“I’m so tired.”

The trip the courthouse was short. The soap opera authorities – who looked as if they couldn’t keep a cardboard box safe, let alone contain Aunt Tillie – collected her by the door and whisked her to whatever holding cell they kept in the back. She shot me a triumphant look as she walked away, as if this was always what she wanted.

That made me inexplicably nervous.

“Come here.” Landon sat on a courtroom bench and lifted his arm so I could skirt underneath it. “What hurts?”

The question caught me off guard. “Is something supposed to hurt?”

“I mean your neck and shoulders.”

“Oh. My shoulders. This doesn’t count as part of the massage you owe me.”

“Of course not.” Landon dug his fingers into the sore spot between my shoulder blades, eliciting a moan for his efforts. “See, why would I want to cut down on that noise in the future?”

I offered up a rueful look. “You’re kind of a pervert.”

“I’m just trying to look forward to finally getting out of here.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Sorry about what?”

“I thought the scene at the cottage was the end. Apparently I was wrong.”

“Yeah, well, you can’t be right all of the time.” Landon pressed a kiss to the back of my head and then continued rubbing. “What do you think she’s going to do now?”

“I think she wants to get on the witness stand and do a Jack Nicholson.”

Landon furrowed his brow. “You mean from A Few Good Men?”

“Pretty much. She’s always loved that scene. This is her chance to do her version of it.”

“That’s a terrifying thought.” Landon rolled his neck until it cracked. “Do you think that will be the end?”

“I hope so.”

“But do you think it will be?”

“I thought the cabin would be the end, so what do I know?”

Landon heaved out a sigh and pulled me in for a hug. “We’re close. It won’t be long now. I can feel it.”

“Yeah, I’m almost looking forward to the hangover I’m going to have when I wake up.”

“I’ll tell you one thing, I’ve learned my lesson about drinking in a house with that woman,” Landon said. “From now on when we get rip-roaring drunk and decide to dance, it’s going to be under our own roof. Oh, and we’ll be naked when it happens.”

I might’ve been exhausted, but I was genuinely amused at the way his mind worked. “Good plan.”

“Thank you.”

We lapsed into comfortable silence, Marcus and Thistle paired off to the left and Clove and Sam to the right. As if tied together, we jerked our heads to the back of the courtroom at the sound of footsteps. I could only sigh when I saw the well-dressed woman in the smart business suit heading in our direction.

“This is definitely the end,” Thistle noted when she caught sight of the woman. “She’s cast Aunt Willa in this one. There must be a reason.”

“She’s Aunt Tillie’s ultimate enemy,” I agreed. “I’m guessing she’s the prosecuting attorney. It only makes sense that it would be Aunt Willa pushing her on the stand when she gets her big moment.”

“Oh, well, this might be fun.” Landon gave Aunt Willa a pinched smile. “How are you, ma’am?”

“The name is Ima Doodyhead,” Aunt Willa barked. “I’ll be the one making sure that Alexis Kane finally pays for the damage she’s done to this world.”

I tried to keep a straight face. No, really I did. The second my gaze snagged with Thistle’s, though, we burst into hysterical laughter.

“Ima Doodyhead? That’s probably the best name I’ve heard since I got to this place.” I felt Landon’s shoulders shaking with silent laughter as he tugged me back against him. “Well, Ms. Doodyhead, how can we be of assistance?”

“You’ll all be taking the stand,” she replied. “We need your testimony to make sure that Alexis doesn’t manage to walk away … again.”

“Just out of curiosity, how many times has she been on trial?” Landon asked.

“Thirty-six.”

“Of course.” Landon pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “What do you want us to do?”

“I merely want you to tell the truth when it’s your turn on the stand.”

“And that’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Landon exchanged a weighted look with me before nodding in capitulation. “Okay then. Let’s start testifying.”

SAM WAS UP FIRST.

It made sense. Aunt Tillie wanted to build tension, so that meant she was saving those of us she really wanted to torture until the end. I knew I’d be one of the last to go. I figured Thistle might be the ultimate witness. There was a good chance it might be Landon, too. I wasn’t sure which outcome would serve us better.

As for Sam, he looked so tired I almost felt sorry for him.

“What can you tell us about your interaction with Ms. Kane?” Aunt Willa asked, pacing the floor between Sam and Aunt Tillie. Aunt Tillie sat in a huge reclining chair behind the defense table, what looked to be an entire team of high-priced lawyers helping her along, and she appeared more amused than worried.

“I have no idea,” Sam answered. “You need to be more specific.”

“Okay, more specifically, what did you see at the cabin when you went with your friends to apprehend Ms. Kane?”

“Oh, well, her more evil triplet led us to the cabin and then magically disappeared at the same time her most evil triplet took off in the woods. Then she walked out of the cabin with a ray gun and Thistle tackled her. Then we miraculously ended up here.”

“And who is Thistle?”

“Oh, right.” Sam searched his memory. “Cora Devane. She tackled Ms. Kane.”

Aunt Willa smiled. “Thank you. No further questions.”

“That’s it?” Sam moved to stand, but a member of Aunt Tillie’s dream team held up a hand to still him. “That’s not all. I should’ve known.”

“I have just one question.” The man had broad shoulders and a bushy beard, sparkplug eyebrows and a smarmy smile. I disliked him on sight. “I’m Reginald Winthrop Warren Windbag Jr.,” he introduced himself. “I’m lead counsel for Ms. Kane.”

“Your name is Windbag?” Sam smiled. “That’s just … awesome.”

Reginald ignored the dig. “As I said, I have only one question for you.”

“Great.”

“How long have you hated the defendant?”

Whatever question Sam was expecting, that clearly wasn’t it. “I don’t hate her.”

“Do you like her?”

“Not right now.”

“So how long have you hated her?”

Sam shrugged. “About three hours.”

“No more questions, your honor.”

“You may take your seat, Mr. Wharton.”

The judge spoke for the first time, and I couldn’t help smiling when I recognized Chief Terry. He looked grave, a gavel gripped in his hand as if he were really listening, and I found the entire scene adorable.

“He’s a vampire by night and a judge by day,” I mused. “That’s kind of fun.”

“Yes, I can’t wait to tell him about it.” Landon tightened his grip on my hand. “One down. Five to go.”

“Six to go,” I corrected. “Aunt Tillie has to take the stand, too. She’ll be the finale.”

“I can’t wait for that.”

MARCUS’ QUESTIONS WERE EVEN sparser than the ones hurled at Sam.

“How is it that you grew to be so handsome?” Aunt Willa asked.

“Just lucky, I guess.”

“No further questions, your honor.”

“I have no questions for this witness,” Reginald said.

Thistle made a disgusted face. “I always knew he was her favorite. She’s not even torturing him a little bit.”

“You sound disappointed about that,” Landon said dryly.

“It’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair,” I supplied. “Didn’t Aunt Tillie always tell us that?”

Thistle wasn’t about to be appeased. “I’m totally going to choke that old woman to death when we get home. I’m not kidding. I’m really going to do it this time.”

We both knew it wasn’t true, but it was a nice thought.

CLOVE WAS A BUNDLE OF nerves when it was her turn. She squirmed as she tried to get comfortable on the witness stand. Aunt Willa’s stance was much more aggressive when she approached.

“Ms. Cramer, what can you tell us about your interaction with the accused?”

“Not much,” Clove replied. “She’s been mean and weird … and she stole a diamond. I’m not even sure I understand most of this world. I think you should ask someone else, because I don’t like being up here.”

“You have to answer the questions being posed,” Chief Terry ordered. “That’s your responsibility as a witness.”

“I don’t like it when people stare at me,” Clove shot back.

“Well, that’s too bad.” Chief Terry was firm. “You must testify. If you don’t, I’ll hold you in contempt of court.”

Clove did exactly as I expected and burst into tears. They weren’t real, of course. She could’ve been a soap opera actress, given her propensity for manipulating emotions. She’d been perfecting the art of crying on cue since we were kids. She’d gotten quite good at it.

“Why on earth are you crying?” Aunt Willa complained.

“I’m not crying.” Clove swiped at her cheeks. “My eyes are leaking.”

“That’s not going to get you out of answering questions.”

Clove looked to Chief Terry to see if that was true. In typical fashion, he folded like a shirt on a clothing store display rack at the sight of her tears.

“She’s done,” Chief Terry announced.

“I’m not done with her,” Aunt Willa argued.

“And I haven’t even had a chance to talk to her,” Reginald challenged.

“And yet she’s still done.” Chief Terry was firm. “Witness dismissed.”

Clove kept her back to Chief Terry as she walked toward us. She looked smugger than Aunt Tillie. “I guess I handled that, huh?”

I guess she did.

TO MY SURPRISE, THISTLE was called next. She was absolutely furious when she realized what was happening.

“I knew it!” She stomped her foot as she stood.

“You knew what?” Landon asked.

“I knew that you guys were the leading lady and main hero in this story. Why else do you think I’m being called now?”

“I don’t understand.” Landon looked to me for an explanation.

“You’re the leading lady and man,” Thistle spat. “That’s why you haven’t been called yet. I thought there was a chance I would be the last called, which would mean I’m the leading lady, but it didn’t happen.” She turned and glared at Aunt Tillie. “You and I are going to throw down, old lady!”

Aunt Tillie wasn’t bothered. “That sounds delightful. Now, hurry up. I’m getting bored watching you guys testify. I want to get to the part where I testify.”

“So get to it,” Thistle shot back. “What do you expect us to say? You know everything we saw. You know how agitated we are. Why not go up there, say what you want to say, and put an end to this?”

“Now why would I want to do that?” Aunt Tillie tilted her head to the side. “That doesn’t sound like nearly as much fun as causing you to suffer.”

Something occurred to me and I leaned forward. I had an idea. It might not work, of course, but if it did we might be able to go through the rest of the story on fast forward. That’s what we all wanted. Well, except for Aunt Tillie.

Still, if I gave her the proper opening she’d most likely take advantage of it.

“We simply want you to tell the truth, Aunt Tillie.” I fought to contain my smirk when I saw the keen light enter her eyes. “I want the truth!” I yelled, gathering my courage. That was all it took to spur her to action.

“You can’t handle the truth!” Aunt Tillie barked, hopping to her feet.

“And here we go.” Landon smacked his hand to his forehead. “You knew exactly how to bait her.”

“I did.”

“That must be why you’re the leading lady,” Thistle groused, crossing her arms over her chest as she threw herself on the wooden bench. “I hate this world. I want to go home.”

“We just have to listen to a speech first.” I gestured toward Aunt Tillie. “Hit it.”

Aunt Tillie ignored my sarcasm and strolled to the center of the courtroom so she’d be certain to be the center of attention.

“I’m going to tell you the truth,” she announced. “I’m going to say it, and you’re going to have no choice but to believe it.”

“How long do you think this will take?” Landon asked, glancing at the clock on the wall.

“Who knows.”

“I’m considering taking a nap.”

I grinned. “That sounds like a good idea.”

“Wake me when it’s over.” Landon leaned back and closed his eyes, something I’m sure irritated Aunt Tillie to no end. She refused to acknowledge his attitude, though. She had the floor, and there was no way she was going to cede it.

“The truth is, I’m better than all of you.” Aunt Tillie added a bit of swish to her hips as she stalked back and forth in front of the wooden bench where we sat. “I’m better than you.” She pointed at Sam. “I’m better than you.” She pointed at Thistle. “I’m definitely better than you.” She used her middle finger to point at Aunt Willa. “I am the queen of the world, ladies and gentlemen.”

“Oh, this is such crap,” Thistle complained loud enough to draw Aunt Tillie’s attention. “Is this really what you’ve been building toward all night? This is what you want? You want to take the stage in front of all of us and force us to listen to your crap?”

“That’s exactly what I want.”

“Well, fine.” Thistle threw up her hands. “Have at it. But remember, however long you make us sit here, I’m going to make you do something you hate for twice as long. I don’t know what that is yet, but I’ll make it my life’s mission to terrorize you. That’s my solemn vow.”

Aunt Tillie snorted. “Yes, that was terrifying.”

“Let her finish her speech,” Clove ordered. “She won’t let us escape until she gets what she wants. I don’t know about you, but all I care about is getting out of here.”

“That’s like letting her win, though,” Thistle complained. “I don’t want to let her win.”

“She’s already won,” I pointed out. “We’re at the end. She’s going to get to make her speech no matter what. We have to let her do it.”

“But … .” Thistle wasn’t one to give up. Conceding went against her very nature.

“We have no choice,” Landon said. “Let her get whatever she wants to off her chest. The sooner she does, the sooner we’ll wake up in our own beds … er, at least the inn’s beds.”

“Fine.” Thistle was furious, but she did as instructed. “I’m going to make you pay, old lady. Just remember that.”

Aunt Tillie wasn’t bothered. “Now, where was I?”

“You’re better than everyone,” Aunt Willa prodded.

“Thank you, Ms. Doodyhead.” Aunt Tillie beamed. “So, that’s right. I’m better than everyone. I’m smarter than everyone. Whenever you think you’re smarter than me, you should know it’s not true. It can’t be true, because I’m clearly smarter than you. Heck, I’m smarter than all of you combined.”

Her voice turned to a drone as I rested my head against Landon’s shoulder. “I’m tired.”

“Go to sleep, sweetie. It will be morning soon.”

“Don’t we have to listen?” My eyes felt ridiculously heavy.

“And not only am I smarter than all of you, I dress better, too,” Aunt Tillie added. “I should have my own fashion line I’m such a snazzy dresser. No, really, I could totally be a fashion designer professionally.”

“I think we’ve already heard everything we need to hear.” Landon wrapped his arm around me. “Go to sleep, Bay. We’re almost home.”

I realized the second I closed my eyes that he was right, the tug to slip under so strong I couldn’t fight it. So I didn’t. I pressed my eyes shut, exhaled heavily and slid into sleep … and thus ensured my escape.