should! Maybe their houses would look better if they did! And anyway, don’t worry, I’m going to buy a sofa too.’ I chuck a load of interiors magazines at her. ‘Go on, find me a nice one.’

Half an hour later the bed is littered with interiors magazines and we’re both lying in silence, wallowing in pictures of amazing oversized orange velvet sofas and staircases with built-in lights and kitchens with polished granite mixed with reclaimed wood doors. The trouble is, I want my house to look like all of them. All at once.

‘You’ve got a massive basement!’ Suze is looking at the house details again. ‘What’s that going to be?’

‘Good question!’ I look up. ‘I think it should be a gym. But Luke wants to store his boring old wine there and do wine-tastings.’

‘Wine-tastings?’ Suze pulls a face. ‘Oh, have a gym. We could do Pilates together!’

‘Exactly! It would be so cool! But Luke’s got all this valuable old wine in storage, and he’s really excited about getting it out again.’

That’s one thing I’ll never understand about Luke. His love of zillion-pound wine, when you could buy a really nice Pinot Grigio for a tenner and spend the rest on a skirt.

‘So, there’s one bedroom for you and Luke …’ Suze is still perusing the details. ‘One for Minnie …’

‘One for clothes.’

‘One for shoes?’

‘Definitely. And one for make-up.’

‘Ooh!’ Suze looks up with interest. ‘A make-up room! Did Luke agree to that?’

‘I’m going to call it the library,’ I explain.

‘But that still leaves three bedrooms.’ Suze lifts her eyebrows significantly at me. ‘Any plans to … fill them up?’

You see? This is why I should have married Suze. She understands me.

‘I wish.’ I heave a sigh. ‘But guess what? Luke doesn’t want another baby.’

‘Really?’ Suze looks taken aback. ‘How come?’

‘He says Minnie’s too wild and we can’t cope with two and we should just enjoy what we’ve got. He won’t budge.’ I hunch my shoulders gloomily and flick through an article on antique baths.

‘Could you just … jump him?’ Suze says after a while. ‘And forget to take your Pill accidentally-on-purpose and pretend it was a mistake? He’ll love the baby when it arrives.’

I can’t pretend this idea hasn’t crossed my mind. Secretly. But I just couldn’t do it.

‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘I don’t want to trap him. I want him to want another baby.’

‘Maybe he’ll change his mind at the christening.’ Suze’s eyes brighten. ‘You know, it was at Ernie’s christening that we decided to have another one. Ernie looked so adorable, and we thought how lovely it would be to give him a brother or sister, so we decided to go for it. Of course we ended up with two more,’ she adds as an afterthought. ‘But that won’t happen to you.’

‘Maybe.’ I’m silent a moment, gearing myself up for the big question. I don’t want to ask it. But I have to be brave. ‘Suze … can you be honest with me about something? Really, truly honest?’

‘OK,’ she says a bit apprehensively. ‘But not if it’s about how many times a week we have sex.’

What? Where did that come from? OK, now I instantly want to know how many times she has sex. It must be never. Or maybe all the time. God, I bet it’s all the time. I bet she and Tarkie—

Anyway.

‘It’s not sex.’ I force myself to return to the topic. ‘It’s … do you think Minnie’s spoiled?’